InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "teal dear"

Chikai Kuji (badguys_) wrote in isekai_threads,
@ 2023-03-19 00:09:00

Entry tags:

!thread, chikai kuji, toi kuji

Who: Chikai Kuji
What: Reuniting with Toi
When: Sometime after this, March 12th
Where: Outside of Worldly Apartments
Status: Finished, Closed
Warnings: Swearing & Angst, Sarazanmai Spoilers, TBA

Chikai Kuji shouldn't be alive right now.

He shouldn't fucking be alive right now.

Chikai Kuji had died, with regrets, on a boat heading to god knows where. Toi crouching before his stupid pathetic body as if he'd accomplished anything worthwhile in his lifetime. His little brother crying out as if it was unfair. Unfair that Chikai Kuji, the wanted criminal of Asakusa, who took money from drug lords and yakuza to feed his little brother, was worth anything. Worth the tears of his brother? The very same one he let get involved in his fucked up mess of a life he'd crumbled for himself after their parents died? The very brother that threw away all his passions just to grow and sell pot in a run-down hotel in the worst part of town?

Yet, he pointed that Tokarev at him like he was taking out the trash. Another disposable piece of shit.

Before his internal dialogue of a great job, asshole, almost shot your brother dead could kick in; he ate concrete, ended by the brother he only wished to save. A world that forced his brother against him, but that was just the world Chikai had created. He told himself that bad guys were the ones who survived in this world, but he couldn't have been more wrong. He figured he needed to be bad, to let any good residing in his little brother to stay pure. Someone had to put food on the table, someone had to preserve the memory of their parents through their failing soba shop.

Chikai Kuji had died realizing he'd just made the world a piece of shit place for his little brother. He could've been honest, drop out of high school and go into something like construction. Live honestly, still have that closeness to his brother like he'd had before. He didn't save Toi, he was a burden upon him. He died before he could make their world a better place.

But that kind of world will never exist.

A sad, stupid, helpless desire. A desire born of love, or maybe just selfishness.

Chikai made Toi give up something he loved again. He didn't deserve a brother who dropped everything the second he needed him.

Fuck.

And I have the audacity to call myself a big brother? What a fucking joke.

Coming to this place was like stepping into a heaven Chikai Kuji didn't deserve. Learning it was a fresh start made him uncomfortable and undeserving. He just hoped to whatever god was up there that Toi hadn't followed him in death.

People like me don't deserve second chances.

So now here he was, turning the corner to the apartment complex, in this strange fucked up world where some fucked up "Everyone lives, No one Dies" shit could potentially happen at any given moment. Didn't want to stick around and find out.

Chikai Kuji expected a lecture. He expected Toi to cuss him out, scream at him, push him, whatever the fuck he needed. He'd snapped at Toi the second he texted him, because that's all Chikai knew how to do these days. But now he'd have to face the music he spent years haplessly orchestrating.

As he turned the corner, he noticed Toi was a lot older than the last time he'd seen him. How long has it been...since I kicked the bucket? At least a couple of years; two or three maybe. It was hard to tell. Chikai's perception of time was off, he'd felt somewhat at peace when the blackness overtook his vision. But then he woke up in the middle of the street, confused and delirious.

"Toi." Chikai took a step forward towards his little brother, hands in his pockets. "I'm here. Sorry to keep you waiting."

Was it anger in his eyes? Or sadness? A mix of both. He didn't expect anything less.

Two to three years.

"Please just tell me you didn't do anything stupid." Chikai started, taking off his sunglasses. "That you're not dead."

A pause.

"I know you're upset." Chikai continued. "Say it. Say everything on your mind. I'll listen."

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cuttinginches
2023-03-23 05:00 am UTC (link)

When Kazuki had first said Chikai was here Toi just stared at his phone in disbelief. His brother alive again? It's all he ever wanted. All he'd ever wanted his whole life was just to have his brother back by his side. He was willing to throw his life away to get it. Back home he'd thrown it all away to follow his brother, them against the world- it was all he'd ever believed in. His anthem, along side his brother's. Bad guys are the ones who survive in this world, everything will get old and be forgotten when something new comes along. It was all just how life moved on and time rolled. Nothing ever truly stayed forever, even those who were infamous were warped and lost to time.

Chikai hadn't even gotten that. Just a quick lonely death at the side of the only one who'd ever really know him. The real him. Before that Chikai was plastered all over the news, painted in infamy as a criminal. He'd been warped and lost to time before he'd ever even died. The living embodiment of their ideals, the old will be forgotten for the new, and the bad guy will live forever.

"Why'd you throw it away?"

Toi grit his teeth and wiped his tears away. Those words were the ones plastered in small neat writing on his wrist. Some soulmate bullshit from the brochure. Right now it didn't matter that it was Kazuki who'd said them, he just kept hearing it over and over and over in his head. He should have done something to stop Chikai. He shouldn't have run outside that night. Then that gangster would have never died and Chikai never would have taken the fall. His thoughts from before were wrong. He was the bad guy, not Chikai. He'd killed his brother long before that night on the boat. Set in motion every event that lead to their final outcome.

All he'd ever wanted was his brother by his side. No matter what, it was the one thing he couldn't stand to lack.

