No light, no light in your bright blue eyes Who: Liliya and Jennifer (NPC) Where: Her bathroom --> the garden When: Very late at night
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Shift her fingers and the floss wound around two of them and repeat the count. Over and over and over again as Liliya stood in front of her mirror and worked at cleaning her teeth. Once she was out of spaces she tossed the frayed thread-like piece of green floss into the small wastebasket and reached for her toothpaste. Her fingers were shaking as she smoothed it on and brought it up to brush. Was she tasting blood? No, that was just her imagination at work, she had not flossed that hard. Nor was she brushing so hard that her gums were starting to ache and when she finally spat the toothpaste into the sink she was not seeing foamy bits of pink and red. It was her imagination, that was all, and she had already tossed the mouthwash in when she twisted the smooth metal handle so that the water washed away any and all evidence. Her mouth was still burning in a multitude of tiny places where the floss had cut in or the bristles on her toothbrush at scratched away at the gums. Just because she was a vampire now did not mean that her mouth was resistant to all forms of abuse.
When her mouth was clean and the sink was rinsed, Liliya stood there for a moment, fingers curled around the edge of the counter while she tried to remember what came next. Floss, brush, rinse... what was next? Check my phone. Her hand was reaching for it before she remembered that it was not there. It was lying in pieces scattered over her bedroom floor. Had... no, no she was not going to think about the conversation that she had been having when she had simply crushed the thing into bits of plastic, glass and electronic wires. Jennifer. Her sister, that was right, she had called Jennifer to ask her... what had she asked for? What had she said? Liliya wanted to remember for all of thirty seconds before she started to and then she desperately wished that she could press it away and keep it gone.
But looking in the mirror made that impossible. Oh, her teeth were perfectly clean and gleaming white, but her cheeks were covered in dry bits of blood and her eyes were literally rimmed with red. The shirt that she had been wearing all day was a mess. Ruined. It had been good silk too, a beautiful shade of silver... Liliya shook her head and went to turn with every intention of stalking off to her room, but instead she tipped over onto the floor. Her elbow banged the corner of the sink and she had to bite her lip to keep from shouting at the pain that shot up, to say nothing of what it felt like to have her 'stump' hit the tiled floor. Yet again she had forgotten that there was a reason there were crutches leaning up against the wall and had just decided that she was going to act like there was nothing wrong with her when really? There was. There were so many things wrong and she had no idea which of them was really the worst. Maureen would have snorted and told her that obviously the worst thing was that no one had any idea of who had actually been responsible for the bridge despite the time that had passed with multiple groups looking; and no her fully justified suspicion of "The Calverts and their ilk" was not good enough. The other Cyri in town may have said something about how her leg was her biggest problem because it affected the way she appeared to others; though possibly it gave her an elevated status because they would see how the vampires suffered too.
Via would - "No!" That time Liliya did cry out, silencing her own thoughts as she shoved herself up, balancing precariously on one leg for a moment before she grabbed the crutches. She was not thinking about Via. She was deliberately avoiding any and all thoughts of the black-haired Cyri with her amazingly blue eyes and the laugh that had made Liliya want to laugh too.
Using the crutches a little too easily - she did not want to become any sort of good with them even if she would need them for awhile longer yet - Liliya made her way back into her bedroom. Only the sight of her bed made her throat tighten again and instead she slid open the door that led to the backyard and went out there. The humidity may have made her clothes want to stick to her, but she was not bothered by the heat like other people. There were quite a few advantages to being one of the undead and this may well be her favorite. Even the worst Michigan summers would never touch her. Being outside did present the challenge of using her crutches on grass, the things seemed to want to sink in and stick instead of making it easier to move, so it took her a few minutes longer than usual to make her way into the sanctuary that was her garden. Except right then there were too many places that held memories she did not want. They had been such pleasant memories only a day ago, too. How could things change so fast?
