Rina (_breakmyself) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2012-01-09 02:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | #flashback, #solo, rina |
Oh my look at those eyes; maybe they're like mine - things I wish I did not see
Who: Rina and multiple NPC's
Where: Hadamar, Germany
When: 1940/1941
Notes: All dialogue is in German.
Warning: Despair and death.
April 1940
There were few places left in the world as she knew it that Rina Nimitz - oh, how sometimes she wished that she was only just 'Rina' as she had been before - considered to be safe. No, safe was not the right word. Places that she considered to be less dangerous, less deadly and less harmful, than others. One of them was her mother and Elin's house while the other was the home of her brother. It was to the latter that her tired feet took her on this unnaturally beautiful day. The young angel could not understand how the sun could shine and the birds sing when there was so much death and hatred in the world. How could the clouds not come and the rain pour down to muddy the streets and block out the sun as they should? She could not bear to see the sun and turned her face from it until she stepped through the doorway. In here she could at least pretend for a little bit that the world was as it had once been. Anneliese would come running up so that she could sweep her up and tickle the back of her neck while Jakub would be waiting for her to just sit with him. He liked to be near her these days, he said that she made him feel safe. "Nothing bad will happen while you are here, Aunt Rina." Joan would sit and hold her hands, pretending to be strong while Rina wept onto her shoulder for what had been done that day and Neil would stand behind her, hands on her shoulders while he tried to rub the knots out and convince her that she should go to their mother. Only they both knew that she would not for their mother would only beg and plead yet again for her to come away back to Celestia. That could not happen while there were still all of these people who needed her. How could she be happy if she were safe and they were left to suffer?
Something was wrong. Rina paused as she opened the door and heard nothing. She stopped, letting her empathy stretch out over the house and she felt... nothing. A feeling of panic began to spread at the feeling of emptiness. Then her eyes went to the floor and she saw papers scattered over the floor, a bag tossed there while the table was overturned and a vase lay shattered with a damp spot where the water had soaked in - the flowers were crushed with the petals strewn as though they had been kicked. Joan would never have allowed a vase to remain broken for that long and she would have cleaned the water before it had time to soak. Rina was down to do exactly that before she realized it, sweeping the broken bits up before gathering the flowers. Carefully she right the table and set them there. Her hands were shaking as she realized that she was deliberately delaying stepping further into the house. There was still silence, still absence of all feelings but her own, and she dreaded what she would find.
As well she should have.
The next room was worse and the one after no better. By the time Rina reached the last room, Anneliese's bedroom, her body was shaking and tears had her half-blinded. There were broken things everywhere with important papers and pictures tossed about as though they were nothing but waste. In her hands were pictures that she could not bear to see on the floor, along with a few trinkets that she could not believe had been left behind. Anneliese loved this doll with her yellow hair and the crooked stitched-on smile, her dress a pale shade of blue that matched her favorite one. Was she wearing that dress when they took her? A sob caught in her throat as she sat on the bed, hands abandoning what she held in her lap so that she could bring them to her face. Against her will she was imagining what it had been like and it was all too easy as she had watched soldiers drag others from their homes while they kicked or screamed or wept or just went along as though they had no will left in their bodies. Neil may have done that in hope that they would not hurt the others, and Joan as well... but the children? No, Jakub would have been too frightened to do anything, but Franz would have fought tooth and nail. There would have likely been blood; someone could have easily subdued him by striking his head with the butt of their rifle. And why not? He was only a Jew. And Anneliese... she would fight. She had too much of her father's stubbornness in her.
"Nothing bad will happen while you're here, Aunt Rina."
Rina looked up sharply, on her feet in an instant with no mind paid to the things that scattered on the floor, displaced from her lap by the sudden movement. "Jakub?"
"Look, our hands are the same size!" A child's laugh and Rina followed the sound of it desperately, nearly breaking a door off its hinges as she threw it open and dropped to her knees, peering under the bed before rising to look in the closet, the voice haunting her. "They hit me again. Pushed me down and I ripped my pants. Mother stitched them, see? But they look different..."
