WHO: Ray and Hawke WHEN: Tuesday, Feb. 12, morning WHERE: Hawke's place WHAT: Failed breakfast WARNINGS: Language, Ana Trigger
HAWKE: Ray had been around more lately, and Hawke definitely approved of that. Though today was their day off, and he wanted to just spend it in bed. He had noticed the night before that Ray had lost some weight. It wasn't terribly worry some, since it didn't seem like much. She was still asleep, or so he thought, so the naked man curled in closer to her slender form. He brought hands up, sliding them to hold her ribs, just under her breasts. He was trying to make sure that they weren't that much smaller. How much of her could he fit into his hands before? He shifted around, so that he was laying over her, careful not to kneel on her. He very slowly slid hands down her sides, to her hips, and held on there too. How much of a difference was there? He couldn't be sure. His hands slid back up, and as they did, he slid up with them until his body was stretched out over hers. He bent his head in then, kissing her jawline.
His room was filled with nothing but morning light, since he had left the curtains away from the big windowed balcony that was his left wall. The bed had new white sheets on it that were barely hanging onto the couple that was in the bed. As for the rest of that mess? Clothing was everywhere, on every surface, and just a mess. It wasn't all his though, some belonged to Ray. A lot were outfits she had worn on her stay over, and then gone home in one of his shirts. He was willingly loaning out things to her now, and he was sure he was losing his mind for that alone.
RAY: Ray had been asleep at first, but when she felt his hands on her breasts it had woken her fully. Thinking he was trying to wake her by feeling her up, she kept her eyes closed even though a smile spread across her lips. Though when he paused at her hips, she became confused. What was he doing? Was he comparing her to see how skinny she was to other girls he'd been with? Ray knew she probably wasn't the skinniest but she was dying to be. He had been doing really well on what she considered a temporary diet, keeping a strict cal count of 500 or less a day. She'd lost a couple, maybe five, pounds but that much movement over the past two weeks and she couldn't ask for anything better. And then he was pressing a kiss to her jaw and she let herself breathe again, eyes sliding open and blinking in the morning light as she looked up at him. She was smiling on the outside but inside she wondered just how tiny she would need to go to be the best.
HAWKE: When she woke up, he smiled at her and dipped his head in to pres a kiss to her lips. “Morning, beautiful.” He murmured softly, nose playfully nuzzling against her own. His eyes fell closed, as he slid arms around her, under her body, so hands rested on her shoulder blades. He squeezed her body gently to his own, still testing. It felt so much smaller, fragile. Five pounds usually wasn’t a lot, until you were as tiny as Ray already was. He was just hoping it was stress from the fact that they left in little under a month for tour. “What would you like for breakfast? I can go downstairs, make something.” He said with a smile, as he nuzzled nose against her jawline. “Then maybe take a nice hot shower with this weird chick I know.”
RAY: "Morning." Her arms slipped around him to hold him tightly, still having no idea what on Earth he was really doing. "You know, a back rub works better if you let me roll onto my stomach first." She teased, moving to kiss his cheek and not his lips because her morning breath was not attractive. Her fingers were moving to trace little pictures along his back and sides, though she paused in her motions and frowned when he mentioned breakfast. She couldn't have breakfast! "I'm not hungry. You can make you something though and I'll watch you eat. I'm all for this shower though, so ask the weird chick if it’s okay for me to get in too. I'm covered in bits of Birdboy from last night and that's the only bathroom in this house. She has to share or get the fuck out of my way."
HAWKE: When she turned down breakfast, he pouted. "Why not?" He whined softly, pressing his forehead to her's. "Please?" He asked in an equally whiny voice. He rolled his hips against her's, as he nipped at her jawline. "Please, please, please. I'm going to make something." That was a rare thing around these parts. He wasn't one to cook often, usually preferring to order out or something. He licked at her jaw, smiling wider as he moved to start climbing from the bed. "Hey, just so you're aware? The weird girl said that you have to get the fuck out of her way, she's got bits of Birdboy on her from last night. I think she's losing her mind."
