Caleb Tate, channeler extraordinaire (synergistic) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2013-01-02 23:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, ! plot: kidnapping, allegra hawke, caleb tate |
WHO: Allegra Hawke and Caleb Tate
WHAT: Insomniating
WHEN: Some time in the wee morning hours of Thursday, January 3
WHERE: European safehouse
WARNINGS: Feels
STATUS: Done
Caleb hadn’t gotten much sleep since the news about Erik and Alyosha had come out, though he suspected he wasn’t alone in that. He was glad for Allegra’s presence, even if part of him thought it would be better for her to spend the nights alone, where she wouldn’t be constantly exposed to his emotions. But even though being around her meant that he was feeling the emotions of others himself, and that the emotions around them at the moment were some of the most difficult he’d been around since he started channeling her, Caleb felt better when Allegra was around. Neither of them had spent much of the night sleeping, though. Caleb wasn’t sure what time it was, or whether he’d gotten short snatches of sleep when his eyes were closed. He was both physically and emotionally wiped, but he couldn’t actually calm himself down enough to get any meaningful rest. And from the way she was breathing, he was pretty sure Allegra wasn’t sleeping at the moment either. Caleb was a little concerned that she couldn’t sleep because he was there - having a bundle of nerves next to you probably didn’t do much to lull you to sleep when you were an empath. But there were enough emotions coming off her that he figured even if it was partially his fault, insomnia probably would have happened even without him. Confident that since she was already awake there wasn’t any danger in waking her up, he rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back snugly against him. "Mmm," said Allegra, exhausted and numb, but unable to stop thinking about how perhaps if they'd pushed Zhou harder, maybe two of the missing European Vols wouldn't be splashed all over the news. It made her think of Mette. Mal. Myra. Padraig. Marine. The names were imprinted in her mind now. And Jack, with his welcome laughter and diplomacy and weed pops and ability to keep her sane. "Still awake?" “Yeah,” he said, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “May have dozed off earlier, not really sure? But pretty awake now, at least.” Based on how quiet and still it was outside the door Caleb suspected that if there were other insomniacs around - and there probably were - they were likely keeping to their own rooms. “I’m not the one keeping you up, am I?” "No." She shifted so that she could face him properly and pressed a quick kiss against his lips before settling into her new position. "Just can't sleep." Caleb gave her enough room to shift around before re-wrapping his arm around her and closing the gap once again. “Anything I can do, hun?” he asked, concerned, even though he was suffering from the exact same affliction. Allegra almost laughed -- but she wasn't really feeling up to it. So instead, she settled for a weak smile. "Not unless there's something I can do for you." “So, no,” he said reluctantly, mirroring her halfhearted smile. She was caught between the desire to press him on why he was feeling the way he was and the determination to respect his wish to not talk about it yet. His friend had died. She wouldn't want to talk about it either. So she decided to focus on something else. "You know, I don't think we kissed at midnight for New Year's." “No, I guess we didn’t,” Caleb said, remembering the tentative plans he’d made for a New Year’s Eve in Sydney. The party at her friend’s house, a picnic - probably at the beach - the following day, since it fell right after their four-month anniversary. Which had come and gone, he’d realized, without any notice from him. Not that Allegra ever noticed, but he liked them - liked ticking off another milestone from their relationship. He tried not to be too obvious with his disappointment, instead reaching up to gently brush some hair off her face, with a slightly more genuine smile. “Happy 2013, Ally. I hope... well, I hope it’s better than the last few months of 2012.” It couldn't get worse, could it? She hoped not, but the truth was, neither of them could possibly know how upside down their lives would get in a month, six months. Twelve. "Same to you," she said instead. Caleb leaned forward to give her a kiss - a proper, New Year’s Eve-worthy kiss. It helped. Caleb was realizing that being affectionate with Allegra always helped, though how much really depended on how much help he needed. A rough day of training at IVI could be fixed in about 5 minutes, but over the past few days nothing seemed to really do much more than scratch the surface. But still, scratching the surface was better than nothing, he figured. Tightening his arm around her waist, he rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. “It hasn’t been all bad, though,” he said, trying to keep the mood light. “2012 IVI moment you most want to relive in 2013. Go.” "Mmmm. Either playing laser tag or..." “Or?” he prompted, grinning at her tone. She kissed him rather than wasting words answering. It wasn't enough to keep her from the worry, exhaustion and sadness that had hung onto her all day, so she kissed him again -- more deeply, more needily, more. And it still wasn't enough. Caleb recognized those kisses, having been on both the giving and the receiving end of them over the past couple of