So many people try to tell the tale, not one of them knows the end Who: Autumn and Graham When: 2am Where: Autumn's place
"What do you mean she's not here?" Graham blinked at the nurse, giving her a concerned look.
"I told you, she was released earlier in the day and it home now."
It was a bit difficult to comprehend what the hell was actually being told to him. They released Autumn already? Wouldn't she have called him or something? Granted he was working at the Owl's Nest most of the night, but it wasn't like she didn't know the number to the place she worked at. It was a slow ass night anyways - had she called, Graham would have left to go pick her up. Though he never received such a call. Sighing slightly as his face dropped, he nodded to the nurse and decided to give up on hounding her for answers.
Though if Autumn was home, then perhaps now was a perfect time to surprise her with a welcome home gift of some sort. After the hell she went through, she deserved it. Before leaving the hospital, Graham spent a great deal of time in the small gift shop, looking over the stuffed animals and flower display. If he had the money he would have gone home with one of each of the little plushies and shower them onto Autumn's bed. They were all so adorable with their beady eyes! After much debate in his head, he settled for a floppy bunny and a bouquet of flowers to match. What girl couldn't say no to flowers and a stuffed animal? And knowing that Autumn was an earth elemental, he was certain she could adore the flowers and take good care of them.
The ride back to her place felt far longer than it needed to be. Graham was incredibly anxious to finally see her again. It had been lonely in the house without Autumn by his side when he tried to sleep at night. Now they could finally indulge in that warmth again. When he eventually rolled on up to her home, he noticed the house was completely dark with no lights on outside. Graham thought nothing of it and quickly gathered his belongings to slip inside.
The first thing he noticed after closing the door was that everything was far cleaner than it was when he left for work. Perking up a brow, he slowly walking into the interior and eyed his surroundings in the darkness. And though he didn't see her, he could definitely hear Kismet exclaiming when he came into view.
You're back! You were gone for so long! The moth landed on his nose, fluttering her wings with excitement.
"Yeah, thanks for reminding me." He kept his voice low, flinching as the moth tickled his nose. "Do you know if Autumn is up at all?"
Oh, no, she went to sleep a while ago and- HEY!
Graham promptly shooed the moth away and began to head to her bedroom. Being as quiet as he could possibly be, he slipped inside and closed the door behind him. There she was, completely passed out on her bed, looking beautiful as ever. Whatever light there was outside from natural lights and a couple street lights flooded in and traced the lovely curves of her delicate form. Graham leaned against the door and smiled while watching her for a moment. He placed the flowers and plushie on her dresser along with his hat before making his way to her bed.
Kicking off his shoes, Graham joined Autumn silently, hovering over her body within seconds. One hand ran over her side as he leaned in to kiss the base of her neck sweetly. It was great to be with her again, no lie about it.
"Don't even think about it," Autumn said as he leaned in to kiss her. Her voice was cold as ice and hard as steel. She wasn't passed out as he thought. Being physically exhausted, she fell asleep before Rigby left but was so fucking angry at Graham that she didn't stay asleep long. Once she woke up, she just laid there, stewing, working up a good mad.
Autumn rolled away from him and sat up, gritting her teeth against the pain. "You can't sleep with me tonight. Sleep in your own room. Oh wait, you tore it to fucking shreds so you can't. I don't care where you end up, it's just not going to be with me. Now get the hell out." Autumn's eyes were as hard as her voice, anger flashing in them. She'd never been so mad, so hurt than she had been when she'd come home and seen her house destroyed.
Autumn got up and went over to the door, opening it and holding it open for him. "Get. Out." Each word was spit from her mouth with distaste. Even when her eyes landed upon the stuffed bunny and flowers, it made little difference to her. She was too mad, too hurt and it was too fresh.
Autumn had to fight within herself to not react to Graham's emotions. She could feel how delighted he was to have her home, how much he'd missed her. A small tiny part of her was chanting to forget everything and curl up in bed with him because she'd missed him too. But so far, the mad was winning. Graham couldn't tear up her house and have her immediately forgive him for it. If she did, who knows what he'd do next. Autumn was proud of her house - it suited her perfectly. And it was almost a last gift from her dad, seeing as how his money helped her purchase and furnish the house. She felt close to him in this house for some reason and it meant the world to her. The fact that Graham could just destroy her house without a second thought broke her heart. Coming in to find the house trashed was devastating... knowing Graham did it just before the demon attack and just left it for her to find when she came home from the hospital was equally as disturbing. Obviously he didn't care about what he did or how she might react to it. And that fact, was hardest for Autumn to accept.
He just sat there, completely blown away as Autumn snapped at him. That was probably the last reaction he expected to hear from her at all. It took him a second to piece everything together, having almost forgotten the mad rampage he went on due to his withdrawal. In honesty, he did want to help fix it, but what the hell was he suppose to do? Since he left the hospital he had been busy with work at the Owl's Nest to even remotely think about cleaning up her home.
Regardless, Autumn obviously didn't want him in her room, which he would have reluctantly accepted save for one thing - she dropped the fact she didn't care where he ended up. That hurt. Here he was under the impression that he finally found someone who didn't care about his bad habits and would still be with him no matter what. Didn't she even say that herself? Seemed like she was having second thoughts.
