Surviving the first date is half the battle who: Bonnie, Connor and Dex what: Picking up Bonnie for a date when: Evening
Connor had been looking forward to this night, he and Bonnie had been texting back and forth for quite some time now and had made several plans to go out... only to have something pop up at the last minute to force Connor to change those plans. He felt like an ass, he half wondered if she was starting to think he was one as well and that would suck at an epic level. He really liked Bonnie, there was just something about her that he was drawn to like no other, not that he would admit that to himself or anyone else for that matter, but it was still a fact. Tonight he wasn't going to let anything, not family, nor friend, or restless spirit bar him from making this date happen.
After arriving home from from work, Connor showered, shaved, dressed and headed over to Bonnie's feeling pretty damn good about himself, especially seeing as he was a good ten minutes early.
He parked his car on the street, taking a deep breath as he turned off the engine and checked the bouquet of flowers sitting on the passenger seat that he'd picked up for her during his lunch break to make sure they still looked fresh and not wilted from the heat and made his way to the front door. There was another deep breath and knocked.
Bonnie heard the knock on the door, and her heart sank. Every other date they'd set up? Had been for nights where she knew her brothers wouldn't be at home. Tonight? Not so much. And while she was a girl very much of the mindset to make a boy wait in agony a few minutes, that was not possible when one of her crazy brothers was home. The date could not, by any means, be left alone with any of her brothers. This was complicated when she was only half-dressed.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit..." Bonnie pulled her dress on and grabbed her socks, yanking them on with record timing as she hauled ass for her boots. And then the fucking zipper got stuck. For a split second Bonnie actually considered taking out her gun and shooting that fucking zipper - that was how much she hated it. "Endy! Go make sure someone doesn't scare him off!"
The fennec fox familiar, decked out in a pink and white striped dress, her nails painted pink, actually snorted as she got up from her place on Bonnie's bed. "He's a dead man," Endellion assured, "but I'll see what miracles I have in me." And with that, Bonnie let her out of the room and closed the door - leaving it slightly cracked so as to hear what happened out there. "Fucking boot, fucking zipper, die in a fire! This can be arranged!"
James, as Dex called his sister, or 'brother with boobs' as the case was, had told him next to nothing about this date of hers. As vague as she'd been about going out for the night, it didn't take a criminal mastermind to figure out that some guy was coming by to pick his baby bro with boobs. 'Some guy' meaning a possible threat to his family, and while Dex knew intellectually that his sister wasn't all about purity and crosses, he could easily assign this 'some guy' with just out to get into James' pants. All the blame easily shifted onto the stranger and off his sister, it was the American way.
Dex pointedly ignored the fact that he was, technically, Canadian.
He was all ready for the interrogation, as much of one he'd get before James tried to stop him, when the guy knocked on the door, signaling the beginning of the fun. It was with a thick Texan drawl that was one of his favorites to use to play up Southern stereotypes and strike fear into the hearts of the flimsily spined, that Dex answered the knock. Dressed to impress, with a nastily sharpened blade in his hand, Dex leaned against the doorframe as he eyeballed the man who had come for his sister. Ahem. Brother with boobs.
Well not quite the greeting Connor had expected, he wasn't entirely sure what he'd been expecting, but certainly not something straight out of the fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre complete with a big ass hunting knife that the young man could only assume was meant for the quick removal of his fun parts, or maybe just for a quick slash to the throat, maybe just for show? God, please let that be for show... Connor thought to himself as he tried to A) Not shit his pants. B) Not piss his pants. C) Both A & B. D) Run away screaming like a little girl or E) All of the above. "Uh," it came out as a rather high pitched strangled noise rather than a manly sound. Fuck, fuck, fuck... don't show him fear, maybe approach him like you would a vicious dog, show no fear, dogs can smell fear, but he's not a dog... fuck fuck fuck! "I'm... here to... pick up Bonnie?"
If Dex could have only read the mind of much younger man, he would have been quite positively gleeful, but then again, with the barely muted terror in his expression pretty much gave it away, in any case. Still, the dominating emotion of his at the moment battered back and forth between threatening and a bit of sadistic pleasure. This was his sister involved, and he was well within his rights as her older brother to scare the living hell out of the little cur.
"Bonnie?" pretending to think, Dex scratched his head with the hand holding the blade, completely at ease with the deadly instrument. As if it weren't razor sharp and wickedly gleaming. "Oh right, pretty little red head, about yea tall?" Laying the false accent on thick, as it was one of his favorites to fake when messing with peoples heads. Usually, at least the times before, it had had more to do with confusing people around the time of a crime, to make the crime as perfect as possible. People discounted people with thick accents, especially Southern ones, attributed both a lack of intelligence and a propensity towards violence, conscious or not.
