Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye (flame_queen) wrote in knowhereic, @ 2017-09-25 02:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | fullmetal alchemist: canon: riza hawkeye, fullmetal alchemist: canon: roy mustang |
Who: Colonel Mustang & Lieutenant Hawkeye
What: Discussions about evacuations.. With no yelling.. Yeah right.
When: Evening, after this.
Where: Roy & Riza’s Apartment
Rating: PG-13
Status: Log - Complete
Today had been a busy, stressful day. From learning Roy, Ed and Al were going to do something ridiculous with Alchemy, to finding out they’d have to start evacuating Knowhere (two hours? It wasn't enough!), to then learning that the entire plan had to be pushed back, and realizing that meant the groups out there killing the tribbles would have to keep doing it, just to ensure they weren’t entirely overrun while they slept. Mustang and Hawkeye had been out on their shift earlier, they’d gotten home just moments ago and the blonde had insisted Mustang take his shower first, since he was covered in ash. They had no electric, but it hadn’t taken much for the water heater to be heated up by more.. Alchemaic means. And while they didn’t have much food (some crackers and a few bottles of water), they had come home with a few tribbles, which Riza was cooking while Roy bathed. They hadn’t said much to one another on the way home, but they were both exhausted. The Spartans were out on shift now (with a few others, all taking the city in small groups). They’d take twelve hours, then Roy, Riza, Harry and their group would go back out again. Until Ed could finish everything up and they could get everyone to Earth. Or.. wherever they ended up going. It didn’t matter where they went, as long as it wasn’t here. And like Hell Hawkeye was going to let herself be shuffled off. She was a soldier. She was staying with her Colonel. So when Roy got out of the shower, he’d smell something cooking-- it wasn’t bad smelling, she’d added a few spices that had been spared by the tribbles, and with some advice from Carlos, she’d made something that wasn’t half bad. *** Exhausted wasn’t a word for it. Covered in ash was at least accurate. But Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, was designed for long hours and repeated use of his abilities. The sands of the desert never left him. Coming home, it looked like he was back there still. He’d allowed Hawkeye to order him around, relinquishing control to her expert hands and her pushing words. He’d climbed into the bath, naked as the day he was born, and let the water wash away the traces of his sins. The ash of fire, of incinerated tribble. Of the remnants of helpless creatures, whose lives had been taken for no other reason than that Roy wanted to live and sought to protect the ones he loved. He hadn’t wanted to do it. But he’d done it so that Alphonse wouldn’t need to. So that the three women who expressed their horror at the idea, their derision, could go home at night and sleep soundly with their morality intact, safely knowing they hadn’t done the shitty thing. Roy did it instead. He did it so the many others who believed as those women did wouldn’t have to. He and the wizard Dresden. Flame Alchemist and destroyer of worlds, both of them. Roy had never done it before, but today he’d weaved together Harry Dresden’s fire with his own and he’d controlled a steady burn. No lives other than tribbles had been lost. Harry had been impressed, a little scared, Roy’s control was immaculate. He was a master of his craft, a man who knew the ins and outs of his abilities and could utilize them with skill. It was daunting and it was terrifying and it was beautiful all the same. Roy had glared at him before he’d walked away in the end of their time out, coming home with an equally exhausted Hawkeye. Silence spread through the apartment. Roy didn’t care. When he stepped out of the shower it was only to haphazardly push a towel over his wet hair before he wrapped it around his waist and then left to find Hawkeye. She was in the kitchen. Roy didn’t say anything, he just stepped up to her and there in the dim lighting of their alchemy aided lamps (Roy had been having too much fun with alchemy recently!) he sank down to his knees and wrapped his arms around her middle, where he pressed his dark, damp head against her belly and almost imagined he could hear a heartbeat within. Closing his eyes, he just held on. *** Hawkeye had been on the tallest building she could find with a clear line of sight and had been picking off tribbles on the tops of other buildings. Ones that the men on the ground wouldn’t find. She could take them out through windows, if they were inside, or even in the towers. There were just so many places they could hide. She was glad to be home. She had needed a break-- but more than that, Roy had needed a break. The blonde felt like she hadn’t been doing a very good job of taking care of him lately. And as the sniper heard those footsteps, she turned-- only to find Mustang there, in a towel