Release the Ducks!!! Who: Hatter, Hare and Chess When: Friday Where: Tea House and then outside the Queen's Garden What: Shenangins with ducks and the Queen's Garden Rating/Warnings: Nothing really. Status: Incomplete
Who knows where ideas come from, they just appear one day BAM. Maddison started chuckling loudly from the Tea table in the back garden of the Tea House. Jumping onto the colourful table where a hundred different cups, teapots and sugar dishes lay out he raised his arms in victory. "MARCH!!!!!!" He giggled quietly this time, but started to the other end of the long table where he believed his friend had been sitting last. Of course, last could have been a month prior or a month before or an hour from yesterday's tomorrow today. Maddison never really knew and didn't care even if he did.
"MARCH!!!! Here kitty, kitty... duck, duck... HARE!" Sliding to the end like he was taking a baseball base, his face stopped right in front of a plaid coloured tea. "Ooo," he squealed as he took a sip and his tongue turned plaid. "Needs more sugar..."
~*~
"WHA???" Hare was standing near a random chair from the opposite end of the plaid tea, organizing cups and saucers. He was moving everything around, different cups on different saucers, with different spoons and things near it. "The plates, they're all messed up! None of these colors are right, none of these GO!!! We can't have a tea party with all of these incorrect patterns floating about!!!" He lifted a cup off of a saucer and threw it into the air, watching it smash onto the grass below, the saucer it had sat on sitting empty. If anything, he had messed up the colors more. "PHEEEEEEEEEEW," he said, breathing a sigh of relief and sitting down, his feet being put up on the table and knocking another cup over. "That's MUCH better.... wait, did you say DUCK? I don't know a duck."
~*~
Perched up in her usual tree -- not that anyone would know it was the usual one except her considering her penchant for being invisible -- Chessica was watching the commotion taking place out back of the Tea House with an amused grin. If it wasn't for the near-daily routine Hatter and Hare engaged in Chess was quite sure she would be bored out of her tree, in a literal sense. As it was, she was half-falling off the branch anyway, but didn't want to make her appearance known just yet. Not when things were just starting to get good.
Besides, while the Hatter had very clearly said 'here kitty, kitty', he hadn't specifically said anything that Chessica was willing to take as an invitation. And everyone knew that when it came to the Cheshire Cat she did love a good invitation. Manners were everything, especially when it came to other people displaying them.
~*~
Lifting his head toward the sound of Hare's reply, he rolled over to the close sugar plate licked a large intake of the special sugar and rolled off the table, landing oddly gracefully on all fours. His heart raced as he giggled making time flicker slow and fast again in a five foot radius around him. So his first step toward running at Hare could be seen in slow-mo before he speed up to normal only to slow down by the time he reached the other end and jumped into midair to pounce into his friend's arms. When time regained itself, he came crashing down on top of Patrick. "Ducks? What ducks? Oh! Yes! Ducks! That's a brilliant idea!" He giggled again, one of his pupils dilated from the sugar he took. He licked Hare's cheek turning it plaid, because that was what plaid did, it turned everything it touched plaid. After the founding of the tea Hatter had burst into the shop and started licking random people and things just to see them change colours.
"I think the Queen's Garden would look great with ducks to fill the waters...."
~*~
"DON'T DO THAT!!!" Hare just about jumped ten feet back into his seat, or that was how he felt anyway. "HEYYYYYY, you know plaid makes me itchy!" Hare wrinkled up his nose in a very rabbit manner, crinkling it up and wiggling it. "Is it plaid or is it polka dotted? Oh BOTHER, now I'm itchy and can't remember if I'm supposed to be itchy or not!"
He took a drink from a random cup of tea, his own tongue turning pink with white polka dots. "Oh no, it's definitely polka dotted, here, feel!" He leaned in and licked Hatter's nose. "You know I love to mess with you know who, but how are we getting the ducks into her garden. I like my head on my shoulders."
