Elaine Hierra (notofafeather) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2012-08-28 21:09:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #flashback, #solo |
feeling wounded and infected, well
Who: Elaine, mentions of others
Where: Mt. Pleasant, Michigan
When: 1997/2005
When someone had never been hurt past minor little scratches or bruises, things that could be brushed away or made better with a kiss and a silly sticker, it became easy for them to think that they never would be. Should they go flying off the bed of a truck they were not supposed to be riding in the back of then strong arms would be waiting to catch and cradle them. When they fell off the make-believe bridge that would lead into that magical world of Narnia or Terabithia and would have been swept away by the river those same arms were there to catch and pull back onto the shore. No matter what the danger was those gentle arms were always there and with them came the soothing voice that said everything was okay and no, no of course she was not angry. The point was that she was always there and as long as she was there nothing bad could ever happen. The only way that people could hurt were with their words and even then those arms would come to cradle and promise that no, there was nothing wrong, it was really okay. For many children those arms belonged to their mother or father, maybe a particularly protective older sibling. Their parent had an almost supernatural sixth sense that just let them know their child was about to grab the hot pan or fall while running with the scissors. Because that was what parents did.
For Elaine Cunningham, that person was neither of her parents. Her mother would kiss her scraped knees and give her a cold cloth when she was sick, yes, but she did not know when Elaine was about to hurt herself. And her so-called father... Elaine may have only been ten-years-old, but she knew Martin paid little attention to what she did. If she wanted him to do more than look at her and clear his throat awkwardly before patting her on the head for 'doing a good job' even if she had been doing nothing then she had to have some sort of a shouting fit. A tiny, never spoken of part of her thought that Martin would stand by and watch if she was about to get run over because she was not really his kid and everyone knew it. And her older siblings? Marty and Vicki would rather push her off the roof while Bria and Sam were just usually busy. No, no one in Elaine's family was there to keep her safe and someone like her who was lacking a general sense of fear really needed one of them. So it was perfect, really, that she had Natalisa.
Natalisa was the most important person in Elaine's life and for as long as she could remember, she always had been. Who had been there for the first full moon she actually remembered? Natalisa. Who was the one who had taught her how to fly in absence of the were parent who should have done it? Natalisa. Who was the one that dried her tears and assured her that there was nothing wrong with her not matter how hurtful Vicki's words about her 'just being a bastard' were? Natalisa. It was always Natalisa. Even before she could remember the blonde she had been important; saving her when Martin flung her out a window her very first full moon because the baby bird in the crib had frightened him, keeping her from crawling in front of a car, and even her little toddler self had known the blonde was special - her first word had been 'Tali' as Bria liked to share where their mom could hear when they were arguing about something. Growing up was not making Natalisa any less important and she would never be able to think of her as just her baby-sitter. No, Natalisa was her best friend and Elaine was fine with telling everyone that. Her mom thought she was kidding, but it was true.
A few days ago they had had the best day. Well, it had tried to be the best day, but Elaine always had trouble really enjoying herself when she had to spend time with Marty and Vicki. But it had been Natalisa wanting to take them out for a 'special day' and there was no way Elaine could say no to a day out. Vicki was usually a little better when Natalisa was around too, knowing that the blonde woman did not approve of her saying anything mean to her. That was what had made the day bearable, and then it had gotten even better when Natalisa had taken her aside. From what Elaine had seen - and she had seen everything because she had stuck to Natalisa like she was a little burr caught in her sock - she was the only one who had gotten the special talk. And she had loved that talk; Natalisa had told her that she was special and needed to look after herself. Because she was going away for awhile. Elaine had laughed it off and she still thought it was kind of funny. Natalisa always said good-bye and she always came back. Sometimes it took Elaine falling off a bridge or nearly losing control when she was racing her bike down her favorite huge hill at Deerfield, but she always came back when she was needed.