RAY: "I'm just not very hungry this morning. My stomach hurts." Which wasn't a lie, it did kind of hurt. Because it was fucking empty. "I'll watch you eat though, maybe have a cracker or two with some water see if that helps." Which did sometimes do the trick whether it was nausea or hunger pangs. It was one of her current go to's when lettuce was not an option. "I'm sorry, I know you just want to do something special. I'm just not hungry." If she said it enough maybe her brain could tell her stomach that for her. She laughed when he licked her chin and then brought a sheet covered hand up to wipe her face. "Oh she did? Tell that bitch I said I also have Birdboy on me and that I’m getting in first." Okay, now it was just getting ridiculous, her part added. She sat up in the bed. "Do you know where my cigarettes ended up last night?" She was lifting things up here and there on the nightstand looking for the red pack.
HAWKE: Hawke let out a low growling noise in protest, but he just shook his head and started to walk away from the situation. She was going to eat, because he was going to be a dick head and make enough for two. He wouldn't let her waste food, so she'd have to eat it. He headed downstairs, shrugging shoulders at her question about the smokes. They could be in the trash for all he cared, he wanted to make sure she ate something. She had felt too tiny that morning.
As he entered the kitchen, he started to grab down bowls and things, getting ready to make them waffles. he pulled out the griddle thing for it as well, and started that up. "Do you want anything to drink?" he called out, not sure just where she was in the house.
RAY: When he left the room, Ray finally climbed out of bed. She found her cigarettes under her jeans on the floor, eyes fighting not to look at the size tag as she picked them up from the ground even though the number three was a glaring reminder that couldn't be ignored. "I'll take a water!" She called back. "Bottled, not from the sink!" It was easier to keep track of how much she was actually drinking that way. Lighting a cigarette, she padded into the bathroom still undressed. While Hawke was still downstairs she took a moment to look at herself in the mirror from a few different angles, a normal view and then one when she sucked her stomach in. This was possible, she could hit that beloved zero she sought so much. Missy may have had money, groupies may be willing to fawn all over him, but she would have a better body than all of them. Her cigarette was left in the ashtray on the sink while she took a piss, only to be snatched back up when she was done. She took a few deep hits, holding them in and calming her nerves as she stared at the scale on the bathroom floor that she insisted they buy for some bull shit reason two weeks ago. She placed her cigarette back in the ashtray, exhaled, and stood on it, waiting for the red number to pop up and tell her just how fat she was today. 126.5 it finally popped up. A look of disgust came over her face. Only five and a half pounds down. This was taking forever, shouldn't she have been at least seven down?
HAWKE: "yeah, yeah." he muttered, still naked as a jay bird, all while he started their breakfast. He was set on making enough for the two of them. he was going to do this, wither she liked it or not. When he was almost done with four pancakes, he realized he still hadn't heard from her. What the fuck was she was doing? He tried not to pay attention though, as he filled an empty plate with waffles. He set it all on the table, along with the syrup and everything else they might need, before he jogged upstairs to grab a pair of boxerbriefs. It was only then he went on a search for her. "Where are you?" He called out, "If you're killing another hooker, I'm making you clean up the mess yourself."
RAY: Ray's pulse thudded in her throat when she heard him coming. She quickly and quietly put the scale back where it was supposed to be and then cracked the bathroom door. "I was getting things ready for our shower later." She lied with a smile. It seemed lies that worked just fine as a cover for her addiction worked fine for this too apparently. She pulled two towels out of the bathroom closet and hung them over the shower. "See?" Though now with the bathroom door open she could smell those waffles and all Ray really wanted to do was sit on the ground and cry because they smelled so good but she knew she couldn't eat any of them. "Your breakfast smells good." Because it damn sure wasn't hers. Hers was nicotine and water, maybe a cup of black coffee if her energy didn't perk up a bit by the time he was done eating.
HAWKE: He perked an eyebrow when she said that she was getting the bathroom ready for late.r "Well, come on." He slid an arm around her waist. "let's get our asses downstairs. I don't want to spend all day up here. You're eating with me." And it was then that he just bent over and scooped her up, over his shoulder, and started to make his way out of the bathroom, downstairs. He was hell bent on making her eat at least one. "I even have some fruit." he said, lifting a hand up to playfully pat at Ray's ass.
