InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm taking a chance on love."

Mods of Kiseki RPG (kiseki_mods) wrote in kiseki_rpg,
@ 2014-12-01 10:22:00

Current mood:	awake
Entry tags:	concrit meme, meme, mod post, ooc

Concrit meme - Take 77!
We're having a concrit meme again! The rules are the same as last time:

Comment to this post with a list of your characters.

Then reply anonymously to the other players, giving concrit on how they're playing/their characterization/their interactions/etc. Or ask them to elaborate on different events and choices with their characters - why did [character] do x or y, and so on.

Flames will simply get screened or deleted - and, if I can track it down, you could be banned. The idea is to help us all improve and clear out possible misunderstandings, point out activity issues, etc, not to simply insult someone. The more you can elaborate and specify (in a civil, reasonable way) why something bothers you, the better.

You can just praise a character/mun, if you can't find anything wrong with what they do. It's always better if you can elaborate on why you like that character (then that person can know what they're doing right), as the idea is to help with characterization and developments.

This is non-mandatory! If you aren't comfortable with the HMD, or don't feel like posting every time, or whatever the reason is, you don't have to post to it. However, if you give out crit to others, it would be more fair if you did it having commented as well.

And one last thing - we're a small game! If nobody comments, then the meme doesn't work. If you receive comments, try to leave at least one of your own to somebody else. It's always better if we have many replies, and various POVs.

(Post a new comment)

Sammy

moscateer
2014-12-01 01:45 pm UTC (link)

Athos

moscateer
Chibiusa

pinkifying

I know I've been really spotty with activity. I've finished Dragon Age, so that's no longer a buzzing concern, Japanese class is almost done, so that just leaves work, which will pick up a lot since I work retail for the holidays :'D but even so, Gamestop doesn't want us getting overtime by working more than 8 hours a day, so I should still have plenty of time to be around.

any thoughts on Chibiusa would be grand, but moreso for Athos. I feel more confident with him (THANK YOU ANTI-DEPRESSANTS?!) but I hope it's palpable to you all!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-01 04:47 pm UTC (link)

i can't speak for athos, being that i'm "canonblind" in the context of the BBC adaptation (i have read alexandre dumas' works, but it's been yeeeeaars), but your chibiusa is amazing. i feel that's worth pointing you. she's just the right amount of bubble effervescence with a pinch of seriousness. i can definitely tell that you're a veteran when it comes to playing her, because you've got her down to a T.

just thought that needed to be said. :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-01 11:40 pm UTC (link)

I would have to agree with the anon above, your Chibiusa is simply amazing and it shows how confident you are with her. She has a strong, distinct voice, and it's clear you're comfortable with the character and know her really well. She's cute and friendly without sounding forced, which can usually be a problem with that type of character, and she's really easy to tag with. I'm looking forward to any shenanigans she and her family could get up to!

Regarding Athos, I have to say I'm a bit lost regarding his character. I think his presence in terms of him responding to others and spreading out from just the focus on Porthos and Aramis (as pointed out in previous HMDs) is noticeable, and in that sense I think you're definitely on a good path, I would love to see him build more CR and expand on that. In terms of characterization, however, I'm confused. Despite the repeated crit on it in the past, he still has yet to touch on any of his canon issues - his alcoholism, his ex-wife, his position in the Musketeers, anything really. We hardly see him drink and he's an alcoholic, for example, it seems odd that it's never happened. I am not against positive development for him, of course, and at his canonpoint he was clearly on a way to bettering himself and recovering (not just from his drinking issues but his abusive relationship as well), but I feel like we've skipped that recovery entirely and now everything is fine for him and we missed out on any interesting development or insight to his character resulting from it.

