Chikai Kuji shouldn't be alive right now.

He shouldn't fucking be alive right now.

Chikai Kuji had died, with regrets, on a boat heading to god knows where. Toi crouching before his stupid pathetic body as if he'd accomplished anything worthwhile in his lifetime. His little brother crying out as if it was unfair. Unfair that Chikai Kuji, the wanted criminal of Asakusa, who took money from drug lords and yakuza to feed his little brother, was worth anything. Worth the tears of his brother? The very same one he let get involved in his fucked up mess of a life he'd crumbled for himself after their parents died? The very brother that threw away all his passions just to grow and sell pot in a run-down hotel in the worst part of town?

Yet, he pointed that Tokarev at him like he was taking out the trash. Another disposable piece of shit.

Before his internal dialogue of a great job, asshole, almost shot your brother dead could kick in; he ate concrete, ended by the brother he only wished to save. A world that forced his brother against him, but that was just the world Chikai had created. He told himself that bad guys were the ones who survived in this world, but he couldn't have been more wrong. He figured he needed to be bad, to let any good residing in his little brother to stay pure. Someone had to put food on the table, someone had to preserve the memory of their parents through their failing soba shop.

Chikai Kuji had died realizing he'd just made the world a piece of shit place for his little brother. He could've been honest, drop out of high school and go into something like construction. Live honestly, still have that closeness to his brother like he'd had before. He didn't save Toi, he was a burden upon him. He died before he could make their world a better place.

But that kind of world will never exist.

A sad, stupid, helpless desire. A desire born of love, or maybe just selfishness.

Chikai made Toi give up something he loved again. He didn't deserve a brother who dropped everything the second he needed him.

Fuck.

And I have the audacity to call myself a big brother? What a fucking joke.

Coming to this place was like stepping into a heaven Chikai Kuji didn't deserve. Learning it was a fresh start made him uncomfortable and undeserving. He just hoped to whatever god was up there that Toi hadn't followed him in death.

People like me don't deserve second chances.

So now here he was, turning the corner to the apartment complex, in this strange fucked up world where some fucked up "Everyone lives, No one Dies" shit could potentially happen at any given moment. Didn't want to stick around and find out.

Chikai Kuji expected a lecture. He expected Toi to cuss him out, scream at him, push him, whatever the fuck he needed. He'd snapped at Toi the second he texted him, because that's all Chikai knew how to do these days. But now he'd have to face the music he spent years haplessly orchestrating.

As he turned the corner, he noticed Toi was a lot older than the last time he'd seen him. How long has it been...since I kicked the bucket? At least a couple of years; two or three maybe. It was hard to tell. Chikai's perception of time was off, he'd felt somewhat at peace when the blackness overtook his vision. But then he woke up in the middle of the street, confused and delirious.

"Toi." Chikai took a step forward towards his little brother, hands in his pockets. "I'm here. Sorry to keep you waiting."

Was it anger in his eyes? Or sadness? A mix of both. He didn't expect anything less.

Two to three years.

"Please just tell me you didn't do anything stupid." Chikai started, taking off his sunglasses. "That you're not dead."

A pause.

"I know you're upset." Chikai continued. "Say it. Say everything on your mind. I'll listen."