RAY: "I'm really not hungry." She was mumbling, even as her stomach grumbled and gave her away. It did that entirely often lately, probably from gas buildup caused from being empty. she had looked it up and it was a normal thing so she wasn't worried yet. "Maybe I'll try a bit of fruit. not too much though because I'm seriously queasy as fuck." But a banana would be good. it was light, it didn't have an actual fat content, she could eat fruit. Even though it was full of carbs, it would give her some energy along with the coffee. She nipped at his shoulder playfully, payback for him slapping her ass. "Don't start what you can’t finish." She teased, knowing damn well he wouldn't put off breakfast for sex even though it would be a great way to get out of eating.
HAWKE: The grin that spread over his features when her stomach growled was one that was rarely seen. He grinned as he set her down on the countertop. “You’re eating.” He said happily, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips. He lifted a hand up to cup her cheek, nuzzling hose to her’s for all of two seconds, before he pulled back and grabbed the plate full of waffles. “You can grab the plates and follow me to the table. You’re eating more than just fruit.” Since he only had the fruit that went on top of the waffles, blueberries, strawberries, and the like. He moved so that he could set waffles on the table, and then followed it up with the syrup. He was totally on top of shit.
RAY: Ray just stared at him and it was almost a pathetically defeated look. "But I don't..." This was pointless. He was going to make her eat and she was going to gain weight. Maybe if she just pushed her food around on her plate a bit he would think she ate something. That's what she usually did anytime anyone else was around who was eating and it usually worked. if you kept the distracted, they didn't exactly notice much. She pressed a kiss to his cheek before he wandered away to get the food. She hopped down off the counter, not so gracefully because she was naked, and snagged the plates. maybe she could just eat the fruit parts and he wouldn't notice. "Thank you. For all of this." She said as she put the plates down and sunk into her chair at the table. She would have really appreciated it two weeks ago.
HAWKE: He smiled as he sat down. “You’re welcome.” And he was already putting two waffles onto her plate, then four onto his. He had planned to evenly divide them, but he knew he’d eat so much more than she would. He smiled though as he shifted so that he could grab for the syrup. “Do you want to do something today? I’ve been banned from the studio for the day.” Because he had almost knocked out the drummer. Echo told him to scram for a day, nicely and with hints to blowing off steam with sex, but it still counted. “I want to do something with you..” Since he didn’t get to see her nearly enough. Way too many nights were spent sleeping in the studio so he could get things done.
RAY: While he was syruping his waffles, Ray started cutting hers into small bite sized pieces. It wasn't any different than normal, she usually did rip them to hell and back before plopping butter or syrup on them. "Sure, it would be nice to see you outside in the sunlight for once. Maybe you're not as sexy as I think you are, I've just got retinal damage from being in the dark or under fluorescent lighting all the time." She teased. She paused in her cutting to take a sip from the bottle of water sitting next to her plate. "Did you have anything in mind?" She took another sip from her water before picking her knife and fork back up again to finish cutting up her food. "Did they finally get sick of you being the dictator? Because it really is your fucking band." He'd raised them from the ground up, she knew that, they should fucking remember it.
HAWKE: He let out a hurt gasp, eyes growing wide. “Are you sure?” he asked, as he lifted a piece of waffle that had yet to be drowned. He threw it at her, smirking. “I’m hotter out in the sunlight. I get this nice Aussie tan going on, then mix in my accent.” And his accent was thicker than usual, totally pouring it on. He wanted to watch her melt, he was a dick. “Mm, they did.” He said with a grin. “It’s more.. Echo got sick of me stressing myself out.” Hawke had actually had a panic attack at one point, that was when Echo had stepped in. Hawke didn’t tell Ray that though, no need for her to worry about his anxieties.