All that really mattered to him was that when he put one on now, he wanted the younger man to think on the latter one.
What the fucking fuck? It really was like something out of that goddamn movie, well wasn't that just a whole new brand of special? Connor was trying really hard to maintain his sense of calm, or rather that tiny little shred of it that was left of it, that along with control of his bowels. Had he gone to the wrong house? Was this Bonnie's idea of a joke? ... Was Bonnie perhaps in some kind of physical danger that he'd just stumbled upon? Connor wasn't exactly what you'd call the sharpest knife in the drawer, this was an awful lot of crazy to try and make sense out of and oh fuck was that ever a BIG FUCKING KNIFE! Connor cleared his throat, another rather pathetic squeaking noise bubbling up as he did so. "Y-yeah... sounds about right..." he stammered, starting to sweat just a little bit. "Is she... here?" he asked, trying not to stare too long at that knife and think about just how quick it could all be lights out if Vilmer Slaughter here decided to take him down.
And that, thankfully, was when Endellion came scampering into the room. "Dexter Malcolm Byrne!" she admonished, "Your sister is not going to be pleased! Bonnie says you are to leave this poor man alone." She trotted through the living room, jumping over the coffee table to make way to the door, putting herself between Connor and Dex, and huffing loudly. "And who do you think you're fooling? You're Canadian, for crying out loud."
For a moment, Dex could actually commiserate with Ryan pouting whenever Dex had to kill his fun to tell him to please stop shooting at the police officers, it was just wasting ammo and they had other things to attend to. Just when it was getting good, Bonnie's Familiar decided to spoil his fun by ruining the game. He really didn't get to be as mean to people as he'd like, most of the times, and while he had been spearheading laying low in the first place, he was more than slightly nostalgic about being able to knock over banks and tell people to hit the dirt while he worked on the safe locks.
After a blue eyed glare at the little fox, in all her pink and white dressed glory, Dex finally sighed and dropped the knife from the high line of sight so that the hilt was resting against the side of one leg. Without addressing his brother with boob's companion, he rolled his eyes and tilted his head back towards the room behind him, "James is inside. And you would be...?" This time the accent was lost, but his tone no amount of degrees warmer.
Aaaand just when Connor didn't think it could get anymore fucked up or weird, well, it fucking did, as the little fennic fox wearing a pink and white dress trotted down the stairs admonishing the knife wielding maniac at the door verbally, situating it's tiny form between Connor and said nut job in the doorway. Connor's brain was beginning to really hurt now, as if having to concentrate a lot of energy to block out all the voices of the spirits all around wasn't taxing enough, unwittingly walking into a fucked up version of the Twilight Zone was enough to start bringing on an epic headache.
Still trying to wrap his pained mind around the insanity going on around him, Connor managed to once again look at what he now knew, thanks to the little talking fox, was Bonnie's brother. Oh yeah, that didn't bode well. "Connor... I'm here to pick up Bonnie for a... date?" he answered, frowning slightly at the fact his statements were now continually coming out in the form of questions. Damn it, Connor, he hasn't cut off your balls yet, don't just hand them over, Jesus.
"She'll be out in a moment," Endellion replied sweetly, turning around to look up at Connor. "Please come in. Manners do not run in this family." Another huff, and she trotted over to one of the recliners, hopping up and circling to keep her eyes on Dex. Oh yes, she was watching him. "Bonnie's gonna set you on fiiiire..." she said, this for Dex's ears (brain?) only, and in a sing-song voice. Then she actually giggled.
'She tries it, again, I will lock her in a shower. Don't think I won't,' Ryan was the one who they teased about his hatred of showers, but Dex doubted his sister would enjoy it. Especially if he took out the hot water heater while he was at it. Living with two fire elementals tended to tell one how to piss them off. And, with his siblings, as the oldest, Dex tended to be more reactive than proactive in the minor league revenge stakes. The major league stuff was left for outsiders, those who threatened them, and involved broken mirrors, burned out strip joints and pliers.
"So Connor," choosing a conversational track with clear threatening piping, "Where exactly are you headed out on this date?"
You might think that Connor would think twice about stepping foot into the house after that fucked up beyond all reason greeting at the door, but, the little fox did ask politely...
Connor managed to get himself inside and past the other man, following the little pink and white clad animal as if the tiny creature was somehow going to protect him from Sideshow Bob over there. The whole fucking scene was like something out of a fucked up dream after eating pizza and hotwings after midnight, unable to tell if you were really dreaming but knowing full well that this shit was just too fucking David Lynch movie batshit insane to be real and your only real option was to just give in and go with it.
