InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Ouchies! ...You lied to me."

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy (bones_mccoy) wrote in labyrinth_rpg,
@ 2009-08-02 17:40:00

Entry tags:

complete, day seventeen, james t kirk, leonard mccoy

WHO: Bones and Kirk
WHAT: Confontation!
WHEN: Day 17, mid morning
WHERE: Kirk's room
WARNINGS: TBA
STATUS: Complete

Partially, it was his own fault, and he knew that. It wasn't a particularly nice thought, of course. But he was too essentially honest to lie to himself on that count. He hadn't known Kirk was serious about being mad at him. But it had become clear over the last little while, by the fact that the younger man was avoiding him, that this was the case. When the young captain had invited himself into Bones' room and bed, he'd assumed that he would be seeing a lot of him. But, there had been no sighting.

Some might have thought that this was this would be a relief to the grumpy doctor, but the truth was, he hated it. From the time he'd taken the seat next to Kirk on the shuttle to Starfleet Academy, he'd found himself drawn to him. They'd rarely been separated for very long, through everything that had happened, and he was disliking the fact that they were now. Really, Kirk meant far too much to him.

It had taken him a lot of thought, and in the end, he still didn't know what he'd said that had pissed the young man off so much. He'd considered everything honestly, because he was only going to apologize if it was warrented. But he came up with a blank. One second, they had been playfully teasing each other, and the next Kirk was mad at him. What had he said? Some insult that had been just as teasing as the others, no doubt. He just couldn't figure it out, though.

But this couldn't go on any longer. So he decided to do the logical thing and actually just ask what was going on. Logic wasn't usually his forte, of course, but this was also what he wanted to do, and that was much more to the point. He couldn't handle this distance between himself and his best friend anymore. So he walked out of his room, took the invitation on the way out and scanned it briefly before shaking his head and going to Kirk's room next door. He knocked, waited for about half a second, and knocked again. "Jim? You in there?"

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bones_mccoy
2009-08-05 09:25 pm UTC (link)

It probably wasn't that long until his best friend was opening the door, but it felt like ages. He was just about to speak again when the door did open, and he shut his mouth quickly. "My God, Jim, you look like hell." Okay, so most people might have been a tiny bit more tactful than that, but he was who he was. He tilted his head to the side, wondering if the younger man was having a bad reaction to something. He hadn't brought his bag or anything, though. He'd have to see about getting Kirk in for another check up, apparently, because clearly something was wrong.

"I think I do need to beat down your door, cause that's the only way you'll talk to me." He walked into the room and over to his best friend, kneeling down on the floor to be more on the same level as him. Reaching over, he took Kirk's hand in his and checked his pulse. "What's wrong with you? Did you eat something bad?" He counted heartbeats in his head, and then gently let go of Kirk's hand. There didn't seem to be anything really wrong with the other man's heart, at least. Not that he could pick out just by listening to his heart.

Only after he'd checked on his best friend did he glance around the room and frown a little. "Huh. I thought I was gonna have to come in here and kick down your fort but it looks like you beat me to it. Looks like a damn twister was through here." He glanced around the place, taking in the piles of pillows and blankets all over the place. Sighing softly, he sat down beside Kirk on the piles of pillows and then turned to look at him.

"Look, Jim. I dunno why you've been avoiding me but I don't like it. If I did something, you need to tell me so that I know." He was pretty sure he was messing this all up, but he really didn't know how else to act. He was being as nice as he knew how to be, was toning it down quite a bit, but he still sounded harsh even to his own ears.

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jimtkirk
2009-08-05 10:43 pm UTC (link)

Kirk turned away from Bones to look around the room noticing that, yes, it really was a mess. He'd only been here a few days and it all ready looked like a twister had been through it. "Got bored..." he shrugged. "The fort wasn't much fun and with you threatening to knock it down." If James T. Kirk had learned anything from his childish it was to destroy the thing he put any value in before someone else could. He'd done it with his father's antique car and now the fort. It was a way of making sure others couldn't hurt you. The rest of the room had just sort of fallen to pieces afterwards. He may have had a tantrum at some point that he didn't quite remember. He'd spent a majority of his time outside of his room staring up at the fake stars though so he hadn't really paid attention to the mess.

