InsaneJournal

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Westly couldn't stand just being in Slytherin anymore. Except for his mission earlier that day of putting graffti in all the girl's washrooms, he'd stayed in Slytherin all day avoiding class. He felt miserable, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He considered going to see Calli again, but he didn't know what else he could say to her.

He looked up in the corridor he was walking, and found himself in the familiar hallway. The classroom where everything where all the problems started was coming up, and Westly almost felt like turning back to go another way. He felt like he was going to be sick, so he had to stop for a moment to lean against the wall.

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Adam left the library from his meeting with Alice with a heavy heart. The burdedn in his chest since a few days back had been a constant, and he was starting to fear that the respiration problems could already have evolved into a serious... illness. Because that's what he felt: sick. Meals were spent pretending he was eating while he merely pushed his food around his plate, distracting people with chatter long enough that they would not realize he hadn't eaten a thing until he was gone. His nights left him restless, and his days, in a trance.

Now, It was an almost unconcsious action that his feet were leading him through the castle, down the steps to the dungeons. He hadn't realized he was returning to the classroom Wood had seen him and Westly, until he was standing in fron of it, his eyes highlighting the familiar door. Such a masichist he was. A hand reached up to clutch his chest at the sudden pain as the memories returned. Should he go in?

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Westly was taking a deep breath, trying to keep control since he was so close to the classroom. He felt so tired, and sick of all of it. But when he looked up he pushed away from the wall that time. He saw Adam there, with his hand on the door. Did he even see him there?

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" he said yelling more than he had expected. He was sure that would get Adam's attention. And now he didn't feel so weak anymore. He was full of adrenline. But he was shaking. He needed to do something. His emotions were building again. And he wasn't going to give Adam Pucey the benefit of seeing him crying.

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Adam hadn't seen him. A marching band would have passed and he wouldn't have noticed that either. But his voice. It sliced through his trance like a dagger, and his head turned sharply towards the source. "I'm allowed to go wherever I want." he stated, the darkness concealing the slight widening of his eyes. He had to commend himself for keeping his tone and expression neutral- almost bored- as he looked at Westy. The hand on his chest let go, and he ran his fingers through his hair "What are you doing here?"

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"It's the dungeons, my common room isn't very far away," Westly said trying not to grit his teeth loudly. God his eyes felt like they were going to start burning, but he wasn't going to cry. Damn him... Westly wanted to say something... do something that would hurt Adam. Hurt him as much as he was hurting now. But he couldn't think of anything... "I was only passing by anyway," Westly said staggering forward as he meant to just walk on by Adam and leave the corridor.

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A raised brow. "Why did you stop at the sight of me then?" Adam knew he was provoking some violent response from Westly, but he didn't care. The other was here, and everythig about him just felt painfully familiar- his scent even lingering in the air. He wanted more. He needed this- he had to do something to make him stay. "In fact, why did you even bother talking to me? I wouldn't have noticed you if you just passed me by..."

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He should have just ignored him. It was obvious that Adam was just trying to provoke him. But it hurt... what he said really hurt. Westly felt like he couldn't breath if he didn't do something. Fuck... why did he had to say that. "You Bastard!" Westly said yelling and putting his strenth into slamming Adam against the door. "I knew it then. You only wanted me for a few good fucks! I knew it even from the very beginning! Once you know I was into blokes, you just had to make me some kind of peg. Let's fuck up with Westly Nott's life! Another Pureblood, what a conquest!" he said yelling. He sucked in a breath in order to continue. "But no! I convinced myself you actually cared about me! I believed your lies!!! So when trouble comes, I just ask for a small break so we could protect what we have... you move on. You don't even TELL me it's over!!! Just overnight you have a girlfriend!!! Someone you can be in public with, and I can't even accuse you of anything because we had to be a secret!" Westly continued his hands tightening in fists in Adam's shirt. "I can't believe I worried about you. About you getting caught if we kept being careless!!! But you didn't even care!!"