and already kneeling down. She drew back a little, surprised, but then he was wrapping his arms around her waist and holding onto her as he pressed his damp head to her abdomen. Hawkeye just stood there, knife in hand from where she’d been cutting meat from the cooked tribble. What was he doing? Was he alright? Was he hurt? “Sir?” It was just a whispered question as she carefully set her free hand in his damp hair and stroked her fingers through it. He was scaring her. *** Hand in his hair, he relaxed, his shoulders slumped and he made the most pathetic sound the man had ever made in his life. His arms tightened, for a long while he said nothing, he ignored the fact his knees hurt in this position and his feet were falling asleep. He didn’t care. But eventually he opened his eyes and he looked up at Hawkeye there in the dim light, searching what he could see of those worried brown eyes. Those Killer’s eyes, reflecting back at him with solemn concern. He was okay. He really was. Or he would be. Roy swallowed and said quietly, but without faltering, “You have to evacuate with the others.” She needed to get off of Knowhere, to protect a future she could still have. There was no reason for her to remain behind and continue this madness, this extermination. She’d already done her part in one years ago. He just wanted to protect her. *** Her hand never paused, she just continued to stroke through dark, damp hair. That expression softened when his eyes tipped up to her, though. She loved his eyes. So dark that they looked black, but in the right light, there was a fantastic hint of blue. He was so handsome. Her fingers brushed along the back of his head and down his neck, before lifting away and coming back to his bangs again. “I’m not leaving you, Colonel. Someone’s going to have to make sure you wake up on time and remember to meet Edward, or the entire plan is going to go down the drain.” She said it so seriously. Then again, everything she did was dead-pan and serious, even when she was joking. Thankfully, Mustang got it. He always did. “Our meal is getting cold.” It was time for him to get up off the ground and stop looking ridiculous. What was he doing down there, anyway? *** “Why are you such a damned, stubborn woman?” he asked. “I’ll remember to meet him. Hell, I’ll go sleep in his damned apartment, just get off of Knowhere,” he insisted. He didn’t rise immediately, not even at her prompting, he just stared up at her, his hands loosening their death grip on her waist to slide around and cup her sides and slide on down to cup her hips instead. He did nothing untoward with it, just looked at her, then slowly rose (ouch, his legs were practically numb) and still just looked at her. He loved her. “Please,” he said. “Just go somewhere safe.” Meal be damned. His eyes slid over the slaughtered tribbles. Food was food, he wasn’t offended at the sight. He spent too many years being a soldier in a warzone to care what he ate. It didn’t matter that he’d just washed the ash of their companions off his body. *** “You knew I was stubborn when you hired me, sir.” She reminded him calmly. “And I’m safe here with you. I’m not going anywhere else. It’s my job to protect you, not the other way around.” So he didn’t need to concern himself with her safety-- even though he did. “It doesn’t matter whether or not their plan has complications. We both know that. You don’t need to make a big deal out of it.” Brown eyes dropped to the towel wrapped around his waist. “Go put on clothes, then come eat.” Her calm orders to him. The Lieutenant had been ordering about her superior for a long time now, she was used to it. And so was he. “You need the protein.” She wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Turning slightly in his hands to disengage, Riza went back to carving meat off of the tribble and plating up their meager meals. He, understandably, got a bit more than she did. She couldn’t eat as much. But with two tribbles, neither would go away hungry. The thought, however, made her pause. Hawkeye was sure Ed and Al were going to be hungry tonight, they had some real food, but it was heavily rationed. *** He let her disengage, let her turn away and go back about her business as if nothing she said mattered, as if nothing he said mattered. She’d made up her mind and she was just as stubborn as he was. God damn you, woman. Why? Roy stared at her, at the blonde hair there in the poor lighting, the set of her shoulders, the length of her spine and the curve of her hips. His lips parted, his heart sped, and Roy Mustang, idiot that he was, asked a question he’d never ever intended to ask any woman in the world, “Are you pregnant?” It hung in the silence. *** Riza’s hand stopped moving. The knife became still. Are you pregnant? Slowly, the blonde woman turned and settled brown eyes onto him. They narrowed. Hawkeye pointed the meat-dirtied knife at her superior officer. “Are you trying to tell me I’ve put on weight?” Oh no. *** She had a knife in her hand. Belatedly, he realized his