"It's also nice to see your bedside manner hasn't changed. If it makes you feel better, Doctor Bones, I haven't had anything to eat so there's no way I could be having a bad reaction to anything." Unless he counted loneliness as something physical enough to have a reaction to. Either way the nickname's appearance in that sentance meant he wasn't angry anymore. If he was pissed he would've gone back to a strict last name deal... or title and last name. 'Doctor Bones' was almost affectionate. "If I'm having a bad reaction to anything it's you." He probably could've handled that a little better. Maybe he should try again. "You and your.... jerkiness, crossing some damn line I don't remember but I didn't like, forcing me to keep to myself where I'm seperated from everyone I know and so damn... lonely."

He pushed himself up to glare at Bones and swallowed. "I...I'm not a terrible person. I'm not rude and if I am I don't mean to be." That was more the heart of the problem. The closeness was too much and Jim had to bite his lower lip in order to keep his hands to himself. "I just... I don't even know why I was upset. I guess it reminded me a little too much of home." He made a slight face as he looked up into the older man's dark eyes. Reaching out he ran a hand through Bones' hair before immediately moving forward and slipping his arms around the older man's neck pressing his lips to the other's before pulling back quickly.

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bones_mccoy
2009-08-10 12:25 am UTC (link)

The doctor arched an eyebrow at the young captain. "You aren't helping things, you know." He felt that he should point this out. "Telling a doctor that you haven't been eating isn't the best way to get them to stop worrying about you." Still, he was pleased that he was back on nickname terms with his best friend. It meant that things at least weren't as bad between them as they could be. Obviously not completely fixed, but on the way. He hoped. This whole fighting with his best friend thing hurt him in ways he hadn't expected.

"Damn it, Jim, what...?" But before he could finish that question, Kirk was telling him exactly what he'd done. And Bones, to his credit, listened. He knew his best friend well enough to know that this was seriously bothering him, so he treated it seriously. He even, for once, overlooked the way that his best friend stated things. Usually he would have had something to say about being called a jerk, but in this case, even he could recognize this as just his best friend flailing around verbally, trying his best to express himself but not quite making it. Or, at least, he figured that was what was going on.

So he listened, and was quiet for a couple of moments even after the other man had finished speaking. Finally, he did speak. "No, Jim. You aren't a horrible person, and you're not rude. I..." He sighed softly, and then turned to look his best friend directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry." Those weren't words he often said, and only when he really, really meant it. But he could see that his careless words had hurt the other man, and he hated that.

The words were barely out before Kirk was kissing him. This wasn't something that had ever happened before. And it was so quick, he barely had time to register it was happening. When Kirk pulled back, Bones looked at him for a moment, surprise clear in his dark eyes, but then he was reaching for him again and pulling him close. This time, it was the doctor who initiated the kiss, and he didn't pull back quickly.

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jimtkirk
2009-08-10 02:25 am UTC (link)

For a moment Kirk was in a panic. He'd kissed Bones. He'd crossed the line and kissed Bones and his best friend was staring at him in wide eyed disbelief. How had he let this happen? What was he thinking? "Bones..." He murmured softly, willing himself to apologize before that brief touching of lips had time to sink in and ruin everything. Before the words could leave his lips, however, Bones was pulling him close and initiating a kiss of his own.

