Charlotte (charlieangel) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2012-04-15 05:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo, 2009-09-05, charlotte |
feels like falling
Who: Charlotte and an NPC!Ransom
When: Late morning
Where: U of M Hospital
For a few moments after he said it, she felt something like a… fluttering. It was like when you somehow missed a step while descending, and your brain rebelled at this knowledge. No, it knew perfectly well how to descend a staircase, there was no reason at all to feel like you were falling. But you were falling. Your heart and your stomach recognized it even if your brain didn’t, and they fluttered or perhaps jolted as the world seemed to jolt above you.
“I’m going to go back to Salem with them.”
Charlotte had zoned out, but the memory of those words brought her back. She was sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair in Ransom’s hospital room, staring at him, unable to make sense of the words that had just been said. What had he said? It had been very important. Something about her brain just… wasn’t allowing the information in. What had he said?
His family was going back. The bombing had scared them – bad. Too many bad things had happened in Michigan.
There was that fluttering in Charlotte’s brain again. It rebelled. No. I’m not one of those bad things.
His family was going to move back to Salem. This was important. It was important because… because…
“Charlotte?” Ransom shifted uncomfortably. Her silence had gone on too long. “Are you with me?”
She felt reality slap violently back into place. Of course she was with him. She would always be with him. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I… I think I zoned out for a second. I’m so sorry. What were you saying? Your family is moving? The whole family?” This was important, so so important. Too important to be in another place. It was important because…
Ransom’s brow creased considerably. He looked like he’d rather be doing anything else. “The whole pack, Charlotte. Alpha’s orders.” Yes! Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. That was why it was so important. They weren’t just family, they were pack. How could Ransom be without them?
“I… I don’t understand,” she managed. “I can’t believe your parents would just pick up and leave you.” She knew his parents well. She liked his parents. Loved them, even. But despite the fact that Ransom was an adult now, she still couldn’t imagine Mr. and Mrs. Weiss leaving him.
Realization dawning in Ransom’s eyes, he leaned back into his pillows. “Charlotte,” he breathed, and his voice was in a deep tone of mourning. “Charlotte… I have to go, too.”
There it was again. That fluttering. Only she’d had it wrong. Her brain had known it all along, and was struggling under the effort to keep that information from her heart. The world fluttered, and then just as suddenly became very still. She replayed the moment over in her head half a million times in the grand scope of a second. No. No. No. That wasn’t right. Ransom wouldn’t. Ransom couldn’t. Charlotte slowly shook her head. “You can’t,” she said, simply and only a touch defensively. “We’re…”
“After what happened with Jess… you know, mating and turning him all in the span of a week like that? Christ, she’s not even an adult yet. She’s still got two years of high school. People are angry. His family… my family. The whole pack is still in an uproar over it.” Charlotte was only just now starting to realize that she’d never heard Ransom’s voice sound this way before. Something in him sounded… dead. Defeated. Hollow. “The bombing was the final nail in the coffin. The alpha’s moving us, and has declared any who mate outside the were community to be cast out.”
This was ridiculous. This didn’t make any sense. Ransom’s entire family knew that she had mated with him, and they’d actually been happy about it. Mrs. Weiss had gotten teary-eyed and hugged Charlotte like a daughter, and yes, that had been all kinds of weird, but she had accepted that and welcomed it because that was their way. None of this was making any sense.
“You and I are already mated,” she finally blurted out. “It’s too late for that.”
Ransom was quiet for a long time. For a while he held her gaze, his jaw clenching and grinding. Then emotion rose up in his eyes and he looked away. “We’re not, actually,” he finally spoke, though his voice was hardly even a whisper. “Not anymore.”
Why wasn’t she getting it? When had the world stopped making sense? “We’re not what?” she asked.
Ransom took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “We’re not mated. I’m not, I mean. It’s mate for life, Charlotte. And I died twice on that table during surgery. They brought life back into me, but that bond… it’s not there anymore. It died when I did. Only they couldn’t bring that back.”
Woosh. Clarity blew threw her with such ferocity that it pushed her back in her chair. She got it now. She understood.
No.
No.
No, she didn’t understand. “You love me,” she forced out, having to struggle very hard to find her voice. “I know you do. I’ve never doubted that, even for a second. And you know I love you.”