"You really mean that?" Graham question, his voice deadpan serious. His eyes were the only thing that showed any emotion and right then they were wavering slightly, like a flickering flame trying to stay bright. "Was everything that happened at the hospital some pity talk because you didn't want to make a scene there or something?" Wouldn't have been the first time someone did that to him.
"At the hospital I didn't know you had destroyed my house! I'm not kicking you out of my house, Graham, although I have every right to and no one would blame me. We're just not going to snuggle in bed like everything is fine when I had to come home and spend hours picking up the remains of my house." Autumn leaned heavily against the wall, her body exhausted and sore. Rigby was the one who did most of the picking up, although she helped as much as he'd let her. Even still, she was paying for the work she'd done - her ribs were killing her and her lungs were burning. She couldn't even stand fully straight because of the pain.
She sighed and brought her eyes to meet Graham's gaze. "I still care about you, Graham. I am madder than hell at you right now and I have every right to be. I still mean what I said at the hospital. I. Still. Care." Realizing that he wasn't making an effort to leave and knowing that she couldn't stand up much longer, Autumn limped back over to the bed. She sank down on her pillows on the very edge furthest away from Graham. She held a hand out in a stop motion. "Don't come any closer. I just had to lay down... my ribs are killing me."
"At the hospital wasn't for pity. If I didn't care about you, your shit would have been piled on the driveway and the locks would have been changed so you couldn't get in. I know you're going through a lot, Graham, but that does not give you the right to destroy my house and what means the world to me. You're not five years old - you can't throw a tantrum of this magnitude and not expect there to be consequences. Right now, that means you find another bed to sleep in tonight." With that, Autumn rolled over, her back to him and stared unseeingly out into her dark room. She'd lost a night stand, it was completely destroyed. Graham's room was much more destroyed than her's though. Rigby thought he could fix a couple of the drawers, thank goodness. She just had to go buy some wood and a saw or something so he could do it. For now though, the drawers were just piled up until they got to them. She didn't even want to think about the money it was going to cost to replace that furniture. And all the stuff in her bathroom too - jewelry had been flung everywhere and she was missing several earrings. All of her makeup had been dumped out and was completely destroyed. It was going to take several thousand dollars to replace what had been broken, but yet Graham just wanted to crawl into her bed as if nothing was wrong? Fuck that noise.
It pained him deeply when she refused to have him slink in closer to hold her. That was all he wanted to do - scoop her up into his arms and not let go until she beat him over the head because she needed air. But Autumn didn't want that, and regardless of what she said, he couldn't help but feel like she wasn't going to want that for a while. Graham tried his best to listen to her, feeling bad that she had to come home to- Wait... how the fuck did she come home?
Graham's mind drifted for a bit as he tried to figure that out, though he completely tuned her out when she began nagging him like a mother would. Actually, she was being far more concerned than his mother ever had been in her entire life. He was not five years old anymore, but at the same time Graham hadn't changed that much since he was a kid. Still the same punkass brat who talked back to teachers in school and was picked on by his peers. None of the changed; it only got worse.
"You honestly think now is the only time I'm going through a rough patch in my life?" He turned his head to look at Autumn. "Seriously? Is that what you think, Autumn? That all this bullshit was just a fluke and not going to happen again?" As long as Graham was an avid drug addict with a short temper - and let's not forget he was a fire elemental to make matters worse - this was going to happen whenever he went into a state of withdrawal. His arm twitching when he wasn't high was always going to be present, and was actually spazzing a bit right then, but the sheer violence only happened when he was cut dry from the source. Sadly for Autumn, this wasn't the first time he flipped out over cocaine.
Everyone had to grow up at some point, Graham included. He needed to stop being a victim and blame other people for leaving when he did nothing to help them stay. Autumn is pretty easy going and all Graham needed to do was respect her, respect her space, and be fucking considerate of her feelings. She wasn't asking a lot by any means.
When Graham threw that question at her, she was truly shocked. She hadn't thought about the future... hadn't really wanted to at that. Her future was scary enough, having a baby on the way and being all alone to raise him/her. But he had to go and ask that and she could all of a sudden see a future of heartache if they stayed together. Autumn closed her eyes to the hot tears that sprung to her eyes. "I don't know, Graham, I really don't know," was her quiet reply. She didn't have the energy to process what he was asking at the moment.
Autumn rolled over and looked at him, tears still in her eyes. "Is it not enough to know that I care about you and for you to care about me? If you care, because you've never said that so I have no clue where you stand. I'm just mad... we can figure out the future later."
"If I care-" Graham began to repeat her words, then cut himself off, scoffing out loud while shaking his head. He wasn't one for figuring out the future with anything, not just relationships. He far preferred seeing what happened. The only thing Graham had set in stone for the future down the road was that he'd still be alive and not in jail. That was it. Everything else could come and go as it pleased and it never fazed the elemental. Besides, he wasn't remotely worrying about the future when he was presented with the fact that he might not have ever cared about Autumn.