It felt amazing and just so right. Tugging the older man forward he pulled the doctor down on top of him among the collection of pillows and blankets, keeping him close and pressing himself against the doctor as much as he could. It took a few minutes for him to realize just what he was doing. Breaking the kiss he turned away, frowning just a little. "No..." he murmured half heartedly. His hand remained upon the older man's arms, rubbing slightly at the blue fabric. His warmth was comforting. "You smell like home." He sighed, voice sounding just a little sad as he turned back to look up into Bones' dark eyes. He missed home and the older man smelled so familiar. Clean, with the antiseptic scent of sick bay and hospitals clinging to him as much a part of his natural scent now as the smell of his soap. Everything from the older man's voice to his smell and clothing was reminiscent of Starfleet and the Enterprise. It was comforting and oddly attractive.

"Tell me something." he murmured. "Something that'll calm my nerves and make me think that kiss was all right." It wasn't out of homesickness. It was out of a need to feel loved and wanted. He'd rather not feel that way through sex with the older man. Scooting back just a little he sat up and studied Bones' face. He'd had a crush on this grumpy old jerk for so long it was incredibly difficult to keep his hands to himself, especially now that Bones seemed to be okay with the kissing. He didn't really want to keep his hands to himself either.

Reaching out once again he reached out and gently pushed the older man down, back against the pillows before situating himself on top of the older man, straddling his hips. His hands dropped to the older man's shirt, playing with the hem of it his fingertips ghosting over Bones' abdomen, short nails scraping over the outter rim of his belly button, blue eyes fixed upon that small stretch of skin. "Say it's love... say something even if you don't mean it. Even if you just mean it right now. Just say it and make sure it's nice and keep saying and just... keep your eyes on me. I like the way you look at me sometimes... mostly when you think I'm not paying any attention or when I first take my clothes off and there's that brief flash of...something even though you're in doctor mode. I don't know why... I can't figure out just what it is."

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bones_mccoy
2009-08-11 08:10 pm UTC (link)

It was odd how that nickname had stuck, and how nice it was to hear it on Kirk's lips. Odd, he would have thought such a thing would annoy him, but, despite everything, there didn't seem to be much that Kirk could do that would actually seriously annoy him. He waited for Kirk to continue, but then they were kissing again, and that seemed so much better to him. The doctor let his arms go around the younger man, and when he adjusted them so that the doctor was on top, he willingly went along with it.

Of course, that changed when Kirk spoke. No... Bones wasn't exactly the type to ignore that sort of thing. The second those words left his best friends lips, he rolled off him and looked concerned. "What is it, Jim? I'm sorry, I thought you wanted..." Kirk's words confused him further. Had the young man only kissed him because he was homesick? Was it more? It was hard to tell if it wasn't just wishful thinking on his part. He'd wanted his best friend for awhile, but he never would have thought to mention it. What would Kirk want with an old man, anyway? Friendship was more than enough, or it had been until they'd come here. "Do you miss home, Jim?"

But Kirk was talking, still talking. The young man could certainly fill up a silence like no one else. A slight smile touched his lips and he looked directly into the young man's eyes. "Don't be stupid. Of course I love you." As far as comforting statements went, it left a lot to be desired. But, well, all he could hope was that his best fried knew him well enough not to take it personally. There wasn't much time to think before he was being pushed backward against the soft mountain of pillows.

"What is this, Jim?" He had to know. He was very well aware of the procession of people through Kirk's bed, you couldn't be someone's best friend and doctor without knowing that much. "Why are you doing this?" He didn't want to be another notch on his bedpost. What he felt was far too strong for that. "Damn it, what is this? Tell me." His tone of voice was definitely a demand. His eyes were imploring as he gazed up at his best friend. But he allowed the younger man to touch him as he wanted to. "I look at you?" He didn't know that. Highly unprofessional. It seemed that he didn't have as good control over himself as he thought, it that was true.

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jimtkirk
2009-08-12 04:12 am UTC (link)

Why the hell did Bones have to question everything? Why couldn't he just go along with it and lie like all the others? Why did he have to be so serious? So sincere? So... Bones. If he'd at least been able to say the l-word Kirk could've told himself the older man was doing a he'd been asked and he could pretend there was more to it than simple words and a normal, meaningless physical reaction. In a few hours, after he woke, he'd spend a moment reveling in the older man's warmth and closeness before pulling away and acting as if it had never happened. There'd be that same dull familiar ache but he'd grown used to that. He could handle it. He'd lived with it so long that he could ignore it. Things may have been a bit awkward with Bones for awhile after that but they'd get through it. They'd have to. They were, afterall, the only thing either of them had anymore.

