[backdated to 4/5/08-4/6/08] Who: Raksha, Izzy When: Late 4/5/08 into 4/6/08 Where: Izzy's apartment What: Talk of death and relationships Status: Complete Rating: PG? Note: Another first person format
(Izzy asks Raksha not to tell him about getting back at the guys who jumped him earlier in the week and Raksha agrees, for which Izzy is thankful)
Raksha: Welcome, does that kind of violence bother you? Izzy: Not really. But I'd rather not know. Raksha: *nods* Fair enough. Izzy: -wraps his arms around himself- Hey, Raksha, I was thinking this morning.. Raksha: *arches an eyebrow in question* Izzy: I was reading Plutarch, and uh..I read the bit about Hephaistion dying, and then Alexander dying... Raksha: *just watches him, not entirely sure where hes going with this* Izzy: And I was thinking, you know, about death... Raksha: *nods slightly, expression neutral* Izzy: -keeps his gaze down- And I was thinking, you know, that one of us was gonna have to go first. Raksha: *watches him* Aye... Izzy: And then...then I was wondering...which of us it would be. Raksha: That depends... Izzy: Which of us do you...would you...prefer that it...was? Raksha: I don't know. Which would you prefer? Izzy: -gets quiet for a minute and stares down at the ground- I...don't know. I want to say me. Because I'm older, and I don't want to see you die. But at the same time, I...wanna say you. Raksha: *sighs* I...think...I would say you. Because I'd rather go through that pain than leave you to go through it. Izzy: -looks up at him- Really? Raksha: Aye. *meets his gaze* Pain and I are old friends. I can inflict a lot of damage on others...some because of how I am, and some on purpose..but the latter is usually deserved. And you don't...deserve it. Izzy: -stares at him for a moment- You...but...-pauses- But you don't deserve it either, Raksha. Raksha: *shrugs* I can live with it. Izzy: So can I. I survived my first lover, Raksha. I know what that's like. Raksha: Doesn't mean I want you to. Not a second time. Izzy: -looks down- A second time, or a third, or a fourth. Knowing what lies ahead makes it easier. Knowing that there will be the times when it hurts so much you can't breathe, and there will be the times when you will be able to look back and say "at least I had them for that long." Raksha: *arches an eyebrow again* Are ya trying to convince me to die first? *tone holds wry humor, but his eyes deny it* Izzy: -shrugs but doesn't look up- I don't know, Raksha. Raksha: *humor disappears, watches Izzy intently* Why did you stop calling me things like Evil Twin? Izzy: Because...because it's not fitting anymore. Raksha: Why not? Izzy: Because you're not evil, Raksha. You're not...any of those things that I used to call you. Raksha: *cocks his head to the side, still watching Izzy* Then what am I? Izzy: -looks up- You're hurt. You're...different. You're not like them. But I love you. Raksha: *looks away, expression thoughtful* Izzy: You, of all people, ought to have peace. Love. Respect. If anyone on Earth deserved those three things... Raksha: *snorts, tone faintly mocking and self-derisive* And what would ever make me deserving of that? Izzy: -looks up at him sharply, nothing showing on his face- What? Raksha: *meets his gaze, something infinitely feral and predatory in his face* How am I deserving of those things? *tone is just quiet, revealing no one particular emotion* Izzy: -stares at him for a long moment- Because unlike everyone else here...you've never had them. Because you're hurting so bad that you go out to feel more. Because you....no one...because no one understands you, and so they hurt you. They fear you. Raksha: *stares at him then abruptly turns away* Maybe I never wanted them to. *quietly* Izzy: -stares at him, then shakes his head- Yeah. As much as you don't want me to love you, right? Raksha: *stills, then slowly turns to look at him, shock in his expression* Izzy: -shakes his head and looks away- You...just...you tried pushing me away, Raksha. And now...it seems as if you're trying to shut me out. Raksha: *moves to lean against the wall and curses in a mix of languages* Izzy: -curls up in the corner of the couch and rubs a hand over his face- Why do you do that? Raksha: *pauses and eyes him* Do what? Izzy: -looks down at his knees- Act like you don't deserve that. Go and curse in a bunch of different languages or jump up like a damned frightened kitten when I point out the things I've seen. Raksha: Because I don't like it. It means I'm slipping. And where I come from, you don't give anything away because its likely to mean your death. Izzy: -looks up at him- Slipping? -shakes his head and gets up- You think it's any different from where I came from? Raksha: *snorts* No. Izzy: Sometimes, Raksha, you gotta rid yourself of everything you knew, and you gotta learn some new things. -starts for the door- Raksha: *slides down the wall until hes sitting on the floor, staring at the floor boards in front of him, but not really seeing them* Izzy: -pauses in the doorway, turns to look at Raksha, bites his lip, and then crosses to sit beside