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Rina (_breakmyself) wrote in light_of_may,

Having no idea what a breakfast bar was meant that Rina could not offer her opinion on them one way or another so she decided to just sort of sit there, smile and nod. Better to let Darklis fuss if she wished than to interject and point out that logistically speaking it really wasn't possible for an angel to starve to death or else she would have in Germany. Probably better to not bring such dark and unpleasant things up. 'You just did in your own head.' That was not the point and Trouble very well knew it. She was just trying to be irritating despite knowing full well that Rina did not get irritated with her.

None of which actually mattered when she was behind that tree, face in hands. It had been a very, very long time since she had cried by a tree on this plane. The last time that she had been to Germany she had been at the memorial and unable to even think of walking the forest. Which she would not have done. She had seen people who did not deserve it die there and for all that she was meant to protect them she could not have done anything because Varick had been among them. And then again because they would have taken her and no one would have helped the rest. And until Neil wrote me I wanted to wait for them. Rina had needed to cling tightly to that hopeless belief that her family would come back. I waited. Because the moment that his letter had come had been when she stopped. By the time she had held it in her hands and read the words, over and over until it was so deeply ingrained in her mind that she would not ever be able to forget, they had all been dead. The only one of their family left on earth had been her. Neil's face had not seen the light of the actual sun until she had held that canvas in her hands. It made all of the memories more real than they had any right to be and she wished with all her heart that Darklis was not there to see. She was a patron angel who was supposed to comfort, not break down into tears like a hurt child.

She heard what Darklis said and understood it, but it was hard to respond. There were knots tied all over in her throat that words did not want to come past. Not to mention that if she opened her mouth she was unsure of whether or not she would say anything about that or start babbling herself. Rina was never around other people when she was like this. For a reason. 'Try.' Shuddering breaths and the sobs slowed, though the tears did not. Shifting she leaned the back of her head against the tree, picking up traces of emotion from Darklis that flitted among her own but did not make a real impression. "I didn't want you there for you. You're already..." She made a vague motion with one hand without really acknowledging that Darklis could not see her. "I'm sorry you saw all of that and that you were worried for me, but I truly wish you hadn't seen what you did." Rina wanted to know what exactly she had dreamed when Darklis was there. There was a usual pattern she followed, but it was not always set past Varick. She saw me kill Varick. She did, she did, she did. No, there was not blood on her hands, she needed to stop staring at them like that. "You... you saw my brother? Did I dream of him?" Why could she not wake remembering that?