Jessalyn Weiss (_happygolucky_) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2009-07-30 18:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-06-10 |
Talking It Out
Who: Jessalyn and Madock
When: Late morning
Where: Camp ground
Jessalyn knew when Madock had returned. She could sense him nearby and when she came out of the tent after finally brushing her hair, she saw him talking to Claire. He looked okay, but she could tell something was wrong. It was just the way his eyes looked, and the way his heart was beating. His face was a bit flushed, and Jessalyn could see he was upset. Or had been. Frowning a touch, she waited for him to come to her, since she didn't want to rush up to him and interrupt the conversation with his sister. She figured he would tell her whatever was bothering him. At least she hoped so.
Madock walked over to her and gave her a little smile, reaching up to brush a hand through her hair and pushing one side back over her shoulder. "How's my girl?" he questioned. He didn't really want to upset her with everything that had happened with Claire, so he'd try and avoid it as long as possible.
"She's doing just fine," Jessalyn replied with a small smile before she took his hand and began to lead him away from the tents a bit. "But how are you? You're upset about something, I can tell." And she wasn't going to let him blow it off. If he had something on his mind, she wanted to know.
Madock sighed a little. "Me and Claire had an argument." he admitted. "I told her about what happened, because she told me about her and Gabe and just... it escalated. I got a lot more angry than I should have at her and I'm not too terribly happy with myself."
Jessalyn hadn't thought that Claire would be overly happy about it. It was a big decision, and like she and Madock had talked about earlier, people were going to think it was too fast. But there were other things to focus on at the moment. Like... "Claire and Gabe? Did they mate too?" How fun! She, her brother, and Gabe all on the same night. What a strange and fascinating coincidence. "Everyone has arguments, Madock. I'm sure it was just a stressful conversation for both of you."
He frowned. "Yeah, they did. It's not the fight that bothered me it's the fact that I let it get too far and... I just... I don't even want to think about it anymore." he sighed, brushing his hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have let my temper get that far." Madock muttered to himself. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever do something like that to Jessalyn, but he shook the thought away. He couldn't think like that. He'd never do that. He couldn't ever do that. But, that's what he'd thought about Claire and look what he'd done to her.
Gabe and Claire had mated! Wow! Jessalyn wanted to rush over and hug them both, just like she still wanted to hug Charlotte. It was such a monumental thing and they had all made that step at the same time. Although she had yet to tell Ransom. She was still reluctant and after Madock's admission that he and Claire fought... maybe it's best she keep it to herself for awhile. She reached out to take his hand, lifting it to her cheek to nuzzle it gently. "What happened? You can talk to me."
He sighed a little and looked at the ground. "I grabbed her..." he admitted, shame filling his voice at the words as they slipped free. "Her shirt I mean I... didn't hurt her, but I think I scared her and... I shouldn't have ever let it get anywhere near that point." Madock frowned.
Jessalyn frowned, watching his face as he spoke. She could tell her had genuine remorse for what he did, and she reached out to slip her arms around his waist and pull him close. "I'm sure Claire knew you didn't mean it. I'm sorry your argument got that heated. Does she disapprove that much?" Jessalyn was hoping to be friends with the girl - who was practically her sister now - and she didn't want Claire to dislike her. More than that, she didn't want Claire and Madock at odds.
"No... it's not that she disapproves she just... thinks it was fast and... I don't know..." he sighed, sliding his arms around her body and burying his face against her neck. "She's just worried about me and I overreacted and got all defensive... and I'm... just like him." Madock mumbled against her flesh.
"We knew that people would think that," Jessalyn pointed out. She knew Ransom would think so. And her parents. And she was prepared to deal with it. At least she hoped she was. Jessalyn slid her fingers down over his neck, massaging the skin there firmly. "Just like who?" She had a feeling she knew, but she felt like maybe it was best if he talked about it.
"Just like my dad." he muttered. "I picked the things that I knew would hurt her to say... grabbed her like..." Madock swallowed and held her tighter. "You know I'd never hurt you, right?" he whispered. God he hoped she knew that.
"I know you wouldn't. I wouldn't be with you if I thought you were, or could be, a bad person," Jessalyn said. She always wanted to believe the best in everyone. Although sometimes with her animal instincts, it was easier to tell the bad apples from the good ones. Certain people gave off certain vibes. And Madock's had never been anything but pure and intoxicating to her. "Did you two make up?" She was assuming they did, since they had been talking without much anger radiating off of them when they returned.
He nodded a little. "Yeah." he told her. "But I still feel like the most horrible person in the world. She's my sister, she trusts me and I... did that." Madock let out a sigh and held her tighter against him. "I don't think I've ever been so angry and I just... don't understand how I let myself get that mad." he explained.
