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Tweak says, "Hoopla, Bert!"

ᴀᴅᴀɪɴᴇ ᴀʙᴇʀɴᴀᴛʜ (portential) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2016-03-23 16:19:00

Entry tags:

barry allen / the flash, harrison wells, leonard snart / captain cold

I think I'd have taken not walking again over this, if it's all the same.

harry.

I know who Zoom is.

len.

You were right. Trusting people is stupid. It only ever sets you up to be screwed over.

(Post a new comment)

	Barry / Harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-23 08:26 pm UTC (link)
	What? How? (Reply to this) (Thread)

barry | harry.

portential
2016-03-23 08:30 pm UTC (link)

~~Don't make me say it~~ There was another speedster. She was using that Velocity-9 stuff you and Caitlin came up with and never bothered to tell me about. She got addicted to it. And at the end, before the cellular degeneration caused her to disintegrate, it turned her lightning blue.

Which means Zoom was also using a form of Velocity and suffering from cellular degeneration. Which is why he wanted my speed.

And we all know speedsters, the really fast ones, can be in two places at once.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-23 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	Don't be passive-aggressively bitter about us not telling one we had something that would kill you if you used it. We kept it quiet for a reason. You're not telling me anything, Barry. Whatever it is, stop dancing around it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. portential 2016-03-23 10:53 pm UTC (link)
	Even if you didn't want me to use it, I still should have known about it. What if I'd found out about it from someone else who didn't know the risks? Fine. Jay. It's Jay. Jay is Zoom. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-24 01:22 am UTC (link)
	I would hope you would have been smart enough to talk to your brilliant scientist friends about potential repercussions before using anything you heard about from a random stranger. But that's probably me being unreasonably optimistic about your intelligence in these matters. Very funny, Bartholomew. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

barry | harry.

portential
2016-03-24 01:35 am UTC (link)

Under other circumstances? Honestly, right now I'd try just about anything that had the slightest chance of helping me stop Zoom.

You don't get to act superior, Harry. You did worse trying to save Jesse. And I get it. But understanding doesn't extend to letting you judge me.

You think I'd joke about that? We saw Jay die. Or we thought we did. We mourned him. And then we find out he's the one who did all of this.

Cisco vibed it. He saw Zoom without his mask.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-24 01:37 am UTC (link)
	Exactly. But fine. I suppose you are right in that respect. And that means what, exactly? Just because Cisco saw his face doesn't mean it was him. What about Jay's double on your world? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. portential 2016-03-24 01:41 am UTC (link)
	We have to make hard choices. Maybe I don't have the luxury of holding on to the high ground. Not if I want people to survive. Harry, he only vibed Zoom when he was touching Jay's helmet. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-24 01:54 am UTC (link)
	Sometimes what we have to do isn't what we want to do or would do in any other circumstance. ~~That~~ It This doesn't make any sense. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. portential 2016-03-24 02:14 am UTC (link)
	I'm starting to get that. There's one other thing. When Zoom had me at his hideout, the guy in the mask kept saying Jay's name. At the time, I thought he was asking where Jay was and if he was okay, but now I wonder if he was trying to tell me who Zoom was. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-24 02:19 am UTC (link)
	At the end of the day, the lives of the people we care about is more important than moral integrity. Hindsight. It's a bitch. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. portential 2016-03-24 02:40 am UTC (link)
	I wish things weren't like that. Yeah. Tell me about it. I'm just so tired of trusting people and having them betray me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-24 02:44 am UTC (link)
	I'm sure everyone does. It's hard to know before hand who is trustworthy and who isn't. Especially in our reality where hiding identity and true motivations often goes hand in hand with existence. But we'll figure this out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. portential 2016-03-24 03:36 am UTC (link)
	Not everyone cares. I'm just tired. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-03-25 03:20 am UTC (link)
	Maybe. But you tend to care a little too much... Nothing wrong with that, but it has to be exhausting. As I say. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. portential 2016-03-26 03:22 am UTC (link)
	I just want to stop feeling like this. God, I wish I could drink. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	barry \| harry. fatherfirst 2016-04-04 07:08 am UTC (link)
	I can see what I can do about that. The drinking part. I can't help your feelings. But I might be able to figure out some way to slow your molecular regeneration for a period of time so that you can be affected by the alcohol. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	scarlet. chillout 2016-03-23 09:01 pm UTC (link)
	Normally I'd be gloating about being right, but this doesn't sound like you. I'm supposed to be the cynical one, kid. What happened? And are you saying you can walk again? (Reply to this) (Thread)

