the beginning of the end Who: Aiden and James When: Winter of 2002 Where: London
The bar was a shit hole, and if you were to ask James, she wouldn’t be able to say why she’d chosen it. The solitude had grated on her nerves, and at times pushed her to what felt to be the brink of insanity. She needed noise. Not to talk to other people, not to socialize, but just to be around them. The noise was a comfort she couldn’t identify or put to words.
Her qualifiers for a suitable location had been simple. It had to be a place where she’d never run into classmates, for one. People who might recognize her and decide to attempt smalltalk. A place of strangers, noisy, breathing strangers, that she could simply ignore. A seedy bar in a bad neighborhood had appealed to her. If some idiot decided to try and chat her up, no one would bat an eye at her telling them to go fuck themselves, or just punching the dumb sod out if he crossed the line. She’d found one that suited her needs, and indeed, it served its purpose. It was often crowded, but not overcrowded, and blissfully full of sound.
James would go there at random days and hours, whenever she felt like the solitude of her life was too much. She always sat at the same table, in the far corner near a dirty window. Sometimes she did her homework, sometimes she read a book... a few times she’d gotten piss drunk, just for the sake of it. She wasn’t sure what kind of night tonight would be. She hurried through the cold and pushed open the door, not looking at anyone as she headed straight for her table. It was occupied by a hideous troll of a man. He’d hit on her once. She’d had to break his nose. She stopped in front of the table, and simply stared at him. It didn’t take long for him to move. Apparently he’d learned his lesson.
The stench of beer in the dark pub would probably be too much for untrained nostrils. For Aiden, it nearly meant home, more than the tiny studio flat he was renting. If anything, it meant home because of the amount of time he spent here, and no less because he got paid to be there. Of course in his opinion they did not pay him nearly enough for the trouble, but then again even he was a mean drunk who had caused trouble in a number of pubs himself; he couldn’t exactly judge the rest.
As he wiped the bar counter clean he noticed the bird who had once punched some bloke out for being frisky. Aiden had laughed, but inwardly he had hoped it wouldn’t turn into a full on bar fight. He was never in the mood to have to break up one of those. Out the corner of his eye he noticed that same unlucky bloke sitting on the table she usually took when she came in. With a groan, Aiden watched the scene unfold while he leaned over the freshly wiped counter. That it had been wiped with a cloth that was dirtier than the counter itself wasn’t his concern, he wasn’t in charge of the laundry.
Luckily, the man seemed to be as cowardly as he looked, for the girl stood in front of him without a word and it had been enough for him to change tables. He had probably reached his broken nose limit for the year. Snickering at the thought, Aiden went around the counter to her table.
“Alright? What’ll you have?”
James made herself comfy, dropping her bag on the tabletop and removing some of her books. Might as well study. She was just pulling out a book about mating habits of some random animal when the bartender approached. As long as James had been coming here, she never talked much to anybody. This guy didn’t get on her nerves, and she was grateful for that. “Usual pint,” she said, only meeting his eyes briefly.
Nodding, Aiden spun on his heels and went back behind the counter to get the girl her pint. She wasn’t much of a regular yet that he knew what she would have every time, though she was starting to be predictable. Next time she came in, he would have a pint on her table as soon as he saw her. He came back around with the pint in his hand, the foam dripping off the glass and onto the floor as he walked. “Here you go.” Aiden told her as he set the pint on the table in front of her. “Want some crisps with it?”
When the bartender left James noticed another patron staring at her, and she stared back with an unamused expression until he turned away. Much better. She looked up at the bartender’s return and shook her head lightly. “No thanks.” She never had much of an appetite these days. Ate like a bird, really, and was just dark enough to find that idea a little funny.
This was not usual for Aiden at all, but he found that as he spoke to this particular girl, he couldn’t help but steal a couple more glances at her than he did at anyone else. She was beautiful, this bird, with some sort of aristocratic dark mystery in her eyes...as if that made sense. “Alright.” He said, wiping her table as if it needed cleaning before he walked away. He wasn’t going to stare at her from the bar, he knew what happened to men who stared at her, but Aiden spent the rest of his time trying to work in ways that allowed him to steal another few glances at her without her noticing...Or so he hoped.
As a paranoid person, James often noticed people staring at her. She was too on edge not to notice that kind of thing. And the bartender wasn’t staring, but he was looking at her a lot. This didn’t bother her so much - after all, she’d been coming here a long time and he’d never given her trouble. She was something of an odd sight, so if someone wanted to look and try to figure her out, well, good luck to them. The thing was, he’d never done that before. That she had noticed. James kept noticing him notice her, and each time she was more curious as to why. Had she left her home looking a mess? I always look a mess. Did she have bird shit on her head? No, she would have felt that. He was definitely looking at her. Why do I care? I don’t, she reminded herself, and the next time she caught him looking, she hurriedly looked away.
It wasn’t Aiden’s style to stare either, but today for some reason he couldn’t help but steal hurried looks at this girl while he worked, and even more while he didn’t, and given how slow the business was today, he had all the time in the world. Better off if he didn’t, but that was that. At least she hadn’t looked at him with that face of who was going to spit fire at you and kill you in a heartbeat that she gave others. Yet. Aiden had heard many times before that people who could have been in front of you all your life sometimes changed in the way you saw them, and maybe that was what was happening today, because he had seen this bird countless times before but he had never felt interested like this, like if he didn’t look at her from time to time he would die or something. Well, that was a bit over-dramatic, but the idea was basically that.