"And she knows you didn't mean it," Jessalyn said, rubbing her cheek against his. "She's your sister, and it's obvious she loves you. I'm just sorry you two argued. You're not the most horrible person in the world, and you're not your dad. You're Madock. And I love you." She understood regret. It was especially hard when there was regret and guilt mixed together.
Madock nodded a little and tried to listen to what Jessalyn was saying, but the little voice in the back of his head kept telling him that she was wrong. The more he tried not to be like his father, the more he was like him. He pulled back a little to kiss her and then held onto her again. "I love you." he told her. "That's all that matters right? I mean... you don't think we made a mistake do you? You don't think you should have picked someone else, do you?"
Jessalyn shook her head fervently. "Of course I don't. If I wasn't sure I wanted it to be you, I wouldn't have done it. I don't think we made a mistake." She pulled back to pull at him, eyes wide with a bit of fear. "Do you? I mean, think it was a mistake...?" Maybe after talking to Claire, he had realized he shouldn't have done it. Or that they had moved too fast. She hoped not, but maybe that's why he got so angry.
"No. No, no, no." Madock said, absolutely positive that he hadn't made a mistake. "I don't think we made a mistake. No, I don't. I just... I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to regret it later. I don't want you to wish you hadn't done it because of me... because of... because of how I am." he explained, his eyes watering just slightly again. "I don't regret it, I don't regret you. I love you, you know that... Yeah, it was fast, but I don't care..."
"But I won't regret it." She didn't think she ever could. He was hers now, and she was always going to want him, no matter what happened between them. "I'm glad it happened because of you, and how and who you are. You're kind, and you're funny and you're sweet to me. You're not a bad person." She desperately wanted to say that enough that he would believe it.
He lifted his hands to her face, catching her cheeks with his palms and letting his eyes stay fixed on hers. "Then we don't have a problem." Madock told her. "We love each other and Claire's fine with it now... I mean... she can't change it, she knows that. It's... Everything is okay then." he told her, kissing her forehead. "Everything is perfect." He pulled her back to him again. "I'm sorry about all this..." he murmured.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Jessalyn relaxed a bit, relieved to hear Claire was okay with them. Or at least she was resigned to the fact that she couldn't change it. And Claire would know what it's like... if she had slept with Gabe. "I just don't want you to be upset." It made her itchy, like she needed to do whatever she could to make him feel better. "Do you want to go swimming or something? To take your mind off of things?"
Madock nodded a little. "Yeah... let's do that." he said, giving her one last little squeeze before releasing her again. He brushed his hand across her cheek and gave her a little smile. "I promise I'm not usually this big a wuss." he sighed.
She smiled, thankful to see him smiling a bit. "You're not a wuss at all. It's okay to have actual feelings and express them." Some boys didn't like to do that at all, unless the emotion was happiness. So many people held in their thoughts and feelings. Jessalyn was not one of those people. She leaned up to kiss him before sliding her hand into his. "Everything will be alright. Don't let it ruin your day, okay?"
"I won't." he told her. "Or at least I'll try not to. But you're doing a pretty good job of helping get my mind off of it." Madock smiled, giving her fingers a little squeeze. "And um... Claire's supposed to sneak some... protection... into the tent tonight. Safe. She wants me safe. And you too, obviously."
Jessalyn's eyes widened briefly before she started giggling behind her free hand, not wanting to laugh too loudly and draw attention to herself. "That's... very nice of her." She supposed it could be embarrassing, but it was more funny than anything. "I suppose we owe her a favor at some point then."
"Yeah... that part kinda slipped out because apparently I can't keep anything from her." he sighed, rolling his eyes a little. "But I guess that comes in handy sometimes." Madock admitted. "Least I know I don't have to wait til we go home..." he smiled.
"It's good that you're so close," Jessalyn said. "You should always have someone you can count on, no matter what happens." She felt that way with her family, and Ransom especially, although she knew she couldn't tell him everything. Well, she could, but he'd go lobster red with embarrassment if she did. She smiled and squeezed his hand gently. "You're right, we don't have to wait... and there will be no worries about anything happening." She felt like she wanted Madock all the time now. Not that she didn't before, but the urge to be with him was stronger now. Maybe it was the mating thing. In any case, she loved it.
He smiled a little crooked grin and nodded a little. "Exactly." Besides, he'd probably be able to last longer if he had a condom on. Yay condom-fairy Claire. He wanted to smirk at that thought, but he kept it to himself. Instead, Madock focused on leading Jessalyn out to the lake.