"Jakub!" There was a note of desperation to Rina's voice now, because she was realizing that she was not hearing the voice. Or she could not have been, for these were words of the past. Things that Jakub had said to her while they sat together and she read to him or helped him with his homework or just listened as he cried about being picked on at school. The strength fled from her body and she sank back against the wall and down to the floor as it struck her that he was not hiding. Her nephew was not going to magically appear around that corner with his shy smile, holding a new drawing in his hand to show her or clutching his hand over his eye because he did not want her to see how it had swollen because of a fist or elbow or book.
"Anneliese said "star" today." Her first word had been 'star' and for the longest time Neil and Joan had thought it may be her only for she just babbled it happily at them. It had not been, she had become very articulate, but Rina remembered... she remembered everything and their voices were rushing in on her, one on top of the other and all from the wrong times, overwhelming her. Rina put her hands to the sides of her head and screamed out her denial at what was happening, had happened.
Minutes turned into hours and several of them passed, the sky outside darkening finally and bathing her in blessed darkness, before anyone else came. Rina felt the intruders before she even heard them and she did not bother to stand. Let them find her like this, she doubted they were going to - oh. A whimper slipped out when she felt the rush of dual emotions of shock, pain and denial hit her all over again. From nothing to this overwhelming pain... she would have rather had the numbness back. "No," a quiet voice denied the thought that Rina was not fully aware she had had. A beat and then there were hands cupping her cheeks, tilting her face up so that she could be studied. Elin, of course, Elin and her mother had come. Elin would be the only one who could hear her thoughts so clearly. Her cousin's mouth opened and closed several times with no sound coming out and Rina could feel her struggle as she tried to find words that she could say. There are none.
"No."
They're gone, Elin.
"No..."
Yes.
"They came?"
They took them; I was at the hospital. I couldn't... there was nothing...
"None of us could have. We tried to tell them. We told Neil to take them and go before they were taken. We tried."
Neil never listens. The tears were coming back and Rina leaned forward to cling to her cousin, burying her face in her shoulder as her own began to shake. Her grief was not just doubled, but tripled now, and the tears would not stay at bay. I can hear their voices, Elin, they won't stop. They're everywhere as though to torment me! Elin had nothing to say to that.
Another set of arms enveloped Rina and she turned her head instantly to press it into her mother's chest. Finally her words came back to her and she whispered, "I'm so sorry, mother."
A few moments of silence passed between the three once their tears stopped and Rina reluctantly pulled away from them, not bothering to wipe at her eyes. A deep breath gave her the courage to say what she had decided she would hours ago. "You must leave now."
Elin would have spoken if Lynde had not held a hand towards her. "We know. We cannot prove that we are German, for we are not, and they may try to the same with us." Try. Rina knew that her mother had no reason to go so easily as her brother had. The wings would come out and she would fight until they had to kill her and in the time that it took for that to happen Elin would no doubt make it to the church so that at least one of them would make it back to tell their family of what had happened to the rest of them. Elin would be their survivor at Lynde's sacrifice if it were necessary.
And then they would come for me. A sense of alarm welled up in Elin at that thought. They would. They know we are related and if it happened then I would die. You know I cannot come with you, Elin, I cannot leave my people.
Her mother reached out to brush away the tears that Rina had not bothered to touch. "Angel-" It almost made Rina smile to hear her mother call her that as she had when she was a little girl before they had gone to live in Celestia with the other angels. "-will you not reconsider?"
Rina reached up to catch her mother's wrist, turning her head to kiss her palm before breathing deeply. Her mother always smelled of fresh mint with a touch of freshly baked bread. It had always been soothing to her. "You know that I can't. I have to stay as much as Neil and father had to... I cannot leave them." Just the thought of all those people being left alone with those who did not even pretend to care tied knots into her stomach.
"We have to." Elin's voice was a whisper, strained, and though Rina could not see her face in the dark she knew that she was crying again. Would they ever be able to stop crying? "It's as dangerous for you as for us if we stay."
"I know, Elin, I hold nothing against you. I want you to go." Just the thought of her mother or cousin being taken as well was too much. What had happened today was enough for a lifetime and Rina was terrified that it was not going to be the end. She tried to smile. "But someone has to wait for when they come back. Annaliese will be missing her doll."
