lullabyhaze (lullabyhaze) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2009-11-23 20:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-06-23 |
And You Cannot Hide Or Ever Escape
Who: Brogan and Vivienne
Where: U of M Hospital, Ennis' room
When: Tuesday June 23, 2009 afternoon
Loss. Brogan had counseled others through it, he had experienced it himself before but never quite like this. His grandfather had died when he was 10, he didn't even get to go to the funeral for that because he was in school and the funeral was back home in Ireland. He wasn't nearly as close to Pop-pop as he was to Vol though. He had lived through a nasty breakup and a brutal custody battle, but he made it through all of that largely with the help of his brother. Sure he had others around to help him through this, but the only one who had effectively helped him through much of anything was now the person who was dead.
It would never be over for Brogan. The feelings of regret. His brother didn't get a chance to see Brogan thrive on his own for very long at all. Brogan didn't get a chance to turn Vol's life around in turn. Now he was left with a frightened son and his brother's sort of girlfriend unable to accept that Vol was dead. Brogan only accepted it because he had no other choice. Logic was an awful slap in the face.
At least he had changed his clothes that day, but he hadn't bothered to shave or even comb his mess of hair. Vivienne was bound to freak at that, but he did a far better job than he wanted to. He had spent the rest of the morning tugging at his hair and debating on whether or not to cut it again until Ennis woke up. Ennis was usually his reason for waking up in the morning, working hard during the day, and staying up late into the evening to make sure that everything was running smoothly. Now he was too afraid of further screwing up his son's life that he couldn't even look at him without crying or getting so angry that he'd have to leave the room. It wasn't far to Ennis, it wasn't fair to anyone. But he didn't know how to stop it. The only time that it was okay was when Ennis was sleeping.
Ennis was taking his nap and Brogan sat there on the bed next to him just watching him. When Ennis was little, just a baby, Brogan used to watch him for hours. The world stopped making sense when Brogan found out that his ex was pregnant, but when he first held Ennis, he started to see the world in a different light. Sure he wasn't always there because he felt a lot then like what he was feeling now - that he would just screw up the kid's life more than he would help it. Seeing him sleep curled up in the hospital bed only made those feelings come back.