him- I'm sorry. -quietly- Raksha: *glances at him briefly, but doesn't say anything* Izzy: -reaches out, hesitantly, to touch Raksha- I'm sorry. And I love you, and I...shouldn't...have said that. Raksha: *snorts softly* Why not? I would have. Izzy: -looks down- Because it was...I just...I don't know. -takes his hand back and hugs his knees to his chest- Raksha: It was honest. Izzy: -looks over at him- Honesty above all things? Raksha: *shrugs* I don't believe in sugar coating anything. Izzy: -nods- Yeah. -looks down again, then back up at Raksha after a long moment- It...bothers you...that I can look at you and...make...at least semi-accurate guesses about what you...think, doesn't it. Raksha: Aye. Izzy: Because that means that I know you. Every part of you, not just the ones that you show others. Raksha: *nods slightly* Izzy: -tilts his head to the side- Because based on what you know, you're afraid that I may...use that...against you. Raksha: It also takes away choice. *quietly* Izzy: -frowns- Choice? Raksha: If you can read me beyond what I may be ready for you to know...that takes away my ability to choose. Izzy: -reaches out and brushes his hand over Raksha's hair- To choose what, Raksha? I don't understand. Raksha: To let you in. How can i choose to or not if you've already gotten past my defenses? Izzy: -drops his hand- I'm sorry. Raksha: *sighs* You didn't mean to. Izzy: -looks down at the ground and sighs- I...I should...leave you alone, right now, huh? Raksha: *tone full of irony* Therein lies the paradox, wanting and not wanting at the same time. Izzy: -looks over at him- Indeed. -looks back down- You uh...you eaten lately? Raksha: No. Izzy: How long ago? Raksha: This morning. Izzy: -shakes his head- Come on. Let's go get you something to eat. Raksha: Not hungry. Izzy: -sighs- Alright. Fair enough. How do you feel? Raksha: *shrugs* Well enough. Izzy: -looks over at him- Alright. Do you uh...wanna go take a shower, or lay down, or...stay here, or... Raksha: *pushes hair out of his eyes then rubs them* Go outside...*quietly* Izzy: -nods- You wanna...go for a walk, or just...go sit outside? Raksha: *swallows* Either. Izzy: Which would you prefer? Raksha: When we get outside, I'll tell you. Izzy: -nods- Alright. Let's go. -stands up- Raksha: *gets up as well, stretching carefully* Izzy: -waits for Raksha to lead the way out- Raksha: *heads outside, moving slowly* Izzy: -follows after him- Raksha: *pauses once outside, just breathing in the fresh air* Izzy: -crosses his arms, trying to stay warm, and watches Raksha- Raksha: *eyes him, a flicker of amusement in his eyes* Iz, come here. Izzy: -walks over to him, muttering in Spanish- Raksha: *puts an arm around Izzy and pulls him close* Cursing me or the fact that you're cold? Izzy: The fact that I'm cold and the only times I can get warm are when you're touching me. Raksha: *chuckles softly* Izzy: -grumbles- Jackass. -pokes him- You're a pain in the ass and I love you anyway. Raksha: *nips Izzy's shoulder gently* Izzy: -leans into him- Walking or sitting? Raksha: *rubs his jaw against Izzy's shoulder in a purely feline gesture* Walking. Izzy: -nods- Alright. Raksha: *starts walking, keeping his arm around Izzy* Izzy: -walks beside him, watching the sidewalk- Where do you wanna go? Raksha: No place in particular, I just wanted to be outside. Izzy: -nods- Alright. Raksha: Anywhere you'd like to go? Izzy: Not in particular. -shrugs- We could just...walk around, I imagine. Raksha: Aye. *grins for a moment* We could wake up my brother and Andi and terrorize them. Izzy: -snorts- We could. But then they'd want to kill us. Raksha: Nah, Aidrian is semi-awake. *smirks* Izzy: Semi-awake? -shakes head- Nice knowing you, dude. Raksha: *tugs his cell phone out* He can ignore me if he wants to. *sends his twin a text message* Izzy: -shakes head- There is no ignoring you. Raksha: Good to know *nips Izzy's shoulder again* Izzy: -shivers- Never. You're just that kind of person. Raksha: *chuckles* Does that bother you? Izzy: No. I'd rather have a man I can't ignore than one that I can. Raksha: *purrs* Izzy: I still love it when you do that. Raksha: *grins* I know. Raksha: *smirks and flips the phone open* Haha. They're awake. Izzy: -shakes his head- Where are we going to go terrorize them. Raksha: *shrugs* Where's a good place? Most of my night time activities don't involve good areas...so... Izzy:...Uhhhhh...well, we are in...walking distance of...uh...a lot of things? Raksha: Well, we can either go to a park..or the beach or something...or find someplace still open so you don't become an Izzy popsicle...*pauses, obviously following a train of thought that those particular words brought to mind* Izzy:....Why do I not like the look on your face? Raksha: *grins* Relax, I'm too sore to do anything remember? Izzy: For now. Raksha: *merely smiles* So...stay outside or find someplace indoors to go? Izzy: Which do you want, Raksha? 'Cause I don't much care. Raksha: Outside. Izzy: Alright. Sounds good to me. Raksha: You warm enough? Izzy: Mm, I am if I'm close to you. Raksha: *grins*