None of them said that that would not happen. The ghetto's were a death sentence for all who went there. "Go, before someone thinks to look for you." There was no time here for long and tearful farewells; Varick was going to be looking for her. And as much as it pained her to admit it even inside of her own mind, Varick was the enemy. For all she knew he could have been the one in charge of this disaster and seen not a problem with it. "Uncle Varick, help me!" Rina rose to her feet, swaying slightly, and was glad that she had eaten nothing that day or else it would have come up then. That had been the sound of Anneliese's voice and she had been terrified. "I will miss you very much."
Lynde hugged her tightly. "We will see you again," she promised her daughter, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "You'll come home to us." Rina smiled as best she could and nodded, willing Elin to not betray her thoughts. Rina did not think that she would live through this anymore than her brother would.
"You will," Elin whispered fiercely, hugging her even more tightly than Lynde had. "You must. As soon as you can, Rina, promise me." A pause and her voice lowered. "Promise on Svein." They never, ever spoke of Elin's brother. It was a wound that had never healed over all the way for either of them and a topic better left alone.
"When I can," Rina promised. Elin squeezed her tighter. "I promise on Svein." That was enough and with another squeeze, Elin turned and the other two angels left as quickly as they had come. It was for the better, really, that they just go without lingering. The longer they stayed the harder it would have been. But Rina could wish, or at least a part of her could, that they would have stayed just a little longer so that she did not have to be left alone with the voices of her brother's family echoing inside of her mind. Yet she could not force herself to leave. As though she were going through the motions she began to pick up the house and she ended in Annaliese's room, picking back up those pictures and little things that she had gathered on her first journey through. Including the doll with the blue dress.
She would have stayed there for the rest of the night, perhaps even the following day, if Varick had not come for her. She did not even listen to what he said and she blocked out his emotions the best that she could. The voice of Anneliese still echoed in her head, begging for the uncle she had known for her entire life to help her. He had not. Rina knew that he had not. He could have never dared to help a Jew and what was worse was that he would not have wanted to. "They're my family," Rina reminded him quietly as he yanked her out of the house. He thought that he was so much stronger than her... Rina could have snapped him in half if it had been her desire. He should be glad that it was not.
Varick made a scoffing sound. "They're Jewish garbage and it's better that they're away from here so they cannot taint you any longer. You won't go to that house anymore. It's tainted as well. You belong at home with me."
I belong in Celestia with my family. "As you wish." They both knew that she would not obey. How could she? That house was all that she had left to link her to the family that was gone from her. Varick... he was not. Once he had been, but then it had all changed. I wish it had not changed. She imagined that she could hear the ghosts of several others echoing her wish.
September 1940
Her name was Kyler and she had hair that must have once been a beautiful shade of red, but the weeks or even months spent locked up as though she were an animal had ruined that. Her dark brown eyes were like sunken pits in a sallow face that had gone too long without seeing the sun; her entire body was far too thin and she had gained a cough in the past week that made it sound as though her lungs were going to give out. Her name was Kyler and she had been at Hadamar for two weeks... though there was not a thing wrong with her. Not mentally. Physically there was now, thanks to the treatment she had received, but other than that she was perfectly fine. Rina had known that the second she had stepped - or fallen, really - off of the bus with the others. She had gone to her in an instant and found that she was not only here. She was one of the ones who was meant to die. As she had done too many times to count, Rina had thrown herself into defending her and running every test that she was able to prove that she did not deserve to be terminated. None of them did, of course, but this one? There was nothing wrong with her! She came from a German family and her mind was perfectly sound! It frustrated Rina to no end that she could not set all of them free, but it got her on an even deeper level that there were people here who should not have ever set foot in a mental institution unless they were visiting.
People like Kyler who were sentenced to die. People like Kyler who would die even without the sentence if they were kept like this for much longer. They were not rats to be put into cages and brought out only when it was convenient. Rina knew that they ran tests on some of them, but she could not prove it and even if she could then what good would it do? To who did you take this information when the government was behind it all and the people en masse supported it? They did not know the truth, not because they could not see it, but because they did not want to. It broke Rina's heart, but it was the truth. She did not need to read minds to know that. All she needed to do was feel what was going through people when they watched her come home from her 'work' at the hospital. They knew and with their silence they gave it permission to carry on. It would have shattered Elin with her patronage of love to see all of this hate carrying on and Rina was glad yet again that her cousin had left months ago. Knowing that there were people like Kyler who had never done a single thing wrong in their life past just being in the wrong place at the wrong time my well have destroyed her. God knew that it was doing her best to destroy Rina.
