Ransom Weiss (struckonce) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2009-11-27 09:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-06-23 |
Rough Night
Who: Ransom and Jessalyn
Where: The Weiss household, Ransom's room
When: Night
Ransom hadn't dared to go downstairs once he knew that Madock was coming over. First, he wasn't sure he could face the guy without throwing a punch, and he didn't want to make his little sister cry. Second, he was pretty sure he'd only make things worse. The reception of Charlotte into their family was still fresh on everyone's mind, and Ransom didn't want to encourage a comparison or contrast. He knew this was hard on Jessalyn. It was hard on everyone. As much as he tried to understand, he was just more and more confused the more he thought about it.
Laying on his bed, Ransom brought a cigarette to his lips, exhaling towards the window. His mother would be pissed as hell for him smoking in the house, but he was pretty sure he'd be last on her mind. If Locke wanted to complain, then let him. Ransom wasn't in a mood to deal with him. With the door cracked open, Ransom listened to the noises elsewhere in the house. From what he could hear, it didn't go so well downstairs, but at least Madock had made it out alive.
After Madock left, Jessalyn retreated upstairs as her parents were huddled together in the dining room and talking in low, heated voices. She didn't want to interrupt, or cause them more grief. All she wanted was to hide in her room for awhile and forget everything had happened.
Sighing, she walked past Ransom's door and saw it was cracked. And she smelled smoke, which meant he was inside, and probably had been listening. Stopping, Jessalyn pushed open the door slowly. She couldn't lecture him on smoking. Like she could lecture anyone on anything.
Ransom's eyes ticked towards the door as it opened a touch, then met Jessalyn's for a moment before he waved her in. "Could be worse," he said as he ashed his cigarette onto what might have been a soap dish. "Everyone's still alive, right? You still live here. Shouting was kept to a minimum." All in all, it went a lot better than he was sure it would go for his own daughter, should she ever bite someone on purpose. Maybe his mind would change when he actually had a daughter, or a son for that matter, but he wouldn't know until he got there and that was a long way off.
"They're mad," Jessalyn said, stepping inside and walking over to sit down on the edge of Ransom's bed. "I knew they would be. I don't think they wanted to yell that much at me with Madock here... so maybe I'll be getting another round of it once it really sinks in." She knew she'd done something wrong - to other's. Jessalyn didn't regret it, if it was what Madock wanted. "I'm sorry I disappointed everyone."
"It's not just that you disappointed us, Jess," Ransom said, swinging his feet around to sit up on the bed. "It's that you went against everything we've ever been taught. Picking Madock as your mate isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. It's your decision. Fuck being too young. We don't have to like him for the rest of our lives. But that fact that you bit him? That's the kind of thing that scares people." The cigarette hung forgotten from his fingertips, burning slowly. "Biting people's what creates the horror movie werewolves that give us a bad name. You knew that, and you still bit him. If Madock's got so much power over you that you'll turn your back on something that you've been told your whole life is wrong, what other crazy shit will you do cause he asks you to? You've gotta think for yourself, Jess. You fucked up big time and all you can say is you're sorry. What's that mean if you'd do it again tomorrow?"
She already felt bad, and now it felt like she was sinking into misery. She didn't want anyone mad at her. It was probably the worst feeling in the world, other than disappointment. "He doesn't have so much power over me," Jessalyn protested. "This wasn't like I went out in the middle of the night and bit someone who didn't want it. It was Madock's choice. I'm not infecting the masses, Ransom. I know what I did is going to be viewed as wrong, and I am sorry... I don't know what else I can say." If she knew, she would say it. But what she did couldn't be undone and while she was sorry that she hurt people, she didn't think it was the same as biting an unsuspecting victim.
"But that's just it," Ransom said, leaning over and putting out the cigarette. "He wanted you to do it, so you did. He's your mate, Jess, not your brain. Don't you see the problem with that?" It made him think back to the old saying, 'if a friend told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?' According to Jessalyn, she would, so long as it was Madock that was asking. "You're not sorry you did it. You're just sorry that it upset people. There's a big difference. I can't even tell how you feel about it, other than that you're sorry. Are you gonna let him make all the big decisions for you the rest of your life? Is this the kind of guy you're really happy with? I know you can't change it, but damn it if you won't speak up for yourself. Don't let him push you around!" He was getting worked up now, all the things he'd been thinking over the past few days coming out. She didn't want to hear it maybe, but Ransom didn't know how he could not tell her. It was driving him crazy that she seemed to want to bury the issue rather than deal with it.
Jessalyn pushed her hands through her hair for a moment, working on keeping her temper down. "I know how to think for myself! I made the choice to bite him just as much as he made the choice to ask me to. He doesn't push me around, and he doesn't force me into decisions. You don't even know him. I am happy with him, and yes, I'm sorry that it upset people. I'm sorry I disappointed mom and dad, and you, and anyone else. I can't be sorry that I did it," she said, lowering her voice to a whisper, even though she knew people would be able to hear anyway. "I'm willing to deal with whatever consequences occur, Ransom. I'm not trying to pretend this isn't a big deal, and that life should go on the way it has been... if you hate me, if mom and dad hate me, then I have to deal with that on my own. I just don't know what everyone expects of me now. I don't know what you want me to do or say. If you want to know how I feel about it, then I'll tell you. I have mixed emotions! Sometimes I feel extremely guilty and I hate myself for not thinking it through better. And other times, I'm okay with it, because it was his choice, and we're together."
