Jessa Lynn Weiss (_wildhope_) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-03-18 15:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-07-07 |
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight...
Who: Jessa and Madock
When: Just before the full moon
Where: The Weiss family barn
Madock was already in his cage, locked in and protected or - as he felt - in a space that protected the people around him from being hurt. He was anxious, his insides going crazy and his heart thumping violently against his chest. Jessa was there with him and that meant a lot, but at the same time, he wanted her to leave, to not see him the way that she'd be seeing him tonight. He knew better though. He knew she wouldn't leave. She wasn't the type of girl to let him deal with this sort of thing alone. Dressed in a pair of old gym shorts like Ransom had recommended, he held his hand out through one side of the cage. "Come here." he said. "We still got a little bit before all this goes down." More like before everything goes to hell, but Madock managed to keep his mouth shut on that point. "You don't have to stick around for this part, you know." he murmured. "But it means a lot that you are."
Jessa was anxious, it was one thing to bite your boyfriend on request so that you could be together forever in some silly teenage romantic flick sort of way, and up until tonight it had been somewhat like that, romantic, there was nothing silly about how Jessa felt about Madock. In fact, her feelings and everything about them was about the most serious a thing Jessa Weiss had ever experienced. Again, until tonight. Tonight was where the dreamily romanticism would end and the full harsh reality of what that bite would do to the boy that she loved, as well as her own psyche. A bitten Were was one thing when it was all just stories told to teach you not to ever bite or so much as nip in play as a child. Jessa had never actually seen one live and face to face with the effect of the full moon, and now her first ever encounter was going to be her mate and in all honesty, though she was likely a lot more prepared than Clarissa had been when she'd stayed that night with Gabe, she still wasn't entirely prepared for how all of this would feel.
Bad.
It felt bad, already, seeing him in that cage -- part of her wanted to flee and not have to witness the effects of her reckless action in the heat of the moment. Impulse control had always been an issue for Jessa, it would seem she was about to get herself a life altering lesson in the repercussions of such actions.
Jessa tip toed over to the cage, slipping her arm through the bars; reaching her hand up to cup her lover's cheek, sucking up her own anxiety to try and alleviate any that he naturally had. "I'm not going anywhere... we're in this together... always, no matter how hard it might be..."
Madock could sense her anxiety, no matter how hard she seemed to be trying to push it down. Letting his own hands find her face, he nodded a little. "I just... Part of me really doesn't want you to see me like this." he admitted. "I don't know what you'll think of me after..." he explained. "What if you change your mind because I wanted this?" What if he changed his mind after realizing the position he'd put himself in. This was the first full moon of many and he'd have to deal with it no matter how it felt, how it hurt, or how things changed afterwards. "You know I love you, right? No matter what, okay? It doesn't matter what happens or anything, okay? You need to know that."
"Part of me really doesn't want to see it," she told him, it was best to be honest. "But I have to... I just can't not." she added, blinking at him when he mentioned the worry that she might look at him differently and not want him anymore. "Madock, there's no possibility that I could ever change my mind... mating for life aside... I've been crazy about you for a long time, not going to change. You asked, but I complied... it's as much if not more my responsibility... as much as I try not to think about it, it does sink in... and it's really sinking in right now..." She was worried that he would change his mind. "I love you too, same deal..." she nodded, breathing out a long shaky breath.
"It's not your fault, Jessa." Madock said, shaking his head a little and letting his thumb brush over the slight curve of her cheek. "I don't want you blaming yourself for this and I know you probably are. We did this together and it's as much my fault for asking as it's yours for letting me convince you." he murmured. In fact, he felt it was more so his fault than hers entirely. "I love you no matter what happens." he told her. "And I don't regret it for a single second no matter what it feels like. Nothing is going to change that, mating or no mating. You're it for me, Jessa. That's just the way that it is. You're everything to me."
"You're everything to me too, we're in this together, for better or worse, right?" she breathed, leaning her face into his touch. "It's going to be okay... no matter how scary it gets, and it will... I'll be here through it, all of it... and even though you won't remember it during, I want the first thing you remember when you wake up tomorrow being exactly how much I love you, and that it's something that's never ever going to change... and you're always going to have me to hold onto when the sun comes up..." she whispered, eyes fixed on his. "You're safe in here, I'm safe and it's all gonna be okay..."
Letting his hand slip up into her hair, Madock tried to commit the feel of soft locks to memory. Maybe if he had the comforting thought of Jessa, then the shift wouldn't be so bad. "Just promise me you'll be here when I wake up and promise me that no matter what, you'll stay away from the cage." Jessa wasn't a dim bulb, but he wanted that last bit of reassurance from her that she'd steer clear of the cage. "I love you and in the morning it'll all be better." he told her. "And we'll have a whole month to prepare for the next moon."
"I promise... cross my heart." she assured, giving him a resolved nod. As much as she knew she'd want to approach, she knew better, while it was all just common sense firstly, she had it drilled into her from the time she was little that a bitten Were, especially on the night of their first full moon were deadly. She wouldn't take that chance, she wouldn't want Madock to have to live with himself if he hurt her, or God forbid killed her and she knew her family would never be able to forgive him, even if it wasn't his fault for her having known better. She knew better than to bite him too, and there was still upset at that. No, she would stick to her side of the cage at a safe distance until the morning came and everything was alright again. "Love you too, so so much..." she murmured, pressing her face to the bars while it was still safe; tugging his face to hers to steal one last kiss before there was no more time left.
Madock took that kiss like he'd never get another one again. He loved her more than he loved life, breathing or the thought of waking up in the morning. He was more concerned about her right now than he was about himself. There was only so much that his brain could take before it showed on his face, the anxiousness. "I wish you didn't have to go through this..." he whispered against her mouth once he'd pulled back just slightly. "I hate to see you hurting... It's killing me to see you hurting." And that was really an understatement if there ever was one. "It's just for the night though, it'll be okay but sunrise..."
That was just like Madock to be worrying more over her than himself, just one of the thousand and one reasons why Jessa loved the boy so very much. They were quite the pair, always worrying more about the other, than themselves, sometimes it was a wonderful thing. Other times however, it led to doing things for the other that maybe shouldn't -- but those things were done out of love, and maybe in the end that would make it all okay. Maybe. "What I'm going through is nothing compared to what you'll be going through soon... so don't worry about me, I'll be alright..." she responded, her voice only slightly louder than a whisper. Stealing another soft kiss of his lips, Jessa pulled back just a little, giving her lover a brave smile. "By sunrise..." she nodded, caressing his cheek.
Not being able to look at her and promise that things would be just fine made Madock's heart ache. It wasn't fair to her the things that he'd be going through. It was his fault for convincing her to bite him in the first place and that was certainly something that he'd have to live with for the rest of his life. "Better let you go now..." he told her, despite the fact that he really didn't want to. "I'll see you in the morning." And that was really all he could hold onto as he nudged her chin up just a little, and then released her, backing away into the furthest corner of the cage and settling himself down against the wall of the contraption. Soon there wouldn't be anything else for him to think about because he wouldn't be himself and though that part of being bitten sucked, he was glad that he wouldn't have to remember it. The trouble lay in the fact that Jessa would be able to remember it.