mistake. Lucky he hadn’t gotten on one knee and asked her to marry him, because she’d have driven it into his eye or something by now. But still. He raised both hands in surrender and stepped back, “No!” he insisted, “What? How do you jump from that question to that log-” He stopped at that look in her eyes. It was a real question! “Are you?” Roy Mustang was a man and men were stupid. *** “No!” She snapped back. “What in the world made you think I was pregnant? What made you think I was stupid enough to have sex with a man without having some sort of protection against that?” Well, it certainly hadn’t been a condom. But Hawkeye had seen this train coming down the tracks since she’d arrived in Knowhere and had been to the clinic to talk to one of the doctors, who had told her about some pills and had given them to her. She didn’t understand all the medical talk, but she’d taken them faithfully since getting them, just like the doctor had told her. “Go get dressed, Sir.” She lifted the knife a bit more to point at him with it. “Then come eat your dinner so you can go to bed.” This was the woman you were transmuting a diamond for, Mustang? Really? Finally, she lowered the knife and set it aside, but the look in her Killer’s eyes told him he’d be next unless he did as she’d commanded. *** No! Oh. Well. That solved that mystery then. Roy couldn’t pretend to be any kind of master of female reproductive systems or their … hormones. It could stand to reason the flux Delta had seen had been something else, or maybe she had been pregnant and solved the problem on her own. Hell, for all Roy knew, maybe she’d just been bloated or having a weird off month as far as her cycle went. He stood there like an idiot just staring at her until she brandished the knife again and sent him off to get dressed. Mechanically, the alchemist turned away on her command and walked off as she said. He needed a moment anyway. Weird that he’d be feeling ambivalent about her answer. Since he’d learned of the possibility almost two months ago the day Delta had mentioned her uh.. Ovulation cycle, Mustang had been going back and forth with himself on his response if she was pregnant. He’d finally settled the answer. He hadn’t been prepared for the ‘what if she’s not.’ So he took a while longer to dress, putting the disappointment where it belonged. He’d psyched himself out for something that had never been a possibility in the first place. He’d reasoned a long time ago that no, Hawkeye wasn’t that stupid to get herself pregnant. He knew that. So why had he let himself believe? Because York had encouraged it. Stupid. Roy dressed in his night clothes, and when he was finally ready, the Colonel came back out (barefoot again) and joined Hawkeye for their meager dinner. They’d both had worse and far less to eat before. As it turned out, it was exceedingly difficult to supply an army with adequate food sources the further they marched into the desert. He sat across from Hawkeye. “.... I’d be okay with it, if you were.” Was he really still talking about it? Yep, yes he was. *** She hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t expected him to ever mention it again. She hadn’t expected him to be okay with it. She hadn’t expected him to admit he would be okay with it. Those sharp, brown eyes locked onto him. They did more than lock onto him, they bored through him, right through his eyes and straight into his soul. A pointed, piercing look. Like she knew every thought going on inside his head. Except she obviously didn’t. He’d be okay with it if she were pregnant? Not only was it a ridiculous notion, but it was cruel. Either Roy meant that he was okay with it, because when they got home and inevitably were tried and killed for their war crimes, the baby would be taken care of by someone who loved them (most likely Grumman, because no way was she giving over their child to Christmas). Or he meant that he’d spare her and let her raise the child, but would ultimately die himself. And neither of those things were okay. “Having a baby would cause irreparable damage to your plan, sir. Eat your meal.” Her eyes fell back to the tribble meat on her plate. Hopefully he was done talking about it now. She wasn’t pregnant. She wouldn’t ever be pregnant. And it was very unlikely they’d ever be in the position to make a child again, anyway. *** He withstood her dark, heavy glare with the resolve of a man too far gone in his dedication to waver now. Resolute, calm. Her eyes were the heaviest thing he’d ever had laid on his soul and no one in all the world saw more than she did. The Hawk’s Eyes saw everything. She stared at him and he stared back. Then she lowered her eyes and her words hit somewhere near his heart. His plan. Back to his plan. His stupid plan that had no basis in any reality he wanted to live in these days. His plan where the world was magically fixed and they died for their crimes. He looked down at the cooked meat on his plate and couldn’t bring himself to eat it. Roy poked at it listlessly with a fork. “I