Ransom nodded, but he still wasn’t looking at her. “I love you with everything I have.” She could see tears in his eyes. For some reason, she couldn’t stand the sight. She realized she was on her feet, but she couldn’t remember that happening.
“Then how can you be saying this? How could you even consider leaving?” she demanded. Her voice was loud, now. Wild and out of control. Trying to relocate her indoor voice was not on her priority list. She found it a miracle she could find her voice at all.
He looked at her now, and she almost wished he wouldn’t. There had never been a day in her life when she had shied away from those eyes she loved so much, but the defeat she saw in them scared her now. “We made love the same night Jess and Madock mated. If I had known that at the time… I… I might not have done it.”
“So, what? You’re going to try and atone for your sister’s mistake?” Charlotte didn’t buy that.
Ransom shook his head slightly. “Maybe that’s not entirely fair, but… I can’t say for sure that it’s wrong. I’ve experienced something I didn’t know was possible. I’ve never heard of it happening to another wolf. I’ve had that bond lifted, and being able to look back on it without having it?” He looked down. “I can’t describe it. It’s… it’s scary, the way it takes over your mind. Your senses. It takes away a piece of your free will.” Angered now, Charlotte started to open her mouth in protest, but Ransom cut her off. “I’m not saying you and I ever did anything I didn’t want to do. That’s not the case. I’m not explaining myself well. I…” Charlotte waited. She didn’t trust herself to say anything right then. Ransom sighed, and seemed to find his words again. “Jess turned him because deep down, whether or not they’d ever admit it to anyone else… they recognized that they had rushed into a decision that was likely to end badly. Humans aren’t used to committing to a lifetime with a person when they’re still so young. We think we have everything figured out, but we don’t even have ourselves figured out yet. It was a fucked up thing for her to do, to bite him, but there was wisdom beyond her years in there too.”
Charlotte realized what he was saying. “…You regret what we did,” she realized, and now her voice was soft again.
Ransom met her eyes again. “It was the best night of my life,” he whispered. “But we should have waited.” Tears spilled over onto his beautiful face. “I have to go, Charlotte. I have to go with my pack.”
Charlotte wanted to reach over and shake him. “It’s too late for that now!” she insisted again. “You made a commitment to me! Maybe you don’t have that bond anymore, maybe I’m not your mate anymore, but you still made a commitment to me, and I to you.” In her entire life she had only ever missed a handful of church-going Sundays. She never missed a day of Sunday school as a kid, and helped out with the teacher now. She read her Bible regularly, and never, ever, ever would have done what they had done with just anyone. It had been safe with Ransom, even if she hadn’t consciously acknowledged that, because it was as good as getting married in God’s eyes. “You swore yourself to me! You did! With your mind, body, and soul, I know you did!”
Ransom looked away again. “I did,” he said, and that dead, hollow sound was back. “But I’m breaking that now. I won’t do to you what Jess did to him, and those are the only options given to me. When I’m out of the hospital, I’m going to go back to Salem. I will miss you with everything I have, and hate myself for what I’ve done, but I’ll do it. In time, you’ll find someone else. And you’ll know I made the right decision.” Charlotte didn’t move or speak. She couldn’t have even if she wanted to. She couldn’t even breathe. “Please, Charlotte… I’m so sorry. I think that I’ll always love you. But I need you to go. Just… just go.”
At first, nothing. Then her body seemed to move slowly and of its own accord. Charlotte had entered some far off place inside herself. She wanted to find a safe place. A place where this hadn’t happened. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she just didn’t want him to see her cry.
Her mind was shutting down now. She was clinging so desperately to denial, because something like this just could not happen. She wouldn’t think about it. She wouldn’t let this nightmare reach her in her far-off place. Charlotte wasn’t even seeing what was right in front of her as she walked down the hall. She waited for a time at the elevator, but when it didn’t come fast enough she turned for the stairs. She had to get out of here. Find a place where this fate couldn’t catch up to her.
Suddenly she was running. The world was a blur of motion and sound gushing past her as she ran, throwing open the door to the stairs and descended them as swiftly as she could. She wouldn’t think about it. She wouldn’t think about it. And then – she missed a step. Her heart and brain knew that she was falling, but her brain couldn’t comprehend this bit of information. She didn’t even try and catch herself. She fell to the floor, and then she finally let go. She lay on the floor and cried.