He also comes across as extremely awkward all the time and I'm not entirely sure where that comes from. Athos, as we see him in every-day interactions, is often formal, composed, and someone people respect and look up to. Now even in a post that addresses people formally, from his position as a Musketeer, where he should be entirely in his own element and showing confidence and certainty, he's made to sound awkward, stiff and as though speaking in the way he always does as a natural leader and a Musketeer, the way that should come easiest to him and make him most comfortable, is a strange occurrence for him. If the idea is that the awkwardness comes from the note at the bottom alone, I still don't get why he would be that way. He should be at ease from having been able to be himself again for a few minutes at least, from finding himself in a comfortable, familiar situation such as being his usual Musketeer persona, and I do not see why teaching would make him awkward. Half of his character in the series is that he's d'Artagnan's self-imposed mentor, that he takes him under his wing and teaches him, and while of course he's a special case, Athos seems to thrive in being able to pass his knowledge to someone else. He seems perfectly comfortable with it, so why would teaching make him act that way? I would gladly hear any commentary on this situation, because it doesn't happen only in that post, so many of his tags are simply Athos being awkward or uncomfortable in a visible and noticeable way, reminiscent of Arthur, but with the difference of Arthur being actually this way in canon a lot of the time when he's not being a King. With many of Athos's past threads dropped or not getting past beyond small, shallow interactions, it can be difficult to know where you stand regarding him, so as I said, I'd be interested in hearing more about his characterization and any insight you might have, to get a better understanding of him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

moscateer
2014-12-02 01:10 am UTC (link)

Ahh, thank you for the crit!! these are all definitely failings on my part. I'll explain what I can.

as for the alcoholism, he is still drinking - I try to at least show that he's boozing up at any party - I suppose I haven't felt any "good" event or opportunity to showcase that it's still a problem, but now that you mention it, I feel stupid for thinking that because it's not like addiction waits for a "good" opportunity to bring the addict to rock bottom. I admit that I'm also averse to being the spotlight about negative things like that (which, in a weird convoluted way, I would be by proxy) which is mostly for personal reasons, even though I logically know that no one here will judge me for being an attention seeker or anything. so...I will actively push myself on that part.

you're right about everything else. reflecting on it, I think maybe, without realizing, I was trying to make him more approachable? with a character who's so private and guarded and speaks so little, it's a real difficulty to keep threads going with him. so, I dunno. now that I've realized it, I can't even say that it's worked.

I have a lot to think about. thank you again for the crit!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

thestare
2014-12-01 01:47 pm UTC (link)

Aramis (

thestare)
Merlin (

partofmycharm)
Neal Cassidy | Baelfire (

darkonejr)
David Nolan | Prince Charming (

thirdtimeisthe)
Aang (

fourinone)
Mako (

dorktective)
Tsubasa 'Syaoran' Li (

fukutsunokokoro)
Haruka Nanase (

stripndive)

Hopefully I have gotten a little better on activity, sob. Other than that, I'd love to hear any thoughts on de-aged!Aramis, whose entire characterization I basically made up in the spot, and on dragoon!Merlin who has canon basis but is ridiculous and very different in a lot of ways from the usual Merlin.

(Reply to this)

mindmywound
2014-12-01 02:26 pm UTC (link)

Isabela //

sixthings
Korra //

bridgebetween
Rin Matsuoka //

neverseenbefore
Arthur Pendragon //

insibbegerest
Sakura | Tsubasa //

returnedfeather
Porthos du Vallon //

mindmywound
Killian Jones | Captain Hook //

lendahand
Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard //

alwaysfind

I feel like I've been really dropping the ball in terms of having my characters actually be present and involved with other characters. I've also been really flip-flopping the last few weeks on character voices because I feel like everybody's getting muddled and just doesn't sound like themselves... So, any feedback on either of those points would be wonderful, as I feel a bit unevenly footed. Any insight would be lovely. Plus, Sakura is brand new, so any thoughts on her so far would be great!

Thank you!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-01 07:29 pm UTC (link)

Sakura is wonderful, her intro was a really fun idea, and I love how you're handling her voice and her conflicts so far. It's very much Sakura but she doesn't sound or act just like your previous Sakura. You're doing a great job at showing both their differences and their similarities at once.