And that was why she was not going to allow it to happen.
Several times in the past months Rina had found those who did not, in any way, deserve to be at Hadamar. When she was not able to get them cleared the legal way she had chosen another route: escape. There was a way to do it and she had gotten rather good at it. Under normal circumstances she would have never dreamed of doing something like this, but these circumstances were not normal and as their patron angel there was no way that she could sit idly by and watch all of them die. Every time one of them did it left a mark on her soul and she was sure that by now it resembled a bloody, tattered flag more than the pure white cloth it was supposed to be. These were not good times to be an angel for the mentally unbalanced and wrongly accused, not at all.
Taking a deep breath, Rina unlocked the door leading into the room where Kyler and several others were kept. She would have taken them all if she could have, but one of them was incapable of caring for herself and the other... needed to be here, as awful as here was, for there was nowhere else for her to go. And Rina had never taken more than one at a time. To take two was to add twice the danger. She needed to get Kyler out. "Kyler, will you come with me please?" Her voice was pleasant, her smile warm as she held her hand out towards the redhead.
With the numbed motions of one who was used to obeying and who had possibly even stopped caring what happened because of it, Kyler rose from her bed and shuffled over. Rina tugged her out of the room and locked it. "Do you remember me?" A nod. "What's my name?"
"Rina. You're the kind nurse who gave us extra blankets when we asked."
Rina smiled as she moved to put the coat that she had brought on over the thin gown that Kyler was wearing. "Yes, that's right." The night was not precisely cold, but that gown was far too thin to be of any use against any wind that sprung up. What good would it do to free her if she only died of exposure before she could reach relative safety? "We're going to go for a walk. A very long walk." She knelt down and motioned at Kyler's feet. "I'm going to put these boots on. Lift your foot for me?" Kyler cooperated, and this time her motions were a little different. Almost as though she were actually beginning to pay attention to what was happening. That's it, Kyler, you're still inside there.
"Where are we going?"
Rina laced up the boots. "You're going to go to another city. South a ways, where they don't know you. I have clothes hidden for you to change into and as much food as I could spare for you to eat. No one will know that you belonged here. There isn't anything wrong with you and there is no reason for anyone to send you back." A fluke was all that it had been. An overeager diagnostic who wanted to impress his or her superior with the number of people they could claim needed to go, for the betterment of the country.
When she rose again she was being regarded curiously. "How do you know?"
A shrug. "I just know, and I'm never wrong with these things." She slid her hand into Kyler's and started for the back door closest to the woods. "We need to go now. And you need to be very, very quiet. Do exactly as I say without question. Do you understand?" Kyler nodded. Rina felt a brief tingle along her skin as she realized that Kyler was actually starting to feel something. It was nervous, but there was a seed of what could grow into excitement, and she smiled for her again. "Yes, you're going to be fine. I promise, Kyler. Ready?"
"Yes Rina." Kyler squeezed her hand tentatively and moved when Rina did. Their footfalls were quiet and quick as they went, Rina counting silently in her head. Fifty-three steps to the end and then a left turn with thirteen more before a right. They would have to pause there for three minutes because the night orderly would be making his rounds and he had to go through the doors at the end of the hall before they could emerge and take the twenty steps to the door that would be followed by a flight of stairs and then they would be outside. Into the fresh air that Kyler breathed as though she had forgotten what it was like, a feeling of relief welling up in her so strongly that Rina had to shake her head to clear it away. She feels so strongly... what it must have taken to make her numb... Tears were blinked away as the leafs started to crunch under their feet. Several miles along this small path would lead them to the clothes and food; then Rina could send her off in the right direction. They would be beyond the boundaries of Hadamar and Kyler would be far safer than she was inside with a real chance to escape and continue living.
"I've missed the stars," Kyler whispered when they stopped for a moment, head tilted back so that she could look up through the mostly bare-branched trees to see them. "I liked looking at them when I was very young."