len.

portential
2016-03-23 10:55 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, well sometimes you make a mistake enough times and you learn not to.

I went home. I'm not sure how long it was here. Not very, if you didn't notice. But it was a while there. A lot happened. I trusted someone. I thought he was a friend. I thought he was a good person. And it turns out he's the one trying to destroy my life and hurt the people I love.

Like history repeating itself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

scarlet.

chillout
2016-03-24 05:10 am UTC (link)

People lie, Barry. And they cheat, and they steal. Selflessness is the exception not the rule. It's instinct to be selfish. Self preservation. That doesn't mean there aren't good people. You're a good person and bad people will always take advantage of that. Doesn't mean you have to change. Just means you have to learn from your mistakes.

I'm not a sentimental person. I'm a realist. And the only reason you have all those people you love and care about is because you're not like Zoom, or me, or any of the other cynics. Forget about whoever this asshole was to you before and focus on the asshole you know he is now. Then do something about it if this place ever decides to send you back again.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

len.

portential
2016-03-26 03:18 am UTC (link)

It shouldn't be like that. People should be better. It shouldn't be the exception. And I want to trust people. I do. I don't want to feel like this. But every time I let myself trust someone or believe in them, it blows up in my face spectacularly and people get hurt and die. ~~And it's my fault because I should have been~~

And, god. I don't mean you. I hope you know I don't mean you. I don't regret trusting you. I still trust you. I know you're better than you think you are.

I'm so tired of all of it. That's selfish. I know it's selfish. But...why does it always have to be me? Why am I the one who always has to be strong and good and do the right thing?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

scarlet.

chillout
2016-03-27 04:31 am UTC (link)

Every time? You sure about that? You've got a lot of people in your corner, kid. The one's that screw you over are just trying to make you doubt yourself. Break you down a little bit more. Take it from someone who's played the game for a long time. If people die and get hurt along the way, that's on them. Not you. They just don't care. You can't save all of them Barry.

My track record isn't exactly stellar, Scarlet. Wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't.

That doesn't make you selfish. The world was spinning before the Flash and it'll keep on spinning without him when you need a break.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

len.

portential
2016-03-28 01:22 am UTC (link)

It's called hyperbole. Obviously not every time. But enough that I'm questioning my judgment and second guessing myself. I know that I can't save everyone, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to. And when I can't, it's hard.

I was there, the night my mother died. I ran so fast I traveled back there. I was right there and I could have saved her. I could have saved both of them. And I didn't. I was right there and I had to watch her die. Because saving her would have changed everything. And who knows how many people would have died if I had. So I had to let my mother die and my father spend fifteen years in jail for something he didn't do. All I managed to do was get two of my friends killed in the process of chasing some stupid idea that I could make things better.

It's funny. Wells left me a message in the event that he died. He told me that it didn't matter in the end, what happened to him. That I would never be truly happy. And I wonder sometimes, if he was right. Because some days, it really doesn't feel like I can be. I always thought that if my mother hadn't died or if I could exonerate my father, maybe it would help. But then I got the chance to fix it, and I didn't. I let my mother die and I hand to hold her and watch it happen. And when I finally got my dad out of prison, he left before I really even got to have him back because he was more concerned with not holding me back from being the Flash than he was with being in my life. That's what everyone wants. For me to be the Flash and to be the best I can. And I just...why am I not enough? Why isn't it enough for me to just be Barry Allen? And I can't talk to any of them about it because it would just hurt them.

