Damian Hadrian Willoughby (theunrelenting) wrote in landvik_logs, @ 2013-05-25 10:23:00 |
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Entry tags: | !shifter, damian, elva |
Who: Elva [elva] & Damian [theunrelenting]
When: May 6th
Where: Outside of Building 3
What: Deeper feelings are pointed out and concern is offered.
Warnings: Some swearing
Rating: PG-13
note: LMAO THIS WAS IN THE WRONG COMM BEFORE A+ SELF dslfjds;kljflsd sorry!
Work had just ended, and Elva made her way outside in more of a shuffle than her normal broad step -- she was looking straight ahead for the most part, but for a moment, as she scanned the lot for her shitty old car, her gaze strayed to her side at the line of other employees trailing out.
No sight of the person who she was definitely not looking for.
Whatever.
Spring was finally arriving in northern Norway, and the way the cold had stopped being biting and started feeling fresh inspired Elva to wait before getting into the stuffiness of her car -- she pulled herself up on a near bench, sitting on top of the back of it so that her feet rested on the seat. She had a book with her. Just a little while, and then she'd go home.
It wasn't that he was the sort of eavesdrop or meddle but it had become more and more apparent that there was something happening in the LCU. Something he could label as ‘bad news’ or ‘disruptive’. At first, Damian believed it to be just a friendship and Elva was the right person to punch Tyler into place (maybe literally). She had never seemed the sort to tolerate people who sulked or whined, a trait that he liked a great deal about her. If the LCU could brag about anything, it would be about the tough ladies that didn't take anything they didn't like from anyone.
And then it started to sink in that those looks weren't a friend watching over another. He knew what those looks meant, having given and received them. His first thought was to go to her sister but he recalled Brianna was a werewolf. Bitten, considering she had a shifter for a sister, but it didn't warm Damian to the woman. His heart and mind just wouldn’t allow it. So the matter just remained in his lap, looking up at him expectantly. Uneasily, he turned a blind eye on it for the time being until he could pass the problem to someone who wanted to get involved in a possible workplace romance.
Yet as he was leaving for the day, reminding himself to do grocery shopping before going home, the panther shifter saw her on the bench. Maybe it was a sign, one that also said that he should talk to her sooner than later. Approaching her, he paused just beside the bench. "Not interested in going home yet? Or are you waiting for someone?" Don't say Ronson. Don't.
Elva turned her head, eyes darting over her coworker’s face -- and for a moment behind him -- before settling on meeting his gaze. She and Damian couldn't be said to be friends, but there was respect there, a sort of acceptance based on their dedication to their jobs and similar feelings of moral impetus. And if he thought she had anger control issues, she couldn't exactly blame him.
If, despite that, she felt a flicker of disappointment that it was him that approached her, she couldn't quite put a finger on why.
"Not interested," Elva said after a beat of silence. "Just thought I'd -- hang around a bit before going home." She stretched on the bench, arms reaching out in a motion that was almost catlike -- hyenas actually being closer to cats than dogs -- and then gestured casually to the bench, suggesting that if he wanted to he was welcome to sit down.
Damian couldn't say he was friends with a lot of people but he wouldn't snub anyone friendly or the like. Trust was difficult to offer and often just as hard to receive. With what lurked in his heart, he thought it better to keep some at a distance. So the matter before him was a little tricky. He couldn't play the friend, he didn't want to be the 'older and wiser' as that was just unfair. Being the simply concerned co-worker would have to do. After what had happened on the mission and the attitude that continued to follow, he did not believe anything healthy would come of a relationship that was more than friends with Tyler. The boy had issues that could reach heaven and only professionals could pry that mind open and pick it apart.
Yes, concerned co-worker it would be.
The invitation was taken and he seated himself on the bench seat itself. "Then maybe I can talk to you about something." And hopefully change your mind before it becomes something consuming. If it already wasn't. He didn't want to think that he was too late. "But it's going to be a little personal." More than that, in fairness. "Is that fine with you?"
Elva looked at him in surprise, unable to fathom what Damian would want to talk to her about -- it couldn’t be some deficiency in her work ability, could it? She straightened her back in a professional manner automatically -- but only grew more confused when he elaborated.
Although to be honest, the line between what was personal and what was acceptable to ask about was very thin and fragile, if not nonexistent, for this girl.
“Of course,” she said, leaning forward again, elbows on her knees. Was it even something about her or about him? “You can’t embarrass me.” Big words, considering.
Damian would be a grumpy panther the day Elva's work was less than efficient. Maybe she was a something of a firecracker with trials (and there was a fond thought that she could make the defendants' lawyers wet themselves) but no one could say she did not get the damn job done in the field. All the more reason he worried about what those looks meant in the long run.