"I just came back from the hospital after my boring ass shift at the Owl's Nest to hopefully spend the wee hours of the morning with you, and what do I find out? You're not there. Shit, I felt so confused and worried when they told me at first. Were you alright? When did you get home? How the fuck did you get home? Why didn't you even bother to call me at the restaurant? I mean, fuck, that would have saved me the trip and the gas money. Would have been here a lot fucking sooner. Even spent an hour in the god damn gift shop to get you something as a welcome home gift, because you deserve it way more than I ever do. Actually, bitching me out because you're too fucking hung up on material objects than the fact you're alive and your damn kid isn't dead is probably more fitting of a 'welcome home' for me."
He stopped, averting his gaze only to take in a deep breath. The tone in his voice went from serious to mildly angry, only because he couldn't believe she was starting to question his feelings for her. Within seconds his eyes shot back to her and he continued. "And I'm still fucking sitting here. I probably would have heeded your words and left by now, but I haven't. If that's not enough to tell you I care, than I don't know what to tell you." Shaking his head, Graham sighed and looked off, beginning to contemplate more and more about leaving. If he wasn't welcomed anymore, then there was no point in prolonging his stay.
Autumn closed her eyes, his emotions overwhelming her. Tears seeped out from beneath her tightly sealed eyes despite her efforts of holding them back. "Rigby was visiting - I had just called my mother to let her know about the attack. It didn't go well. Then they told me I could go home and he offered to drive me. I figured since he was already there it'd save you the trip. I knew you were working and knew you needed the money so I didn't want to bother you." Autumn only had the best of intentions by not calling him and asking him to take off from work yet again. "Then when I got home and found the mess, the last thing I wanted to do was call you. I knew you were working so I didn't figured you'd try to come visit after your shift."
Wow, what he said about her being hung up on material objects kind of hurt. "It's not the material objects, Graham. It's the fact that you completely disregarded any feelings I might have about my stuff being trashed. It's not the things they can be replaced - it's that you didn't think twice about how it might affect me."
Her voice turned bitter and a bit condescending, "So yes, while I appreciate your flowers and plushie and it really was sweet - it doesn't even begin to tell me what you feel for me when I see my house trashed and I've smelled other women on your skin. Your words and actions tell me something completely different." Her hand came up and angrily brushed the tears that were staining her cheeks. She heard his words that he cared and felt his sincerity but it didn't compute for her. He had to show her, simple as that.
A drawn-out, irritated as fuck sigh escaped Graham when she mentioned Rigby. Like fuck she didn't want to distract him from his job when she could just call the nice guy up and make everything sunshine and cloud-free for her. It still didn't make that much sense to him. Why couldn't she at least call to let him know she was back? Didn't she realize he did care? Apparently she didn't, and it only became more evident as she continued, first blaming him for not thinking of how she felt and then for the destroying her house and then, finally, Jezebelle.
That did it for Graham and he abruptly slipped off the bed and walked on over to the door. There was one thing he never appreciated and that was someone telling him how to run his life, especially with relationships. He had yet to meet a woman who was on the same wave-length with him with love and was beginning to think he never would. To him, his feelings for Autumn never changed, whether he was with Jezebelle or not. He never once thought of it as cheating on her or ceasing his feelings for her. They were two, separate, and extremely different women that he cared for for different reasons... and it pissed him off when he wasn't allowed to have that. The concept of being tied to one person for the rest of his life and never being able to love as freely as he did pissed him off. For a moment he actually preferred being back in prison than tied up in a monogamous relationship.
As he reached the door, he didn't open it. Instead he braced himself against it, palms striking against the wood fixture roughly while he hung his head. His mind was screaming at him to leave and not worry about any of this. It was always easier and in some regards better to get up and walk away before he became too hung up with the whole ordeal. Though there was a smaller voice in his head telling him that maybe that would be a mistake. Maybe things had to blow up before they actually calmed down. He kept thinking about Autumn's words back in the hospital: I care about you. I'm not going to stop caring because of that.
If she could somehow look past the drugs, maybe she could look past his other flaws, which was far easier said than done. And Autumn didn't even know the half of it. If she thought the drugs and philosophy on relationships were bad, then how was she going to react to the fact he had a criminal record and served time in jail? She was constantly painting this picture of him as some knight in shining armor, but Graham wasn't that, nor would he ever be.
Turning away from the door, he rested his back against and looked on back to Autumn. The initial rage had died down, but frustration was still smoldering hot in him. "What do you want me to do, Autumn? What the fuck am I suppose to do to show you otherwise? Is me trying even worth it at this point?" If only she could understand what made his gears turn, then perhaps this would be easier, but it wasn't. As much as he enjoyed being with the woman, him and Autumn were two very unalike souls. He was sure that even if he told her his entire life story she would still not understand.
Autumn sat up when he got off the bed, part hopeful that he was finally leaving, part of her screaming not to let him go. "What do I want from you? I want you to consider my feelings every so often instead of being selfish and doing whatever the fuck you want." She didn't think that was too much to ask of him. "I know you're you and that's what I like about you. I'm not asking that you change anything of yourself - just edit. Instead of tearing up my house in a fit of rage, come talk to me instead. If you need to smash something, I'll give you something to smash."