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It had definitely caught Adam off guard when Westly marched to him and slammed him up against the wall. His head had a rather painful collision with the hard surface, his vision blurring a bit so he had to close his eyes. But his voice, it was clear and pronounced as he spoke to him, each word feeling like a jab to his chest. He endured Westly's every false accusation, while he revelled at the sweet irony the pleasure from other's nearness afforded him, his hands finding the other's wrists as he tried to loosen the other's grip. "You don't know what you're saying." he said, his voice controlled. There it was, the anger he was looking for, clear in the others eyes, in his tone. But it hurt- giving him more pain than he was already enduring. "How dare you to fucking turn this around on me when I wasn't the one who left you! YOU left ME, Westly. You watched while I fell apart right before your eyes and didn't do a single thing about it!"

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"I know EXACTLY what I'm saying!!!" Westly said yelling, trying to pull his wrists out of Adam's grasp. "And I WILL turn it back on you! Weren't you even listening Thursday? Or did your brain just shut off at the word BREAK! I said we'd wait for a couple of weeks at MOST! I didn't leave you! We only have five minutes Adam, and I was thinking about you! Thinking about what would happen if we were revealed! How you'd get disowned! And then I thought you were angry with me over that, so I LEFT! You weren't listening to me ANYWAY!" Westly said defending himself. "And what the fuck does that matter anyway, you're the one that went and got a new girlfriend over night! And flaunting that all in public. I hate you! I HATE you so much Adam Pucey!!!"

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Adam's eyes greedily drank the sight of Wes so close to him again. It was pure agony having not seen him for so long, and not be able to touch him. He couldn't help the way his fingers softly ran over the other's hands on him, feeling the stress of the muscles from gripping him so tight. "I couldn't listen to anything else." he admitted, his expression pained. "No, no, Westly, you left me, without a promise of getting back together. What was I supposed to think?" He felt the bitterness of guilt on his tongue when Westly spoke of his concern over him, and not himself. He cared that much about him? "I wouldn't have wanted to find someone else to fill the huge void you've left in me if you didn't leave me in the first place. The fact that you even suggested it, Westly..." he said his name softly, all defenses slowly crumbling down. "I can't stand being away from you for a day. While you apparently can. That mere fact has been tearing at me since you said it. How could you take that away from me? From us?" A look of shock, then sadness masked his features when the other said he hated him. Hands, surprisingly gentle, found the side of the other's neck. "No. No you don't." he pleaded. "You don't hate me..."

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"I said it was a break!!" Westly was very fervent on this. It wasn't his fault!! He didn't end it, they were just going too fast... they needed to slow down. And then it all crumbled away so quickly. It was harder not to cry now. Adam wasn't yelling and Westly voice was straining from yelling before, and now his throat hurt from holding back his sobs. "You could have said no... I would have been fine with no! But you went for someone else Adam!!! You didn't come back to me, to convince me. To fight for me! You just let me think it was over! You were cruel, and you hurt me when I was already missing you!" He said shaking his head. "You're wrong! I couldn't stand it, I would have come back to you right away after the horrible night I had Thursday. But you were with HER! What was I supposed to do!?" He tried not to look at Adam, not when his hands moved to his neck. And he was pleading, and he shook his head. "I should hate you!"

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"A break means separation nonetheless." Adam interjected. "Either way it had meant that you can take being apart from me, and that broke me. YOU suggested a break, these things aren't exactly negotiable! If you didn't want to be with me, why would I keep hurting you by insisting that you stayed? I couldn't have fought for you, if you didn't want me to..." Clearly, there were things left unexplained, and lines misinterpretted between them. Adam's lips parted when the other told him he missed him. Oh, if the other only knew what he had been going through. "Tell me you don't want Alice in my life." he said, his thumbs drawing slow circles on his skin, a complete contrast to their almost brutal exchange of words. Though he had caused this anguish to Westly, he didn't think the pain that would come would hurt him more. "You know you should. You have every right to. But I know you don't. You don't hate me, Westly..."