want to make a new plan.” Did he say that out loud? Somewhere in the back of his mind, Roy heard that crazy asshole Elodin taunting him in the market a few weeks ago. Do you know the seven words that would make a woman love you? They exist. Dick. Mustang lifted his dark eyes. *** Seven words that would make a woman love him. Not any woman. Just one woman. Seven words. I want to make a new plan. Those seven words made brown eyes lift and settle onto the dark blue again. Except this time, she wasn’t staring through him. This time she wasn’t trying to burn holes through to the back of his skull. In fact, she looked surprised. “Sir?” A new plan? Her fork lowered. “You don’t want to be Fuhrer anymore?” She knew that wasn’t it. She hoped that wasn’t it. She wanted to hear it. Say it. Say it, Roy. *** Roy looked at her. Both of them were vulnerable, which was strange because it usually happened that when one was weak, the other was strong. So to look across the table and see the light in her eyes that said so much more than her words ever did was frightening and beautiful and reserved for him. For a man who knew next to nothing about the woman he loved, he knew her the best all the same. He didn’t want to be Fuhrer anymore? No that wasn’t it at all. “...I want a life with you instead,” He set his fork down without realizing it. “I don’t want to live in a world without you in it.” And that was the most honest truth he could ever say. Why the hell was he so god damned scared? His heart had started pounding in his chest. Shit. *** I want a life with you. I don’t want to live in a world without you in it. She could hear her blood pounding through her veins as her heart picked up its beat. Was he really saying all this? What was he saying? Why was he saying it? What was going on? Hawkeye didn’t know what to say. She’d spent her entire life looking after a man she’d never get to keep for herself. A man she’d always have to share with everyone. A man she could never marry and couldn’t stop loving. And now, twenty years later, he was saying he wanted a life with her? He had a life with her. She thought it’d been the life he wanted. They life they both wanted. Apparently not. What did he expect her to say? The silence dragged on for far too long. Minutes ticked by. “Sir, I..” What could she say to that? She sound she didn’t have any words at all. She could only stare at him in confusion, her eyes asking all the questions her mouth couldn’t. *** She didn’t say anything. She was struggling to say anything. She was going to tell him he was a moron, that he should eat his dinner and go to bed. To stop being so god damned ridiculous. The silence stretched on. “You don’t-” He didn’t know how to stay silent like she did, because he felt the moment slipping and when the moment slipped he could only keep rambling. Roy Mustang didn’t know how to talk to Riza Hawkeye. He turned into an incompetent moron before her eyes and her master silence and the sure, calm way she held herself. Nevermind her confusion and the thousand questions inside her eyes. “Don’t say anything,” he said. “I wanted to tell you.” But she wasn’t obligated to return it. He looked down at his plate. “I spend so much of my time trying to die, Hawkeye, I just want to live.” With her. A future they could both have. He felt like an idiot. *** He was an idiot. “Finish your meal, sir.” Came her calm, firm response. Those last words had cleared it all up for her and the questions had left her eyes instantly, replaced instead by that same easy confidence she always had. That air of self-assurance she always held. Her fork lifted again and the blonde went back to eating. *** There it was. Roy closed his eyes briefly, pushed back the well of disappointment. What had he said this time? The bitter frustration ate at him. What could he say? What could he do that would make a difference? She resisted him at every turn, no matter his insistence or how stupid he made himself look. Maybe that was it. Maybe she was just put off by how dumb he was and she didn’t want anything to do with it. Roy nodded just slightly, retrieved his fork and ate because she told him to. He couldn’t taste it. Not after that. He was tired. *** The rest of their dinner would be eaten in silence. Riza would clean up the mess without a word, as she always had. The dishes would be scrubbed, dried, and put away. She wiped down the counters and the table and she urged the Colonel to go to bed before announcing she was getting a shower. Then the Colonel’s Lieutenant disappeared into the bathroom to do just that. When she got out of the shower, towelled off her hair, and slipped into something to sleep in (she hadn’t been able to do laundry the last few days, so all she had left was a tank top, which showed bits and pieces of her tattoo and the scars Mustang had given her), she made her way into the main living area, but paused when she realized Roy hadn’t gone to bed. He was there on the couch, his alchemy notes shoved haphazardly onto the floor. Slowly coming forward, she