But if I can save people, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I do whatever I can I help people? And because I can do more, shouldn't I do more?

Sorry. I shouldn't be laying all of this on you. You shouldn't have to deal with all of my issues. I know that I have a lot of them.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

scarlet.

chillout
2016-03-28 02:47 am UTC (link)

First, and I'm going to establish this now so you don't try to argue with me later. Don't apologize for talking to me, Barry. I may be someone who generally likes to avoid feelings like the plague but since we've agreed to enter into an aspect of relationship which doesn't involve shooting or hitting each other, I think it's safe to say you can lay it on me when you need to.

You wanted to try and save your family, Barry. Even I can relate to that. You made the tough call because you had to. And maybe you couldn't save your mother but eventually you saved your father. That's something. If he didn't think he could be your father and let you be the Flash at the same time, that's on him and not on you. There isn't a Flash without Barry Allen. Look at all the other metas. There's a reason more than a few are Rogues, or worse. They're not like you. Being a criminal is easier than being a hero.

Maybe. Maybe not. No one can make that call except for you. Only you can decide what makes you happy. Even I don't know the answer to that question yet.

Look. Our first trip in time we wen't back to 1975. I stole a jumpship. Played at stealing something but it wasn't for me. In 1975 my father was sent to prison the first time for stealing the same emerald I went out of my way to steal for him. Thought if I did it, maybe he wouldn't go to prison. Maybe my life would be different. Mom would stick around. Lisa wouldn't have a broken heart. I could have killed him right there. Saved a lot of trouble. But Lisa wouldn't have been born. I made a choice, and it didn't make a difference. Dad still got arrested. I'm still me. So maybe some lives are just supposed to be fucked up, kid. You learn to make the best out of what you've got.

So here's what you're going to do. We're going to stop talking about all of this. You're not going to be the Flash for a few hours, I'm not going to think about my shitty excuse for a father and I'm going to make dinner. No muss, no fuss. Just you and me and the rest of the world can chill out for a few hours.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

len.

portential
2016-03-28 09:02 pm UTC (link)

Okay. I won't apologize for that any more. I guess I'm not really used to leaning on other people. I don't like being a burden. You know, you can just call it dating, for short. Less words. ~~That's not too~~ ~~Nope, not making this a thing~~ And you've made it pretty clear I can lay it on you any time.

You're right. I wonder sometimes what would have happened in the original timeline, before Wells went back and killed my mother, but I don't know. I mean...I'm the person I am because of my experiences. Because of the stuff I lost and because I was raised by Joe. I know I would have married Iris and become the Flash later, but I don't know what kind of person I would have been. I saw another version of myself once and he...he wouldn't have been strong enough to do this. And I'm not sure it would have been worth it. I may not have my mother, but I know she'd be proud of the choices I've made.

Being the Flash makes me happy. Helping people. Knowing I'm doing good. But being here does too. Not having all of that weight on me. Knowing I'm not responsible for everything. And this. This thing with you. It makes me happy. It's not something I ever really expected, but you make me happy.

Hey. You tried and that's what matters. I know it sucks. But you tried to save your dad, even after everything he did to you. And I know it wasn't really about him, but you still did. And you tried to protect Lisa. And you could have been selfish and only worried about yourself, but you didn't. And I know you, and I know you did everything you could in your life to keep her safe. You are a much better person than you give yourself credit for. And that doesn't mean you're a good person by the definition of some limited morality. You're a thief and you're a liar and you do what you need to do in order to survive. But you're also an amazing person and there's nothing wrong with who you are. I know I talk about how you can do more with your life but I wouldn't actually want to change you. I like you exactly the way you are. I just want you to see that you are good.