~*~
Shaking her head as she continued to creep on the two oblivious males, Chess covered her mouth with one hand as she stifled a giggle at their antics. Part of her longed for being inducted into their inner circle so she could participate in their tomfoolery, but that lurking bit of sanity that still resided somewhere within the base of her brainpan knew that they were bonded by things she'd never understand, and that furthermore they had their reasons for still treating and viewing her as something of an outsider. That was fine with her, really, it didn't bother her all that much. It was the bane of the Cheshire Cat to dance along the razors edge of neutrality without making her allegiances as obvious as everyone else's, though honestly if anyone ever saw how she behaved with the Hatter they'd know which way she leaned.
She had, while they continued to be distracted with their licking and jumping all over one another, eased her way down out of the tree and started making her way closer while still maintaining her veil of invisibility. If she hadn't been watching them long enough to know better, Chess might've assumed the Hare and Hatters' relationship was something more than friendly, but from what she'd discerned thus far there was no truth to her suspicions. Which was good, since otherwise her odd feelings towards the Hatter might never have a chance of becoming something. Those thoughts aside, she wondered how -- or more specifically, with who's help -- the Hatter would get the aforementioned ducks into the Queens' Garden. Chess knew a certain kitty who could pull it off, but would he think of her as well?
~*~
Hatter wiggled his nose about, like he was about to sneeze."Oh, yes, I see what you mean... that is very itchy." Rubbing his nose as hard as he could, he paused staring at the back of his hand, oh no that would be later. Realizing that he didn't need to do so until later, he scoffed at Hare's remark. "Well, it was your idea! Why did you bring it up if you didn't want to go through with it?" Hatter shook his head. "It's not like someone will appear out of nowhere and be happy to help us." He took off his hat- a dark red and purple bowler at the moment- and pulled out a stuffed duck followed by 'duck' tape followed by a rubber ducky he had lost when he took a bath. He squeaked it happily in Hare's face before hiding it behind his back. "Close your eyes! I have a present for you but no peeking!" He waited for Hare to close his eyes before placing it in his hands. "Happy UNBIRTHDAY!"
~*~
"I didn't come up with the idea you did!" He protested, thinking that was correct, but not so sure, really, he was never sure about much of anything again. He did have his days, but this was not one of them, on days like this he felt that his brain was all muddled and full of nothing but confusion. He rubbed at his temples for a moment or two before closing his eyes and holding out his hands. "HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY oh yes it IS my unbirthday isn't it, thank you Hatter, but I didn't get you anything for your unbirthday." He looked around frantically and lifted the cover off of the butter container, picked up the stick with his bare hands and dropped it into his friend's hand with a big smile as it sloshed and slid off of his hand into Hatter's. "Happy unbirthday."
~*~
Chessica had, by this point in time, settled herself down in one of the abandoned seats and was eying a cup of striped tea attempting to figure out the best way to drink it without calling attention to herself. She'd just shifted into her cat form and climbed up on the table, tongue out and ready to take the first of many (hopefully) delightful laps of tea, when the Hatter all but called her out. Her head whipped up quickly to stare at him, aware he most likely couldn't see her but a bit concerned that he may have somehow brewed a tea that allowed him to see what others couldn't. Shaking her head, the Hare all-but forgotten, Chess padded over towards the edge of the table on light paws, launching herself through the air to land on Hatter's shoulder. Digging in her claws just enough to keep her footing but not enough to pierce skin, she dropped the invisibility and delicately licked her paw, a soft purr coming from deep in her chest as she pointedly ignored both the human-shaped Tea House inhabitants. "I wouldn't say the one who appeared is happy to help... but there's a chance she could be convinced helping might be worth her while." Lies, all lies. This type of shenanigans was right up her alley and she was practically shaking with excitement, but it just wouldn't do to let the Hatter think he knew her that well.
~*~
"Why thank y-" His words were cut off by the sudden pressure on his shoulder, the slight tingle of something ready to tear into his flesh-or so he imagined- and then something purple appearing out of nowhere and speaking. "Oh god! Oh god! It's a Jabberwocky! Get it off me! Ahhh," Hatter yelled whirling around and swinging his arms about but to no real danger of the Cheshire, expect for the fact that she would have to hold on. "Take the tea! Take the tea! Do Jabberwocky's like Tea?... Wait... WHO WOULDN'T LIKE TEA?!" He stopped flailing in his huff that someone might not like tea.