When Aiden stole another look and caught her eyes on him he felt all kinds of embarrassed, and looked away at the same time she did. Thankfully, someone had asked for another pint and Aiden got busy getting it and taking it to the table, managing not to look at her while he did so. But once he was back behind the bar his eyes moved on their own in her direction and Aiden couldn’t do anything to stop himself. Poor self-control, obviously. As if Aiden didn’t know himself well enough.
He was doing it again. James tried to look absorbed in her book, but in truth she’d read the same paragraph eight times and failed to absorb anything. She let her hair hang in her eyes, hoping that obscured the fact that she was now constantly looking at him - waiting to see if he was looking at her, too. Why was he looking at her? What should she do? She felt certain that this should have bothered her. A lot. I could just leave, she told herself. It wasn’t like she was particularly attached to this place. And yet she hadn’t moved. Why?
After a while Aiden couldn’t take it anymore and had to down a pint of his own (under the counter, away from everybody else’s eyes) before he went back to work. And going back to work meant, at the moment, leaning against the bar and looking at nothing in particular until someone finally asked him for something. If only he was busy he could stop staring at the poor bird and start pretending he didn’t find her somewhat interesting and had only just noticed that he did. But no, he had nothing to do and the counter was so fucking clean the pint glasses slid off of it now. Them and the more drunk patrons who tried to support their weight on their elbows against the counter. In hindsight Aiden probably contributed for more drunken accidents by cleaning the bar that much. So, he had nothing else to do but stand there, looking in her direction but all around and never at her, not directly, even though from the corner of his eye he couldn’t look away.
Now James was watching him, despite the fact that she kept telling herself she should be leaving. She watched him clean the bar until things - and patrons - literally began to slide upon it, and had to fight to keep an amused look off of her face. Immediately, she was horrified with herself. I need to leave, she told herself again. She grabbed her drink and downed half of it, before trying to force herself to focus on her book again. It wasn’t working so well. She reread the paragraph for a ninth time. Still nothing.
The bar thing had been unintentional but Aiden couldn’t help but laugh when the first patron slid off of it. He leaned over it to look. “You alright mate?” He asked, but didn’t move to help the man up, especially since he looked he had it mildly under control. Aiden looked up at the girl again and saw her downing half her drink before looking back at her book, but he could have sworn he had seen her about to laugh at the patron who had fallen off the bar, such as it was. “Sorry about that, mate, got a little overbearing with the cleaning.” He managed, running a nervous hand through his hair as he looked away from her - or tried to - again. Now he wondered what that book was about.
It occurred to James that the bartop was probably the only clean thing in the bar. The thought made her grin, briefly. The second she realized the expression was there she forced it away, and she nearly reached for her drink again. If I finish it, he’ll come back over. And she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She wasn’t sure how she felt about any of this. Other than the fact that she was furious with herself for not feeling the way she always felt - annoyed and hateful to all of humanity. I’m a fucking mess. This time, she was not thinking about her appearance.
Like any good bartender - at least when there wasn’t too much going on at the pub - Aiden noticed the girl was just about to finish her pint. He looked at her and then at the line of pint glasses for a while, running his hand through his hair again. Aiden wasn’t good at this, at meeting girls, doing subversive things to make them pay attention...at being paid attention, even. He had never really been good at it. But this time he had thought of something he could do that went along those lines. She wouldn’t suspect he just wanted to talk to her. And why would he want to talk to this one? Well, maybe because she didn’t get to the pub already half drunk and half naked, speaking loudly just to get men’s attention and walking around in packs with other half-naked screaming bimbos. That could be it. Aiden never liked that type of girl unless he was desperate for some action.
He took a glass and filled it with beer again, and then went around the counter to her table. “Here.” Aiden set the glass next to her other one. “On me, so you won’t tell my boss I didn’t help that geezer up.” He glanced briefly at her and smiled, looking away right after. Then, he walked away without waiting for an answer.
James had opened her mouth to respond, and found herself blinking in surprise and leaning back in her chair when she wasn’t given the opportunity to. Huh. This was... new. Odd. That, too. Huh. She watched him go, and tried to look away before he would notice him watching her. She felt very... stupid. But hell, alcohol was supposed to be a good cure for that. So she finished off the first and started in on the second, briefly raising the glass in thanks without looking his way. The book was fascinating. Really, it was. Which was why she couldn’t remember what she was supposed to be reading.
There it was, the stupid first move. The first time Aiden had done it in this circumstances, even. He felt very stupid now, so he didn’t look at her again. What the hell had possessed him to do such a thing? He wasn’t the type, he wasn’t the good looking self-assured bloke who made moves on girls, especially not smart uni students who were so out of his league it was like they were in another planet. What an idiot. He thought about himself, shaking his head. It had especially been stupid to walk away without waiting for an answer, because she sure as fuck wasn’t getting up to come talk to him at the bar. At least he saw she was drinking it, which meant she hadn’t wholesomely rejected his gesture. But that meant nothing but that she liked free beer - who didn’t?
“God I feel stupid.” He murmured to himself, shaking his head. He changed the music to some classic rock and raised the volume, trying to drown out his own thoughts.