He stood there awkwardly in the living room, nervously shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, surveying the room, looking for a possible means of exit should he need to haul ass out of there. Connor looked back over his shoulder when the man from Deliverance spoke again, this time to obviously inquire Connor's intentions with young Bonnie. "The Mud House... it's open mic night, crowded public place... music and did I mention there would be lots of people?"
After a few perilous moments where all zippers in the world were very nearly on the endangered species list, Bonnie finally managed to get her boots on, and after grabbing her purse and her jacket she flew out the door. She heard the tail end of Connor and Dex's conversation (if you could call it that), and Endy was nice enough to tell her there had been a knife involved. Of course. "Hi Connor! Thanks for coming! I'll just be a second!" And with that, she grabbed her brother's arm and yanked him in the direction of the kitchen. And once they were gone, that just left Connor. And the familiar.
Who immediately turned her sights on Connor. "So, just what exactly are your intentions with my elemental?"
The words "And you're planning to stay there for how long?" were cut off as his younger brother, with boobs, came out showing far too much skin, some of which were near said boobs. Boobs never to be spoken of, as they were brother boobs, not real ones. Dex did immediately look over at the kid who'd come for a date, daring him to look down from her face and lose his eyes.
His glare was cut off by the kitchen door closing behind him and James, but he was sure it was no less felt for it.
The sound of Bonnie's voice was akin to an Angel in the midst of the three fries short of a happy meal insanity that he felt he was sleep walking in. He managed to get one good look at his beautiful date before the eyes of Karl Childers were once again glaring at him, as if daring him to make one wrong move. Luckily for Connor, however, Bonnie dragged Sling Blade out of the room. Connor didn't have time to breathe that sigh of relief, oh no, why should the crazy end just because the danger was out of the room? Now the tiny little fox in a dress was echoing the nutter's original question. "Wait... your what now?"
Once in the kitchen, out of sight and hearing range, Bonnie took the opportunity to smack her brother upside the back of his head. "Stop scaring away my fucking dates!" she hissed. "Just wait until you bring some skank home, just you wait." She was pretty sure karma was bitchslapping her for the time she was thirteen and she asked Dex's date if she was going to be her new mommy. Dammit, she'd only been a kid, and that shit had been priceless.
Back in the living room... "Don't change the subject," Endellion replied, "What are your intentions with my elemental?"
"If I wanted to completely scare off your date I would've brought Ryan along for the ride," Dex drawled as he rubbed the back of his head, crossing his arms across his chest. Actually, that was a great idea, and his mind immediately went to the fact that his phone was in his back pocket and he could easily call his other younger brother (this one without boobs, at least ones that belonged to him). And hell yes, he believed that any guy sniffing after her should be interrogated and possibly grilled, the latter literally, on a case by case basis.
"My intentions... with your elemental?" Connor furrowed his brow just a little bit, still trying to process all of the epic weird he'd had to take in the past five minutes or so. "I'm going to guess that's Bonnie... since I have no other intentions with the knife wielding male one..." Other than to possibly run like hell if he flashed that knife in his general direction. "I intend on... showing the lady a good... time?" Ugh, again with the questioning tone? It's a fox... a tiny ity bitty fox, not a tiger... DON'T think of tigers, Jesus Herbert Christ, Connor... FOCUS!
At that, Endellion opened her mouth, baring her teeth, and honest to God grinned at Connor. "I suppose that's acceptable. I suppose I don't need to tell you that her other brothers are just as crazy - well, more, in one case - if anything goes wrong."
In the kitchen, Bonnie was glaring at Dex. "Don't you even think about it," she warned. "Do not screw this up, this is the first date-worthy guy I've met here. I will fuck your shit up if he ditches me, okay?" And with that, she hurried out, half expecting Connor to, you know, have run for his fucking life. Holy shit, he was still there! "Ready to go?"
Dex purposefully waited, not giving much of a verbal response to Bonnie until she was already collecting her twitchy date.Then, pasting a dark grin on his face, he leaned against the kitchen doorway and nodded, "Have a good time you two, don't stay out too late." Words that only seemed friendly and open, but if Connor missed his meaning, he was dumber than a block of wood and more unaware of his surroundings than if Dex had encased him in a slab of concrete.
When he raised his hand in a sarcastic wave, it was the one with the large blade in his grip.
Okay, the knife had been scary, the protective knife fancier older brother, fucking terrifying, but the sight of that tiny talking fox smiling at him? That shit was just about enough to make him wet himself, had Bonnie been even ten more seconds in that kitchen with Dex she would indeed have returned to a room minus one human boy. As it worked out, she entered the room at just the right time to usher him out. Looking over his shoulder as he reached the doorway he was just in time to see that special little wave of Dex's, and damn did he wish he hadn't.