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"I didn't... I didn't think it would affect you so much. It was only an idea! We weren't thinking straight, or being careful. And we should have been! I just... needed to think. I needed time..." Westly said shaking his head, not wanting to accept blame for this. This stupid misunderstanding. "If you really didn't want to be away from me, you could have convinced me out of it... but instead you pushed me away!" Wes said feeling so weak now. He felt those thumbs on his skin, so Westly was resolved to close his eyes so he couldn't see Adam. Tightened his lids to fight off the tears. "I don't want you to have Alice in your life," he said though it should have been a given already. "I don't hate you..."

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"It did, Westly." Adam said. "And I didn't push you away! I let you go. I though it was what you wanted! Why would I stop you if you wanted to go?" It wasn't as if Adam was placing all the blame on Westly's shoulders. The truth remained that it got bigger because of his recent decisions, and he knew he owed Westly the truth even though it might lead to more anger... to him moving away from him again. "She never was anything more than a friend..." he admitted in a whisper, his eyes looking intently at Wes. "We were never together..."

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"You did push me away! When I would have fixed everything the next day, you were with her, and I couldn't do anything about it! You hurt me Adam!! Maybe it was hurting me back for what I did, but I didn't MEAN TO!" he said but he was already crumbling in his resolve to yell. Westly opened his eyes looking at Adam at that whisper. "What do you mean? "

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Westy was so close already, that with the smallest movement, he could claim those soft lips in his. And he knew the other wouldn't protest. But at the same time, he knew he had to answer him- to admit the fault he has done to him. "Alice and I were never a couple. We're not dating. At all." he said, the pride he had earlier felt for his brilliant plan absent now. All he felt was guilt, and the undeniable pain that came with it. "The public displays were but a front. To... to get to you." he sighed, releasing Westly before the other could push him away, leaving his cold hands on his sides. "She was the best person for the job, and she agreed to it too easily. If there was one figure that would create a scandal as big as if you and I had been exposed, it was her. And I was right. The news spread like wildfire. And it... got to you." He casted his eyes down. "I wanted you back. It seemed at the time, the only way I could do so. I wanted to cling to the hope that you still wanted me... and that maybe you just needed the smallest push for you to realize you've made a mistake by breaking things off. But... you didn't..."

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Westly's mouth gaped at what he was hearing. No... that was just... He would have been able to see through a fake. That just didn't make sense. If Adam had been that desperate who could have just come to him directly. "Merlin Pucey, for a Bloody Ravenclaw you're so STUPID!" he said smacking Adam in the arm. "You should have just come to me! I didn't break it off, but you missed that... so instead, you do this?" he said shaking his head. "It was CRUEL Adam! I thought you were cheating on me! And you were right it was public, and big, and I couldn't do anything about it because it would have just included me in that scandal! I can't BELIEVE you!" he said. He was mad... he just didn't know what to do. Where they were going to go from here. Clearly Adam wanted him back, he said so. But this couldn't be just forgotten so easily... Adam had broken his heart. He'd made him cry. Adam would have to fix this.

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Not a twitch or a flinch happened to Adam when Westly hit him on his arm. He felt so overwhelmed that he was suddenly left completely... numb. He saw the other recoil at his revelation, one that bordered disgust it seemed, and such left him feeling something he has never experienced: he felt ashamed. It was true, every word that came from the other. He truly was cruel, and he was so aware of the fact at the time, consumed him that it blinded him from everything else. "I didn't know." he repeated, his voice reflecting his exhaustion. "I couldn't have come to you. I believed you left me then..." Westly's anger was poisoning the air between them, and Adam knew that if he didn't act fast, he would lose the other. In one quick decision, he pulled the other in the room. He closed the door behind Westly, locking it effectively this time, and pushing the other lightly against the hard wood. Darkness blinded his eyes for a second, but when his eyes adjusted to the weak light casted from the windows, he could see him clearly again, an angel with strong but pained features standing before him. "Tell me what I need to do." he asked, moving to stand close to him. His hands itched to reach out for him in the dark, to run on the smooth skin of his arm, his torso, but he refrained, keeping his hands in fists on his side. "I'll do what you need me to. I just... can't bear the thought of you hating me, of you leaving me again when it's so painfully obvious how we... need each other... how we scream for the other's nearness... Please, tell me I haven't completely fucked this up."

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