Unfortunately, Bones was a little smarter than any of the cadets (or occasional instructor) who'd found their way into Kirk's bed. He just had to ask questions and demand explanations. He had to force Kirk to think. So... what was this? What was he doing and, more importantly, why? He was straddling his best friend's hips, tracing the outlines of his belly button with one short nail. Up until this point it had been about physical contact and a psychological need... about momentarily filling a void that Bones had managed to tear open. Unfortunately, there was no way he could tell Bones that or even hope that he'd be able to explain it in a way that would make the older man understand. "I..." his hands fell from Bones' skin, dropping to hang loosely at his sides. "I don't know." He shook his head as he pushed himself to his feet. "It's nothing. Nevermind. Forget I said anything, forget anything even happened."

Denial was the simpler of the options. If he could get Bones to forget about it, ignore it, maybe things could be all right and go back to normal. He'd still have to find some other way to fill that psychological need but at least the two of them would be all right. Moving to sit on the bed, as far away from Bones as he could get without leaving the room. He would not run from this. He couldn't run from this. They were doing so good. They'd worked past his little tantrum and Kirk wasn't too keen on being on his own again. Not when Bones was so close and smelled so much like home. Refusing to look his friend in the eye, Kirk turned his attention towards his hands and his short nails, picking at them for a moment before chewing upon them. "I was at one of those things the other day, you know. The... um... planetarium. It's not really the same as being in space or seeing the actual stars. Felt hollow."

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bones_mccoy
2009-08-13 09:35 pm UTC (link)

Bones eyed the younger man as he broke contact, went over to the bed. There might be lots of things that the doctor didn't know about Kirk's life, but you weren't best friends for years with someone without learning to read them. The attempts to change the subject, to pretend that nothing had happened, were clumsy and easy to read for him. He might know exactly why, but something about this made the young man uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if Kirk was angry with him or not. But something was definitely up, and no attempt to change to subject was going to work right now. He could be very determined, some might even say stubborn. There was just no way he was letting go of this so easily.

But there was the question of how to go into it. Normally, he would just ask him what was going on. And it might still come to that. Bones wasn't the best at being subtle. But... well. A drink couldn't hurt, could it? Pulling his hip flask out, he sat up and went to sit on the bed, staying a safe distance from his best friend. Casually, he took a sip, and then handed the flask to his best friend. He would get answers, but he knew that alcohol could relax people. It might be easier for them both if they had a stiff drink inside them. At least he knew it would help him.

"Oh yeah?" His voice was noncommital, but his eyes were intense as he looked at his best friend. "Maybe I'd like it more than being in space. We should go sometime." He hadn't been, although he had checked out the Science Center. "Are they stars from Earth? The consellations here are all different." He nodded at his invitation, which had fallen on the floor. "You going to that thing? I think you have to dress up if you do. If you even have a choice about going. Wouldn't surprise me if the damn King just transported us all to the fool thing."

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jimtkirk
2009-08-14 06:14 am UTC (link)

Ignoring Bones as best he could, Kirk scooted back on the bed just enough to give himself room to swing his feet. He had a feeling the older man wasn't just going to let him get away with changing the subject. Feeling the bed move in response to Bones' added weight Kirk bit his lower lip, anticipating that the older man would've sat a little closer. Luckily, however, it seemed like Bones was keeping his distance. Whether or not Kirk appreciated the distance between them was up for debate. On one had he didn't really think he wanted anyone to be that close but, on the other hand, he missed the warmth of the older man's body and the way everything about him reminded Kirk or Starfleet and better days. In the end he decided that the distance was the best possible thing for the two of them at the moment.

