Linnea Selanne-Niemi (everflowing) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2015-02-20 12:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo, 2009-10-15, linnea |
it rains in heaven all day long
Who: Linnea and various NPCs
Where: Niemi household
When: Late morning
During the past few days there had been no fights. No blood. No arguments. No slamming of doors or stamping of feet. Everything had been peaceful and pleasant and now that it was over... Linnea did not know what to make of it. Some people may have used it as an opportunity to look at their life and the reasons behind why everything was not happy and pleasant... but not Linnea. No, she took it all, turned it over in her head and she came out of the other side with a simple decision that obviously needed to be made:
She could not longer be in a relationship with Bradley Krasner.
He was a good man, no one could deny that, and he treated her well. He was not possessive of her time. He had never raised his voice at her or made her feel like anything she had done was despicable. Most importantly of all, he had not once struck her or tried to take her blood. Linnea felt safe with him. She had thought that she loved him because of that - I do, I do love him - but then those few days had come and she had been happy and peaceful and where had Bradley been? Not once had her mind piped up with the idea that she should call the man and not once had he come by the house to see how she was doing. And it had not bothered her. It still did not bother her and perhaps that was the biggest problem of all. Her peace had come when she was alone. She had remembered him upon waking and a small part of her had missed his presence in the bed with her, but it had been a small part. The larger part had been a panic that Jokull may be near. Jokull's absence struck her stronger than Bradley's had and he was dead.
What good was it to be in a relationship with a man if you were plenty happy without him? Linnea had her children and she had Water. Everything that she had ever wanted, with Jokull gone from the picture. Yes, she had longed for someone else to be there, to love her, but now that she had it... Linnea did not think she could handle it. Her mind was forever thinking that something would happen and when it did not she was not relieved as she should have been; instead she was almost disappointed. And could that be surprising? When one had spent the majority of their life married to someone such as Jokull Niemi it could not be a surprise that that person could not handle anything approaching a normal relationship. Linnea had thought that it was what she had needed and she had been so, so wrong. She only felt the smallest flickers of guilt over what she was about to do; yet another sign that she should not have even done it in the first place. She only felt a little guilty.
'You never feel guilty, so that you feel it at all...'
"Don't start, Strike." Linnea cast a quick glance over at where her familiar was seated on his favorite heated rock. "We've discussed this."
'Not really. You told me what was going to happen and didn't give me the chance to have an input.'
"Do you really care?" The point became moot anyhow, as the doorbell rang. There was only one person meant to come by today so unless Leif was making another impromptu visit - which Linnea was completely unsure how she felt about, though she did desperately want to help him achieve more with his elementalism - it was Bradley. Linnea drew her hand out of the fountain it had been resting in and, without bothering to dry it off, walked to open the door. The smile that came to her face was the same one that she gave every person on the other side, no touch of extra warmth entering it. Linnea did not feel extra warmth at the sight of Bradley, and that hurt a little bit. Already he was no more special than anyone else who had arrived, despite the past few months. He was just... Kivi again. A friend and nothing more. Had he ever really been anything else or had she just tried to force it because of everything that had happened around that time? Jokull threatening to come back and her having him killed as consequence, Kajsa's accident, the strange occurrences around the house, Leif and Satu's stranger than normal behavior...
He most definitely deserved better than her when she had nothing to offer him and more, she did not think she wanted to even try.
"Hello, Kivi," she greeted.
"Linnea!" He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, moving to kiss her when she pulled away, but Linnea was quick enough to turn her head so that he only got her cheek. Bradley's face became confused. "Are you alright?"
"We need to talk... no, please just stay here, I'm going to make this quick." Truly she would have done it over the phone if she had not thought that that was just too rude. Like not offering someone who came into her home on a rainy day a cup of coffee when she had her own steaming on the nearby counter. But she did not offer Bradley one; that small a rudeness she could accept. Breaking up with someone by phone she could not.
"Okay..."
Linnea nodded, her face amazingly calm. One would think that she had already smoked the joint she had rolled that morning, but it was still waiting near the sink for her once this was over. No, the calm facade was equal parts practice from years of living under Jokull's thumb and her truly removed from the situation attitude. It was already done in her head and there was no reason to cry about it - where anyone could see. Her hand still stretched out to catch the water flowing to her from the fountain, relaxing at the soothing presence offered by her element. "I can't... be with you, Bradley. No, I don't want to go into over-detailed explanations or hear any pleads about you being better or here more. That's not what I need. I don't need you in that way. I thought I might, but I was wrong and I don't want to drag it out any longer than we already have." Maybe it was like a changing of the tides, Linnea did not know, all that she did know was that it was over.
"Linnea-"
"I said no, Bradley."
"Can't I just... have a reason?"
Linnea's eyes were growing damp and the water in her hand was growing colder, threatening to freeze. "I gave you as much of a one as I'm going to. Now please leave. You're just making this harder." Her accent was becoming stronger, surprising her. 'I told you this was going to bother you more than you thought it would.' Strike had somehow found his way to wind around her ankle without her seeing.
Bradley's expression was pleading, but he still turned back for the door. Before he closed it behind him - Linnea only just realized how wet he was and that of course he was, he never drove, he must have ridden that bike in the rain - he mumbled so quietly she almost could not hear, "I'll call you."
Linnea said nothing. She waited until the door was closed and then she waited a moment longer. And still she waited, standing there, waiting for what she did not know. 'You're crying.'
"I'm allowed to."
'Do you want to go sit in the pool?'
"No." A part of her wanted to go shouting after Bradley, but it was a small part.
'Okay... do you want to just stand here?'
"For a time."
'Okay.'
It could be a hard thing, to realize that you did not honestly believe you deserved a normal, loving relationship.