"I've noticed you've had your eye on Ronson quite a bit lately. I thought 'she's concerned, keeping an eye on him, that’s good'." There was a tilt of his lips into a small smile. "I accepted that because someone was then making him act like a man at the very least. But then I noticed those looks weren't exactly that. It took me sometime to see it since I don't make a habit of watching all of you so closely." Really, he did have work to do. Now, the uneasy apart was approaching but the panther shifter kept his eyes on her. "It seems more than friendship, at least in your mind. You appear interested in him." He didn't bother to elaborate, not believing she needed it, leaving it there as well to give her a chance to deny it.
Elva’s posture instantly changed at the mention of Tyler; her hands twitched and then clasped in front of her and she pulled her knees closer in as she seemed to tense the slightest bit. But she relaxed again, almost as if forgetting herself, as he spoke, the beginnings of surprise appearing in her eyes as she met his gaze. What was he saying -- more than friendship?
“No,” she started, but the denial was so swift on her tongue that she startled even herself, raising a hand as if to catch the word in the air. No. Interested? No. She hadn’t been interested in that way in anyone since grade school, and the boys tended to be too afraid of her for that to end well. Focused on other, more important things, she’d long since realized interest of that sort was pointless --
“Tyler is -- “ Elva frowned and broke their gaze to stare off into the parking lot, perhaps looking for his car as if it would tell her what she wanted to say, because she certainly had no idea. She couldn’t and wouldn’t give away any private details about his life, but she felt the defensive urge to explain herself. “I just want him to be who I know he’s capable of being. He’s -- “
My coworker? A pathetic response, and blatantly not an explanation. He’s my friend? The word didn’t touch everything. He’s someone I’m trying to help? No. He’s someone I care about? Closer, but vague. He needs me? Incorrect. If anything, she thought, judging by the way they acted, you could probably even say it was the other way around. And that was when it hit her. She’d always been quick on the uptake.
“He’s for me,” the thought hit her in an undeniable rush of possessiveness, edges dipped in longing; the words slipped beyond her lips in a whisper, a softer tone of voice than she ever normally used, and they might not have really made sense, not as vicious as the option of he’s mine but much stronger than a childish I like him, but there they were, stated simply like a fact of nature.
Elva looked back at Damian, this time shock reflected in her widened eyes. He was right. He was right. “Oh fuck!”
If the physical changes wouldn't have betrayed her, that outburst definitely would have (and did). A brow lifted and uneasiness crept in. She'd laid claim on him. How familiar he was with that concept, that once done it wasn't always easy to undo. But it was for Tyler Ronson, someone she may believe to be capable but had the personality of a ten-year old who didn't get his way. It was more than irksome, really.
A hand came to lay on the back of his neck and, as it rubbed there, Damian closed his eyes. If he thought better of the puma shifter, if Tyler didn't appear so defensive, this wouldn't be so bad. Workplace romances happened. He'd done it, it didn't have to be a big deal. Yet somehow he did not foresee this going well strictly because of Tyler's nature. In a quiet voice, he said, "It's not the best of ideas if you want to be more than his friend." The boy behaved damaged, as prickly as an abused alley cat, like the same kind that followed the other man around. Damian couldn't even imagine what Tyler’s problem was but something was there, no doubt about that. "I know something is wrong with him. People well-adjusted don't behave like he does. And I want to ask, I'd like to know but even if I don't get those answers, I know Ronson is not alright. If he is actually attending therapy, it's a small start. But if you can't hold yourself back from something more than a friendship, it will hinder him from getting better.
"Be his friend, Elva. Be someone who can keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't get himself killed. But don't tell him what you've told me. And don't fall further than you have. If he really does have sincere issues, getting that much involved will only hurt the both of you."
It took a moment for the words to even sink into Elva's head, struggling already on her own with the weight of the realization -- and feelings for someone of a romantic nature were foreign enough to her that she could remember looking at her infatuated friends with a sense of distaste and incomprehension; they'd seemed to be out of their minds, having lowered themselves in a sense for the sake of wanting someone else, and lowering herself in such a manner was not anywhere on the list of things Elva was willing to do.
Yet she didn't feel very degraded, at least not at that moment, recalling the warmth she'd felt at his laugh and the fury she'd felt with his pain.
Elva nodded slowly, acknowledging the truth of his words. "You're right. I know you're right. I -- " she resisted the urge to bite her lip in frustration, a stupid nervous habit from her teenage years. She knew more than Damian did about what Tyler was keeping inside, but she wasn't naive enough to assume she knew it all. Still -- the logic was there and present: a potential source of stress in the form of a romantic relationship would only add on to issues when a person wasn't ready for it.
Which even in the first place was assuming reciprocation, and -- Elva didn't even know why she was letting her thoughts go down such a ridiculous path, so she stopped it in its tracks. There would be no clinging onto of foolish hopes here, no moronic wishing upon stars. There was only one problem.