Does he expect me to come talk to him? When he turned the music up she wondered, but that certainly seemed the case here. James wasn’t sure how to react to that. She didn’t really... go to people. This entire situation was so bizarre she had to wonder if she had lost her mind. She sighed and shifted positions, letting the book hit the table as she leaned over it and propped her head up on an arm. A bar patron seemed to believe she might be more approachable after the drinks, and started his way towards her. She looked up and leveled him with a stare. He faltered, seemed to think better of it, and turned around. At least some people still made sense to her. She felt more comfortable knowing how to control a situation. I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
At this point Aiden started to tap his fingers on the bar counter to the music, trying very hard not to feel more stupid than he already did. He looked up just in time to see one of the tipsy blokes approaching her table, and narrowed his eyes. Fortunately, though, the girl knew how to take care of herself, he had found that out before today. The stare she gave the bloke must have been filled with imaginary bullets because he turned around and left just as fast as he had approached her. Aiden snickered. The man came to the bar and wanted to pay his beers. “Got rejected without a word, hey?” Aiden asked with a smirk. “I’ll have a tenner.” The man was about to protest. “You know how many pints you ordered, yeah? The prices didn’t go down from yesterday.” The man sighed and handed him the £10 note, which Aiden put in the register. “Cheers.” He waved him off and the man left, stumbling only slightly. Aiden looked at the girl again with a smirk and shook his head. At least she hadn’t bitten his head off when he had offered the pint. Maybe he could count it as a blessing and stop being a tool.
James happened to catch his eye this time when he looked over, purely on accident, and she knew immediately it was no use quickly looking away. He looked... amused. Well, alright. She supposed that was no harm. She smirked briefly herself, though it was a darker sort of expression, and her eyes had an awkward look to them. Dammit, she didn’t want to look awkward. She wanted to look intimidating. It was a look she worked hard on, and it made these little trips possible. She bit her lip and looked down at her book again. She didn’t bother trying for a tenth time, she simply flipped through the pages for another chapter. A fresh start. Maybe she’d have better luck.
Aiden had to try hard not to laugh at her expression, she seemed divided between looking intimidating and amused and she just looked funny. He nodded slowly as she went back to her book, and leaned against the counter, nodding his head to the music. The book seemed damn interesting, considering she hadn’t stopped reading it at all since she had come into the pub. He wanted to ask what it was about, but decided against it. And he still felt stupid. Aiden vowed then and there to never make a first move again, much less with a girl who looked the least bit decent. He was probably doomed to get with those drunken bimbos that showed up in packs over the weekend and frequented every bar and pub they could gain entrance to and ended up sprawled out on the grass in front of a disco. Those he was probably good enough for, but not quiet loner uni students who liked to read and drink beer as they read. Truth be told he wasn’t exactly a catch, now, was he?
James tried to banish the thought of the bartender from her mind, but it didn’t work. Instead, she found herself wondering if she could make him come back. She took her time, skimming lines and paragraphs, now realizing that she was reading about monkeys while she still didn’t really absorb what about monkeys she was reading. Words were blurring before her eyes as her mind turned over the time she’d spent in the bar. In time, she finished her beer - telling herself one more wouldn’t be so bad. She wasn’t really feeling it yet. And this time, if he came over, she’d talk before he could leave.
It took Aiden a while to notice she had finished her beer. He filled his chest full of air before deciding to walk over to her, but he eventually did. “Get you another one?” He asked as he took the empty glasses from her table. This time, he had to stick around to hear her answer, so he did, even though he was feeling extremely stupid and very unprofessional. He just had to roll with the punches, do his job and wait for her to go home, or for the pub to close. And then he could forget about her...Hopefully.
James nodded, pretended to note her place (ha, yeah right), and looked up to him with a blank expression on her face. “You know, I wouldn’t have told anyway,” she said. Delayed response, but oh well. She was the sort of girl who usually had the last word anyway. “Do I really strike the impression that I’m the sort of person who has spare fucks to give for greasy bar drunks?” If so, she was not trying hard enough with that wall she was building up around her.
Looking down at her, Aiden shrugged. “I wouldn’t know, would I? Better safe than sorry.” Though she had a point in what she said next. He scratched his head. “Not really, but it could all differ when it’s someone else making them look like clowns.” Aiden replied, snickering. And then he felt awkward and out of place and turned to leave. “I’ll bring you another one in a minute.” He said, proceeding to get her the other pint. He set it on the table in front of her and glanced at the book. “Interesting read?” He asked, while within himself he was screaming LEAVE. GO AWAY. GO DO YOUR JOB. GO., but the fire in him didn’t listen. The fire in him was starting to need companionship, it seemed. Aiden just didn’t know that yet.
James would have replied, would have said that if she cared about men being humiliated she wouldn’t ruin them with glares, but he left again. Slippery thing, wasn’t he. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. When he returned she looked at the book, and then back at him. She was pretty sure she was caught. She tried to play it off casually. “Not really,” she went with. “Sort of thing you have to be in the right mood for, I guess.” Clearly, she was not in that sort of mood. She’d wanted noise. Was it possible that she’d actually wanted someone to talk to? That seemed ridiculous. Most times she could go days without saying a word to another human being and be perfectly happy. Well, close to it as she ever got.
