Safe haven
Arriving back on Shangri-La had never brought her such a sense of relief and was thankfully uneventful. Managing to maintain a facade of calm she confirmed that Sting was now running on fumes and needed refuelling, regardless of what was happening with the condensers in the refuelling bay. "She ain't goin' nowhere till she gets juiced up," she called over her should, figuring hers and Bethany's trip to visit Seph on Babylonia would now be well and truly cancelled.
When she reached her cabin she closed the hatch, leaning back against it and letting her head bang softly onto the hard surface. There was no hiding needed any more, there were no eyes watching, seeing, laughing, jeering, mocking - she slid down till her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees and her face buried there. Bone-jarring sobs wracked her body as she sat there, the emotions, anger, fear, helplessness, hatred, loss... all welled up and meshed into a huge ball of pain in her chest. This time it hadn't been her body, and it had been worse. Last time she could retreat into her mind, hide there and wait till it was over and she could escape. But this time it had been worse. Accusations that were meant to hurt had hit their target and inflicted more damage than could possibly be hoped for.
Feelings of loss, pain, anger, helplessness that had overwhelmed her when the news of Bryn's death had reached her were all unleashed again, as if a wound that had taken a long time to heal had been sliced open again with the precision of a true sadist. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to unwind her arms. Still hunkered down as if too exhausted to even stand she crawled across the room until she could drag herself up on her bed, quickly curling up again and hugging a pillow hard, as if it was the only thing that would hold her up while the storm raged inside.