~*~
"That's not a Jabberwocky, the wocky is a rather angry mean fellow!!! That is not someone who is angry or a fellow for that manner, that is a M... CAT." About to say Mouse, he corrected himself last minute and laughed. "I don't want to waste good rubber duckies for a prank, it's my unbirthday gift and you can't have it back, not to have its head chopped off!!!"
~*~
When Hatter started flailing about, his actions only caused Chess to grip harder, not caring if she was ripping the fabric under her paws or not. It would take more than his idiotic dancing for the Hatter to dislodge her. "Here now, don't you go disparaging old Jabbers, he's not all that bad," Chess said, her grin spreading across her face. "And I'm Chessica Von Cheshire," she continued, holding out a paw toward the Hare politely. "And I'm not a cat, you know, I'm more than that. I'm a Cheshire~" she pronounced the last word as though she was telling them about the greatest possible thing that ever existed, which in her eyes was most assuredly the case. "And why waste rubber duckies when I could easily smuggle in real ones?" The question was asked without regard for the answer, since she hadn't even decided if she was going to do it or not. Probably not, especially if Hatter continued to be so rude to her.
~*~
The butter had slid off his hand during the flailing. "Oh..." He stopped flailing and tried his best to look at Chess, then down at his buttery hand like he wasn't sure if he should pet her and give up what was left of his Unbirthday gift. "Here for some more tea?" He grinned back at the grinning cat, actually thinking better of 'buttering her up.' His lips pouted when it sounded like she was going to take away Hare's Unbirthday present, hadn't she destroyed enough Unbirthday presents already?! Hatter opened his mouth, then closed it. "Oh... want a real duck then?" Hatter dug around the inside of his hat like it had no bottom and pulled out a mallard, redhead duck, and the ugliest duck he had ever seen, a Muscovy. "You have your pick as long as it's not Squeakers the rubber ducky..." Hatter looked at Hare. "I named him for you as another surprise."
~*~
"Awwwww squeakers? I love the name squeakers, does he squeak like a squeakers? What a CLEVER name Hatter, and don't pick the ugly duck, I rather feel sorry for the ugly duck, he can't help that he's ugly! He should have some tea the poor ugly duck, pick the redhead duck, that's the most fitting for the queen of hearts, don't you think?" He smiled towards the cheshire cat, even though sometimes, she gave him the willies.
~*~
Though her smile remained just as toothy as ever, there was a hint of boredom shining in her eyes as she examined the claws on one paw. "No, no tea this time. I still remember what happened last time." She'd made a fool of herself rolling around and all but offering herself up to the Hatter like some common alley cat. "The redhead duck? Is that the only input you have to offer?" She rolled her eyes, jumping off the Hatters' shoulder to land on the back of one of the chairs. "This conversation is absolutely thrilling, believe me, but I was led to believe we were going to be stirring up some mischief. If that's no longer the case, then I have quite a bit of doing nothing to get back to," she commented drolly, though inwardly she was feeling vaguely triumphant over the slight fear behind the Hares' smile.
~*~
"Of course he squeaks like a squeakers... or I think he does." Hatter reached forward and squeaked the rubber ducky. SQUEAK. He chuckled at the sound, throughly amused that it actually made the sound rather than a random one, which was just as likely. "But the ugly duck needs love too! I think all three should go! Let them have their day in that grand pond!"
Hatter giggled at the 'last time' she had his tea. He had warned her it was special. That had been the worse day of his life and only tea had helped. "You really should come over for tea more often," he stated nonchalantly. "Oh! Stirring! Good idea!" He threw the ducks back in his hat with loud quacks of noncompliance from the birds. "Get back in there!" He shoved the ugly duck down with all his might. "Come on!" He grabbed the Hare's arm and the Cheshire and started to drag them out the back way toward the garden wall. The Tea House being so close to the Queen's garden made the game far easier.