That's the best plan I've heard all day. And after dinner, maybe we can Netflix and chill. But maybe I won't leave the Flash out of it entirely. I do need to show you just how fun my speed can be, now that I can get a leg up on you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

scarlet.

chillout
2016-03-29 02:24 am UTC (link)

Dating the Flash. Who also happens to be a badge. You know you're not very good for my villainous reputation. You sure I can't convince you to steal just a little bit? Salvage something?

Experience makes the man, as they say. And some experience you'll wish you didn't have to have. But the more you focus on life as it is now over life as you wish it could have been, the happier you'll probably be.

Mmm. You know I'm used to making people miserable, right? It fits in the job description. But if I'm actually making you happy I guess I'm doing something right. Who knew.

I don't know what direction I'm headed in, if I'm honest. Life was black and white before. It was easier that way. It's always easier that way. But now there's you, and my team. I still can't stand all of them but sometimes Barry.. Sometimes I think maybe I can be more than a criminal. But I'm not a hero. I just don't know what that makes me.

Enough of that. Let's talk more about your horrible use of puns and how proud I am. And by all means, Scarlet. Get a leg up on me any time.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

len.

portential
2016-03-29 04:00 am UTC (link)

Hey. Like you said. I'm not the Flash here. And I'm not a badge. You're just dating Barry Allen, giant nerd. That's slightly better for your reputation, right? I guess you could teach me a thing or two. Who knows. Maybe it might come in handy one day.

You're right. This is my life. Anything else...that's someone else. And as much as it sometimes really sucks, I need to live my life and not worry about other people. Because this life...it has its good points.

You're doing a lot right. And I think you make more people happy than you think.

Hey. Don't overthink it. You're you. That's what matters. You are one of the smartest people I have ever met, and I know a lot of smart people. You're driven and you're loyal to people in a way most people couldn't even fathom. And maybe you're not a hero. But maybe you're something better. Something more.

You know what? Let's skip dinner. Or eat later.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	scarlet. chillout 2016-03-29 04:19 am UTC (link)
	Barry. Did you actually just express interest in maybe letting me teach you to steal? We're absolutely eating later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	len. portential 2016-03-29 04:31 am UTC (link)
	Len. It couldn't hurt. Besides, it's part of you. And you're part of my life. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide part of yourself from me. Okay. Yeah. Awesome. Be there in a flash. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	scarlet. chillout 2016-03-29 04:35 am UTC (link)
	Keep talking like that and you're looking at dinner and breakfast in bed. I'll try and keep a cool head until you get here. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	agreatfire 2016-03-25 05:30 am UTC (link)
	What happened? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	portential 2016-03-26 03:23 am UTC (link)
	We know who Zoom is now. It's Jay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agreatfire 2016-03-26 04:11 am UTC (link)
	Oh god, Barry. How can i help? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	portential 2016-03-26 03:13 pm UTC (link)
	Wave a magic wand and make it not true? Beyond that, I'm not sure there is a way to help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agreatfire 2016-03-26 03:24 pm UTC (link)
	God, if I could do that so many things would change. I can do ice cream? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	portential 2016-03-26 03:38 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. A lot would be different. Ice cream sounds good. Hey. Sorry I can't wheelchair race with you any more. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agreatfire 2016-03-27 02:14 am UTC (link)
	I have a list. Excellent. I will come over and we will eat ice cream. Ooo then you can take me to see a dinosaur. Barry, you are one of my dearest friends, we are pretty much family. I would rather you be walking than be able to destroy you in a wheelchair race. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	portential 2016-03-27 07:57 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not surprised you do. I will absolutely take you to see a dinosaur. I just wish I could do something for you too. Maybe Harry can help me work out something. He was able to draw out my speed. Maybe he can draw out some of my regenerative capabilities for you to use. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	agreatfire 2016-03-31 04:36 am UTC (link)
	It goes in chronological order. You're the best. Honestly, Barry, having you and Sara here is more than enough. I don't want you to do anything that would hurt you. (Reply to this) (Parent)