At the last part of his statement, Autumn gingerly got up and limped over to Graham. She put her hands on his waist and looked up at him. "It's worth it to me to try to save this, whatever this is. I care about you, I want you. I'm allowed to get mad and not want to cuddle for a night... but I still care."
But Graham didn't want anything to smash. Even though he had a short as hell fuse and had a history of being violent, he didn't want that - it just happened. He could blame the elemental aspect of himself for that lovely trait, and he honestly could do without it. All it did was hurt people and fuck up everything in his life. If it wasn't Autumn's house, then it was Autumn herself, and she wasn't the first one to be hurt by his stupid choices in life. Had he not fooled around with Jezebelle then perhaps her flower shop would still be standing and she wouldn't have faced the wrath of her sire. If he hadn't left Saoirse that night then perhaps there wouldn't be so much bad blood between the two of them. As his mind kept thinking of the possibilities, it quickly settled on the one memory of his he simply could never erase.
Chicago.
Too many people had died that day and even more were left injured. He tried desperately to forget the instance but it continued to haunt him. First Amelia brought it up bitterly, then Galen with such a douchebag tone, and now his mind was just automatically going to it at the thought of hurting people. Graham couldn't say he never wanted to hurt people without that coming up to bite him in the ass. He did more than hurt people - he killed them.
The overwhelming guilt rested heavily on his shoulders, replacing any prior emotions. He even looked away from Autumn, not wanting her to worry about him when the expression in his face went from livid to scared. Back still to the door, he slid down to the ground and sat there with his face in his palms. Graham was just destined to hurt people one way or another. Where was the point in even trying to change that?
Autumn sunk to the floor with him, her heart breaking at the emotions pouring off of him. She didn't understand what he was feeling. Her hands came up and combed through his hair. "Talk to me, Graham. Please," she begged. She wanted to understand what made him tick, what he was all about.
Seconds ago she was growling at him to get out and not touch her, and now she was holding some serious double standards by touching him. Graham wasn't sure if she had a change of heart or the empath in her was acting up, but he restrained himself from reaching out and pulling her in. She did order him more or less to not even think about touching her and he wasn't going to until everything blew over.
And then she pleaded for him to talk. About what? How fucked up his life was? He didn't need her pity or anyone else's for that matter. Pity did nothing to help Graham. After a moment he turned his head to finally look over to Autumn. "Talk about what? I can't even think straight let alone fucking talk straight."
Autumn rocked back as if he'd struck her, her hands falling away. "I don't know what's going on... your emotions are all over the place. I just want you to talk to me and tell me what's going on in your head. What are you thinking about? What's making you feel so guilty?" She looked hard at him. "I am a good listener, Graham. Talk to me."
A long pause blew past him while looking away. If his emotions were off the wall, then so were his words once he started talking, but Autumn seemed so persistent on having him talk. Maybe it would help them, or maybe it would tear them apart. Either way, she was more or less cornering him and he had no choice but to talk.
"I don't want to hurt anybody. Never. I know have a short fuse and it's probably directly fucking linked to me being like fire, but it's not what I want. It just fucking happens. And it doesn't help when people are constantly telling me that's all I do or ever have done in my life." He stopped and scoffed, a slightly smile flickering for mere seconds before dying out. "My parents wouldn't even let me hold my kid sister when she was born because they thought I'd drop her in two seconds. Such fucking hypocrites." He looked off to the side, shaking his head as he dug up his past. "Don't hurt the daughter, but by all means hurt your son when he's just being a kid. God forbid if I looked at them a certain way or put my books an inch off from where they belonged. Anything was game to them. And you'd think maybe they did it because they cared, but they were never around and after a while stopped caring when a worried neighbor came by because I was lighting old toys on fire or when the principal called home for the fiftieth time about me."
Oh god, and there was high school. "Fuck, and being outside of the house wasn't any better. Peers were constantly making fun of me for one reason or the other, teachers were lecturing me to stop being a punk rebel. Nothing I did ever made anyone happy. The only thing the teachers cared about when it came to me were my grades. Fuck, I can hear them now, talking about wasting all my potential. 'You're the top in your class and all you do is cause trouble.' Only fucking reason I wasn't expelled was because I was smart. Not like they ever cared why I broke out into fights in the hallway, just trying to stand up for myself or my sister. All they cared was that I was graduating a year early as valedictorian."
He stopped for a second to catch his breath, lowering his head even more, and then went on. "When you have so many people doubting you and tell you you do more harm than good, you try to find a reason to rise above that and prove them wrong. I really thought college would do that. I fit in way better than I ever had anywhere else and I was excelling in my studies more so than anyone in my class." Graham placed a palm against his forehead as his voice dropped down to a quieter tone. "And then I fucked up. I had to fucked up so hard. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. No one was suppose to get hurt." Now he was clinging onto his head while curling up into a ball as he recalled the memories. "No one was suppose to die."
Autumn's heart broke as he talked. He couldn't imagine parents being so terrible to their son. They obviously hadn't taken the time to get to know their son and that was a shame. Even through her anger, Autumn knew that somewhere deep inside there was a good person. He'd just layered defense after defense to make sure no one else saw it. He couldn't be vulnerable because obviously that had never worked out in the past.