The angel smiled and closed her eyes, leaning her head back. A moment longer to catch her breath and they would continue. "Did you have a favorite constellation?"
"Oh yes." A hand flashed up to point, the movement creating a shift of air, and Rina opened her eyes to follow it. "Cassiopeia." Kyler's face was shining as Rina had not been sure it ever would again and she realized that the redhead was beautiful in the moonlight. One could not see the hollows in her face now and she looked like anyone else. She was like anyone else.
Rina chuckled quietly. "I knew a Cassandra once. She..." A swelling of rage and betrayal with an underlay of such coldness that it bit to the bone seeped into her, followed by several others of lesser intensity. Her hand was going out to catch Kyler's wrist before she could breathe, her own terror filling her and overwhelming what had alerted her to their presence in the woods.
"Do you not like the-" Stars. She would have said stars. But instead a soft 'oh!' came out and a warm spray of blood drenched Rina's face. A stumble, another gasp, a feeling of pain and disbelief, and then Kyler was falling backwards. Rina tried to reach out to catch her, but there was something tearing at her. A horrible feeling. There was a clawed monster inside of her and it was roaring its anger, sharp claws digging into every piece of her and tearing, ripping, destroying. Someone somewhere was screaming and there was something piercing into her skin as she fell with Kyler. Rina had known death. She had seen hers die and felt them go, felt a little piece of her flicker out as they did, but she had never been this close to one. She had never felt their blood on her face, her hands. This was not a flicker, this was a horrid dousing that left no room in her body for anything else. Over the screaming - me, she realized dimly, that's me - she could hear men shouting and she felt hands closing roughly over her shoulders to yank her back to her feet. She could not even reach for her healing magic and she knew, she just knew, that it would have done no good. Kyler was gone.
A rough laugh sounded and Rina's elbow went back to connect with his stomach. The air went out of his lungs with a loud whoosh and before he could react she had slid her leg between his and yanked to the side, pushing backwards at the same time so that he landed on his back with her on top. Her eyes were wild as she glared down at him, hands around his throat. It would be so easy. She licked her lips as she started to squeeze. Gentle for her, but almost as hard as a human could and when she tightened her fingers she could feel him react. His hands came up to grasp her hands, trying to pull her away. But he could not, he was just a human and could not match her strength. "You killed her," Rina hissed. Denial went through him, only a trickle next to the sudden fear, but it was enough. Rina relaxed her hold and felt herself yanked up once again.
"Your wife is a violent one, sir."
No. The anger washed out of Rina when she looked up to find Varick stepping in front of her, wiping the end of his gun. He was the only one who had a gun out. She slumped back against the one who held her, willing the sight in front of her to just vanish. Kyler was not dead and Varick was not the one who killed her. He did not kill one of my innocents. Kyler was beautiful in the soft light of the moon and stars. Kyler had trusted her and Varick had killed her. "You?"
"She's been unwell," Varick told the men calmly. He had been the source of the feelings of betrayal and coldness. That cold was emanating now and it made Rina shiver. "The miscarriage and stress at work. You understand. This did not happen." He slid his gun away. "How many women were here?"
"One," the other three chimed, one voice rougher than the rest.
"Where is my wife?"
"Home for all we know."
"The hospital."
"Knitting little booties for your future son." They all laughed.
Varick smiled. "Good men. Take this trash back to the hospital." He toed Kyler's body before spitting on it, reaching out to take Rina's arm before starting away. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?!"
"You killed her."
The slap took her by surprise, but it was not the first time and the pain could not compare to what was still echoing. That was a ragged, gaping wound that she could not imagine ever closing. "She was meant to die. She's nothing to anyone and what do you do?" The grip on her arm tightened. "You go and try to help her! You're lucky that I found your little path or else you might've died with her at the hands of another." It would have been better to die than to feel this. "Are you listening to me? You are jeopardizing my career!"
"You killed her. Her blood is all over me."
"Her blood is on your hands," Varick snapped. "Just stop talking, I can't bear the sound of your voice."
"I've missed the stars. I liked looking at them when I was very young." Varick ended up needing to carry her the rest of the way because Rina collapsed and could not walk, the sobs that wracked her body impossible to stop no matter how he snarled or shouted.
"Do you not like the- ...oh!"
