InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Your mom warned you about us."

phil coulson isn't angry; he's just disappointed. (disappointeddad) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2017-02-17 01:07:00

Entry tags:

bobbi morse / mockingbird, carol danvers / captain marvel, daisy johnson / quake (mcu), phil coulson (mcu)

Huh. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered randomly getting married and deciding to take a honeymoon to a random tropical resort in the middle of nowhere.

Though, to be fair, with everything that's happened... I wouldn't be surprised if I got completely sauced and ran off.

(Post a new comment)

	aberrancy 2017-02-17 04:37 pm UTC (link)
	Phil! It's so good to see you. Are you okay? And quick question. You've never wanted to bone Hawkeye, right? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 05:45 pm UTC (link)
	Confused. Extremely confused. ~~Are you~~ Okay. Weird question to throw at me right away, but no. I can't say that I have ever sincerely had that desire. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aberrancy 2017-02-17 07:25 pm UTC (link)
	Sounds about right. And I'm fine, before you ask. I've had some time to process. Oh okay. Good. That's just a thing I ask people. By which I mean you have an alternate universe doppelgänger here who's banging his Hawkeye. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 07:39 pm UTC (link)
	In...wherever this place is, I'm guessing? I'm not sure there's a proper response for that. Or any response for that. Alternative universe, huh? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aberrancy 2017-02-17 07:59 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. I've kind of been here on and off for almost two years. You could do worse. Yeah. He may or may not have made a baby with Hawkeye and Hawkeye's wife. And he may or may not be dating them. Alternate you gets way more action. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 08:07 pm UTC (link)
	That's... Oh, god. We're in a temporal nexus? I get plenty of action, thank you. Especially with everything that's been going on. Hawkeye's wife? Clint's married? With a kid? And a family? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

aberrancy
2017-02-17 08:13 pm UTC (link)

Of course you have a word for it. It's a temporal nexus-slash-pocket universe, I guess.

Ewww. Never say that again. I am regretting all my life choices right now. (Not you, Bucky.)

He's married. To Spider-Woman. No relation to Spider-Man. He has a teenage son from an alternate future and a baby daughter who is super cute. And they're in a threeway with alternate you. Hawkeye and his wife, obviously. Not the teenager and the baby.

Also, Ward's here. And alive. Obviously. Maybe don't kill him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 08:26 pm UTC (link)
	That's... less than ideal. But I suppose it could be worse. Bucky? Bucky Barnes? Obviously. That's... certainly something. I'm not entirely sure I've got my head fully around it, but it's... a thing. Okay. We're not killing Ward? And... why exactly? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

aberrancy
2017-02-17 08:30 pm UTC (link)

Don't say that. You'll make it worse.

Yeah. So I'm dating Captain America's bestie. Surprise!

It's definitely a thing.

Because murder is illegal? And he's really not doing anything threatening here. Just being sad and annoying a lot, petting lots of dogs and occasionally stalking people.

And because the last time you killed him, he turned into a creepy inhuman monster and nearly fucked up the whole world and I would not put it past this place to do that to punish you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 08:38 pm UTC (link)
	It gets worse than being forcibly married? That's... another thing. That's definitely another thing. Isn't he way too old for you? I suppose I can let it go, then. If he's not doing anything. So. If there's an alternative me, and an alternative Clint, and I'm married to an alternative version of Colonel Danvers, how many others should I expect to run into? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

aberrancy
2017-02-17 09:07 pm UTC (link)

I don't know. Don't tempt it.

Cryo-freezing time doesn't count. He's Steve's age.

Good.

Let's see. There's...uh...alternate you and alternate Clint and an alternate me. And an alternate Ward who is kind of a dick but in a wasn't hugged enough way. Alternate Spider-Man. Alternate Loki who is non-evil and kind of a giant nerd. And a bunch of people from their world who might not be part of ours.

And from our world, we have most of the team. Me, you, Jemma, Mack, Bobbi, Lance, Trip, and Lincoln. Also Ward, Kara, Jemma's space boyfriend, Bucky, Steve, Sharon Carter, Bruce Banner, and Natasha. Natasha is great. I would let her kick me in the face, then thank her for it. Not going to like, I'm kinda gay for her.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	Technically, Barnes is one year, three months, and twenty-four days older than ~~Ste~~ Rogers. So they're not really the same age. Huh. A non-evil Loki? I think that's the one I'm having the hardest time computing. So, just about everyone that really matters, save Fitz and May. And that she is. Have you tried sparring with her, yet? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

aberrancy
2017-02-17 09:24 pm UTC (link)

I didn't say he was the same age as Steve. I said he was Steve's age. Totally different thing. And I know my boyfriend's birhtday. In fact, we're going to celebrate his 30^th/100^th birthday next month.