When he curled into a ball, Autumn reached out and stroked his arm, careful to avoid the scratches from the demon. "What happened, Graham?" Now that he'd brought it up, she had to know what he was talking about. Hurting and killing people was not something she could take lightly at all. Even if he didn't want to talk about it, he had to now.
He wished he could have told Autumn nothing happened and write it off as a slip of the tongue, but she told him not to lie to her, and she knew when he lied, which sucked for him. It took a while before he spoke up to explain what exactly was going on, though when he did he slowly pulled his arms away from his head and kept his eyes away from her.
"Over a hundred people died, at least six hundred were critically injured, the main dormitory was in complete shambles, and all because of me. All because I wanted to prove a point with a stupid formula for improving nitroglycerin I had for my senior thesis. Everything was fine and going smoothly until something fucked up. I don't even know what happened, whether it was a bad chemical reaction or a change in temperature or if some shit fell over and crashed into it, but it doesn't matter now. All that matters is that the explosion was my fault. And the worst part about that? I didn't even know what was going on. Imagine walking down the hallway one minute and then waking up from a coma in a hospital bed two weeks later. Not the best feeling in the world to have all that shit strapped onto you and no one willing to explain why you were there. I mean, fuck, what do you tell a prick like myself when they wake up? By the way, you just fucking killed a shit ton of people and you're wanted in court in five hours?"
He closed his eyes while tilting his head back against the door, his voice becoming agitated as he went on. "No one had a lick of sympathy for me, nor did they care to hear my side of the story. I could have told it a million times and the jury would have had the same disgusted expression on their faces. The only reason I didn't get the death penalty was because I pleaded insanity and never intended to harm anyone. So you get the next best thing, which is a lifetime in prison. Fuck, I still remember leaving and everyone being in a fucking rage that I didn't get sentenced to death. It's not the most pleasant thing in the world when people are screaming and spitting in your direction, saying that you deserve to fucking burn in hell. Though what they don't realize is that spending seven years in prison with absolutely everything stripped away is as close to hell as you'll ever get. No sunlight, no social contact, no music, no cloves, no drinking, no drugs, no visitors, no books to read-" His eyes finally flickered over to Autumn's filled with immense anguish. "No warmth of another body."
It took Autumn a minute to process what all he said. Her eyes ever waived from his face, his eyes. The look in his eyes, the anguish that he was projecting was overwhelming and quickly melting her heart. She grabbed his hand halfway through his speech and held on tightly, wanting him to know that she was there for him.
When he was done, Autumn reached up to his face and cupped his cheek. He made a lot more sense to her - she understood him much better now. All he did was to bury his guilt - his misguided guilt. "Graham... oh honey. It wasn't your fault. You didn't mean to hurt anyone. I know you feel guilty but you didn't mean to kill anyone." Gah her heart broke for him. She wished she had the magic words to make him let himself off the hook for what happened. To be honest, she wasn't bothered in the least by what he told her about his past. If anything, his drug use was more of a problem for her than his prison time or the explosion.
She pulled his head so she could look at him hard in the eyes. "It doesn't change anything for me, Graham. It wasn't a malicious act on your part so it doesn't change anything for me. If you'd gone into the lab and made something and intentionally made it blow up and kill people, that'd be different... but that wasn't what happened." Her thumb rubbed over his cheek. "I still care about you, Graham. I. Still. Care." Autumn hoped he felt her intensity and her sincerity because she meant every word.
Graham was pretty damn certain that she would have pulled away from him, slap him in the face, and order him to get out of her house... but she didn't. She did the polar opposite, and that completely confused the hell out of him. Blinking his eyes at her, he didn't have the slightest idea what to say to her, probably because no one ever reacted to his prison story like that. Then again, Graham never confessed that much to anyone. Not even Saoirse.
Though what he could take from her words was that the fact he didn't do it on purpose was what made her so sympathetic. Somewhere in the back of his head he made a small mental note to not mention he had worked with illegal dealers to make more explosives. Granted Graham never used said explosives to hurt people, but he was sure that the people he was making them for would use them for twisted reason. Didn't really matter to him at that point and all that truly did was the money he was receiving for such commissions.
Parting his lips, Graham made a peculiar face at Autumn while blinking his eyes a bit more. There was only one thing that came to mind and he finally said it. "...what?"
"You said the words yourself - you didn't intend to hurt anyone, to kill anyone. So you were experimenting...anyone with your intelligence, your background has experimented too. Yours just went wrong. You didn't make it go wrong - it just did. You even said that you have no idea what what actually went wrong. So how could you have been held responsible?" Autumn was actually quite surprised at the anger she felt towards the judicial system. How could he have been held responsible for killing people when he just made a mistake? And the fact that he didn't even know what kind of mistake he made should have been a clue that it wasn't intentional. She wanted to go and punch every single person who'd heckled him and made him feel bad for what was a fucking mistake.
