InsaneJournal

I used to have a normal life. A nice, happy, boring normal life. I was going to be a doctor. I was going to marry the love of my life. I kept my nose to the grindstone, and I didn't really go out much and do crazy things. A lot of my coworkers thought I was dull, but I didn't care. It was my dull life, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

And then, just like that, I fucked it all up. I didn't know that I was going to, but if I could change anything, I wouldn't have gone to that party on the boat. I shouldn't have listened to my fiance to just go out and enjoy myself for once. I should've just stayed home. But I didn't. I decided to go out, and I wish I realized back then that it would become the worst night in my entire life.

At the boat party, people were mixing this energy drink, Max Rager with utopium. I wasn't one of them. I didn't do drugs, and I was having a miserable time, anyway. I was about to leave, and that's when the outbreak started. Turns out the mixture of energy drink combined with drugs turned people into zombies. Actual eat your brains out of control zombies. I got scratched, and I fell off the boat. I thought I'd died.

I wish that I could say that I did. But I woke up in a body bag, my hair going white, my skin pale, and I didn't have a heartbeat. I had no idea what the crap was going on, and then I saw it. The dead body ten feet away from me, brains out in the open. I didn't know what was coming over me at the time, but I just got really hungry. So, I ate the man's brain. His dead, rotting brains. I felt disgusting, but once I ate him, the hunger went away. I realized then, I'd been turned into one of those things.

I should've probably just ended myself right there, but I didn't want to. I was already dead, and back then, I wasn't sure if I could die or not. So, I went home, realizing that I couldn't have a normal life anymore. I dumped my fiance, Major, and I started pushing away my family and friends. I let them think that I had PTSD. Which, I guess I did, technically speaking, but I mostly shoved them away because I was afraid of snapping and making them like me. And I wouldn't be able to live with that.

I quit my job, and became a medical examiner for the morgue. Mostly because it kept me away from people. And the free, all you can eat brains of dead people that I didn't harm didn't hurt, either. My boss, Ravi, eventually found out, but he wasn't scared of me. He wanted to help me. We found out that my eating brains gave me visions of the people that they'd belonged to...as well as some of their personality traits. I decided to use my "psychic" abilities to help the police department solve murders. I told myself that I was using my abilities for good, that something decent was coming out of me being an undead monster.

I tried to move on with my life, I did. I told myself that I was allowed to still have a normal life despite being a zombie. I let myself form a relationship with my friends and family again. I started to move on from Major. I even started dating a really awesome guy, Lowell, who was a zombie, like me.

But it all went to shit, because of course, I don't deserve it. Lowell got murdered by this grade a-douchebag, Blaine, who was murdering street kids and selling their brains to zombies who needed a fix. Kids that Major was trying to help. Major got mixed up in all of this zombie shit, trying to stop Blaine. He tried to telling me that Blaine was no good, that zombies existed. I let him think that he was going crazy. I let him check himself into a mental hospital. I told myself that I was doing the right thing.

My best friend Peyton caught me killing a man, another zombie like me, who I accidentally turned when he drank my blood. He was a psycho, and he was going to kill me, and Peyton caught me all zombied-raged out. I scared her off when I told her the truth. I deserved it.

So yeah. A lot more crap happened after that. I feel like I've already gone on about details that no one probably cares about. Ravi developed a cure for me. Two doses. We weren't sure if it would kill me or not, but damnit, I was going to take it. Except...it didn't quite work out that way. I used one on Blaine, when he nearly killed Major. I thought I was doing the right thing by stopping him. I should've killed him, but I'm not a killer. So, I made him human again. I turned Major into a zombie. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't care about me turning myself human. I tried to move on, but he's still the love of my life. I figured that me skipping out on the cure was worth it, if we could be together.

Major was disgusted with me. I was trying to save him in the only way I knew how, and he treated me like I'd given him some dirty disease. And I deserved it. I let him think that he was going insane, to try and keep him from what I'd become. So, I cured him. I gave up the other cure so that he could live. I knew that he'd sooner put a bullet to his own head if he'd stay a zombie. I didn't matter.

On top of it all, my little brother was caught in an explosion, and I had to deny him a blood transfusion to save his life. He nearly died, and I had to pretend that I was selfish and didn't care about his life. Now, my mom and my brother don't speak to me. Major wants nothing to do with me, and is working for Vaughn Du Clark, the creepy CEO of Max Rager, the energy drink that's partially responsible for making me what I am. I still love Major, but I can't deal with possibly hurting him. All we do is hurt each other.

So...yeah. I know I just unloaded a lot on everyone. I felt like I had to do it. I know that zombies get a really bad rap in most mediums, but I swear I'm a good one. I only eat the brains of people who'ved died and wound up in the morgue. And I use my weird psychic zombie-visions to help people. I know I'm a monster, but I'm trying to be a good one, at least.