Spotting the hip flask Kirk shook his head just a little, mouthing a silent 'no thank you' in response to the older man's offer. "Some of them are stars from Earth, but the exhibit keeps changing so you see stars visible from Earth, stars that used to be visible from Vulcan, and a number of other planets. You never really liked space travel so you might appreciate it. You get to see the stars while keeping your feet firmly on the earth... or wherever the hell this is." He sort of doubted that the two of them would end up in the planeterium before the scenery changed once more. "What's the science center like? I've never been too great at all of that. It was always my brother's thing and, you know, on the Enterprise I would've had Spock to take care of all of that."

Sitting up just a little he finally turned towards Bones, narrowing his eyes just a little. "Look. I know what you're doing." He sighed. "I've known you for three god damn years. I know when you're working your way up to something or attempting to tip toe around it until you can find a way to subtly bring it up. You've never been good at that." He was sure Bones knew the meaning of the word 'subtle'. The older man just didn't know how to be subtle. "You may have picked up on my conversation but you're really not letting it go. I don't care about that party. I don't want to go but, yeah, he probably will end up transporting us all there." He scowled before turning his attention towards his hands which were folded on his lap. "I don't have any answers for you, you know. I don't know why I did it."

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bones_mccoy
2009-08-15 05:59 pm UTC (link)

At Kirk's refusal, the doctor shrugged, took another sip himself, and then slipped the flask back into his pocket. At least it had calmed him down a bit. He hoped. This whole situation was incredibly tricky, and he had very little faith in himself in this sort of situation. So much was at risk, he felt. Even back home, he wouldn't want to seriously injure his relationship with Kirk. Here, where the young captain was really all he had? It just seemed that much more important. He felt like he was doing this all wrong, which made him annoyed at himself. But, well, it was pretty obvious that him attempting to be anything other than himself was pretty much doomed to failure. So he might as well just deal with it, and hope Kirk would as well.

"The science center is mostly hopelessly archaic." But his tone held a faint trace of approval. He tended to like older technology. It made him more comfortable. For a moment, he was silent, as he tried to figure out what to say. The party, the science center, the stars, they were all just ways of trying to make small talk, and that had never been his forte. He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand, and then just gave up.

"Okay, so I'll stop." He turned to his best friend and looked at him directly. "I wanna know what the hell is going on here, Jim." His dark eyes were intense as he looked at the younger man. "Why did you kiss me, and why did you freak out when I asked you why?" Well, that was more direct, anyway. Probably too direct, but, well, that was the way he was, the way he'd always been.

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jimtkirk
2009-08-15 08:18 pm UTC (link)

"Why did you kiss me back?" He murmured, staring down at his hands for a moment before lifting his head to shoot the older man a look. With a sigh he moved to scoot closer to the older man. "And why did you ask why? Couldn't you have just... I don't know, pushed me aside and said you weren't interested or kept your mouth shut and go with it?" Again he didn't like the sound of anything coming out of his mouth but he didn't know how else to say it. Maybe it would just be easier to apologize for what had happened and beg him not to dwell on it. They could salvage their friendship and he could ignore his own feelings for the older man.

"I just... react to things sometimes. You smell like home, you're all I have. I've told you that before and you should know by now." He looked down at his hands, rubbing his palms together in what could've been considered a nervous gesture. Why was talking about this sort of thing always so hard? Why did he have to care about Bones as much as he did. Turning back towards the older man he watched him just a little, eyes and smile softening considerably. He loved this grumpy old man who's gaze was too hard and who was too serious at the moment for Kirk to simply be smiling at like this.

Letting out a sigh, Kirk reached out and poked the older man in the side. "Can't we just let it go?" He asked softly before poking just a bit more. "Pleeeeease? It's no big deal, I swear. It was just... you know something that happened. I was lonely and you're all I have. I love ya, you know?" Adding the 'ya' onto the end of it made the confession of love a little less serious. "I'm sorry, I don't want to lose you because of something stupid that I did out of loneliness and an attempt to keep you closer." If they ever did wind up in bed together he didn't want it to happen like this. "Friends... right?"