If that was the case, Autumn was going to have a bloodied fist by the end of it, because that was a lot of people to go around punching. "I... don't know. I just try not to think about it. I don't want to have that shit hovering around me, but when you get let out of jail on 'terms of parole'-" He even took the moment to bring his hands up to make quotation marks. "-instead of staying for a lifetime, people don't live that shit down. You come home to your hometown after seven years and not even the shady motherfuckers at the rundown bar want to serve you a drink. Everyone looks at you like you are nothing but fucking trash. I wasn't even welcomed in my own house. Got welcomed with my dad's fist to my face before being kicked out, but that was it. Had no choice but to get up and leave. Go as far as my car could take me and stay put for awhile. Maybe the neighborhood would be good and I could stay for a while, or maybe I'd get greeted with a lead pipe to the face - true story, by the way - and just pack up and go again."
He didn't want to remember that night either. Graham didn't regret much, but he wished that particular night had never happened. Saoirse didn't deserve to be left like that and he was torn apart at the fact she would probably never give him the time of day to explain.
"You told me last week that you always felt like you were weird and didn't entirely belong because you were an elemental. I said I felt like I didn't belong because I truly don't. No one welcomes someone like me, not with my history and baggage. You deserve to have someone better in your life." As much as it hurt to admit that, it was probably true. There were better guys than him who didn't spend time in jail or dabble with drugs or sleep with whomever they pleased. Autumn didn't need that.
Autumn audibly gasped when he said that his father hit him. Even though her family had inflected numerous internal scars, they'd never physically abused her. Her heart bled for Graham - no one should be treated with such disdain as if they didn't matter. He'd had to become self sufficient and self reliant since none of his family accepted him. It explained why he didn't like to form long lasting relationships or tie himself down, because the very people that were supposed to love him had let him down.
"You belong with me," Autumn said and meaning every single word. She had absolutely no problems with his past. She had problems with his drug use and she really hoped that at some point he could at least scale back that drug use a bit. Autumn knew better than to ask him that at this time. Maybe it would come up in the future. She just knew that as long as he was a heavy drug user, that would always be a huge point of contention in their relationship.
As for him sleeping with other women, she would try and ignore it for now. No promises that she would be successful at that but if it made him happy, then she had no other choice but to suck it up. It didn't make her happy because she knew she was falling for him, despite everything. She was still angry and everything he told her, his confessions, didn't justify him being disrespectful to her and her property. She wanted to shield her heart because she knew at some point she was going to be hurt again. But for now, her heart had other plans. The thought of being without Graham right now hurt more than the thought of future pain with him.
Her words utterly shocked Graham. After all he said, she still wanted to be with him? Not even that, she felt like he belonged with her? Graham was speechless, staring at Autumn with his lips ajar and eyes wide with shock. Was that what she really wanted? He would have asked her, but he kept choking on his words. Looking away from her slightly, he felt his cheeks warming up gradually with a hint of red to them. No one had ever said that to him. Not even the crazy psycho bitches who were ten times more clingy than he was.
Autumn nearly giggled at Graham's shocked face. Obviously not many people stood by him and he was shocked by the prospect. "I'm serious. You can believe me. Obviously I don't have a crystal ball so I can't predict the future, but right now and the foreseeable future, I want you with me." She tugged Graham's hand and brought it to her mouth to press a kiss against his palm.
Oh god, now she was teasing him. She was the one who told him to back the fuck off when he was trying to be all sorts sweet and now she was kissing his palm. A mix of not having a hit of cocaine yet and trying to restrain himself resulted in the poor elemental shaking against her lips. Swearing under his breath, Graham instantly ran a hand over his arm to try and ease the ticking within his skin. "I'm starting to think you're saying that just to push me over the edge." He kept on blushing, though raised his eyebrows while gazing at her. Just when he thought he had women figured out, they fucked with his brain some more.
"Do not misunderstand," Autumn clarified. "What you did was shitty and I'm still really upset about it. But, we're going to get in fights and it's okay. That doesn't mean I don't not care about you or I'm going to completely kick you out. If kicking you out of my bed is something you can't handle, then we'll think of something else. It's all about compromise, babe, and I'm willing to try if you are."
"Then maybe it's better if I go now before I get too damn frustrated." Graham sighed out his words, briskly standing back up on his feet. If Autumn wanted him out of her room, then he had to respect that. Probably go sleep out in his car or something. Wouldn't be the first time he did that. As he looked on back down to her, Graham offered his hand to her in case she needed help getting up. He knew she didn't want him touching her, but the gentleman in him wasn't going to ignore her.
Autumn reached up and grabbed his hand, hauling herself painfully to her feet. She didn't understand his reaction. "Why are you getting frustrated? I'm really confused." If her kicking him out of her bed was such a huge deal, then he could stay. But things wouldn't be okay just because he pouted and acted like a kicked puppy. She was allowed to be angry and she didn't understand why he couldn't accept that.
"...what?" Did she really just ask that? Was it not noticeable? Dear fucking god... "Telling me to get out of your bed and then proceed to overwhelm me with all this talk of me belonging with you and being all, 'by the way, you still can't be in here still.'" He smacked a palm against his face while sighing gently. "Doesn't help that you told me not to touch you and that's all I've been wanting to do." His eyes widened and he threw up his hands in temporary surrender. "Not like that, I just want to give you a fucking hug and I'm fearing you're going to rip my balls off and feed them to your dog or something." He could understand Autumn being pissed somewhat. Shitting bricks over material possessions seemed a bit absurd to him - though he was not someone to talk when it came to his drugs - but he just wanted to help calm her down and it didn't seem like he would any time soon.