Liliya knew the answer to that question. The biggest change of her life had been completed in less than a day, leaving her cold with fangs and a thirst for blood instead of espresso. "Did you know that you're prettier in the moonlight?" Bright beams of pale light were filtering down through the leafs and it had been right there that Liliya had said that. Because the bench they had sat on after was only just there. And Liliya was sitting on it now, tired of the way her crutches wobbled and refusing no matter what memories were attached to anything to sit on the ground. Had it really only been two months ago that all of that had started? A new Cyri had come to Scarlet Oak, among others who had made their way for a variety of reasons, and Liliya had promised Maureen that she would show her around and make sure that she felt comfortable and at ease with her. Liliya had done more than that. She had fulfilled the duty her sire had given her and then she had gone above and beyond. She had given Via access into her garden, her home, her office, her everything. She had actually thought that she was in love with her, that the feeling was returned.
Why? she asked herself, ignoring the red haze that was forming at the corners of her vision. Why believe that? Because she said it? Ha! It could not have been true. No matter what it had felt like, no matter how sincere she had sounded and looked and behaved it simply could not have been true. If it was then she would not have returned home to Via waiting. Only she was not waiting for the reasons Liliya thought. She had been there to say -
"Liya?"
Goddamnit. Had she had both of her legs then Liliya could have been back in the house and in her bed before the caller found her, but as it was she knew she would not even make it halfway across the lawn. Whether it was that or the fact that she had not heard anyone coming bothered her more was up for debate. "You didn't need to come, Jenny." Her voice was amazingly quiet and she wondered if her sister would even hear it.
Apparently she did because a few seconds later she appeared in front of her, a worried look on her face when she saw the red on her face and in her eyes. Of course she was worried. Liliya would have reasoned that it only made sense for her to be if she had been thinking a little more clearly. She had been crying on the phone with her and even when Liliya had been a human she had hardly ever done that around anyone. Not even her sister. "Well yeah I kinda did," Jenny corrected, one hand on her hip while the other motioned in the air as she spoke. "You woke me up in the middle of the night practically in hysterics, talking no sense at all before you probably destroy your cell and I'm supposed to, what? Stay in my bed? Not freak out when you don't answer the house phone and of course, that husband of yours doesn't either since he's deaf and probably asleep like a sensible being. You know me so much better than that, come on, give me some credit here."
"I guess I wasn't thinking clearly."
"That's the worrisome part since you pretty much always are." Jennifer took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before she reopened them. The irritation was gone from her face, but the concern was still there. "What happened, Liya? You look god awful."
Liliya could not help it, she laughed at how bluntly Jennifer said it, and then she kept laughing until the laughter turned to sobs and those she could not stop. Before she realized what was happening her sister had sat on the bench, arms wrapped around her shoulders while she pulled her in. Jennifer even stroked her fingers through her hair while she made shushing noises, saying that it was all going to be okay.
"No it's not," Liliya got out, needing to gasp because all the air she was pulling in was being used to cry. "It's not okay at all." It was like when Elise had broken up with her all over again, only it was worse because Via was never supposed to do that. Liliya had told her that she would find a way to make it all work, she had even said that she would try to - it's not good enough. Nothing, not even dying or realizing the fullness of what she had done when she had let Maureen turn her, compared to the tearing feeling that was only getting worse as she sat there and cried it out. Liliya had sworn to herself that she would never get caught up in the whirl of anything. She was too practical, too dedicated to her work and too busy to allow anything to matter enough to hurt her this bad. But Via Cohen had come along and ruined all of that. Liliya had told her - she had told her! - that if she was going to leave or any of that then to warn her, so that she would not attach. But she had laughed like that and kissed her and said not to worry at all, and Liliya had believed her because she wanted to. She had come to view the other Cyri as hers and Liliya... Liliya did absolutely terrible with having the things that were hers just torn away. "I didn't even do anything wrong."
Hands were cupping her face now and Liliya felt herself lifted and turned so that she was looking at her sister, who was doing an amazingly good job of not looking completely freaked out to have been wept on by a vampire. "Is this about your leg?"
Liliya shook her head in denial. She had had her temper tantrum over what had happened to her at the bridge not long after she had been released from the hospital. "No." Via had been with her then. She had come to the hospital and held her hand. When no one had been watching she had even kissed her and soothed away her worries, promising that it would all be alright. Had she been planning her departure from Scarlet Oak even then? When they had marched at the bridge... Elizaveta had been there then, she had assured her that of course Via was alright. And oh she was. Liliya had been the worst injured of the Cyri that she knew of and she remembered being grateful that Via had been alright. Now she half-wished that something had happened to put the other vampire in the hospital for a long stretch of time, because at least then she would not have been able to leave.
