Linnea Selanne-Niemi (everflowing) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2012-05-23 03:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | #flashback, dagmar, linnea |
Get a grip and you might reverse the flow
Who: Dagmar and Linnea
Where: Detroit
When: 1996
Note: Phrases in /"this manner"/ are spoken Finnish.
Dagmar was in trouble again. Linnea had been seated at home attempting to fix a rip in a pair of Kajsa's jeans - not because she had to since there were people to do that for her, but because she wanted something to do with her hands - when the phone had rang. At first she had suspected that it would be something to do with Leif again. He never exactly got in trouble since they could never prove he had done everything, but a lot of people seemed to suspect that certain things were his fault. Linnea refused to believe that despite knowing first-hand that the boy was receiving tutelage from his father in blood magic, but if the school was calling then it was most likely something to do with him. Only this time she had been surprised to learn that the problem was apparently Dagmar. She had slipped into shoes that matched one of the colors on her skirt, picked up her purse and headed down to the school with strict orders to the nanny about how to care for Valterri when he woke up. The woman had been with her since she had Leif, but Linnea was still not sure how much she trusted her, she spoke with Jokull too kindly.
"Hello Mrs. Niemi," the voice stirred Linnea out of her thoughts, a deep haze of them that had settled as she drove to the school and walked in the office. That was the same secretary who had greeted her the first time she had needed to come in because Leif was suspected of mischief. One would think that Linnea would be able to remember her name without glancing at the wooden plaque on the desk, but she could not. "They're waiting for you inside, you can go right ahead."
"Thank you," Linnea said politely, her words only a little stilted. She had been in the states for well over a decade now, but her English was not as good as it should be. She would blame that on being unable to find a proper tutor. Jokull would blame it on her inadequacy. Stepping into the office that she was more familiar with than she cared to be, though she had never needed to be called in for Kajsa, Linnea's eyes immediately went to the form of her daughter. A sulking Dagmar was completely normal. The abnormal part was that her hair was damp. Like Linnea, her daughter was never anything but delighted when touched by their element. "Hello Principal Morris."
It wasn't Dagmar's fault, something that she'd shouted at her teacher no less than five times when it happened. If they'd just left her alone then she wouldn't have done anything. She'd have been content playing in the large puddle left by last night's rain, alone. But Alison and Kristy didn't like it when they weren't being paid attention to and one of them had asked her to play with them. She'd said no. Dagmar didn't like the girls or how they dressed; their clothes were hideous. Hers may have been wet right now, but they still looked a hundred times better. Especially since theirs were wet, muddy and torn now. You'd think they've never been scratched or cut before, Dagmar thought as she sat in the chair, eyes fixed firmly on the floor while she swung her legs and waited for her mother to get here. Dagmar couldn't imagine a world where she didn't know what it was like to be cut. Didn't think it was fair that other girls got it. So she'd changed it with her pencil. It'd taken a lot of pressing, screaming and hair-pulling but it's worked and Allison had needed to go home while Dagmar... was getting into trouble. She didn't even look up when she hear her mom come in. And when the principal started to talk she kept her eyes down. She was going to get in trouble for this one. There wasn't a chance in the world that she wouldn't when people had actually seen her do it.
Linnea did not press her fingers against her forehead, though for a moment she truly wanted to. Instead she requested a glass of water and when it arrived, she made do with holding it and flashing it between frozen and not so quickly that the others in the room would not notice. It was better to do that then let them see a hint of how much it bothered her to hear that Dagmar had attacked another girl. And that was the right word, attacked. With a pencil! "Is what they're saying true, Dagmar?" Linnea asked at last, speaking to her daughter and not the Principal. Truly, there was no love lost between her and the man and it stemmed from how she never saw him for anything pleasant. He had negativity attached to him and he might as well have worn it for a suit.
"I just told you what was reported by the-"
Linnea's hand came up, but she kept her eyes on her daughter. "I asked Dagmar. She'll tell me the truth."
