This sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion Who: Alanna and her aunt Felicia (NPC) Where: Alanna's apartment When: Before the full moon rises
Alanna had almost managed to forget at some point that day what it was. Her nerves hadn't wanted to let her but her mind had let her when she went to see Ian and ended up chasing his cat. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, a flicker of amusement that she tried to seize and hold. But it slipped away when she realized that the color on the walls wasn't bright anymore. It was growing dim, the darkness of the sun as it started to set. Not yet, it wasn't there yet but it was close and Alanna could feel it. Almost like she had a physical connection to the moon and could feel as it started to rise so far away. But no - if it had been a physical connection then she could have found a way to break it. Snap it right in half and do a little dance on the top then go and do the same for Kiley and every other bitten that existed. Make the world a better place for them because no one, no one deserved what they went through. Alanna would give up her dream of being a dentist just to do that.
"You're always so somber," her aunt Felicia remarked from where she was seated on the couch, eyes focused on the white Nintendo DS in her hands. Another flicker of amusement went through Alanna. How many people could claim that they had an aunt so awesome that she would come over and beat that level on Super Mario World that you had never been able to get past? Not all that many.
"I think I have a pretty good reason to be," Alanna responded as she looked back out the window. There was the purple of twilight, her stomach roiling at the sight of it. So beautiful. The sky shouldn't be allowed to be beautiful when it was about to let something so terrible come to pass. She hated it. "Wouldn't you be?" How could anyone not be somber? Upset? If she had been any younger then Alanna would have pitched herself on the floor and thrown a fit about how she didn't want to do it, she didn't want it to happen, there had to be something that she could do that would make it go away and never, ever come back. If modern science could make something like that Hadron Collider then why had they not yet come out with something to turn bitten's back into humans? Hell, Alanna would take back being a psychic in exchange for not going through this. No, being a monster once a month was not worth it. Because it was so much more than just once a month. It was the lead up to it and the crash that came after. It was knowing that getting upset could lead to a change and people getting hurt. It was so many things and Alanna knew that only people who went through it could understand.
Felicia shrugged her shoulders, the telltale sound of a death coming from the game. She muttered something about a jump before starting it back up again. "I like to think I could handle it as well as you do," she responded, tilting the game as she moved. Like that would do anything, but it was a habit. Alanna could still remember how she would shake the controller on the actual Super Nintendo when she was just a kid. Being baby-sat by her aunt Felicia had always been the absolute best because she would feed them pizza, pop and play video games until they all passed out on the living room floor. Good times. Nice memories to keep everything at bay just a little while longer. "See, good things to think about. Isn't that better than focusing on what's about to happen? Not like you can change it and thinking about it only makes it worse."
The redhead frowned, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "I thought that you weren't going to go prying into my thoughts tonight." She loved her aunt and the fact that she was a telepath and understood her so well but there were some things she really, really wanted kept private right then. Like everything with Aaron.
"It's not prying when you're practically screaming them, Lanna. You know how you get... your thoughts go faster than your mouth and I couldn't keep track of all of them if I tried. A lot of the same things - damn you little koopa, stop running into me!!! - as always. Few changes. Like you're thinking about Kiley and wondering how she is." True, Alanna hoped that her own redheaded friend was as okay as she could be. "Then you're upset because you can't go to the penguin party." Who wouldn't be upset to miss out on that?!
"Okay, okay, I get it, you can stop now." Alanna held her hands up in surrender as the sun sank farther down. Getting closer to time. Rubbing at her eyes, the redhead moved towards the cage that she had drug out of her bedroom and into the living room just for this. That way her aunt could crash on her bed when she got tired instead of being kept awake by her miserable noises.
A few moments of silence passed as Alanna toyed with the lock a few times to make sure it was still good. The bars were still fine. At least they had damn well better be, good money had been poured into this thing after Alanna realized that she could not handle being shackled. Too much blood, too many bruises the next morning and she hated shifting even to heal herself faster. Did not feel like she deserved it. Her fingers shook as she stroked the metal, the cold deadness of it not even bothering her. Until she remembered two of the people she had met since the last full moon.
Ariana. Max. Clairsentinents like she had been. Both of whom thought she was crazy for not loving the fact that she could touch everything. Clairsentinents who did not understand the wrench that it brought, the horror of realizing what you really were now. Not just some cute fluffy chipmunk who had an adorable little face but a monster who could tear a demon into pieces and come out of it still standing. The shakes were spreading out from her fingers to her hands, up her hands to her arms and Alanna felt hot tears squeezing out of her eyes and falling onto her cheeks. They wanted it like she had once and looked at her like she had a second head just because she wished it had never happened.
There was a sudden lack of Mario music and Alanna heard her aunt step closer, hands touching her carefully and pulling her back into her. Felicia was one of the few people who Alanna was used to touching and she accepted the embrace, even turning to tuck her face against her aunt's shoulder as she cried.
"Not everyone's the same, Alanna," Felicia murmured, kissing her forehead as she stroked her hair. "People don't always understand without feeling it... they're no different than you were. Can't hold it against them."
Hate it, Alanna thought at her aunt, throat too thick with repressed sobs to make the words right. I tell them that it sucks, that being what they are is terrible but it's better than being like this and they don't believe me!
"Would you have believed you?"