August 1941
Rina's fingers shook as she opened the letter from her brother, only the second such one that she had received since he and his family had been taken. The first had left her feeling empty, but just the feeling of this letter made her wish that it had not come.
My dearest sister,
I wish that I could see your face again and hear you laugh. I imagine that you haven't laughed much lately and I do so wish that I could change that. I would say that I wish I had not come to Hadamar and met Joan, that you had not stayed because of us and the children, but I would never wish them away. My boys were handsome and my daughter was an angel, my wife was the most perfect human being that could exist and I do not know what I would have done without her. No, yes I do, I would not have existed the same. You should know what that is like, but you never found yours; you found Varick and I feel nothing but distaste for that man. Among other things I wish you away from him. It may help you remember to smile if smiles still exist in this world.
Anneliese died a month ago. She was never a terribly sturdy child and the lack of food and abundance of disease saw to her death. I tried to heal her, but there wasn't anything left for me to repair. She was... she was gone, Rina, my sweet girl was just gone.
Franz was shot to death by a police officer several days before that; he was trying to get food for Anneliese. She had been talking in her sleep, fever dreams, of how much she missed chocolate and he just wanted to get it for her...
Joan went mad after that. She just completely lost her mind and attacked an officer. She was shot as well and left to die in the street like a dog. I tried to get to her, but they put a gun to my head and I could not do anything. There was still Jakub and I could not leave him alone.
Jakub lasted the longest, Rina, I think you would be proud of him. He was so stoic for us. He would draw on the walls with a stick that had been in the fire and tell us stories that he said had come from you. He missed you very much, I think he wanted you to know that. He held on for me, but we didn't have enough food and he died just yesterday morning. With him gone I have nothing here, Rina, nothing. You are not here and I would not wish you here anymore than I would wish my family gone. But I could not go without sending you a good-bye and asking you to take my farewell to our mother, and our father if he still lives. Elin as well, I am so glad she is not here. An angel of love would simply die. Does love exist out there still or have they killed it as well?
I love you, Rina, and I am sorry that I cannot make myself carry on to see you again. Please understand.
-Neil.
Rina had watched people die. She had sat in a house day after day, listening to the voices of people long gone just to remember how they sounded. She had smuggled people out of the hospital and she had seen Kyler die not a foot away. She could still smell her blood and hear her talking about how much she had missed the stars. Rina had felt pain, grief, despair, hatred, remorse, terror, abandonment and that empty void of nothingness... but none of that was what she felt now. There were no words for the feeling that accompanied this letter. The one that had been opened before it arrived, the one that Varick had brought her. He had opened and read it and brought it to her anyhow. With no warning that the only family that she had left on this earth was dead. Franz, Jakub, Anneliese, Joan... Neil. My brother. My sister. My nephews, my niece.
There should have been tears, but none were forthcoming. Her eyes were dry as she folded the letter and put it in her pocket with the small doll she had carried since that day over a year ago when she had found the house destroyed, the picture of the family from before the world had ended and the lock of hair she had managed to clip from Kyler's head before they burned her corpse. Silently she stood and walked out of the room, out of the hospital, ignoring anyone who spoke. No, that was wrong, she did not ignore them. She did not even know they existed in that moment. The entire world had just ended, why would there be anyone in it to speak to her? There was no one. There was just her. A fog had descended to cut her off from anything else that may have survived what must have been the apocalypse as her feet took her towards the church that had first brought her here. It was beautiful then. There was no beauty here. That was where the bus unloaded, here was where they burned bodies and no grass would grow, there was where she had found a man hanging with a star carved onto his chest and there was where a weeping woman had begged to die because they had killed her son, oh her only son...
The church was just there and it was a bright spot. Through the doors and she could be home. Did home still exist? If it did then her mother was there, and Elin, and she could collapse in their arms and they would bring her back to li- "Rina!" A voice? But there could not be voices when the world was over. The voices were gone. All of them had vanished and she was left with echoes of those she had known, those who had mattered. Kyler had liked the stars and Franz had thought that the girl two rows ahead of him had a pretty smile. Joan had always laughed when she tried to make the crust for a pie on her own. "Rina!" No, there it was again! Puzzled, Rina stopped and turned to look at the man who was shouting her name. Oh, so... oh. It was him.