Dagmar wanted to curl in on herself when she noticed that Linnea had a glass of water. She may have just been a kid, but she still knew what it took to calm her mother down when she'd been upset. I upset her with what I did. It was that, more than anything that might've happened because of it, that made Dagmar's eyes start to well up. "They don't know how to leave me alone," Dagmar told her clasped hands, unable to actually look at Linnea. "I've told them I don't wanna play. I was playing with the water and they wouldn't just go away." Now she looked up and her language changed. /"They've never been bled and it's not fair either. Why shouldn't they? They should. So I made her."/
Should anyone have known the truth of what went on in the Niemi home then they would no doubt have wanted the children as far away from it as possible. Or at least the girls since Leif never seemed to suffer so much as he gave in and enjoyed what his father taught him. Leif was Jokull's son more than he had ever been hers, but she would be damned if she let him have any of the others. It had been easier with Kajsa than it was proving to be with Dagmar. The younger girl had tendencies and they shower sometimes. Oh they showed. /"Dagmar, you cannot go around hurting people. Stabbing pencils into their arms is very, very wrong and I want you to never do it again./" She would never acknowledge what happened at home even if they had been alone. Saying it out-loud would be... Linnea could not. That would mean admitting that she knew that Jokull took Dagmar's blood and that there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it. She knew what would happen if she tried and it was not so simple as a divorce and being sent home; it would mean dying. And if she died then the children would all be left alone with Jokull. At least with her there he was more likely to take her blood than Dagmar's. With her gone? Linnea did not wish to think of what the world might be like for her children with her gone. "/Tell the principal that you won't do it again and that you're very, very sorry. That you'll apologize to the girls./"
There was a world of difference in being told she couldn't do something by an authority figure and then by her mother. Her mother didn't even have to raise her voice, all she needed to do was express that she hoped Dagmar would do this and the girl would try her best. She wanted her to be happy with her. Dagmar didn't want for her mom to have to say things about her to anyone because she wasn't behaving or worse, so much worse, she didn't want her to give her that terribly disappointed look that she did whenever Dagmar did something she knew she shouldn't. It was just hard not to! Hurting other people seemed as natural as taking a swim did. Father would've encouraged it. Dagmar knew that if Jokull was there he'd have encouraged her to do it again instead of apologizing. Her parents were very, very different people and she'd known that for as long as she could remember. "/Yes mother./" Dagmar fiddled with her fingers for a moment longer before she looked up to the principal, who looked a little off-put that he'd been in a room with people speaking a language he didn't understand. Wasn't her fault he was too stupid to learn Finnish. It was his fault that he was there in the room with her when she'd nearly cried. Dagmar didn't like people seeing her cry and she wouldn't forget he'd been there. It's his fault. That was decided in her mind. It was his fault because he'd brought Linnea. "I'm sorry." That mom found out. "I'll apologize to Alison and Kristy." Then I'll find a way to ruin their shoes. Because they were really, really proud of them since they were all new and shiny and based off that 101 Dalmatians movie.
The principal nodded and shuffled some papers on his desk. "That'll be very good, Dagmar. But Mrs. Niemi, we can't have incidents like this continuing to occur or the other parents are going to become very uncomfortable. Stabbing others with a pencil isn't exactly typical behavior." I don't want to be typical, Dagmar thought sullenly, her look changing from upset to a frown that always made her teacher look away. "I think that you should keep Dagmar at home for the next few days while everyone has a chance to calm down and forget what happened."
Glad that Dagmar was going to at least pretend to be remorseful for what she had done, Linnea reached out to stroke her hair reassuringly. It always seemed to be that much harder for her, and Leif, to apologize and actually mean it. If someone asked Linnea whether or not she thought her daughter truly meant the apology she just gave then Linnea would have to admit that no, she did not. She believed that Dagmar gave the apology for her sake and not those of anyone else involved. It would probably be as hard as pulling teeth to get the girl to mean an apology of her own free will. "I understand of course." But Linnea's words were chilled and any friendliness that may have been in the smile she gave the man behind the desk had vanished. "But several days is too many. One will be enough. I will keep her home tomorrow but on Friday she will come back. They are only children." With habits that would hopefully be grown out of very soon. Though when she looked at Leif and Jokull... Linnea just hoped that Jokull would never want to teach Dagmar magic. That had seemed to be the turning point with Leif. Jokull just had to stay concentrated on him if he needed to concentrate anywhere and leave the others alone. Truth be told; Linnea would have preferred he leave them all alone. Removing her hand from Dagmar's hair, Linnea stood and motioned for her daughter to do the same. "Was there anything else you needed to say? If not then I would like to get home." As evidenced by the way she was speaking, the slight mellow she was still carrying from that morning was fading and she needed it back before Jokull got home.
