Rina (_breakmyself) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2014-09-24 17:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo, 2009-10-09, rina |
when the light starts to burn, when the pain returns
Who: Rina and Trouble (NPC)
Where: Darklis' home
When: Too early in the morning
It was not out of the ordinary for Rina to come out of an already restless sleep covered in sweat, heart racing, eyes darting around as she tried to find the source of her distress.
It was not out of the ordinary for Rina to be unable to find more than an hour's - if she was lucky - worth of sleep for several days in a row.
It was, however, very much out of the ordinary for the dreams that distressed her so to have nothing to do with her time spent in Germany. For the past week, Rina had not once dreamed of Varick or Kyler or Ravensbrück. She had not been haunted by the image of fresh blood coating her hands or hollow, unseeing brown eyes staring at stars they would never seen or painfully thin children wracked with coughs... she almost felt that it was a betrayal to all of them that she had not dreamed of them. Yes, Rina felt guilty that she was not dreaming of those terrible things, things that she had been told in no uncertain terms she needed to get over and let go before they destroyed her. But it truly felt like she was doing something wrong by... forgetting them? No, she could never forget, but it was not as vivid or fresh when she did not relive it every single time she slept.
'What's wrong?' Trouble stirred from where she had been sleeping near to Rina's head, tiny mouth opening in a yawn. 'You're upset... different-upset.'
Rina shrugged, bringing her knees up to her chest so she could wrap her arms around them, chin propped on her knee. "My dreams have changed."
'Good!' Trouble pranced on the bed then paused when she realized Rina was moving. '...right? That's good?'
"I don't know."
'Why?'
Rina did not want to tell the small creature that she felt guilty, knowing that she would not understand. But she also did not want to tell her what the dreams were about. She did not want to tell anyone what they were about. Before she had always known how to react to her nightmares because they were always, always, based on things that had actually happened. Now they had changed and she did not know why.
'Talk to me, Rina.' Silence. 'Talk to me or I'll go get Darklis and she'll find a way to make you talk to her!'
"No!" Rina reached out and scooped Trouble up before the little cat could move to jump off the bed. "No, don't... d-don't tell Darklis." Her hands trembled as she stroked Trouble's head. "Please."
Trouble did not try to get away, catching the stammer that came when Rina was upset. 'Okay... does it have to do with her?'
"Yes." Rina stared down at her hands. She took a deep breath and told her familiar what she had been dreaming about, though it took longer than it should have thanks to the occasional stutter that slipped in.
Rina had been dreaming that Darklis was in a terrible place she could not get to. She was running from something so awful that even she was afraid. Darklis, who Rina thought was the most collected person she had ever met, was terrified! In the dream Rina would have sworn that she could smell the fear rolling off of her. What was she running from? Rina had no idea for she never saw it. What she did see were the marks it had left: teeth marks on her neck, what could only be wounds from a shotgun wound in her shoulder, an ankle that had been snapped and caused her to run awkwardly... only those wounds changed from dream to dream. Once, Rina had not known how her vampire cousin was even standing there were that many bleeding wounds covering her body. And she always screamed out for Rina, using the words that were meant to bring her rushing to her side no matter where she was because she needed her. Darklis needed her... and Rina could never get to her. There was a solid wall separating them and no matter how she beat at it, she could not get through. She had to watch her cousin, her ward, die. And in some ways it was more painful than any other nightmare she had ever had, because at least those had already happened. At least she had lived through the actual pain and anything she felt was just an echo, a less-painful reminder of what had once happened... now? She had no idea how to deal with it.
'Maybe talk to Darklis about it,' Trouble suggested awhile after Rina had finished. 'I mean, with all that's happened lately... it's not surprising you're dreaming like that. She was in trouble and you couldn't help her. It's your whole purpose to help people who are, well, yours and you couldn't... I'd probably be having nightmares too!'
Rina managed a faint smile. "Cats dream?"
Trouble began to groom herself with a distinctly superior air. 'Probably better than angels! But really... talk to Darklis?'
The angel gave a noncommittal shrug. "Maybe." It would be strange to talk of her problems with one of her wards, even if she had done it before. Cousin or no, Rina was supposed to be the one looking after Darklis... not letting her go off and get in trouble she could not save her from or heaping on her the concern that something else would happen to her.
For her part, Trouble had no intention of leaving her angel alone until she talked to Darklis about it. Even if she had to find a way to work the locks so that she could shut the both of them in a room until Rina spilled what was bothering her.