She's adorable, and I'm excited for her future CR and to watch her top everyone around her.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

returnedfeather
2014-12-03 03:06 am UTC (link)

I'm so glad to hear that! It's been a while since I've played a Sakura and as a general point I always try to make my characters sound distinct, especially when it's a character I've (kinda) played in the past. Carry-over from CLAMP-only days when I played like three Sakuras at once ahaha. .. ha.

But in seriousness, thank you anon! ♥ I'm pleased that she's going over well thus far and I'll do my best to keep it up!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

backstroked
2014-12-01 02:39 pm UTC (link)

Yukine |

aguidinglight
Freya |

andalake
Kya |

auntiekya
Cloney |

borrowed_heart
Makoto |

backstroked
Kai |

stealthythief

I always feel so awkward making hmd hahaha. But well. I know this months I've been a little iffy with activity because of exams and finals (and I might still be a little since I have three finals left) but I'm getting back on track! Anyways, any feedback is welcome!

Thank you!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-01 11:51 pm UTC (link)

I am so happy you finally posted to one of these so I could tell you how great you are! You're incredibly easy and fun to play with, your characters are simply great, you have such initiative to play and tag with others, plotting with you is never a problem, you have never stuck to pre-established CR/castmate and instead are always tossing characters around with everyone. You're great, your characters are great, let us love you.

The only one issue I could point out is regarding activity, not so much in that you had to (understandably, of course!) be away recently, but in that I've felt a lot more of our threads were getting dropped before reaching the minimum ten comments. So that's something to maybe look out for, especially with AC coming up soon.

But other than that, I can't think of anything, I love your characterizations and everything you do. I'm looking forward so much to Syaoran dealing with this other Sakura, to Kai building new CR, and to Makoto's swimming club, all your plans, really. Keep it up!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	andalake 2014-12-02 04:19 am UTC (link)
	First of all, thank you very much for the nice comment! I'm glad you enjoy my characters and the way I play them :D That's something I know I need to work on, and I'll make sure it doesn't happen! Thank you! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	unfreezing 2014-12-01 03:16 pm UTC (link)
	Anna of Arendelle unfreezing I've been a little out of it with activity this week because I'm flailing about a craft fair on Wednesday, but once that's out of the way, oh it's on. OKAY. That aside, Anna is an extremely new character, so any advice, suggestions, guidance, etc. on how I'm doing, what I should do more/less of, would be extremely welcome. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-02 08:05 am UTC (link)

I think some others have already mentioned this off-anon but I just wanted to reiterate how much I am enjoying Anna and your characterization for her. She could easily be a character that doesn't come across naturally, but you give really fun tags both with her voice and in-brackets and watching her build CR has been adorable. One thing I particularly applaud you on is for sure having fun with it yourself with it seems like you really are, and not taking it all so seriously with her BUT still having a really good grasp of her conflicts. I have loved your thoughts on how she feels about stuff in Kiseki and with Elsa, and I can't wait to see more of it and of Anna in general. Good luck with craft fair in the meantime!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	unfreezing 2014-12-04 08:49 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you very much, anon! I really appreciate hearing that, especially since I'm having so much fun with her thus far. I can't wait to get her out there more and get her involved in stuff. Please don't hesitate to let me know, at any time, if I start making missteps with her (or going too far/not far enough with her silliness). And thanks again! (Reply to this) (Parent)

betterwithher
2014-12-01 04:27 pm UTC (link)

Sherlock Holmes (

betterwithher)

Steve Rogers (

you_know_me)

In addition to the usual spelling and grammar things I am constantly critiquing myself on, it's been brought to my attention that activity with my characters needs some work as well >>;;;;;; I've worked hard in the last few weeks to rectify these issues along with previous concerns and suggestions in other HMD posts. But as always, I am completely open to fixing any mistakes I'm making and to better myself, so feedback is greatly appreciated (especially with Steve since he's newer and I'm still concerned about his voice at times ^^;;; ).