His face was bright against the surroundings, the only thing not shrouded by fog. She knew that face. He killed people. He had killed her people. Kyler? Yes, yes he had shot Kyler in cold blood and called her trash. He had killed one of her innocents and people like that could not be allowed to survive. They needed to be taken care of before they hurt others. It was not wrong. It was justice and what good was she if she did not mete that out before she left this world? She could not leave the ghosts of earth alone with a monster who she had once loved.
"Varick." Rina moved as though she was floating, reaching out to embrace him. "I'm sorry." Her hand moved quicker than he could follow, fingers closing around the cool handle of his gun. The same one that had killed Kyler, oh that was too perfect. Frowning, Rina pressed the gun between them and squeezed the trigger. A loud noise shocked her and she was propelled back just a step as blood blossomed on his chest and spilled onto her hands. He did not say 'oh' but he still fell backwards so slowly. He fell slowly but the world came crashing back all too quickly at the feel of that blood on her hands. Warm, sticky, and so bright a red. It was brighter than she’d have imagined. Almost like the fabric of her mother’s favorite dress, bright and vibrant against the paleness of her hands. And so warm. She imagined that it was trying to flow off her hands and back into the body that she had her hands pressed to. No, she didn’t wish the bullet back into the gun that she had dropped the second after the bang had caused her ears to ring. She knew that it’d needed to be done, he’d needed to die before he could continue his work against her people. One less in the world. One less to do the bidding that shouldn’t exist. It wasn’t that she was trying to stop him from bleeding out on her, if she was then she’d have turned to her magic, just that she wanted there to be less blood. Too much, far too much, and it was getting everywhere. Still flowing out onto her hands, staining the ends of the shirt that she was wearing.
And his eyes were open. She remembered when they had been beautiful to her. Clear blue with a little sparkle when he laughed, small wrinkles having started at the corners from all of the squinting he did over his papers. Now they were blank, empty. Better than the harshness that had taken them over whenever he looked at her. And his face was smooth, relaxed. No hard lines. No frowning. A bit of blood was flecked on his lips and chin though, marring the image. Once she had closed his eyes it was on his eyelids as well. Ah well, a killer like him couldn’t have a flawless appearance. There had to be little imperfections or it just wasn’t right. Kyler hadn’t looked peaceful when she died; neither could he. “I’m not sorry for doing this,” she confessed, her voice strong but quiet. Leaning down she kissed him lightly. His lips were still warm though the heat was fleeing. A few moments and it would be gone forever. “You deserved it for what you’ve done. I just wish that you hadn’t done any of it. I loved you so much.” She would have stayed for him alone. But he had been blinded by power, by her body’s betrayal and he had turned to things that should not have ever been there. He killed her, oh, I watched her die and felt her blood. The hole has never healed. It still gaped, though it dimmed next to the one that was opening after hearing of what had happened to her family. My world is gone. The last, little piece, laid dead in her arms.
Smoothing back his hair, every bit as blond and soft not as it had been on the day she married him, she kissed his closed eyes, tears flowing down her cheeks to drip onto his face. A moment of peace and silence where nothing was loud, no one was screaming, there was no pain right in that moment. Until she felt her heart start to crack and sobs leaked out. Here she was kneeling in the middle of a street that she thought needed to be full of people. Now there were footsteps, but not enough, they were the people coming for her. She expected that. If only he hadn’t stepped out then she’d have been able to get to the church and go back like her mother and cousin. But she’d stayed to help, stayed with him, and this was the result. He was growing cold on the ground, her hands were covered in blood that shouldn’t have ever been there, and there were hands gripping her. Voices shouting but they were dull and muted, like they were coming from very far away and through a wall. She could not pull her eyes away from him. “Varick...” Her husband. The man that she had loved as much as she thought she could ever love anyone.
Something hard and cold struck her on the back of the head and everything faded away into a blissful, peaceful black where she felt and saw nothing. It would not last for long enough, forever would not be long enough, but it was better than nothing and it buffeted her for when she awoke in the cell to be told that she was being charged for murder. Rina had been around for long enough to know what happened to murderers in this Germany.
The green triangle. Ravensbrück. Death.