This was my prompt, and eee. I love it so hard -- you managed to make this both scorchingly hot and completely hilarious, and I salute you for finding the balance. All your voices are spot-on. Jayne's macho bullshit is fantastic, Simon's mixture of snark and worry is great, and River made me burst out laughing. And the porn -- well, I'm going to echo the ladies at Castle Anthrax and proclaim the glories of spanking after reading this one. :D