Thank you all in advance!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-02 08:35 am UTC (link)

Re: spelling and grammar, I do think you've managed to consistently fix some of the issues that were going on. I have still noticed that at times some of your comments will have noticeable word errors but things sometimes spell-check wouldn't catch, so again, just some things to proofread on if possible. (Most recently it was "achidemic" in a post where I believe "academic" is what you were going for? Things like that.)

Since you're aware of the activity front, I won't linger on that too much, just offer advice in trying to find ways to organize your threads as it might help to track things if that's something you're having an issue with. It's clear you have been working on it, though, so I encourage your efforts to keep that up.

That aside, if you're having concerns on Steve's voice, I would definitely suggest maybe doing some re-watching of scenes where his voice is strongest in the films, and really think about the things that motivate and drive him. Or look at the way that he interacts with people more for some details to apply to his conversations in-game. His mannerism, the way he talks, etc., are all good things to look at. Don't get me wrong, he has had some good instances of characterization against characters, but I also think he can be confusing characterization-wise at times, in that I don't have a lot sense of what's going on with Steve from his tags. Many of them also don't have very much purpose or defining aspects of him and can get generic as a result. And while sure, Steve is partially just a regular guy at times, he's very much a character that should have a strong and distinct voice. I'll be looking forward to seeing where you work on with it, either way. Good luck!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

you_know_me
2014-12-02 02:43 pm UTC (link)

Thanks for the honesty, anon! I was afraid that was the case with Steve, and I'll be taking your advice for sure. A large part of my stumbling has been me admittedly losing confidence in playing a character who isn't Sherlock. It's a mental block I need to tap into one way or the other.

Either way, I have things to work on on all fronts, but thanks again for the crit and I'll do my best to improve!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-02 09:39 pm UTC (link)

Seconding what was said above, particularly re: Steve. I've noticed that some of his tags will have great characterization to them, and a strong voice, but a lot of the rest of the rest will end up being really, really generic and bland, to the point where it's difficult to even reply to them because he's really not giving anything to work with.

It's a matter of getting that good, strong voice you can (and have) show for him be more present in more of his tags, but also of paying closer attention to tags you receive. Both Steve and Sherlock will often completely miss hooks in previous tags, and go off on their own tangents rather than reply to what was being said, or make use of the hooks provided. With Sherlock, it makes sense for him ICly since that's the kind of thing he'd do on purpose, but when it happens to Steve too it's a little too evident it's not on purpose but an accident. So keeping an eye out for these, information or body language cues that characters give on tags, should help easily with this.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

betterwithher
2014-12-03 01:12 am UTC (link)

You know, anon, that's a good point about missing cues in tags and I will have to add that I should probably communicate more with everyone when it comes to these things because OOCly, I DO tend to miss such things in RL as well. I apologize for not being careful in RP with regards to these issues and will work on this accordingly ;-;

Again, thanks for the feedback and I will try to do better in the future!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	(Anonymous) 2014-12-03 01:20 am UTC (link)
	Working on communication is always good! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

sparking
2014-12-01 05:07 pm UTC (link)

Jamie Moriarty |

jeuxvoyant
Stiles Stilinski |

sparking
Constance Bonacieux |

goodanswer
Bucky Barnes |

remembrances
Birthday |

tasered

given the fact that I am all ????? about what I'm even doing with half of my charas atm, any kind of concrit or opinions or anything at all would be most helpful. I'm also extending a formal apology that Constance hasn't really existed lately ~~or ever lbr~~ so... yeah. and obvs Birthday is still really new so any kind of feedback on how I'm doing with him would be gr9

(Reply to this)

	andmostnoble 2014-12-01 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	Emma Swan birthrighted Anne of Austria aftersolong Lancelot andmostnoble Nico Robin milfleur Art latent Asami Sato industrialist (Reply to this)

tuxedo
2014-12-01 07:43 pm UTC (link)

