InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "xoxo"

ᴍᴏʀᴠᴇɴ ʜᴇʟʟᴡᴀɪɴ (aberrancy) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2016-05-19 09:22:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes / winter soldier (mcu), daisy johnson / quake (mcu), grant ward (mcu), lincoln campbell

~~Oh god~~ ~~No no no~~ ~~I don't deserve this~~

It's all my fault. All of it is my fault.

bucky.

I did horrible things. I hurt people. You deserve so much better than me.

lincoln.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It should have been me.

ward.

You were right about me. I'm a monster.

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	Skyedaisy/Bucky robotarm 2016-05-19 02:15 pm UTC (link)
	Did you go back? What happened? You weren't gone long. I killed people for Hydra and Russian for seventy years. I deserve things that don't happen because I'm on dinosaur island. (Reply to this) (Thread)

moose and squirrel.

aberrancy
2016-05-19 04:31 pm UTC (link)

I went back. It was awful.

I hurt people. I killed people. Lincoln is dead because of me.

It was an Inhuman. He could get in your head...but only if you were Inhuman. He made me do things. He made me want to do things. It felt good to do what he wanted. And the worst part is I miss it because everything hurts so much now that I'm not being controlled.

I don't know how to live with myself.

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moose and squirrel.

robotarm
2016-05-19 04:51 pm UTC (link)

It's easier. It hurts and you know it's wrong, but coming back from it hurts, and it's easier when there's someone else in control. So you don't have to be.

But it's better. When it's not. When it's only you in your head. It just takes a while for your head and your heart to know that.

You find something to make a reason to not be dead. Sometimes it's just small. You want to know what something tastes like. You want to remember where something is.

You could want to try something new. The lip gloss that you had in a package and I took out because it smelled like cherries. Want to tell someone you're sorry. Want to try to do something that helps someone a little to make up for something they made you do. It won't stop hurting but it's enough to not die.

He's alive here. You're alive here. It doesn't go away but it gets easier to breathe.

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