There he had her smiling again. Sighing, Lux shrugged. "I just don't see an end for feeling like this and I wish I did. I'm tired." And then there was that part of her she was telling nobody about, the thing that was ruining everything else. She was a monster who couldn't control herself once a month and might well kill any one of her friends and family - even Troy - if they were close enough. If that did not boost up the self-hatred, what did?
"You? Hurt me? I don't think you're capable of hurting anyone if you want to, Troy. That's the problem, you really do deserve better." It was beginning to feel like Lux had kept him from a whole youth of experiences and feeling amazing and it just wasn't fair. She didn't know, she had never known but she felt guilty nonetheless. "Troy... there are things you don't know about me. Awful things, you wouldn't...I wouldn't want to expose you to that. What happened to me, it was a lot worse than what it seemed." Lux had to steady herself not to tell him about how she was a monster and that was why he would do well to get away. "That's not it, I don't want you to pretend anything. I just don't want to hurt you, it's not for my benefit that I don't want..." He kissed her palm and Lux's words were lost for a moment. She felt heat on her cheeks, her heart skipping a beat. Oh don't you dare. she told herself. The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. "But it did, Troy. It did, that's what you don't know." He was making it more and more difficult to deny him, and yet Lux knew she had to for his own good. "You don't. Not all of me. Nobody does. I don't."
Her hand remained on his cheek, however, like she couldn't remove it even if she wanted to. "Plus, have you really thought about it, why would you want to be with someone whose damage is so visible? Look at me. Don't avert your eyes or pretend it's not here, look." She pushed her hair away to show the scars on her face, not grotesque but visible enough that Lux avoided looking herself in the mirror as much as she could these days. "And that's only a fraction of what is wrong with me these days. I would break you. That light, that beautiful heart you've got, I'd burn it out of you. All I'd have to do is say a few words." She was getting dangerously close to the truth, but Lux felt a little desperate, because he wasn't backing away. And yet some selfish part of her did not want him to at all.