InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "He's only Mostly Dead!"

edwin payne was sent to hell on (atechnicality) wrote in junkedic,
@ 2025-03-26 15:44:00

Entry tags:

! network post, dc (film/tv): charles rowland, dc (film/tv): edwin payne, dragon age: bellara lutare, ✷ chapter 02 (all the pretty monsties)

To those who have been considering the Pokéball spell for their hypothetical charges, I can confirm that the environment is both humane and relatively peaceful inside the device. The process of entering was no more jarring than a normal method of magical travel, and once oriented in the space, it felt no different than a physical location.

The experience may be somewhat different for a living creature, although I can say Calliope has taken to hers with no issue beyond seeming to want attention once she emerges, the same as Tootles.

I would be curious to hear from others who have acquired eggs from the void: have your hatchlings followed the expected growth cycle outlined in the guide? Or have you yet to hatch your eggs? The theory doesn't seem to be applicable to our charge, but I am interested to find how much of that information may prove accurate for future endeavors.

[Bellara]
Boo.

(It is a joke that wears thin easily, and yet I could not help myself.)

[Glinda]
I was hoping to get your opinion on an idea I had struck with Professor Waugh, at your earliest convenience, miss.

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Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 02:11 am UTC (link)

I didn't say that to make you feel worse, Monty. I only mean to explain why the whole thing escalated in the manner it did.

I am not particularly skilled at having friends, either. I am far more used to being... useful. A hired problem-solver. It is rather irksome to feel as though I cannot be that solution for someone, and yet I could never forgive myself for causing you or one of our other friends harm. That is why I find the matter so difficult. I know it is disappointing; I feel the same.

For what it's worth, you're forgiven.

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Re: Edwin/Monty

un_familiar
2025-03-27 02:15 am UTC (link)

I know. But I'm still sorry it felt that way.

It must be really frustrating to be stuck. But I meant it when I said I believe in you. For you. And Charles. I swear.

I guess I just... I thought if I could help somehow, even if it was just begging you and Charles to share your work, if I could help him maybe... I don't know, maybe that would change something?

Thanks, Edwin.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 02:20 am UTC (link)

Thank you, Monty.

As I've said, I experienced this before, when I was learning magic in the early days of the agency. At the time I expected it was due to still being fearful of Hell. It is both better, and somehow worse, to face the same struggles due to positive emotions. As for Charles, he-- he says he would be fine if we didn't solve the potion, but I know it would disappoint him all the same. And I've started wanting it, as well, in my own way.

May I ask what you thought it would change?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 02:22 am UTC (link)
	I think that if the two of you want something, there isn't really much that can stop you. Maybe it won't be instant but it'll be, eventually. Maybe he'd like me? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 02:27 am UTC (link)

The infinite Void at the end of everything may beg to differ on that.

I thought that may be it. And [...] Monty, please be careful, thinking that way. I would hate to see you hurt all over again, should things not turn out how you expect. And [...] I try not to be so hypocritical as to lecture you on the danger, but

Charles told me he meant to share his notes with you. That sort of expectation, even passively, could have a negative effect on your attempt, as it has mine.

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	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 02:31 am UTC (link)
	My money's still on you. I know. I'm trying not to. But if that's true then I'll probably never be able to work on it. There's nothing I can do to help him. Or anyone, it feels like. And I guess that's just it, that's all. I'm going to have to learn to live with that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 02:37 am UTC (link)

That's sweet of you to say. Foolish, but sweet.

You have faith in my being able to solve it, despite my obvious blind spots. If I could manage it, I'm certain you could as well.

What was that sports analogy you shared with me? I doubt you've exhausted all your chances to help, dear. And even if you had, for now, your worth isn't in what you do for others. No one here needs to earn their keep.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 02:41 am UTC (link)
	Kind of me in a nutshell. I don't think I'm as good at controlling myself as you are, Edwin. I definitely have way more faith in you being able to do that. I used a sports analogy? Successfully? Wow, I'm proud. I don't remember it but I'm very, very proud. I guess... with Esther, you had to earn your keep. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 02:48 am UTC (link)

Perhaps. But I don't think that's a bad thing.

And I've often wished recently to not be so controlled. That can be its own difficulty, believe me. It's about finding the balance, I think. I would try to help you, if I could. If you believe I could. Help.

Something regarding tries in baseball. I will admit I believe I only understood the intention, not the specifics, but I did understand.

It did seem that way. But that doesn't need to be the case, here. You have friends that care for you.

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Re: Edwin/Monty

un_familiar
2025-03-27 02:54 am UTC (link)

🤷🏻‍♂️

I don't know if you could help. I don't even know if I'm helpable. I asked Eliot as well, if he thought he could help and he said he'd teach me magic but it didn't seem like he thought I'd be much use. I don't think I would, either. Be much use.

Oh, three strikes! That's right. You've still got all the bases loaded, Edwin.

I know.

Edwin, did you ever really face it? Hell? Did you talk about it and work through it after you got out or did you just... try not to think about it?

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Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 03:03 am UTC (link)

I don't recall how to make the little pictures, but I am aware there is one rolling its eyes at you, Monty.