Autumn had to hold back a giggle. She wasn't even thinking sexually frustrated. She put her arms around his waist and grinned up at him. "You can touch me, Graham. I'm pretty sure Suri doesn't want to eat your balls and seeing as how I'm kind of partial to them, I'll let you keep them." She couldn't hold back her giggles by then. She reached up and pinched his cheek before grabbing his hand and leading him to the bed. "Stay. Touch me. Hold me. Show me what you said before about caring about me." She laid down on the bed and patted the space next to her giving him an alluring look.
It didn't take long for Graham suddenly scoop the petite woman into his arms and cling onto her while he sat down. His lips pressed against her forehead affectionately as he continued to hold onto her tightly. He didn't even care if they did nothing more than just that for he was content to finally hold her. Closing his eyes he ran a hand over her back to soothe her, nuzzling his nose against her scalp as her let out a relaxed sigh.
Autumn sucked in a sharp breath when he grabbed her, the pain exploding in her ribs. "Ow ow ow," she whimpered. "Careful, babe. Still sore." She breathed through the pain hoping he'd lessen his hold just a little.
Her gaze caught the bunny on the dresser. "I want my bunny," she pouted. "And you need to get undressed... you have on way too much to be comfortable." She sighed, completely ticked at her body and her emotions. Sometimes being an empath totally sucked because it was impossible to hold a grudge. And it was something about Graham - she seemed to want him all the time. Damn her body!
Graham stifled a laugh upon her request for the bunny along with the command that he was to get undressed. "I'm comfortable in anything as long I get to hold you." Kissing her forehead again, he loosened his grip to slip away from her only to get said bunny. While walking on back to Autumn, he took the plushie in his hands and made it do a little dance in midair, followed by waving to her with its little paw. "You have a name in mind for him?" He plopped the adorable stuffed animal into Autumn's lap while slipping his jacket off.
"Well I'm not comfortable with a belt buckle digging into me," Autumn said as she slipped out of bed. "At least I think that was a belt buckle," she giggled. Her giggles continued as he made the little bunny dance and wave it's paw. "How about Donnie - for Donovan?" She picked up the bunny and nuzzled him with her nose. "What do you think? Do you like Donnie?" She held it up to her ear and nodded, grinning the whole time. "Yep, Donnie it is!"
"Donnie?" He raised an eyebrow at the name, almost forgetting that she probably picked up his last name from when they were at the hospital. Graham had picked up hers from one of the nurses and it suited her quite well - Autumn Rivers. His on the other hand just screamed of an Irish/English background and that was it. At least he looked the part. "As long as you're happy with it, then that's all that matters." And as long as she didn't name it Graham Cracker, either, or else he was going to have to lie through his teeth with that one.
"I'm happy with it." Autumn cuddled Donnie to her chest and watched Graham. She noticed the t-shirt she'd worn to bed was slipping off one shoulder so she sat up to readjust. It was Rigby's that she'd borrowed when she left the hospital. Once they'd cleaned everything up, she just tugged off her shorts and fallen into bed. Now that she was sitting there with his t-shirt on, it seemed so wrong. So Autumn got up and reached into her newly reorganized drawers and pulled out a soft cotton nightgown that fell to her midthigh. Not caring if Graham saw, she slipped off Rigby's shirt and folded it before putting on the nightgown and getting back in bed.
The room was too dimly lit to have noticed the shirt at first, but now that it fell off her shoulder like that, he definitely noticed. Squinting his eyes to examine it more when she slipped it off, Graham knew that couldn't be hers. It was way too big for her and not as fashion forward as the rest of her outfits. He stared at it some more before looking back to her. "Is that yours?" His finger pointed where she placed the shirt, a concerned look in his eye. For all he knew the hospital might have given it to her when she had left.
Autumn blushed and glanced towards the shirt before her eyes went back to Graham's. "Uh, no. It's Rigby's. My clothes were all but destroyed by the demon and when they released me I had to have something. He had clothes in his truck so I borrowed some." The actual truth was that she'd worn it to bed because it smelled like Rigby and it was comforting to her after such an emotionally draining day. But she decided to gloss over that part - what Graham didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.
Something about that didn't sound right. He could understand having to wear his friend's shirt when leaving the hospital due to having nothing to wear - and if Autumn actually took the time to call him and let him know she was leaving, he would have been more than happy to pick her up and offer her some new clothes - but wearing it to bed long after she had arrived home made no sense. Did she forget she was wearing it? Shit, who could forget wearing something like that? Graham glanced at the shirt and back to Autumn. It means nothing, retard, just let it the fuck go.
But for some reason he couldn't. It was irking Graham that she was wearing his shirt to bed. As his eyes looked back to the shirt, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pack of matches to briskly light one up. Best way to get rid of something in his mind was to burn it, and the fabric was definitely qualified as flammable.