"One day then. I'll make sure the two girls talk with the counselor and... Dagmar as well when she returns?"
Good, it was a question, he was catching on. "She can do that. Come along, Dagmar."
Dagmar would've been fine with being kept out of school for a few days, but it seemed that her mother wasn't. And if Linnea didn't want something to happen then -- usually -- Dagmar would go along with it because she all-but idolized her. Linnea never hurt her and was always there to help her, spend time with her, teach her about water... yes Dagmar had a favorite parent and it was her mother. Nodding she slipped out of her seat and reached up to slide her small hand into Linnea's, wanting that bit of contact. It'd be nice to have when they walked out just in case there were any kids in the hall who'd heard about what happened. Dagmar didn't really have that many friends to start with and this was sure to make that even worse. Fine, I don't care, they don't even matter. None of them spoke Finnish and none of them were water elementals either. That took away the two best things in the world so what was even left? Regular Americans. She waited until they were out of the office to look back up at Linnea. "Are you mad at me?"
Squeezing the small hand in her own, Linnea opened the door and led Dagmar towards the exit. Okay, so by taking her out of school now she was really going to be missing a day and a half, but she could live with that. She would not expect her to go back to class after talking with the principal and being told she was not allowed at school tomorrow. Linnea could not imagine what that was like simply because it had never happened to her when she was in school. The most trouble she had ever gotten into had been at home because of her brothers and their near constant teasing about this or that. /"No sweetheart,"/ Linnea assured Dagmar, giving her a gentle smile. /"I'm not mad at you. I do wish that you wouldn't do these things, though, it makes me sad."/ And it did. Every time Dagmar did something that involved hurting another person, no matter who it was, Linnea was reminded of Leif and his little curses or Jokull and his not-so-little anything. She could have filled a book with the nightmares that she had about Jokull decided that he wanted to take Kajsa, Dagmar or little Valterri away from her as he had done with Leif. Nothing in the world could be worse than that. /"I would like to ask you to never do these things again."/ Linnea had stopped at the passenger door after opening it, looking down at Dagmar. /"It hurts me when you do. You don't want to hurt me, do you?"/ Perhaps that was a little manipulative, but Linnea did not think it so wrong when one thought of the reason why she was doing it. That and it should just be expected of her after being married to Jokull for so long.
Dagmar was very used to her mother switching back to Finnish whenever it wasn't necessary for her to speak in English. Sometimes she thought that she spoke the language better and she was just a little girl. Once she'd asked why Linnea had more problems with English and that was when she'd learned that her mother wasn't from this country and had only been speaking the language since she married. Tears did spring back to her eyes when Linnea said that it hurt her when Dagmar acted like this. "I..." Dagmar wasn't sorry that she'd hurt anyone except her mother. If Linnea hadn't said that then she wouldn't have been at all bothered by what happened. Well, maybe a little later, but she'd forget about it because it wasn't important. Except it hurt her mother and that made it very important as well as a bad thing. She shouldn't hurt people when her mother could find out because it'd hurt her. Little Dagmar wasn't so worried about what the other people might go through as she was what it'd do to her mother and the way she looked at her. "I'll do my best. For you." She hopped up into the car and balanced herself out so that she could kiss Linnea on the cheek, giving her best smile despite the tears that were still trying to fall because she'd hurt her mother. "I love you, äiti."
Linnea would not let herself think that Dagmar would only promise to behave because of her, or that she would do things and hide them from her. Even if she was given proof that it happened she would not believe it until she saw it with her own eyes. Or if Dagmar admitted to doing it. Then she would believe. But for right now she would rather let what had happened already today be swept away by an ever-present current that existed for exactly those reasons. Smiling again she kissed Dagmar on the forehead. /"That's my girl. Now let's go home and I'll make you something nice for a snack before the others get home. Maybe we can even go for a swim."/ And just like that, the matter was dealt with in her mind and there was no need at all for Jokull to know what had happened. It would only make him think that perhaps he had more right to their daughter than Linnea did.