"Liliya!"
"What?" Her voice was actually irritated, completely unaware of the fact that Jennifer had been talking to her and she had just not heard her. How long had it been since her mind had been so elsewhere that she had not heard someone talking to her? Years. Unless she had been doing it deliberately, but of course that was different.
"You're not answering me."
"So ask the question again, Jennifer, don't shout at me."
"At least you're there enough to sound like a bitch. Then what is it? You're not just crying like that because you stubbed your toe. What happened?"
Ha! Like she could tell Jennifer. Like she could tell anyone. Liliya had not actually told anyone about Via; Maureen had just guessed after sneaking looks at her phone. Naoki was too blind - amusing since he was already death - to see what was in front of him and it was not like she did more with Via in public than she would have with any of the other Cyri. She would go to a play with Elizaveta if she thought it a good idea. Even with Eric if she was forced or reminded that it was a bad idea to show anything but unity within the family. What would she even say? 'My lover left me to go back to New York.' Right. That would sound wonderful. "I don't... know..."
"Yeah I believe that. Liliya, I drove all the way out here because you freaked me the hell out and I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. Last thing I need to do is get home and have someone call to tell me that you cried yourself to death. Can vampires do that? I mean, you're crying out your lifesource so it's almost like bleeding out, isn't it? Don't laugh at me if I'm wrong. And I'll just keep talking if you don't tell me. There's no way that you can outrun me right now either, so don't try it. I am so not above tackling your crippled ass to the ground and sitting on your head like I did when we were kids."
She could really ramble for an eternity, her sister, but Liliya was grateful for it right then. It gave her something to focus on that was not Via or the lump of ice that had settled somewhere in her chest. In the still part where her heart was not beating. Liliya did not feel even a little bit like starting it up. Not now, and not for quite awhile in the future either. "Do you remember my birthday party?" A nod. "You met the other members of the Cyri who are here in Scarlet Oak with me. Do you remember Via Cohen?"
"Yeah, the fashion designer." That would be what Jennifer remembered about her instead of how she looked.
Liliya nodded. "She left Scarlet Oak tonight."
She expected Jennifer to ask why that was so important, or why it had her in this state, or any matter of question. She did not expect her sister's face to suddenly be a mask of sympathy before she wrapped her into a tight hug. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry."
Wait, what? Liliya allowed herself to be held for a moment, soaking up the comfort she so very rarely allowed near her, before she pushed herself an arms-length away. "What?"
"Liliya... I'm your sister. We went to college together. You really think I don't know why you never had a boyfriend? Come on, seriously, I'm not an idiot. If you want to keep it all in the bag then you go right ahead and do it, I was never going to say anything, but don't sit there looking like you've been killed all over again even without the blood all over your face and expect me to not know."
Liliya wanted to deny it and say that she was just upset because she had lost someone who could have proven very useful, but the words died on her tongue and she felt herself shaking again as she slumped into Jennifer's arms. "She said she loved me..." All she wanted to do was cry until it stopped hurting or she was so worn out that all she could do was sleep. All she really wanted was to forget the feather-soft feel of lips against hers right before Via had said 'good-bye' and walked right out without even looking back. It was exactly what Elise and Alex had done. Three times now. Even if she had not really loved or wanted to be with Alex for reasons past appearance then it had still hurt that he could just leave her like that. Via, though, she hurt as bad as Elise had done and Liliya was unable to banish the very unwanted thoughts that said it was exactly what everyone she let get close to her would do eventually. Yes, she was a Cyri and she was dedicated to her job, but... she was still only thirty-three. Hearing someone say that yes they loved you, but they could not stay because they needed more and there were others who would give it happily...
She was not as unattached as she wanted everyone who knew her to believe if that could hurt like this. But I will be. Never again, Liliya swore as she soaked her sister's shirt with her bloody tears, That was the last time.