★ Chiba Mamoru, Sailor Moon (tuxedo)
I'm still settling into Mamoru's shoes and the process has felt a bit rocky to me, so any and all concrit you may have to offer would be appreciated. I'm also aware that my activity can be inconsistent at times, but unfortunately that's a hazard of teaching elementary and not likely to change any time soon. I do my best to stay on top of tags, but sometimes I'm too swamped and/or exhausted to find the necessary brains to tackle them. That said, if you ever feel like my sporadic tagging is holding you back, please contact me — plurk, e-mail, etc. I am more than happy to discuss how threads would play out and provide you with the wrap up you require.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-02 08:06 am UTC (link)

I personally have found your characterization for Mamoru to be really enjoyable from what I've seen of him! His threads really show a good balance of the kind of serious guy he is but also how he's sort of a dork at times and the times that he's been in Dad mode with Chibiusa are great. And of course, RL > RP especially when it comes to work, so inconsistency is totally understandable.

That said, I don't think tagging speed and such is so much a concern as maybe (and you can correct me if I'm wrong here, this is just from what I have noticed) that there hasn't been a lot of opportunity interaction with him since his intro? I'd love to build CR with him, but I don't know if I saw him around on open logs much since. Which isn't to say you need to throw him into every new action post every time, when he would be more of a low key character, of course. But if that was something you were possibly having trouble with, I just wanted to suggest looking out in the future for where you can jump in or giving some feedback to what kind of logs would appeal to you for playing Mamoru against others. I can totally understand though if you're trying to control your thread-count from getting too overwhelming by holding back on that front, but just a suggestion either way.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tuxedo
2014-12-05 03:39 am UTC (link)

That's a relief to hear, honestly. Mamoru's a little outside of my usual character type box, so I don't feel quite as at home with his voice as I have with others. It's also been a while since I've picked up a character I haven't dabbled with before in some way, so hearing that I'm getting that serious/dork/dad balance right helps me to feel more confident in my characterization.

My tagging speed likely isn't as big of a concern as I sometimes psych myself into thinking it may be. I used to be a pretty fast tagger before I bowed out of games a year or so ago when my workload and duties picked up, so a lot of that worry is me comparing how I used to tag in games to how I'm able to tag within them now. That's sometime I just need to stop concerning myself with since, like I said, it's something that's not likely to change. But it is good to hear that my tagging speed doesn't seem to be an issue! And I will be looking out for more ways to get him involved. A lot of my reluctance to throw him into things is the fact that he's such a low key character who is often present at more social venues for the sake of other characters, but it's also that: controlling my thread count. I don't want to overwhelm myself and hit a point where I'm unable to keep up. I will be keeping an eye out for more opportunities where it's more fitting for him to be present, and keep what you said in mind about suggesting logs that would appeal to him in mind.

Thank you for your crit, anon! :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	trollbird 2014-12-01 11:52 pm UTC (link)
	Torin trollbird Just the one for now! (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
2014-12-02 08:05 am UTC (link)

Torin is so likeable and interesting, I have to commend you for managing to get so much across about him and what he's like with your tags in relatively succinct ways. He's really fun to thread with and stalk the CR he's built, and has been a wonderful fit in the game, I think (as someone who is canon blind, anyway.) I really don't have anything I can crit on, but I'm just looking forward to more of Torin in the future for sure.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trollbird 2014-12-03 01:22 am UTC (link)
	Thank you! I'm glad he's fitting in, because I was pretty worried about that - not because I thought muns wouldn't want to play but, well, he is a prehistoric alien bird from a super sentai series. Now that he's officially staying at the hotel I'll do my best to tag more people around since I'll have even more IC chances. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	forpligtet 2014-12-02 05:42 pm UTC (link)
	Elsa forpligtet (Reply to this)

	ellie ✯ spirity 2014-12-03 02:27 am UTC (link)
	Jinora \| Legend of Korra \| spirity (Reply to this)