RAY: Ray laughed and picked up the waffle, throwing it back across the table. She poured some syrup on the now cut up mess on her plate and put a few strawberries next to it. she forked a bite of waffle, put it up to her mouth, and then paused to keep talking, sneaking the fork back down as she did so. "Mmm, I think I have a thing for that accent." And not every Australian accent, just his. The rest of the roo people could fuck themselves. "What was the issue this time? I mean we got the guitar player out of there..." And she was still thrilled at her involvement in that scheme. See? She was useful. He had to keep her around.
HAWKE: Hawke just smiled, he wasn’t about to tell her about his anxiety. “Eh, just.. Problems with the soundboard. They were having technical issues, so it stressed me out.” Something a normal person would be stressed about. He smiled more, shrugging once again as he leaned forward to watch her. “Do you like it?” He asked, as he forked some of his waffle into his mouth, happy noises leaving him. Waffles were one of his favorites, he would make them daily if he could get away with it and not gain a pound. Unfortunately he had to watch his body, work out often, and make sure he kept up the image that the fans expected. The toned, buff, and hot lead singer. It did help that Echo was in the band now, maybe they’d look to him for all of the muscles now.
RAY: "Oh." Ray could see that. "Did they ever manage to get it fixed after you left?" She couldn't say she wouldn't have been pissed herself, if her baby was having issues because people either fucked up the equipment, it was fucking up itself, or because some idiot had no idea what they were doing even if they claimed to. "Uh huh. They're really good." Not a total lie, she had eaten his waffles before and they were good. She cut a piece off a strawberry and popped it into her mouth, chewing slowly. See? She was putting things actually into her mouth and swallowing them. Are you fucking seeing this? Her brain was screaming, though she couldn't say it out loud. "Where did you say we were going?"
HAWKE: "something like that." he said with an easy shrug. He wasn't going to keep talking about it, so when she swapped subjects he quickly jumped that band wagon. "I said I was going someplace awesome." He said with a smile. "I was thinking we could maybe hit up a beach or something? I don't know. It isn't too warm for the water, but we could at least go down there. I also was debating if maybe we should go shopping? I'd let you clothe me for tour or something."
RAY: "I get to pick your tour clothes?" A smirk spread across her lips as she pondered if she could get away putting him in jeans and hoodies and hell, maybe even a ski mask while she was at it. Yeah, she knew there was no way in hell he'd agree to that. "I can do that. I mean, I think I've got the damn rock star style down." Even before they had met her wardrobe was full of leather, jeans, and some crazy shit no other female would probably ever be caught dead in but that she could pull off. " Another bite was lifted t her lips and then a sneaky pause to set it back down. "Do you have an idea of what you want, or is it just a free-for-all, go crazy Emma day?"
HAWKE: “Free for all, go crazy girlfriend, day.” He was trying to get out of the habit of calling her Emma. He did it so often, and he knew that she wanted him to call her Ray to keep her little identity hidden. He was trying though, for her. He smiled at her, shrugging. “I was thinking maybe getting you some stuff too.. Since I don’t think I’m going to end up doing very good at this whole…” He trailed off, hands waving in front of him. “Valentine’s Day thing, so your gift is that I’m taking your ass shopping for anything you might want.” He had been saving up some extra cash, and figured he could afford to take the petite multi-haired sex goddess out for a shopping spree. She wouldn’t spend that much, he knew that much.
RAY: Her smile was still plastered on her face, even though him saying the word girlfriend sent her mind into a panic. That was a replaceable title. It reminded her again why she was doing this, as if she needed it. "You...don't have to get me anything." She didn't want any new clothes until she hit that zero mark. Besides, a day spent trying on all sorts of outfits and hating what she saw in the mirror but pretending she was having a great time did not sound like a happy day for her. "I mean, we don't have to do presents. It's a stupid holiday anyway. Just increases Hallmark sales." That would also save her from wracking her brain to buy him a gift because she had no idea what the hell to get him. Funny, when they were apart she saw all sorts of stuff he would like that reminded her of him but now that they were actually a thing again, she couldn't think of one single item to buy for him.