"Why couldn't you be together with out it?" Ransom asked. "That's what I want to understand." He really didn't know how to feel about it, and that bothered him more than anything else. He'd been close to Jessalyn and now he felt a million miles away. He'd wanted the best for her, and now she was stuck with someone he didn't know that he liked. It wasn't his decision and he knew that, but he'd always thought that family and values mattered. He also thought it was important that both people in the relationship were on the same page. It scared him that Jessalyn and Madock didn't seem to be.
"We could," Jessalyn said with a small, exasperated sigh. "I guess he just felt like it wasn't fair to me to carry that kind of weight, being attached to him forever, while he had more freedom. He wanted us to be on equal standing. And honestly, I think... I mean, I know he had a lot on his mind when he asked me to do it, and I know I should have just said no until he could think more clearly... but I didn't. I'm not perfect." She glanced at Ransom with a small frown. "He's not either, and I know that. I don't think anything I say will make you understand, or accept it. But... I'm happy with him. And I know he's happy with me. I just wish you could at least see that."
"I want you to be happy," Ransom said. "It's just... hard to see it. I keep feeling like you rushed into world changing decisions and, even if they're not mine, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about them. It's got me all off kilter." It wasn't his choice. He just had to keep telling himself that. Thinking about how Madock had ruined his little sister wasn't going to help anything. It was only going to make it worse. "It scares me, Jess, that you'd jump in to something like that. I keep worrying that you're gonna tell me you're pregnant or some shit. I just want things to be back to normal."
She studied Ransom for a moment, her frown softening a touch. "I'm not going to get pregnant. I know everything feels rushed, but it feels right. At least to me. Even before I slept with Madock, I knew he was the one I wanted to mate with. I'm still me," she promised, clasping her hands together in her lap. "I'm sorry you're scared, and I'm sorry I'm the one who scared you... I just..." Jessalyn sighed. "I love him. And maybe that's a really bad excuse for everything that's happened, but I don't have another one."
Ransom sat quietly, rolling the dead cigarette between his fingers. The nicotine had done little to calm his nerves. He had to accept that this was just the way things were now. Madock was family, whether he liked it or not. He would rather accept Madock in than push Jessalyn out. "I'm sorry that I'm making this difficult for you," he finally said. "I feel like... if I'd been more aware, maybe I could have helped. Maybe you wouldn't have had to bite him. Just promise me you'll think before doing something stupid for him? I know you trust him, but... I just don't want to see you hurt."
"You're not making it difficult," Jessalyn said, watching him roll his cigarette between his fingers. "I did this to myself, and I understand why you feel the way you do." She didn't know what Ransom could have done to help with anything, and she wouldn't have ever asked him to help. It was her problem, and no one else's. "I promise I'll think more before making a big decision like that. But I also promise that I won't get hurt, Ransom. I know that's hard for you to see now, but I hope that one day you'll see that he makes me really happy."
He wanted to argue that she couldn't guarantee she wouldn't get hurt, because that wasn't entirely up to her, but he didn't see the point in it. If she believed that Madock could do no wrong, it was unlikely that Ransom could convince her otherwise. "Okay," he said weakly. "If you need anything, you'll tell me though, right?" There wasn't a lot he could offer, but he knew he'd try. The hardest part would be accepting Madock. That would take time.
"I will." She reached over to take his hand, hoping he wouldn't pull it away from her. "I know you don't think it's worth much right now, but I am sorry. I don't like upsetting you." She was probably closer to Ransom than any of her other siblings, and disappointing him was as hard on her as disappointing her parents.
Taking her hand, Ransom squeezed it gently and attempted to smile. "I really suck at staying mad at you," he said, looking over at her. Jessalyn might not be the brightest at times, but she was always genuine, at least in Ransom's eyes. Stupid as it all was, he could easily believe she didn't want to hurt anyone. It had probably been the last thing on her mind.
Jessalyn really didn't want to hurt anyone. If she could, she would do anything it took to make everyone happy, but that wasn't always possible. She gave him a small smile in return. "I'll try really hard not to let anything like this happen again," Jess told him before she leaned over to give him a quick kiss on his cheek. Standing up, she released his hand to finally retreat back to her bedroom, at least until her parents wanted to talk. "Thanks for at least listening to me."
Ransom smiled softly in return, then relaxed back onto the bed as she headed to the door. "Night, Jess," he said, before she headed off to her room. He knew she hadn't tried to hurt anyone on purpose. They just worried because they loved her. If they hadn't reacted at all, things might've been worse off from a different angle. Hopefully things would settle down soon enough. Ransom couldn't stay mad at the people he really cared about, not for long.