Thanks so much for writing this! And you should definitely be pleased with the narration -- you have a wonderful Gojyo-voice, with just the right mixture of deadpan humor and bluntness. I love how the exhaustion really permeates this piece, and Gojyo's comments about needing a decoder for Hakkai's expression, and Goku getting depressed when Sanzo stops yelling at him. Much <3 for you.
(And don't worry about it being late -- heck, I'm notoriously bad with deadlines myself.)