She groaned, fists clenching in frustration. "I am the worst fucking secret keeper in the world when it comes to things I feel," Elva admitted, at least self-aware enough to know so. It took all her energy to remain civil with people she disliked. Already she could tell that this would claw at her.
As for not falling any further, she made no comment. Elva didn't know much about these things aside from the theoretical, but she wasn't positive that was a promise she could make, and she liked to be a girl of her word.
Damian watched her, wishing he could have been more supportive, more pleased that she had found someone among them. But he just couldn't be and kept wishing she had set her sights higher, for someone who could make her as happy as she would have made them. Not someone who had the potential to pull her down. Whatever she latched on to with Tyler, he couldn't imagine, having only seen the less pleasant side of the younger man. With that in mind, he knew he couldn't fully judge but from what he did know, he could at least warn.
And be there when it didn't work out. A small voice in his mind said the girl's sister would be there as well but he pushed it away, unwilling to entertain the notion of supportive werewolves.
"You're going to have to try. If you feel as much as you do, try to keep it inside. If you feel like you're going to burst, keep something with you to bite on. Preferably healthy food so it doesn't seem too suspicious. You can always say you're just maintaining yourself. Do some boxing to take it out on something. Just do what you have to so he can deal with whatever is plaguing him." Likely it would take years. And maybe by then she would focus on someone more worthy of her. Then there would be no messy end between the two. Tyler would never have to know and Elva would be happier.
He could only hope. "But that was all I wanted to address. I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't even want to see him not be able to deal with everything sitting on him." It just meant a chance for him to explode and more troubles for the Academy, after all. Damian offered a half-smile before continuing. "You're not a stress, even if you are explosive. Any guy would be lucky to know you were at his side. But if he's as sensitive as he seems then less on his plate, the better."
Elva gave him her full attention, sharp eyes no longer revealing any turmoil, although she moved to tie her hair up behind her -- a nervous habit that had stayed from her teenage years, long gone as those were. The suggestions on how to keep quiet amused her, although they might not have been intended that way; all she saw in her head was a scene where she tried to stuff her mouth with carrots in trying to prevent an unwanted fucking confession and the ridiculousness of the entire thing, of every part of it, caused the corner of her mouth to twitch upward. "Boxing I can do," the hyena said instead, tracing a hand down her long hair. It did sound stress-relieving. Maybe she'd add it to her schedule.
His next words got Elva cocking her head at him, expression warring between various emotions -- surprise and respect among them -- before she broke out into a a smile that was at least warm if not quite flowers and sunshine. This was followed by a hand reaching out to roughly shove Damian's shoulder, with force but not at all unkindly. "Oh, shut the fuck up," she said and rolled her eyes, still smiling, not clarifying on whether or not she was responding to the comment about being explosive or the one about a guy being lucky to be next to her. "But -- " she continued, growing serious once again, "I appreciate it, honestly. Thank you, for the advice and for your trust. You know I respect you and your opinion. I'm only a little ashamed that I didn't -- realize this until now." Elva's smile faded the smallest amount at the reminder of what they were originally talking about, and her eyes once again drifted away from his gaze as she wondered what she was going to do.
This would take a lot of good, hard thinking-about, and possibly a subsequent night out on the town.
Having lived with an older sister and a wife who both had a tendency to poke, push and even punch him, Damian took it like a man used to it, letting his smile grow into a fond one. After a small pat on her arm, he brought himself up to his feet to stand before her. "You have no reason to be ashamed, Elva. It happens. The things we feel aren't always clear." And sometimes still weren't. The things he kept locked up inside, away from even Edmund, could support what he had said. There were some other less pleasant things than discovering something too late and not even being able to do a thing about it but it still ranked as a mind-nibbler.
"Just take care of yourself while you look after Ronson. It'll be safer and healthier that way. If you need to talk to anyone, you can come to me whenever I'm around. I don't mind if you even come over to the townhouse." Ruby, surely, would enjoy more company. Speaking of her... "You'll forgive me if I leave now, right?" A thumb was stabbed behind him to where his car was (somewhere). "I have a dog that's probably anxious to go for a walk. Enjoy your book and the rest of the day."
"Just take care of yourself while you look after Ronson. It'll be safer and healthier that way. If you need to talk to anyone, you can come to me whenever I'm around. I don't mind if you even come over to the townhouse." Ruby, surely, would enjoy more company. Speaking of her... "You'll forgive me if I leave now, right?" A thumb was stabbed behind him to where his car was (somewhere). "I have a dog that's probably anxious to go for a walk. Enjoy your book and the rest of the day."
"Yeah, yeah," Elva said, sounding dismissive, but fully intending on following his advice. "Go walk your dog, she wants your love." But she returned his smile and reached out to clap him once on the back in lieu of saying goodbye. "Thanks, Damian. I'll see you tomorrow."