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bones_mccoy
2009-08-19 01:35 am UTC (link)

"Because, I..." But before he could answer that question, Kirk was continuing on. And, for once, Bones actually shut up and let the younger man speak on. This was, after all, fairly new ground, for both of them, with each other. In the end, he figured it was a good thing he did listen. Because when Kirk kept on talking, well, it sounded to the doctor like he was trying to explain it away. And, being fairly unsure of himself, he couldn't help but assume that that was because he regretted what he'd done.

Still, despite everything, when Kirk came near him, the doctor couldn't help but sling an arm around his shoulders, perhaps a little too affectionate. "Yeah, I guess I could have, but it isn't my style." He decided not to answer the question about why he'd done it. The truth was, he knew all too well why he had. He'd done it because he wanted to more than anything, because he felt so strongly for the young man that it was impossible for him to do anything else. Kirk had always had him wrapped around his little finger, from basically the first day they met. That had only gotten stronger through the years.

But Kirk... well, he seemed to want nothing more than to dismiss the entire episode. Raising his free hand, the one that wasn't resting on Kirk's shoulder, he scrubbed tiredly at his eyes, suddenly feeling so sad, almost lost, and very alone. But there were some things you just didn't tell people, or, at least, things he didn't. He wouldn't get all sappy on Kirk, when it seemed to him that the young captain just wanted to forget. So he nodded, gave his best friend a slight squeeze, and then released him. "Yeah, I can do that." He laughed, but it sounded a little forced, even to him. "We're always friends. Always." With one last look, he rose to his feet and straightened his uniform.

"Well, I guess if I see you at the party, I'll see you." He was so sure he was composing himself, but his eyes were far too intense, even moreso than usual. "I, uh... I'll see you later." He'd already said that, but, suddenly, all he wanted to do was get into the safety of his own room and see about emptying the contents of his hip flask before the party.

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jimtkirk
2009-08-20 05:07 pm UTC (link)

"Bones..." Kirk whined, watching as the older man stood up and said his good byes. He was leaving. He was actually, honest to god, leaving him alone again in that damn dark mess of a room. He decided not to fight it. If Bones wanted to run out on him too then fine. He could do whatever the hell he wanted and Kirk wasn't going to try and stop him. He'd had enough experience in being left and abandoned by people to know that begging them to stay, begging them not to leave him would only make him look pathetic, weak. He turned his head away and bit his tongue before the words 'you're leaving me?' could slip past his lips. This was fine. He could deal with it. He'd dealt with it so many times before. This shouldn't be any different.

Except... it really was. There was something about the idea of being left alone here where he didn't know anyone, where he couldn't start working on a message to his brother or his mother only to toss it aside or delete it that put a panicky, flighty feeling in his chest. Then again... maybe it was just the idea that Bones could and now, it seemed, would leave him. He'd always been so damn sure that Bones wouldn't leave him behind or abandon him like everyone else had. That was why he alone was privvy to the most delicate information about Kirk's past. He trusted the older mand and, no, he didn't think automatically assuming that a simple temporary parting meant abandonment was jumping to conclusion or being irrational. He was stuck in an alternate universe where he and Bones had been fighting for the past day or so he was lonely and allowed to be irrational.

Still... in spite of the panicky beat of his heart and the irrational fears he didn't move when Bonest got up, didn't say anything, didn't even look at him. He simply offered the older man a noncommital shrug of his shoulders and allowed him to start walking away. Jim really needed to stop thinking that Bones should jut automatically know where he was concerend. The older man wasn't betazoid, afterall. There was no way he could sense just what was going on in Jim's head.

For the first time since Kirk had met either version he found himself really wishing that Spock were around. If nothing else the younger versions logical view of everything would manage to shut Kirk up more effectively than anything else.

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