Elaine was convinced of that fact as she stood staring up at the biggest tree in the park, small hands on her hips as she thought about getting all the way to the top. If she was sure that there were no other people around she could have flown up, but she was not, and she had promised her mom and Natalisa both - a pinky promise! - that she would never shift where people might see. That would be dangerous and none of them wanted her to end up in a lab for scientists to poke and prod at with needles. So she just kicked her shoes off and stuck her socks inside them before she jumped to catch the lowest hanging branch and pull herself up after. As a were-merlin she naturally lacked a sense of fear, but her human side would have normally lent her the slightest bit of it. Only... any fear of falling or getting hurt that she may have had had been long suppressed by the voice that told her Natalisa would be right there to catch her. So when she hoisted herself up on a branch that gave way before she could settle her other hand or even her feet as she pulled herself up, she did not even scream. Elaine actually giggled as she fell down through the branches. Any second now, there were going to be the arms and that familiar, warm scent and she was going to -
A scream of pain tore its way out of Elaine's throat when she struck the ground hard on her right arm, several loud snaps sounding almost like whispers next to the young were's declarations of protest. No, not protest, she was not screaming 'no' she was screaming, "Tali! TALI!" Where was Natalisa? Natalisa was always there when she fell. Elaine was one of the most reckless children possibly in the world or ever, but she did not know what it was like to actually hit the ground. Natalisa was always there to catch her or at least cushion her fall. But... but... there was no Natalisa. Elaine whimpered as she sat up, cradling her arm and looking around through tear-filled eyes and finding the nearby woods despairingly empty. "Tali?" she whispered it this time as she stood, more sobs forcing their way out as her arm ached in protest. This was what it felt like to get hurt? Elaine was fast discovering that she did not at all like it. It hurt a lot and even though most of the pain was in her arm it made it hard to walk. Shifting would do no good - it would help her heal faster, Natalisa had said so - since she had promised she never would where people could see... which meant she had to walk.
It was like torture. For another kid her age it would have been bad, yes, but they had probably been hurt before and knew what to expect. Elaine really had never gotten anything worse than a scrape or bruise thanks to Natalisa always being there. Except... Natalisa was not there. By the time Elaine got home she was more of a mess than she had been before. She could not stop crying and that included on the entire ride to the hospital. It was not even the pain anymore, it was the fact that she had gotten hurt. Elaine refused to talk to anyone until after her arm had been set and everything had settled. Then she turned her head to the side of her bed that Bria was sitting on. "Bria?"
"What's up, Laney?"
Elaine bit her lip and reached out with her good hand to grab her big sister's. Sure she had two of those, but she only really felt like she had one. She never would have told Vicki what she said next. "Natalisa didn't come for me."
"Maybe she's busy."
Elaine shook her head. "No, she always comes. She'd never let me get hurt like this." Her eyes were welling up again. "I'm scared, Bria."
Now that got her sister's attention and she looked at her with wide eyes. "What did you say?" Elaine had never said that she was afraid of anything. Except cats, but those were a special case because one had tried to kill her when she was a bird. "Elaine?"
The young were nodded, unable to speak past the sudden lump in her throat. She was terrified. There had never been a reason to be afraid of anything bad happening to her before, she had never once thought that she could get seriously hurt no matter what happened, but now... What if Natalisa never came back? Was this what she had meant when she said to be careful? She has to come back. Closing her eyes, Elaine pressed the back of her head against her pillow and did what her mom always said to do if she ever got scared or worried. God? If you bring Tali back then I promise I'll be good and I won't ever even so much as pull Vicki's hair. Not even if she burns my shoes. I promise! Just please, please give me back Tali.
At first she prayed that every day, twice if she got hurt, but after a few years it faded off to a couple of times a week... then a month... then a year... and eventually, when she was around sixteen, Elaine prayed just once on her birthday for the blue-eyed blonde who had taught her how to fly and saved her countless times. And the year she turned seventeen she did not pray even once. Because Natalisa had left for longer than 'just a little while' and even Tanner came around more often.
But she never stopped missing her. And when she was getting ready to move to Ann Arbor for college and came across a framed picture that had somehow ended up under her bed she stopped and sat down, running her finger over the small faces. That was her when she was ten and she remembered the setting perfectly: it was her tenth birthday part and that woman who was swinging her around in a circle, both of them beaming for the camera, was Natalisa. Tucked under the edge was a slightly faded and frayed bracelet. One of those ones that had been a big deal when she was a kid, only this was more complicated than the ones she could have made and she remembered. Natalisa had given it to her at that same party. The were had stared at that picture, rolling the bracelet between her fingers, for a long time before she had finally tucked both of them into her backpack.
They had both sat right on her nightstand ever since.