HAWKE: “But.. I want to.” Was his answer, with an easy shrug. As he continued to eat, he glanced at his finger, seeing the tattoo with her name, he lifted eyes to look at her. “I have a question..” He held up his hand to show her the Emma tattooed on his ring finger. “Should I uh… You know, call you Emma while on tour or what?” He asked curiously, “I don’t want to do something that will jeopardize whatever it is you’re trying to do, hide out from parents or what..” he licked his lips, shifting in his seat. “I don’t even know what to call you to my friends. I call you every damn name under the sun, since I’ve no clue. They probably think I have four different women I’m dating.” At least Fallon probably did.
RAY: Ray stabbed another strawberry slice with her fork. "But you don't have to." She had a feeling he wasn't going to budge though and she'd wind up miserable and playing happy all afternoon. Maybe she could just focus more on him and run out of time for shopping for her. Yeah, that could work. "Uh...." This was one of those difficult subjects she hated talking about. If he called her Emma, her parents wouldn't fine her because they were looking for Mindy. But Brandon would; he looked hard for Emma to the point he had her damn number and called her four times a day at least. Surely he wasn't crazy enough to attempt anything with all that security. Besides, how would he fucking follow them around the country? "Call me...whatever you want to call me. Or just pretend you really are dating four girls."
HAWKE: He glared at her, her answer was nothing but a huge pain in his ass. After all of her griping, she was okay with people thinking he had four of them running around? No, fuck that. He shook his head, waving a hand at her. “No way.” He said as he shifted to lean forward. “No way in hell. You’re going to pick, because after all of your bitching and fighting with me over dating, you are not allowed to give me the answer that I can just tell people I’m dating four girls. Not happening. You have exactly a week to figure your shit out, then you can tell me what you’d like.” Because he was going to know before they actually left for tour. He wanted to be able to at least name drop in interviews that he had lined up.
RAY: Ray sat her fork down. "I don't know! No, I don't want you saying you're dating four girls but I don't..." Hell, she didn't even know who the fuck she was anymore. Between Mindy, Kaylee, Emma, and Ray she had lost track along the way of which parts were real and which parts weren't. A lot of them seemed to all blur together. She had been lying so long she couldn't even figure out the truth for herself, let alone for him! Sure she had a week but that wasn't long enough to sort out the past twenty-five years. Ray dropped her head onto her arm on the table. She was dizzy as it was, trying to think was not going to happen right now. "What do you want to call me? Do you want to call me Emma, since that's who you know? Knew. Kneow."
HAWKE: He let out a huff. "I want you to be Emma, because when people ask who the bitch is that stole my fucking heart, I'd love to point to you. I'd love to be able to say that I did in fact get my girl in the end. That she did come back." And then his own plate, half empty, was shoved from him and he got up from the table. "But fuck it. I'll let them think I'm fucking four different women. Just let me know which one you want to be that day, how's that work for you?" Clearly they couldn't have a nice conversation often, or ever. It almost always ended in some sort of fight.
RAY: "Ooh, can I be Cassie?" Now she was just being a smartass. She had been trying to explain things but he wasn't getting it and if she didn't know what he wanted she couldn't pick anything. Except now he apparently did want her to be Emma. Why couldn't he have just said that and not screamed at her? She sighed and picked her head up from the table, snagging her water and taking it with her as she headed upstairs to find her clothes. If they were just going to fight, she might as well get dressed and leave. Better than sitting here and making things worse. "Call me Emma then." She said huffily as she brushed past him on her way to the staircase. "For now, you can just fucking call me later when you fix your attitude."
HAWKE: Hawke just shook his head. "Fucking go then. You're the one who can't figure out who the fuck you are this week. What about next week? Do you have any fucking clue who you'll be then?" And then he stomped off towards the back door, very much like a five year old. He opened the sliding glass door, walked out, and shut the door behind him. He didn't slam it, not wanting to make too much noise or break the fucker. He walked over towards one of the lawn chairs, fell into it, and just sat. His smokes were upstairs, his pot was in the living room, and Ray was in those places. He wasn't going back in until she either figured out who the fuck she was today, or she left. He was good with either option right that second.