Nodding, Aiden looked at the book again but couldn’t make out any of the words. “What’s it about?” He couldn’t believe he was making conversation with her. Part of him wanted to punch himself in the face and force himself back behind the counter, but if he left now, just like that, she would think he was crazy on top of everything else she already thought he was. Like a pain in the neck, an overly curious bartender, an ugly stupid bloke like all the rest. Pretty soon she was going to punch him in the bollocks, he just knew it. So why couldn’t he just walk away?
What a great question. James looked down at the book, and quickly scanned a page. “Monkeys,” she had said. And then, “The mating habits of bonobos.” Great. Even better. “You probably don’t want to know what that entails.” Every occasion was a reason for them to get it on, and she wasn't entirely convinced of her ability to explain that without feeling the urge to punch somebody in the face. She needed to change the subject, but she was awful with smalltalk. And yet she wasn't sure she wanted him to leave.
“Ah.” He replied, nodding. He didn’t even know what bonobos were but he supposed they were a type of monkey. You didn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to deduct that. He actually laughed at what she said next. “I’m a bit too old not to know the basics of what a mating habit entails. At least by theory. Unless these are the mammal exception.” Look at him, uneducated fuck talking about mammals. You bullshitter he thought to himself. “Alright then, uh...” He turned around. “Have fun.” He walked away, completely defeated and out of subject to talk about. Were he someone else he would’ve pulled up a chair and made some clever quip about mating, but that wasn’t Aiden’s style. Aiden didn’t have a style, for better or worse. He was just...Aiden. Useless, average, uneducated and good at mixing drinks for mingers.
James blinked at him when he turned and walked away again. Leaning back in her chair, she watched him and ended up responding anyway - even if it did mean she had to raise her voice over the music and other voices in the bar. "You have this strange habit of walking away before a person can respond," she called. When a man at a nearby table snickered, she shot him a cool glare. "I don't believe I was talking to you," she said. He didn't seem intimidated by her - his mistake - but he did look back to his own table. For now. She redirected her attention back to the bartender and smirked faintly. She couldn't help it. She supposed she must have been amused by how utterly ridiculous this experience was.
Aiden stopped in his tracks when he heard her speak and turned around. “Sorry about that.” He said before returning to her table just in time to hear her give the what’s what to a man in a nearby table. He snickered, looking away. “Alright I’m here, you can respond now.” He told her with a faint smile. Were they flirting, or was this being just as ridiculous as he thought? Either way, he clasped his hands together behind his back and waited for her to respond, though he would have been a little more comfortable sitting down at her table, but that would have been crossing some sort of line and Aiden wasn’t that much of an idiot.
James could have responded, just picked up with the monkey talk like either one of them gave a shit, but she didn’t have the energy to pretend. She looked up at him, her smirk actually starting to reach her eyes. “You should be glad I’m not a psychology student. If I were, I might wonder why you never give people the chance to respond.” Oh wait, she did that anyway. But mainly she was too self absorbed and wondered why she wondered. She had no patience for psychology. At the end of the day, she didn’t care why people did what they did. What mattered was that what they did made James want to make somebody bleed.
Crossing his arms, Aiden covered his chin with his hand and smirked back. “Because you’re not wondering that all the same right now, are you?” He scratched his chin looking for an answer, and then shrugged. “I guess it’s because I’m used to people not responding to me. I’m a bartender, I have certain things to say that don’t really require an answer and I tend to have to move fast when this place is full. Sorry if I seemed rude.” He glanced down at her book again, and then up at her face. “So if it’s not psychology, what is it that you study that requires you to know the mating habits of...baboons, was it?”
James refused to grin. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that, and she’d vowed to not do it again until she was standing over the body of one of the fuckers who had killed her uncle. “In case you hadn’t noticed, rudeness isn’t really an issue for me,” she said. She wondered how much of his answer was bullshit. It was a reasonable, logical answer. She just had a hard time taking anything as absolute truth. She looked down at the book, shrugged, and pushed it away. “I haven’t decided yet. I just took up random classes. I like animals better than people.” Mostly all truths. The animal part certainly was.
Looking away, Aiden nodded. He had to agree, rudeness wasn’t a problem there. “Right. Well, from now on every time I speak to you I’ll wait around to see if you feel like replying.” He joked. And promptly felt like an idiot. If he could he’d leave the pub right then and go home, hide under his pillow and sleep the rest of the day until he forgot what an idiot he felt like. “Heh, we have that in common...” He murmured. He too liked animals better than people, animals never made him want to set them on fire. People, on the other hand... “You could be a vet, then.” It was the obvious suggestion.
He was joking, but James felt tempted to stare at him and say nothing to see what he did. She was certain she was being an idiot. He went on though, and she wrinkled her nose slightly at the vet suggestion. “I don’t think I’m enough of a people person. I’m certain I’d just end up throttling poodle owners and burning the place down when my stress level got too high. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess I can’t be bothered to think about it yet.” Subtle hint for a subject change. She didn’t like to think about it. The only thing she cared about doing was getting her revenge. “How long have you worked here?”
Shrugging, Aiden nodded in agreement to what she said. “Yeah, animal owners can be too daft to deal with.” He said. It was funny that she mentioned burning something down when stress levels went too high, because that was exactly what happened to him. Then again he didn’t actively burn places down they just...caught fire. Well, save rare exceptions, that is. “You’ll get there.” He reassured her, and then shrugged again when she asked how long he worked at the pub. “Not too long, I move jobs a lot. About two years, I think? I don’t remember.” Aiden didn’t keep track of things like this, he only knew his age because his date of birth was in his driver’s license and it had the year he had been born on it.
