Title: Genius Author: arcadian_dream Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir Rating: R Warnings: slash, nudity Disclaimer: I disclaim! Summary: Vince can't wait to show Howard his new pair of trousers. Words: 559 Author's Notes: originally written in response to a request at an anon. Boosh meme. Comments: are love
Howard turned the page. The ink of the newspaper stained his moist fingertip as he did so, marking it with a black shadow. Looking up briefly, Howard was suddenly confronted with Vince.
In yet another ridiculous outfit
This time, though, something was different.
“What are you wearing?” Howard asked nonchalantly.
“So you noticed, yeah?” Vince grinned, his yellowed teeth peeking out over his bottom lip.
“Well, there’s not exactly a whole lot of subtlety about the way you dress, is there Vince?”
Vince smiled appreciatively: “Aww, you’re just saying that, Howard.”
“Yeah, it’s not actually intended as a compliment,” Howard retorted, turning the page of the paper once more, though this time in a somewhat exasperated fashion. Confused, Vince said nothing, merely gazed adoringly at the trousers that clung to his short, muscular legs.
“Well, that’s just because you haven’t seen these trousers close up yet, yeah?” Vince smirked, his blue eyes glinting in the dimly lit glow of the Nabootique’s lamps.
“Right, what’s so special about these then?” Howard sighed. Folding the newspaper (he could see that Vince was determined to occupy all available attention at this time), he placed it down on the counter.
“I’ll show you.” Raising an eyebrow, Vince shuffled enthusiastically before Howard.
And then Howard noticed it: he saw what was so special about this particular pair of trousers.
They were painted on.
“Christ, Vince!” Howard exclaimed as his eyes were assaulted by the reality of Vince’s dangling cock.
Vince’s painted dangling cock.
“You’ve gone wrong.”
“What’re you on about, Howard? Check ‘em out: they’re genius!” Vince grinned as he sidled up to Howard: his unfettered cock grazing the ridged fabric of Howard’s nutmeg cords.
“How are they genius, Vince?”
“Well,” Vince thought for a moment, moving closer to Howard as he did: now, his cock was pressed directly against Howard’s thigh; and every time he moved, the friction of the corrugated cords sent shivers along his spine.
“Yes?” Howard asked impatiently, though not moving away from Vince.
“Well, they’re a time-saver. You’re always banging on about how we need to be more efficient, yeah? So now, I won’t be wasting valuable seconds pulling my trousers up and down and…”
Howard raised an eyebrow sceptically: “Yes? And what?”
“And neither will you.”
Vince’s reply was barely more than a whisper, and had he not been standing quite so close to Howard, it would have been lost. But it wasn’t: the message reached Howard’s ears intact, and he blushed furiously.
“See?” Vince hoisted himself up onto the counter. He spread his legs and pulled Howard towards him: his erection poked Howard’s belly as he wrapped his legs around the taller man.
“See, Howard: no wasting time with zippers,” Vince broke off mid-sentence and kissed Howard…
“…no struggling out of drainpipes…”
He kissed him again, this time slathering Howard’s lips with sticky strands of saliva, “…and no pants to bother with.”
Vince pressed his lips to Howard’s once more, their mouths meeting in a slow, wet kiss, spit and lipgloss and the coarse grating of Howard’s moustache clashing together as one.
“Genius,” Vince whispered once more into Howard’s mouth.
And as Howard pulled Vince towards him on the counter, his legs in the air and his arsehole exposed; as he unzipped his cords and let them fall to the floor, Howard couldn’t help but agree: genius.