Autumn's eyes grew wide as he lit a match. She thought quick on her feet and chunked a pillow at him to keep him away from Rigby's shirt. She ran over and grabbed the shirt, hugging it to her chest. "What are you doing? It's just a t-shirt, Graham." Autumn was quite confused at his reaction... she didn't understand it at all. He was acting almost ...jealous. Which so didn't make sense, seeing as how he fucked other girls and she wasn't allowed to be jealous over that. Autumn's eyes narrowed, her gaze never leaving Graham. "What's your problem?"
The pillow was enough to throw Graham off guard, because seriously... a pillow? He dropped the match to the ground and let out a shard sigh as he forced himself to smother it. God forbid if anything caught on fire and destroyed Autumn's home. Though once that was done, he looked on up to Autumn, watching her hugging the shirt. Wait, she was hugging it? It was a fucking shirt. Even more so, it was Rigby's. Graham might have fooled around with other women, but it wasn't like he was coming back with their material possessions and waving them all over the place.
"It's just a t-shirt?" His eyes widened while echoing her words. "If it's just that, then why the fuck are you clinging onto it for dear life? Is it because it's his?"
"I'm not clinging onto it. I'm keeping it from being charred by you!" Autumn sat down on the bed, still holding onto the shirt. She looked at Graham as if he were crazy. "He let me borrow it from the hospital, I got home and had to clean up and was exhausted so I pulled off my shorts and just collapsed in bed. I didn't have the energy to change - plus pulling on and off a shirt fucking hurts." She wasn't quite sure what Graham's deal was but wished he'd get the fuck over it and come back to bed. "Come back to bed," she pouted adorably, knowing that he normally couldn't refuse her pouts.
Of course he couldn't say no to such a cute pout like her own. Not to mention with what she was wearing... Gah! What the fuck!? Sighing hard, Graham looked away for a moment, trying to calm himself down. It was a just a shirt, nothing to flip the fuck out over, but Graham couldn't help but hear the stupid, nagging voice in the back of his head saying it was more than just that. Why was this even getting to him ultimately? This shit never pissed him off before. It almost scared Graham that he was actually caring that much. Autumn did a great job of warming him up to her and that fire wasn't dying down any time soon.
Looking back to her, Graham closed the distance between the two and yanked the shirt out from her grasp, flinging it to a corner of the room. Fine, he wouldn't burn the piece of trash, but he didn't want her hugging it like a puppy dog. Within seconds he removed his own, revealing his pale torso in the barely illuminated room, and tossed the red t-shirt to her. "Keep it." He had plenty of other similar shirts that it wasn't going to be a major loss if he let that one go. It smelled strongly of him, like a mixture of musky incense and cloves. And with that, Graham plopped onto the bed next to Autumn, sighing again as he lied on his back with his face in his hands.
Autumn watched as the shirt was flung across the room and resisted the urge to go get it and fold it properly. Then he whipped off his own shirt and gave it to her. She eyed his beautiful torso before he flopped on the bed. Autumn brought his shirt up and smelled it, closing her eyes when it smelled of him. "Thank you," she whispered. She put it under her pillow so she could snuggle with it later. Autumn climbed onto her knees and straddled his hips as she tugged his hands off his face. She kept tugging his hands until he sat up so she could wrap her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. She nuzzled his face and kissed each of his cheeks.
He wasn't entirely expecting Autumn to pounce him after she was being quite defensive about Rigby's shirt, but she seemed to appreciate now having his instead, so maybe it was pounce-worthy. Graham smiled slightly as she kissed at his barely blushing cheeks, wrapping his arms around her waist loosely. "You're welcome." Bumping noses with her playfully, he stared into her eyes. "Thought you were too sore to be doing anything?"
"I am. But I want to," she pouted, her big brown eyes looking up at him. "Don't you?" She ran her hands up and down his bare chest warming her palms. Part of her wished she could stay mad at him because what he did was really shitty. But the part that seemed to be winning out was the part that constantly wanted him. Autumn leaned forward and kissed his collarbone and shoulder, trailing featherlight kisses over his skin.
Closing his eyes, Graham exhaled with a delighted tone as Autumn planted kisses against his warm body. Each one pushed away any angry emotions he was feeling a minute ago and focused entirely on her soft lips against him. He nuzzled into her forehead, his own lips brushing over her skin. "I just don't want to hurt you." Being gentle was something Graham did often, and when he tried to be, his version of gentle was never on par with whoever he was with. Last thing both of them needed was Autumn going straight back to the hospital.
"You won't, babe, you won't." Autumn slid off of his lap and laid down, pulling him down beside her. She snuggled into his chest as her fingers danced along his back and down his side. "We can just sleep if you'd rather." It was funny how her feelings had totally done a 180 - earlier in the evening, she didn't want him with her - now, she didn't want him to be anywhere else but holding her tight for the night.
"Sleep?" Graham raised an eyebrow to that comment, pulling her in closer to his body, making sure her leg rested over over his hip. A hand slid under her chin and forced the lovely woman to look him in the eye. He smiled to Autumn, shaking his head a bit before going on. "You should know me better than that, shit." And before she could get another word in, Graham leaned in to lock lips with her, slowly pulling away only to finish his thought with a smirk on his face. "I'm a light sleeper, after all."