“Must be tolerable then, to stay here that long,” James thought aloud, shrugging back. “Is it a problem, me coming in here the way I do and scaring blokes off?” Not that she particularly cared if it was. She was just... making conversation. And had absolutely no idea why. It felt weird. Maybe it wouldn’t feel so weird if she made him sit down, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to do that. What a strange night.
Aiden had had worse, he couldn’t complain. So, he shrugged. “Been in worse places.” He laughed at her question. “No, no, some blokes come in here to see if you’re around just to see you scaring the cheeky ones off.” It was true, she had built a small following of people who liked to laugh at the men’s faces when she made them turn around and go through the same path they had come. “And it makes my job well entertaining, have to say.” He confessed, crossing his arms. Then he paused, looking away and back at her. “By the way, name’s Aiden.” He said. He might as well introduce himself since they were making awkward conversation and all.
That surprised James, and it was obvious by the look on her face. She blinked stupidly at him as she tried to process that information. She had a following. What. The. Fuck. Yet another thing in the pile of ‘how the fuck do I feel about this.’ Great. “That’s... huh.” Yeah, she had no words for what that was. “I guess there are worse reactions to be had.” Now she had a name to go with the face. Introductions did not help her rough exterior she’d built up, and yet she heard herself returning the offer. “James,” she replied. Part of her couldn’t help but wait for a strange reaction to that. It happened a lot.
Her surprise was obvious on her face and it amused Aiden, though he did not laugh. But he did agree with her that it could be worse, she could have been single-handedly destroying the pub’s reputation. Luckily most people did not give a hoot about what happened there as long as they weren’t involved. Her name was surprising, and Aiden wondered if her parents had been expecting a boy and decided not to change the name when she was born. “James, huh? At least it’s not ordinary.” He commented, shrugging. And then, they had run out of subject, because Aiden sucked at this interacting thing, and found himself staring at her hoping that she would save them from this uncomfortable silence.
That was a point, but there were plenty of times as a child James had wished she had a girl’s name. If nothing else because she hated having anything in common with her old man. “I suppose,” she shrugged. And then... she was out of things to talk about. And he was staring at her. Shit. What am I doing? “I... ah... should probably go.” She didn’t particularly want to, but she didn’t know how to fill the silence, either. She used to be good at this sort of thing. She put enough money on the table for the drinks and a generous tip, and quickly pushed her books back into her bag. “I’ll see you around.”
Well, he had been expecting this. They had run out of things to say and Aiden couldn’t expect James to just stick around and find a new subject just like that. She was probably busy anyway. He nodded, lowering his gaze. “Yeah.” He looked at the money and noticed it was too much, but if she had meant to leave it and he said anything she might get angry. And Aiden already knew he would not like James when she was angry. “Alright, see ya later.” He said, picking up the money and returning to the bar. That had been all kinds of awkward, but it had been more interaction with the opposite sex than Aiden had had in years.
A few days later...
To say James was annoyed with herself was an understatement. She had wanted to go back to the bar ever since, well, ever since leaving it, and she couldn’t say why. It made no sense. She didn’t feel any crazier or lonelier than she ever did, so why did she want to go back? So Aiden (dammit, why did she have to remember his name) could make her feel awkward again? No thank you.
She managed to hold out for a few days. Then one evening she had a bored moment, unable to concentrate on reading or her research, and before she knew what she was doing she was grabbing her keys and coat and out the door. In less than an hour she was at the bar. This is stupid, she told herself. When she’d left last time she’d told herself she’d never come back. She should have done that tonight. Picked a new place, and forgot about those awkward moments that didn’t bother her in the correct way. She pushed open the door anyway, and went straight for her usual table. She didn’t dare look around, despite wanting to. She felt ridiculous.
Days had passed and James hadn’t come into the pub like she used to. Aiden was sure he had scared her away, and he had been more irritated and short than usual. Was he so damn worthless that he couldn’t even have a casual conversation with a girl without scaring her away for good? Because he really needed to feel more worthless than usual right about now.
He had worked at the pub long enough that the door opening didn’t make him look anymore, so he didn’t see her come in. In fact, he did not see her at all until he lifted his head from whatever he had been haphazardly doing behind the bar and saw her sitting at her usual table. It had been empty all those days, although Aiden wouldn’t have stopped anyone from sitting in it because he couldn’t, not without a better reason. But he had been glad it had remained empty. And now, it wasn’t anymore. He looked right down upon seeing her, and he really did not want to talk to her again, but she wasn’t the type to come to the bar and place an order, so Aiden did what he was supposed to do. Well, sort of. “Oi, James!” He called out above the music. “Get you a pint?” He was kind of shaking but luckily from that distance she couldn’t see it. Hopefully.
Her heart gave a little start when he called out to her. James did not approve of that at all. She was supposed to be in control of her own body, and it wasn’t supposed to do things she didn’t understand. Something in her liked the familiarity, while the rest of her wanted to throw a temper tantrum and storm out. She smiled a bit at him and nodded. It didn’t seem so busy tonight -- she couldn’t decide if that was a good or a bad thing.