Chikai's footsteps made Toi turn to look at him. It was a noise memorized deep within him, one he'd heard all too often in the silence of prison. He stared at his brother, his eyes flicking all across his figure. Toi's eyes welled up with tears and Chikai grew blurry and distorted. He blinked to get rid of them and sniffed hard. He didn't care he was sobbing in front of his brother. His brother... Who was standing there in front of him. He looked exactly the same as when he had died. Even his voice was the same.

Toi squinted against his tears to be able to stare into Chikai's eyes. It felt like a desperate plea to try and see the truth behind them, as if it would reveal some falsity in this man standing before him. As if he'd stared long enough Keppi would tell him it was all an illusion. Some trick of the darkness or the Otter Empire. However, no commendation ever came. Toi wasn't sure if he was happy or sad as the longer he stared revealed no such revelation. It only left the never ending fact that this man before him was indeed Chikai Kuji.

"Just... shut up..." Toi squeezed his eyes shut and balled his fists. He stood still with his arms pointed at the ground and his head hung low so his bangs covered his face. He didn't want Chikai to see him cry like this. Toi took a hesitant step forward before his hesitation was abandoned. He ran into his brother, burying his face into his chest. Toi clung onto his jacket and sobbed. Every breath was met with a wet shaky hiccup like he couldn't keep air in his lungs. The feeling of Chikai's suit coat under his hands made him shake. It was just like the last time he'd felt it when he held his brother's dying body. Only this time the only thing staining the dark fabric was Toi's snot and tears.

His anger was failing, his quivering cries of his brother's name didn't hold it. He was babbling incoherent nonsense, nothing he said seemed to make sense to anyone but himself. He was holding Chikai again; and it was really Chikai. "Don't leave me!" Toi blubbered between his tears and his grip tightened on his brother's jacket, "Not again! Not again. Not again." He seemed to stay stuck on that thought, repeating it between his heaving sobs. Toi buried his face into Chikai's shirt again and his crying muttering grew muffled.

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badguys_
2023-04-06 08:59 pm UTC (link)

Chikai stood frozen as his brother ran to him. He had expected much worse, for Toi to completely abandon and cuss him out right here in the middle of the sidewalk. But of course, he was wrong. Chikai was wrong about a lot of things when it pertained to his brother. Toi always had a good heart. Chikai wished his heart was as pure and white as Toi’s. Even as time was lost to them, and Toi had grown so much more, he was still the same, scared, snot-nosed kid who threw his soccer ball into the river for Chikai.

You gave up something you love, so I gave up something I love too. No kid should ever have to say that to their older brother at the age of six. Sometimes Chikai would sit back and wonder how his brother had grown up so fast, yet he retained the kindness and connections Chikai could never keep himself.

Chikai pulled Toi close into a hug, dropping to his knees in an act of complete vulnerability. The hug was tight, firm, like he was holding on for dear life. This life was the one where Chikai wouldn’t fuck up. In this second chance, he’d use it to correct the wrongs.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Chikai Kuji’s voice cracked, a poor attempt to hold himself together for Toi. “Not again.”

He couldn’t cry, not right now. Not when he didn’t deserve it. His tears were nothing to the thick, red stain on his brother’s heart. He grabbed the top of Toi’s head and pulled him closer, letting him cry. Chikai let him. And let him. And let him. That’s all he could do right now. Every word of Toi’s blubbering he listened to, his heart breaking with every passing word.

“I promise, Toi.” Chikai repeated. “And I’m sorry, for everything. Don’t just say it’s okay, because that would be bullshit. You can forgive me after I’ve done something right.”

A boat. A gun. The smell of iron and steal. Blood. Those familiar cries of agony and desperation. Chikai couldn’t apologize then, but he could now. But apologies are golden and sacred, if he wanted one, he’d have to earn it by correcting past wrongs. It started with being here, with his brother, like he should have been all along.

“I’m gonna live clean.” A promise. Moreso for Toi than for himself. He didn’t want to burden him any longer with his memory. If it was up to him, Chikai would disappear again. It was easier than way than having to keep being a weight on his brother. Or maybe, deep down, the former yakuza was scared he’d fuck everything up again. “Have to make mom and dad proud, after all.”

He let Toi go after he’d calmed down a little, handing him a handkerchief from his pocket. The teenager looked like he was six again, right after he shot that good-for-nothing yakuza.

“Clean yourself up. You have snot in places I don’t wanna know about.”

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cuttinginches
2023-04-17 04:27 am UTC (link)

Toi couldn't help but laugh at Chikai's final statement. Everything about the whole situation was so ridiculous he couldn't stop his heart from feeling so light. He took the handkerchief from his brother and wiped his eyes before blowing his nose. "You better." His voice was chillingly cold despite his earlier laugh. He looked Chikai in the eyes with a new resolved expression. His expression was firm despite his red eyes, "I'm going to hold you to that. And don't lie to me." After his initial statement he faltered and looked down at the folded handkerchief in his hands, "I don't want anymore lies between us. I'm tired of running away from everything. I just want to be with you."

It was the only thing he'd ever wanted. Toi rubbed his tired eyes with the heel of his palm, "Can I move in with you?" He motioned back to the apartments, "I don't have a place yet and I want to live with you like you promised I could."

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