Alanna ignored that. They think that just because I can touch things now means that I should, that I do. I got my first kiss a few days ago and I still ran away because it felt nice and it felt wrong, all at the same time. My mind keeps waiting for the flood of information to come and when it doesn't... little jolt every time. Not only that. When the flashes didn't come it was another reminder that she was no longer even mostly human. A little stab to point out that she had changed and not in a way that she really liked. I just want them to understand that it's not worth it. I see me, and I see Kiley, and I don't know how anyone could want it.
There was silence again except for their breathing. Felicia's smooth as always, Alanna's ragged and uneven like she had just run a marathon. Her voice was thoughtful, "You'd switch with either of them."
Alanna's head snapped up. Teary, red-filled eyes were horrified as she stepped back and shook her head, one hand going up to her mouth. "No!" It was a denial, torn out of her throat almost like a scream. She would never, ever wish this curse on anyone! Not someone she hated and definitely not someone as sweet as Ariana or as... whatever as Max. Alanna would... she would never... no... not knowing what it was like.
But her aunt was nodding. "It's right there, Lanna." A tap against the side of her head that made Alanna wince. "They want it so bad and you figure that if you could, you'd let them have yours and go back to like you were. When you had a good reason to run away because a boy kissed you and didn't have to actually face up to the feelings that came with it." Oh. Ouch. "The easier way out."
"It wasn't easy!" Alanna snapped, eyes narrowing. She was not normally a defensive sort of person but the full moon was right there, not even half an hour away, and she could feel the monster inside straining to be released.
"From the way you're thinking about it it's the easier of two evils. You liked it more that way... and think they should too."
"I hated it! I hated every second of it! I hated it as much as I do what I am now! But at least then I had things that I don't now... I had... I had my faith, I believed in something." Why hadn't it been the other way around? When she had believed in God she could not have dreamed of dating Aaron and now that she was dating him she could not dream of believing again. Can't date a pastor without believing. Don't yolk with the non-believer. It killed her, maybe that was why she had run away. Maybe she said it was because she was so unused to touching but maybe it was really being afraid of what every girl wanted because she knew that even if it was right there she couldn't actually have it for very long.
"Aaron. It's worse this time because of Aaron." Felicia shook her head and sighed. "Other psychics who want their curse removed making you upset because you wish you still had it so that it'd be easier for you to be with Aaron. Or to just say no to him because you had a good excuse. Mary mother of God, Alanna, can't you just have a normal girl's problems once in awhile? Instead of making them worse?"
Biting her lip, Alanna shook her head. "Doesn't look like it." Was it really all about Aaron? Did Ariana and Max and their desires to be like her instead of like she used to be get under her skin because... she didn't even know. Maybe her aunt was right. If she had still been a psychic then she would never have let Aaron hold her like that and none of this would have happened. And of course, back then she had still had her faith and believed in God and that had made her acceptable to someone like Aaron and what made her able to be touched and get close physically was what separated them spiritually. None of it was fair. She was more like him than she could have ever been before and yet she felt like really, they were further apart.
Her eyes were miserable as she looked at her aunt. "You know, when I was little and I had an owie you would blow on it and let me put the band-aid on to make it better. You wouldn't even touch it because you knew that made it worse. Can't you do that now? Work your magic, aunt Felicia."
Felicia laughed, but there was more sadness than joy to it, and she stepped over to kiss Alanna on the forehead. "Sorry sweetie, air and band-aids don't help the heart very much. Besides, you know Carli's the one to go to for spells." Carli was a white witch and the 'woman friend' that Felicia had lived with for well over a decade by now. Alanna's mom really didn't like to talk about that and liked to pretend that Felicia just needed a roommate. Alanna knew better but never said anything because she knew her aunt preferred it that way. "Come on though... it's time. No more worrying about boys and girls."
There was no need for Felicia to say it because Alanna could feel it whelming up inside of her. She stepped out of her clothes - not wanting to ruin them and really, it wasn't like she hadn't been seen naked by her aunt before since she had been the one taking care of her during those six months of insanity - and into the cage. She shivered a little as Felicia closed the door and wound up the chains before bolting it and stepping back, arms across her chest. "Please don't watch," Alanna pleaded. "And please, sleep in my bed tonight... don't sleep on the couch. It hurts your back." And it means that you'll have to hear and see more.
A tinge of white light began to creep across the room and Alanna couldn't help it, she whimpered and stepped back. Her bare skin pressed against the cold metal and she didn't even care because she could feel it whelming up. Her senses were fleeing, all but the raw animal one that she had to face flashes of always but now it overwhelmed everything. Like a tidal wave crashing through her body and stripping away everything that was her. Everything that was Alanna was crushed and tossed away like it had never been. Forgotten as her skin and muscles rippled and changed, grew and stretched and tore, a scream coming out of her throat as her hands went to her head, clutching as everything burned and changed. No matter how many times it happened, no matter how 'used' to it she got, Alanna would always be torn when it happened because she hated it so. Couldn't accept it.
As suddenly as it had begun the change was over and Alanna was gone. The monster was left there in that cage for the entire night, hating its imprisonment and trying so hard to get out. Felicia remained curled up on the chair, watching and listening, face streaked with tears at the sight of her niece like this. Of all her relatives it probably hurt the most to have had this happen to Alanna. But she couldn't even go into the next room because that was her niece and she wasn't going to abandon her even for a moment no matter if she was thinking about how nice it would be to rip her apart. No, she always stayed throughout the night and always would, every time that it was her turn to come instead of Jamie.
Until the sun rose and the monster vanished, leaving an exhausted and passed out, pale and bruised and bloody, Alanna laying on the floor of the cage.