A tiny smile. That was better than nothing, he supposed. Nodding, Aiden proceeded to get her a pint and then went around the counter slowly to get it to her. “There you are.” He smiled at her and started walking backwards, hoping to God he wouldn’t bump into anyone or anything and make a fool of himself. Then he decided to turn around and walk properly. It wasn’t like she would be gone if he stopped looking, she wasn’t a vision. Not that kind, anyway. He went behind the counter and looked around. The place was almost empty safe for an older bloke reading the newspaper and James. At least he had something good to look at, even if he knew he needed to be very careful for James not to notice.
The way he behaved made James smirk with amusement, despite her better efforts not to be amused. She almost called after him. That would imply I want to talk to him. And I don’t, she told herself. Why would she? All she ever wanted to be left alone, and the attention of men usually bothered her. So he should have bothered her, too. So she sipped her drink - gulped, was more like it - and dug around in her bag for something to amuse herself with. She wouldn’t be talking to him. He had nothing to do, so if he felt chatty he would have stuck around. That settled that. Really.
If Aiden were someone else, he probably would have asked to sit with her given the lack of movement today in the pub. However, while he thought about it he decided against it for feeling like an idiot if she laughed in his face when he asked to sit down. Instead of dwelling on her presence he decided to put on some music and, as usual, hammer his fingers on the counter to the sound of it. He felt pathetic, especially when his eyes deviated in James’ direction and he hoped to God she wasn’t noticing. This was stupid and senseless, he was pretty sure.
James dug through her bag for several moments before she realized that her books were on the desk at home, exactly where she had left them. She hadn’t meant to come here, it just happened. She hadn’t even thought to grab her laptop. She had nothing. Shit. So, there went the thought of a distraction. Wonderful. James shot her bag a dirty look, as if she could intimidate it into becoming full. It didn’t work. I should just go sit at the bar, she thought, before a quick The hell I should. I don’t go to people. They come to me. Except they sort of didn’t when she went out of her way to scare them away. Brilliant.
Okay. She’d just make him come to her then. And she’d pretend she didn’t feel like an absolute phony when she did it. What could be easier? She could change into animals, for fucks sake, she should be able to talk to a man out of boredom. Because that was all it was. Trying to turn her mind off, she schooled her face, trying to look both bored and casual, and looked over at Aiden. When she caught his eye, she used her index finger to beckon him over. I am a tool.
As usual when things were slow, Aiden got a pint for himself and downed it in less than a minute. He was thirsty and bored. Then he noticed James rummaging in her bag for something she did not find, and furrowed his brow. It wasn’t like her to not bring something to read to the pub, she spent a lot of time here, most of it reading. When she called him over his heart skipped a beat and before he went, he grabbed himself another pint.
“No books today?” He asked her, actually curious. Aiden took a seat on her table this time, because the other day he had felt silly just standing there and furthermore she had called him over, surely she wouldn’t mind him sitting.
Hey, that actually worked. James couldn’t help but feel pleased. She told herself that she was only pleased with her triumph. She didn’t even have to invite him (or more accurately for James, tell him) to sit down. “I forgot them at home,” she said. “Seems like a slow night. Maybe you could entertain me instead.” ...Yes, I just said that. I feel ridiculous. She wasn’t sure why he didn’t annoy her as much as other people (or at all, so far at least), and trying to pretend that wasn’t the case wasn’t fixing the problem. She was just going to have to talk to him.
Aiden was downing his beer while she talked, though he stopped and looked at her when she said that maybe he could entertain her instead. “I don’t know any magic tricks or anything.” He replied, thinking that if she just wanted to have a good time at the expense of the socially awkward bartender she would have another thing coming. Aiden loved company, but not enough to let anyone make him feel or act like an idiot. Not voluntarily anyway. “And I’m no interesting uni student, I have no deep conversations to have.” He warned her.
That was an unexpected reaction. Perhaps she’d unknowingly touched upon some sort of soft spot. “I have no interest in deep conversations,” she informed him, rolling her eyes. “If things get heavy, I’m going to punch you and leave.” James wasn’t really sure if she was kidding or not. Perhaps he could take it as a joke and that would be that. “And a uni student with no direction in life who drinks alone at a bar isn’t exactly interesting anyway.” Fuck, hadn’t she just said nothing deep? Great.
“Good, because neither do I.” Aiden confessed with a sideways smile. Her confession that she would punch him and leave if things got heavy made him raise his eyebrows, but Aiden decided to keep silent and keep smiling. As for what she said next, he shrugged. “If you say so I believe you, but I wouldn’t be so sure. Everybody’s got their little bits of interesting stuff.” At least he liked to think so. He didn’t think this about all the drunken bimbos that came into the pub on weekends, but then James was nothing like them, thankfully. “Then again a bartender with no direction in life who drinks alone at home isn’t exactly interesting either.” He remarked, snickering.
He didn’t tell her to piss off, so James decided she must have been doing okay. She raised an eyebrow at his response, and couldn’t help but smirk. “Too late. You said it. Now you have to tell me something interesting about you. Prove your theory.” Maybe she’d figure out why he didn’t annoy her the way he should have. Then she could go back to living a peaceful, solitary, vengeance-driven life.