Yeah. It's weird. But hilarious.

Don't forget Yo-Yo. Though I think she's going to be disappointed when she realizes how gay Mack is. I think she might have a crush on him. And yeah. I have. It was great.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-17 09:31 pm UTC (link)
	I promise I wasn't implying that you didn't know. It was just a reflex. How much of a giant nerd are we talking, exactly? I thought they were already a thing? He's... what? I feel like I've turned over two pages at once. We'll have to do a group session one day. I'm guessing they're already well aware of my... situation? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	robotarm 2017-02-18 01:57 am UTC (link)
	Why do you care how old I am and when my birthday is? Are you one of those people who memorize Steve stuff or did you just look at all the cupcakes on my tumblr? They weren't for my birthday yet, I was just hungry. Daisy missed you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-18 02:01 am UTC (link)
	~~OHMYGOD~~ It was really just nerd reflexes, and it's mostly the first bit of the second question. But that was my role in SHIELD for quite awhile. Database of trivial but useful facts. I missed her, too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robotarm 2017-02-18 02:18 am UTC (link)
	Your job was to know Steve's friend's birthdays? SHIELD paid people for weird stuff even when they weren't Hydra. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-18 02:27 am UTC (link)
	I was a field historian for a time. Also data input. So. Yeah. That was my job. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	robotarm 2017-02-18 02:34 am UTC (link)
	Was it your real job, or just what you pretended your job was? Because I've seen your show. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	sparkplug 2017-02-17 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	If Coulson kills him and he turns into Hive wouldn't that, technically, be punishing us? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	aberrancy 2017-02-17 09:10 pm UTC (link)
	Definitely. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	twirlsthings 2017-02-18 01:49 am UTC (link)
	Alternate-you is pretty hot, too, Coulson. So it makes sense. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-18 01:55 am UTC (link)
	Either that was an oddly phrased compliment or he looks nothing like me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	twirlsthings 2017-02-18 02:16 am UTC (link)
	We'll just say compliment? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	thighholster 2017-02-18 12:14 am UTC (link)
	Coulson. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-18 01:44 am UTC (link)
	Agent Carter. I'm guessing you're less than pleased to see me? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	twirlsthings 2017-02-18 01:47 am UTC (link)
	You're late to the party, and missed all our weddings. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	disappointeddad 2017-02-18 01:54 am UTC (link)
	Somehow, I'm guessing there's no video tape for me to watch. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	twirlsthings 2017-02-18 02:15 am UTC (link)
	If there is, we'd all really like to see it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

ipunchdinosaurs
2017-02-18 02:30 am UTC (link)

Hey, as far as honeymoons go, I think we're doing alright. Near as I can tell the whole 'Black out, wake up married in an alternate dimension to an alternate version of someone you know pretty well' is generally the kind of thing saved for my nightmares. Unless you end up married to Spider-Man, because then I feel like everyone wins.

So. Honey. When am I taking you out for coffee so we can sort this whole thing out and try and make a little more sense of it?

And in case we're not acquainted where you're from, because this kind of thing happens, Major Carol Danvers, Captain Marvel, if that's easier for you.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

disappointeddad
2017-02-18 02:35 am UTC (link)

Spider-man is a child as far as I'm concerned. Maybe sixteen? There's not really much information even in SHIELD databases. So I'd rather steer clear of that situation.

But I would definitely be down for coffee. I've met your counterpart briefly. Though, I don't think I ever introduced myself when I did. SHIELD and military branches didn't always play well together. Phil Coulson.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ipunchdinosaurs
2017-02-18 02:48 am UTC (link)

Sixteen?! Your Spider-Man's such a baby! I promise he's much older where I'm from. Still might want to avoid the situation if you believe the scuttlebutt. Never been to partial to that kind thing myself. But that's a conversation for another time.

S.H.I.E.L.D. and the military still doesn't always play well together, but there are a few of us out there with eyes good enough to see the big picture. It helps when you're a member of the Avengers as well as several other intergalatic organizations. You'll have to catch me up on the differences over that coffee Coulson.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	thelivinglegend 2017-02-18 05:25 am UTC (link)
	So is it Agent Coulson? Director Coulson? Something-or-another Coulson? It's hard to keep track of our universe let alone all the alternate one's floating around. And since there's not really a less awkward way to say this: I'm glad you're not dead. (Reply to this)