Professor Waugh has struck me as the type to believe that his particular magic is the 'correct' one, and that others are somehow lesser. Less effective, less useful. That is rather antithetical to magic as I've experienced it. I am trying to be better about not seeing it as a strictly utilitarian affair. The potion serves no practical purpose, beyond allowing us to enjoy [...] a few simple pleasures for a time. All of which is to say: if you believe you could have a use for it, then that is all that matters.

I don't know about that. The bases. Isn't that a kissing thing?

[...] I told Charles some stories. In my weaker moments. There were many behaviors he found odd, in the beginning, and I tried to [...] explain those away. But no, I don't suppose I ever did what you mean.

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	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 03:06 am UTC (link)
	I think you'd be very sassy if you knew how to make the pictures. And he hates astrology. I'm happy for you and your simple pleasures, Edwin. It can be! I was just talking about the sport though. I don't know what it means but I'm pretty sure I used it right. I didn't know if it's something you'd recommend or not. If it's better to leave bad things buried. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Edwin/Monty

atechnicality
2025-03-27 03:14 am UTC (link)

I have been told I should work on being less sassy. So perhaps it is for the best.

That feels rather hypocritical coming from Professor 'Circumstances'.

Thank you, dear. I know it is [...] I don't ever wish to make things awkward, in our discussions. That's all.

From what I know, you were exactly right.

It often feels suffocating. The memories. I would never say discussing it feels good, but the alternative was far worse.

If you decide you'd like to talk, I would listen.

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Re: Edwin/Monty

un_familiar
2025-03-27 03:18 am UTC (link)

I have no idea who ever said that but they were wrong. I think you could be way more sassy, easily.

I don't know if I'd call it awkward. I don't feel weird about you and Charles or anything. I'm just lonely, Edwin. It's not the end of the world, it doesn't mean we can't talk about things.

Suffocating is a good word for it.

I think talking is a couple of steps ahead of where I am. I haven't even let myself really think about it much. I've thought about who I am and why I was made but not about... the things she did.

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	Edwin/Monty atechnicality 2025-03-27 03:23 am UTC (link)
	Crystal, mainly, and only because she was often the recipient of the brunt of it. [...] I will keep that in mind, Monty. Thank you. From the little we saw, and the circumstances of her life, I can imagine it was quite awful. And the memories can often become rather immersive, at the worst of times. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 03:26 am UTC (link)
	From what I saw, she was your match as far as that goes. Of course. Really bad, yeah. If there was such a thing as, I don't know, karma or cosmic retribution or anything, you'd think the universe owes me three wishes or something for dealing with all that for so long. I've been pushing away the memories. I think maybe you can only do that for so long though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Edwin/Monty atechnicality 2025-03-27 03:36 am UTC (link)
	We had our fun. But she was trying to be a better woman, and I was 'holding her back in our mutually bitchy ways'. Unfortunately, that sort of justice only exists if you can make it for yourself, I've found. The few occasions I've had to sleep have proven that. Nightmares. I can only imagine how difficult that may be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 03:39 am UTC (link)
	I still think I like your sassy side. I'd be sad to see him go. Doesn't seem fair. I didn't make the trouble, but I've got to make the good? Incredibly unfair. It's difficult. But luckily I don't have anyone in my bed to keep awake, right? Silver linings. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Edwin/Monty atechnicality 2025-03-27 03:44 am UTC (link)
	I doubt any of us will have to mourn that particular loss, with certain incorrigible faces around. It isn't fair in the slightest. And I wish it weren't true. But I'm afraid it's the lot we've been dealt. [...] That is one way to look at it, I suppose. Even if I know you mean to be flippant about it. Waking up alone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 03:47 am UTC (link)
	I sure hope not. Going to sleep alone, waking up alone. All the hours in between. I'm going to make everybody start loaning me their boyfriends to snuggle. Be careful of that lottery. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Edwin/Monty atechnicality 2025-03-27 03:53 am UTC (link)
	You'll rue the day you hoped, I'm sure of it. I'm not sure Charles would appreciate my lending him out, as such. But I do sincerely hope you find that for yourself. I may have only recently learned how that feels, but it is its own kind of suffocation. That craving. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 03:56 am UTC (link)
	No rueing here. It is. Thanks, Edwin. I guess I'll take you and Charles out of the lottery as a courtesy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Edwin/Monty atechnicality 2025-03-27 04:00 am UTC (link)
	[...] He is still rather cross about the whole affair. And can be somewhat jealous, in a way. But I I know he has become a friend. If it were to help. And he was amenable. I'd bear you no ill will. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Edwin/Monty un_familiar 2025-03-27 04:01 am UTC (link)
	I appreciate that. But I was just joking about the snuggle lottery. I don't think it'd help. I'm going to apologize to him too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Edwin/Monty atechnicality 2025-03-27 04:05 am UTC (link)
	Might it, though? I don't mean to be daft, but. I have found it helping me, in certain ways. If you would like to, I believe it would be welcome. But between you and I, he knows he also reacted rather poorly to the situation. We all did. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)