Well now she had put him on the spot and Aiden had no one to blame but himself. He couldn’t think of anything interesting about himself that wasn’t a secret, and though he was fond of this bird so far he wasn’t going to tell her he’d probably killed her parents and he could set fire to things without needing matches. But there was something he could pass off as interesting, although it wasn’t, at least for him. “I have never, ever misplaced anything I own. I have never lost my keys, for instance.” Aiden told her, shrugging as if to apologize for the lameness of his own example of interesting.
James felt the random urge to psycho-analyze that, which was an annoying, lingering side effect from having her every move psycho-analyzed for a while. She was still waiting for that to wear off. Fucking shrinks. She smiled faintly, thinking she could push him for something more interesting, but she didn’t have the nerve. She tried to think of some random, harmless fact about herself to offer up, perhaps to make him feel more at ease. Unfortunately, everything that defined who she was fell under the heading of ‘shit not to talk about.’ She didn’t want to talk about her uncle, or where she’d grown up, or the things they’d done together, and that was basically all she had up until recently. “My parents have the same names as Harry Potter’s.” She shrugged and sipped her drink. “Your turn.”
Suddenly Aiden felt like he was playing some sort of truth or dare game without the dare, because it seemed like for both of them telling the truth was daring enough. He wondered just what it was she had to hide, but then he remembered his own secrets and decided perhaps it was better than he did not know. Her revelation made him laugh good-naturedly, even though he did not know Harry Potter’s parents’ names. He had never read them. “Really? Huh.” Aiden thought about it for a while, since she seemed to want to keep going with this little game. “Oh, I have it. I have never driven a car in my life.” Some people started by cars then graduated to motorbikes, but not him. He was more the type to not bullshit himself - if he wanted a bike, then that was what he was going to learn how to ride.
“Really?” James thought about that and shrugged. “You don’t need to drive in London anyway. Bet that makes not losing your keys easier, too.” She had driven for the first time when she and her uncle were on safari in Africa. She did not share this tidbit. She was not out to come off as a hoity toity rich bitch. Instead, she just tried to think of another random, useless bit of information. Then she grinned. “My first word was wanker.” Probably a little telling of what her parents conversations were like, but oh well. “I do ride a bike though.” Aiden clarified, as he was proud of that fact and he had very little else to be proud of. When James shared the next tidbit of herself, Aiden burst out laughing like he hadn’t done in a very long time. “You’re joking! Really? I have no idea what mine was, my mother never bothered to let me know, but couldn’t have been as brilliant as that!” Now to think of another thing to tell her... This was hard when you had a lot you didn’t want to tell. Finally he decided for one he didn’t really want to tell, but Aiden couldn’t think of anything else. “My parents got a shotgun wedding, courtesy of my mother’s father.” It was sad and all, but then again not many children living in a healthy environment counted their first word as ‘wanker’, so Aiden thought he was in common ground with James there.
“Bikes are fun,” James commented, having no trouble imagining that. It suited him. When he laughed she had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach, and despite being deeply troubled with herself, she realized all at once that she was attracted to him. Shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen. She couldn’t help but smile though. “My mum told me once I blurted it out in my high chair and looked proud with myself. Shut both my parents up.” They’d probably been fighting. She was surprised to hear him offer up something real, and beyond that, something she could relate to. She hesitated before speaking again. “My mum was in high school when she got pregnant. She named me after my dad to try and guilt-trip him into coming back to her.” She rolled her eyes and took a swallow of her beer. “Idiot fell for it.”
Aiden nodded. They were fun indeed, and there was nothing better than to ride as fast as you could with the wind on your face when you were too angry or miserable to think. On those occasions he normally didn’t care if he died, which was liberating. “I suppose it would, hearing you call them wankers and all.” He smiled, visibly amused. Her smile was as beautiful as it was rare, it reached her eyes in a way not many people were capable of doing. “Ahhh, hence the masculine name. I see. At least your dad sounds like he had a bit of a heart. Mine decided to blame me exclusively for him having impregnated my mum, as if that makes any sense.” He couldn’t believe he was telling her that. Once he realized what he had just blurted out, Aiden looked away and cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable. What the fuck was he doing!?
James’ amusement died at the mention of her dad having a heart. She couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. “He didn’t stick around,” she said. “He left after my mum died and I went into the system.” Yes, eventually her uncle did come along, but the damage had been done. James knew she had never had a shot at being normal. Then she realized she had admitted to more than she cared to, and it seemed he’d passed the boundaries of his own comfort zone. So, naturally, she kicked him. Not hard, just a light kick under the table to get his attention. It wouldn’t even bruise. “Nothing heavy, remember? You’re supposed to be a distraction from my pathetic life.”
It sounded very hard, having a parent who left especially after the other one died, but Aiden couldn’t help thinking that if his father had left, his life might have been a lot different. Then again he couldn’t remove blame from his mother, who watched the way he treated her own son and did nothing. And here he was tired of hearing how mums were supposed to protect their children. Supposed, sure. Those who actually did it? Lower number.
Aiden looked back at James when she kicked him, and he offered a smile that did not hide the hurt in his eyes. Not from the kick, but from the subject. “So I suppose we can agree that our parents weren’t exactly nice.” He nodded, agreeing with her. “No heavy stuff. Favorite films?”
Oh, Jesus. That look. James recognized it well. She saw it in her own face from time to time. Damn him, she didn’t want to relate to him. “I’ll drink to that,” she sighed, briefly raising her glass before draining a little more. Films. Okay. That she could deal with. Safe and mindless. “Fight Club,” she said, chuckling softly. A little cliche, but she loved it anyway. “I watch a lot of war and military stuff. What about you?”