Once outside with the door closed behind them, Connor took a deep breath and finally let himself take a good look at his beautiful date before glancing back toward the house. "So... elemental, crazy knife wielding brother and a talking fox... give a guy just a little warning maybe?" he smirked. He couldn't exactly be mad, it was all still kind of 'wtf' in his head at that moment, plus he was fairly certain that little grinning creature could likely read his thoughts and that was just uber creepy and he'd really rather not piss it off and have it decide to take his fun parts off with those sharp pearly whites.
When Connor wasn't looking, Bonnie took a moment to flip her dear brother the bird. And then, with the sound of Endellion's laughter in her head, they were off. "I'm sorry," she said once outside, and holy hell did she actually mean it for once. "I don't usually tell people about the elemental thing up front, because if they don't understand it... well, you know, it goes bad. I wouldn't have subjected you to Endy right away like that normally, but trust me - Dex was on much better behavior with her out there reporting to me." Yeah, she wasn't even going to attempt to deny the fact that her brother was crazy. At least Ryan hadn't been there. Connor would have left crying. And possibly bloody. "I'm the only girl... they get protective. I was hoping none of them would be here. It just didn't work out."
"It's... fine, I get it..." Sorta. "Not exactly phone conversation, 'Yeah, so I'm an elemental, my brother is off his nut and might kill you, oh and I have a fox that wears clothes and talks...', might make a guy take pause and wonder if maybe there was a need for an adjustment to the meds..." he nodded. "If it makes you feel any better, I feel other people's emotions... and... see dead people..." he continued, wrinkling his nose a little. "But hey... no tears, little freaked out, but I'll live... hopefully through the night..." he smiled. "What do you say we get outta here before your brother decides I'm looking at you the wrong way and pulls a Joker on my smile, yeah?" he asked, offering his arm.
"They're really very sweet once you get to know them?" Bonnie attempted, smiling sheepishly, and also thinking, 'Sorta.' They had their moments, anyway. She blinked at the emotions and the dead people thing, surprised to A) hear that, and B) be told so quickly. She wasn't used to giving her secrets away immediately. But it was a pleasant surprise. "Great idea," she agreed, grinning and taking his arm. "So... yes. Sorry. 'Fire elemental' sometimes freaks boys out. They keep waiting to get blown up. Not all fire elementals are crazy, violent hobeasts." She was just crazily violent! Really!
Connor had a hard time believing that her brothers were remotely sweet, especially after the warning from the fox that the other was 'far worse'. Yeeeah, he'd really rather not have too much 'family bonding' moments with Bonnie's clan, he might not ever be seen alive again. "Fire? That's... slightly intimidating, but you seem harmless enough..." Seem being the operative word here. "So... I guess the fox would be your... familiar then?" He still wasn't sure what the whole deal was with 'familiars', just that he'd seen stories on the news and read a couple blurbs on the subject in the newspaper, it was all still pretty new and the little fox had been the first that he'd known of that he'd come across. It was... interesting.
Once they reached the car, Connor opened the passenger door for Bonnie, but before helping her in, he reached in and picked up the bouquet of flowers off the passenger seat and held them out to her. "These are for you... hope you like roses..."
"Endellion," Bonnie confirmed with a nod. "Or Endy. My brother Ryan has one, too. Not a fox, though." She could have told him what it was, but wasn't the whole thing bad enough without having to know that one of her brothers had a fucking snake for a familiar? "Is she the first familiar you've met?" It had become so normal to Bonnie, but she knew it was still weird for the majority of people.
She grinned widely at the flowers, once again the expression being genuine. She was not a girl that was used to getting flowers. The closest she'd ever come was her prom date, and that hadn't gone well. At all. "They're beautiful," she said. "I'd run inside to put them in water, but... yeah, bad idea."
"Endy... that's... cute." Connor responded, still trying to shake that mental image of the tiny creature grinning at him, maybe he'd get used to it, if he survived to see a second date, as it were, surviving the first date would be half the battle, so far he'd gotten out of the first skirmish relatively unscathed, possibly scared mentally for life, but at least he was breathing and no longer inside where his further survival would be in question.
"Yeeah, I'm thinking a very bad idea." Connor nodded in agreement, eyes flicking back to the house for a moment, his brow furrowing as he was sure he saw a curtain move in the front window. "Shall we go?" he asked, shaking off the wiggins, holding the car door open for her.
Bonnie could tell he was a little freaked out, but hopefully she hadn't blown it. She wasn't sure if the familiar bothered him more than the crazy brother. "It's an Irish name meaning fire," she explained. "I thought it was very fitting. She came with the name, though." Much better than something like Fluffy or Fifi, in her opinion.
Let's," she agreed, smiling as she got in the passenger seat. Chew Dex out for me, she thought, knowing she was close enough for Endy to hear it.