~*~
"But I don't want her to hurt the poor ugly duck, you know she's crazy, she'll bite off its head like it's a sandwich!!!" He grabbed the duck from Hatter rather protectively and pat at its head, holding it in one hand, and squeakers in the other. Hare let himself be dragged towards the garden wall, wishing he had a third hand to bring the tea cup with him. It COULD go on his head, but a hat was currently on his head, so that was no use, no good, nonsensical. "The C-A-T is staring at me again..... Bunnies aren't for chasing and eating C-A-T," he spelled out the word cat both times, "remember that!"
~*~
"I think you're overreacting just a touch," she muttered, raising one furry eyebrow as she offered the Hare the type of serene smile that betrayed nothing of the near-murderous thoughts going through her head. She didn't like him, but only because it was clear that he didn't like her all that much either. Regardless, after watching amused, as the Hatter filled his hat with ducks, she allowed herself to be dragged towards the garden wall.
Cheshire had a variety of responses she could make to the Hatters' comment about her coming over to have tea more often, but finally decided to stop giving cute little answers in favor of being bluntly honest for once. "I would, really, but I doubt your friend H-A-R-E would appreciate it,” she said quietly, without any sass whatsoever. If either of them were paying attention, they might've noticed that for the first time in the history of ever her smile was less a smile and more of a vague twist of the lips. Not expecting, or even really wanting a response, she made all but the section of her paw that the Hatter was dragging her by invisible, not wanting the brain-addled Hatter to somehow forget that she was still there just because he couldn't see her. Though really, she was baffled that he hadn't seemed to figure out that unless she was elsewhere, she was probably wherever he was.
~*~
Hatter had initially frowned angrily at Hare when he took the ugly duck from him and the hat, but quickly forgot it. "C-H-E-S-S stop staring at H-A-R-E like you're going to eat him... he knows what that looks like and most predators make him think such things. No need for any of our deaths." He let go of his compatriots as he slid under a low tree branch to keep from hitting it, ending up tumbling over himself and landing on his feet like he had meant for it to happen. His face planted into the side of the wall that was being strangled to death by ivy that would barely allow a stone surface to show.
"Ow... How did we end up here so quickly?" He asked into the wall. The time had slowed around them but they had continued to go the same pace bringing them to the wall quicker than normal. It was odd how Hatter always seemed to realize when time was off but never really knew what time it was. Hatter pulled out his pocket watch and shook it like it might be wrong again. "What day is it?" He asked as if echoing the words of his long dead father.
~*~
"It's the day after Wednesday I believe," Hare said, slowly handing the ugly duck and the hat back to his friend. He didn't want the poor thing harmed, but it was all in good fun. "Although I can't recall what the day after Wednesday is. Chess, do you remember?" He looked at her, not quite forgetting exactly how terrified of her he could be, but putting a big smile on nevertheless. He looked at the wall of ivy with big wide round eyes.
~*~
When Hatter accused her of staring at the Hare like she was going to eat him Chess felt incredibly annoyed. She had never once given anyone who had the Hatter Seal of Approval any type of look, especially the look that indicated that she considered them food. Just because they all tended to be the types of creatures who under usual circumstances her less-evolved relatives would chase across verdant fields until the cows came home (wait, were there cows in Wonderland? She'd have to investigate that later...) that didn't mean she thought of them that way. Chessica couldn't even remember the last time she'd eaten fresh hare, or mouse, or anything that the stupid Tarts hadn't prepared -- which, for the record, was much better tasting than looking, but was no substitute for something she'd killed by herself. However, she couldn't exactly go sashaying up to Hatter and offer him a dead squirrel to win his affections, so she would have to develop a fondness for hunting pies.
"The day after Wednesday is Thursday, a most impressive day in that it's not yet Friday which some might say is the most frabjous of days," Chess explained, a perfectly neutral smile on her face. If somehow the Hare felt that her smiling -- the only expression she ever showed, mind you -- was threatening, then she had no idea how to fix that and nor would she want to. Dropping her invisibility entirely, she walked over to the Hatter and gently rest one paw on his knee. "You and Hare shouldn't be here if you're feeling... out of sorts. Give me the ducks, I'll put them in the pond." She balanced carefully on her back paws, taking a deep breath. "And if you don't trust me, then you and Ears can stay right here and watch."