“Hear hear.” Aiden agreed, downing the rest of his beer. At least the subject he had chosen could make for interesting discussions unless James was a movie buff and there he would lose every single one of them. He nodded, approving of her answer. “Good choice, good choice. Me? Oh I love romantic comedies.” He replied and sat looking at her with the most serious expression he could manage before starting to laugh. “Joking, joking. I like action too. I think my favorite is Blade Runner. Or Mad Max. I have a thing for dystopian futures, apparently.” He shrugged. “And motorcycles, and car chases and big fucking guns.” He added.
James knew he was joking the second he said it, but she couldn’t help but to shoot him a scathing look. It was gone as soon as it came on - a rarity for her. Usually when she used that look, she meant it. She grinned at his answer. “All good things,” she agreed. She read a lot of books and graphic novels in the dystopian genre, but didn’t say so. He didn’t strike her as a reader, and she didn’t want to ruin the conversation. That she shouldn’t have been having in the first place.
The look she gave him made Aiden start laughing, but it didn’t last long, though his smile stayed in place. “There’s this old theatre in a dark, hidden alley not far from here that shows 80s action classics on Thursdays. We should go some time.” He didn’t realize what he had said until after he said it, and his eyebrows rose as Aiden looked away. Had he just sort of asked her out? Well, there was no point in taking it back now, even if he was sure pretty soon he was going to hear a sarcastic laugh out of her as she said no. Because why would she want to go out to an old, dusty and moldy theatre with him anyway?
If Aiden was surprised, James was downright floored. Though in all honesty, you wouldn’t have known to look at her. Her only initial reaction was to blink. On the inside, it felt like someone had dropped an atomic bomb. Had he really done that? Was that what it sounded like? Worse of all, how did she feel about that? She should have laughed in his face. I let myself get too lonely. No, not possible. She should have stayed at home. James swallowed hard. She realized he looked a little surprised with himself, too. I don’t want to have anything in common with this man. I need to leave. “Okay.” That was the opposite of leaving.
Her response was even more surprising than the fact that she didn’t punch him in the face at all. “Okay?” Aiden sounded shocked. “Really?” He had never expected her to say yes, hence why his thinly veiled invitation had escaped his lips due to brain diarrhea, or something to that effect. “Huh. Okay. They’re showing Rambo this week.” Aiden shrugged. It was a sort of suggestion but he did not want to press his luck. Plus, she might be saying yes now and then give him some excuse not to go. She might never even intend to go. That was most likely, and that was okay. Or it wasn’t, but it had to be.
“You asked,” James pointed out. “Do you not want to?” I’m going along with this why? Better question, why does that last idea kind of annoy me? Fuck her brain. It’s not like I have anything better to do, she told herself, but of course that wasn’t fucking true. She had avoiding society to do, and it was an important job. There was also the small matter of the people she needed to kill. She needed to just keep to herself until they were dead and she could join them. And here she was in this fucking bar with this fucking guy she didn’t want to like or relate to, and feeling annoyed that he’d asked her out without meaning it.
“No, no, that’s not it, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.” That would be stupid and counter-productive, wouldn’t it? Plus Aiden craved companionship almost every day; especially a girl’s company. “It’s just...I honestly thought you were going to laugh in my face and say no and make me feel like the most pathetic bloke on the planet.” You couldn’t blame him for thinking so, she was this fierce girl with a biting look in her eyes that worked more effectively to keep people away than the spikes on a porcupine or a hedgehog. “So, yeah.” He laughed nervously. “Rambo.”
That was such a strange thought, though James supposed it went with the persona she put forward. He has no idea what a pathetic mess I am, she thought, once again wondering how this latest bit of information made her feel. The jury was out. She decided to ignore it for now. “I could meet you here, some night you’ve got off, and we could go over together.” The suggestion felt strange and foreign on her tongue. She was out of practice at this sort of thing. Being human.
When James said she would even meet him here and then they could go to the old cinema together made Aiden grin and he didn’t even have the strength to curb it. Nodding, he put both hands on the table as if they had just settled the terms of some business deal. “I really want to see Rambo, so is this Thursday alright for you? Not that I can’t see Rambo at home, but it’s a lot more fun with...uh...you know, a big screen.” He was going to say company but that would have made this even more awkward and ridiculous and despite her saying yes twice he still felt like he was walking on thin ice. Was this a date? Aiden looked her over furrowing his brow as if the answer was etched somewhere in her face.
He was pretty cute when he got excited like that, even if that was the very last thing James wanted to be thinking about. She shouldn’t have been finding things she liked about him, or things she related to. She should be picking out every little flaw, every thing that annoyed her. “Thursday’s good,” she said instead. “I have afternoon classes, but I can be here well by seven.”
“Alright then, Thursday it is.” Aiden kept on grinning, so much so that it kind of hurt his jaw muscles. Behind him the noise of an impatient patron distracted him from staring at her face like an idiot, and Aiden looked over his shoulder. “Seems like someone needs to fill his deposit.” He got up from his chair and pointed at her. “Thursday at seven.” He said again before walking away. A date. He actually had a date - kind of - with the scary girl who sat in the corner of the pub and sent all the other men running with their tails between their legs. When had he gotten so lucky?