crouched down to begin cleaning up the mess. “Go to bed, sir, we have a busy day tomorrow.” Gathering some of those papers, knelt there on the floor, she paused to look up at him. *** He had a drink in hand. It had been less frequent these last few weeks since she’d moved in that he resorted to alcohol, but sometimes? Well…. Sometimes it was just necessary and he had no other ways to cope. His thoughts got too wild, his brain lied to him, he felt strange. Everything and anything turned his happy spirit to something dark and awful. “Just leave them there, Hawkeye,” he told her, raising his dark eyes from the glass he’d been staring into. He took a drink of the gross liquid within, rubbed his face with one hand and then slumped back onto the cushions of the couch. “I’ll sleep when I’m finished,” with the glass? The entire bottle? He didn’t clarify. He just closed his eyes and cut off the world. *** She ignored him, like she always did. The papers were all picked up, straightened, and set neatly back onto the coffee table. The elements were picked up as well and placed atop the papers. Then she stood and came forward, a hand trained to pull the trigger and take lives was reaching out to pluck the glass from his fingers. It was a bold move she’d only done twice before in their time together, and both of those times, he’d been happily drunk and just over-doing it. The glass was set aside and Riza came closer. So close their knees touched. Then the touch was gone, replaced with the insides of her thighs on the outside of his as she straddled him there on the couch and sat down in his lap, her damp hair hanging against her shoulders. “You are an idiot, Colonel Mustang, and nothing you can say or do would ever make me leave your side, because I am in love with you and have been since that day in the cemetery.” Her hands lifted, cupping his face and forcing it to tilt up so she could look at him properly. “And if we ever do have a child together, you are giving up the hard stuff.” No more drinking like this. No more spirits. His days of getting drunk would be over. *** She ignored him like she always did, he didn’t open his eyes to confirm it … until she took his glass and he felt the touch of her knees and then her thighs. She sent so many god damned confusing signals. Yes then no. I love you but I don’t. He was too whipped to do anything other than follow her lead. Roy opened his eyes when her weight settled in his lap, he looked up at her. His lips parted but no words escaped because she was talking. His hands settled on her thighs, sliding up to her hips and then around to the small of her back where they paused, holding her close. I am in love with you. What? Did she- Confusion raced across his face, his brows furrowed. He’d thought- Hadn’t she…. He was an idiot. He was an idiot who didn’t know how to speak to the woman he loved so he said nothing at all. Instead, once Roy got his brain working again he dragged her closer and leaned up to kiss her, one hand diving into her damp, blonde hair. She was so stupid and he was so stupidly in love with her. *** He wanted a new plan. He was releasing her from the old one that forbid them from being anything more than what they had been. The plan that cut their lives short in the hopes it would please the Isvhalans. She would have followed him into Hell. She still would. But she’d much rather find a new plan. This one had a promising start. The sniper would lean down into that kiss, her hands straying down his neck and to his shoulders, holding tight there as he kissed her. He felt so good. This moment felt perfect-- and she didn’t have to feel guilty for it. If he still wanted to be Fuhrer, they’d figure it out. If he didn’t? That was fine, too. Whatever he wanted, she’d agree. She always had. And if he wanted this? Well, she would take her moment and enjoy it. They both deserved it, for all they’d been through. *** It was perfect. Well, it would be if it hadn’t been on the tails of what he’d believed was a devastating let down. But it was still entirely better than what he’d expected. She was so close and so warm and so beautiful under his hands and against his lips. He’d do anything in the world, anything to keep her. He had known that forever, long ago since the night Berthold Hawkeye had told him to watch over her before the old man had died. He’d loved her then and every day after and had done everything in his power to keep her safe. More than a decade later and he still felt the same. Mustang pulled the woman in close against his body, his arms sliding around to secure her firmly as he pushed up. She was a small woman and though she was all firm muscle and tight body, she wasn’t difficult to carry. He bore her all the way to the bedroom where he dropped her into the sheets and climbed in after her. And whether they got around to the business of making love or not, he would fall asleep with the woman in his arms tonight. Tomorrow, he’d return to the business of making her evacuate for a future they could both still have. |