InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "stellllllaaaaaa!!!"

Keyleth (burymyshame) wrote in jurassiccitynet,
@ 2017-02-11 15:10:00

Entry tags:

keyleth, kima of vord, percy de rolo, vax'ildan, vex'ahlia

Oh. So back here again. That makes sense.

It doesn't really but nothing makes sense. We were going to go to Marquet to give someone a hand. But sure. Back here instead. Why not.

My brain hurts. I think I broke it. Did you know they still let us drink for free in Whitestone? Or maybe Vex just talked them into free drinks. It's a little fuzzy.

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	burymyshame 2017-02-11 09:33 pm UTC (link)
	Is everyone else still here? Did we? It feels like we failed him. We saved the world from fucking dragons but we still came up short. Maybe that should be our motto. We fail even when we win. But I just got up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pepperbox
2017-02-11 09:38 pm UTC (link)

Yes.

We didn't fail him. He never let us help him. We tried. And he just didn't. And you know what? Fuck him. Fuck him for blaming us for his own fucking inability to let anyone in. That isn't our fault. It's not. We can't blame ourselves for every fucking thing. He was our family and he chose to leave us and it's not our fucking fault that he wouldn't stay. Because that's what family does! They die or they fuck off and anyone who tells you otherwise is bullshitting you.

Some days it's better just to not get out of bed. I'll stay with you. I don't really feel like getting out of bed myself.

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burymyshame
2017-02-11 09:51 pm UTC (link)

Good. I think. Maybe we're happier here.

But I wasn't very good at letting anyone in, not truly. And I had Vax to keep trying, and then you and the others and I got better at it, and I think you did after we all came to Whitestone, and maybe Scanlan just didn't have any of us try enough. He felt alone, and I think we should have ... thought of that. And we didn't. Because he's Scanlan. I don't know. I have a headache.

He fucked off WITH the family he wants to be with right now, I think. Maybe that's what he needs. I really don't like that those are the only options if you're family.

All right. The beds here are really nice, and the toilets are much better for throwing up.

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pepperbox
2017-02-12 06:29 pm UTC (link)

I think we are. I hope we are. I think a bit of it is not nearly dying every three days.

He was too good a liar. He was a shitty fucking liar and he never let us in. We let him in, we let him see us, and he never did that. And we tried. But he never wanted our help. And it is not our fault that he didn't. Just like it's not our fault that he left us at the first opportunity. We cared about him and it isn't our fault that he didn't feel the same.

Let him go off with his shit daughter. Maybe he'll finally figure out how to treat her like a person instead of an ideal. Because she's just as much of a fuck up piece of shit as him or you or me or any of us. They can fucking have each other. They are, Keyleth. I hate it, but they are. Either you leave or one day you die but family doesn't last forever.

Come on, then. Let's just go back to bed.

Fuck Scanlan.

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burymyshame
2017-02-12 06:55 pm UTC (link)

That is a nice change. Though going by recent events, we might fall apart when we're not worrying about dying tomorrow.

We still care. I still care. He's shitty and terrible but he's also our friend and sometimes he's amazing, and he's saved all of our lives. It might not be our fault, but I think I could have done more, too.

You're not wrong, but do we have to say it like that?

I didn't think of it like that Percy. Or I did and then I didn't. Are we just marking time with each other until more of us leave then? Should we stop?

I'm coming. Vax is coming too, and maybe bringing the others.

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