days. His fingers dug into her back as he returned them, more urgent than his kisses usually were. Theoretically the more of his brain was spent on her, the less room there was for the unpleasant stuff. Theoretically. After several moments, Allegra pulled back. This wasn't healthy, whatever they were doing, even if didn't want to stop. "Caleb. Don't leave me alone." Caleb tried to chase her for a moment when she pulled back, reluctant to go back to thinking. Her words worried him, though, and he tightened his grip around her, trying not to think about the firefight in the last rescue, or the inevitable one in the rescue yet to come. The rescue which would come, he tried to convince himself, remembering again Erik and Alyosha. “Ally. I’m right here, okay? I’m not - you know I don’t want to go anywhere.” She could feel his worry course through her own body, and suddenly felt helpless. She was an empath, yet she had no idea how to make him feel better, how to keep him from being anxious without messing with his emotions. "I just. Remember when I told you I'd never felt this way about anyone before?" “Yeah,” he said seriously. “Of course.” "Well, it's only getting-" Worse, she wanted to say, but it wasn't the right word. "It's more now than even then. So. You can't get hurt." “Ally,” Caleb said, still serious. “You know how I feel about you. You know I have no intention of going anywhere. But I can’t not do this because you’re scared I’m going to get hurt. I mean, I can’t even not do this because I’m scared I’m going to get hurt,” he said, finally vocalizing the thoughts that’d been running through his head for days. “But they - the IVF - they wouldn’t let us if they didn’t think we’d be okay,” he said, this speech as much for him as it was for her. He tried to sound confident - feel confident - about what he was saying. “So we have to believe that I’m coming back in one piece, okay? We have to. Because I have no intention of leaving you alone. You have to know that.” She tried really hard to believe his words, but detected a lingering anxiety and uncertainty in him. He was trying though, not lying, just trying to be positive, be brave, be whatever. So rather than get mad, she nodded and rest her head on his chest, falling silent for a while. Lottie's boyfriend left her alone, she wanted to say, but the words stuck in her throat. It was too much. Gently she traced a small pattern on the bare skin of his chest with her index finger, still too stressed and anxious to properly rest. Unbidden, fears of what would happen when dawn rose filled her mind, and she had to fight to push them back. "Tell me something you've never told anyone before," she asked, in one last desperate hope for distraction. "Um, I don't know," Caleb said, surprised and a little thrown off by the change in topic. He thought for a moment, frowning. "Once, right after I got my Ps, I scraped my mum's car and said someone in a parking lot did it, and then drove off?" he offered. "I broke a lamp once and blamed Mia, and they believed me, because I was the good kid," he added, with a bit of a wince. "Sorry, I can only think of silly, little stuff." She smiled a little. "Kind of hard to imagine you doing something like that." Caleb let a smile of his own sneak through, brushing some hair off her face. "Fooled you good, then. What about you? Tell me something, as insurance." The smile faded almost as quickly as it came as Allegra felt a twist of sorrow. "I miss my dad." "Oh, Ally," Caleb said sympathetically. His instinct was to tell her to reach out and contact him, but after the events in London, he had no idea how Allegra's father would react. So he hesitated for a moment, unsure, before shaking his head. "He's just scared and the media is being ridiculous and people do stupid things when they're scared. But he'll come around. He'd be a complete moron not to, really." "After London. And Padraig and Daisy..." She bit her lip, the rest almost too hard to say out loud. It was something she'd pushed to the back of her mind because it wasn't easy to think about or process, but it rested there despite her efforts to concentrate on the more immediate tasks at hand. "He probably thinks he's right, you know. About us. About you and everyone we know being unsafe." "He can think it all he wants, but both you and I know that he's wrong. And he'll come around - it's just going to take time." He thought of Nathan, and Edwin, and Nawal, all people with violent histories, all people who Allegra's father would probably count among the "dangerous." And how those three seemed three of the least likely people he knew at IVI to cause any problems - on purpose, at least. "And he knows you're not dangerous, and he knows Claudia's not dangerous, so logic and experience is eventually going to beat out this media-induced hysteria, you know? It'll take way longer than it should, but it will." She sighed and rolled over onto her side, still facing him. "I just don't know how many times we have to go through this. Like, him being a dick and me being angry and then we don't talk and then shit happens and then finally I let him back in and it starts all over again. I can't even tell him that I love him. Because I worry he'll say something that will hurt." Most of the time, Caleb didn't really realize how lucky he was to come from a family like his. Where he knew his parents had each others backs, as well as his and Mia's, no matter how difficult they were being. But at times like this he was, and he was so frustrated for Allegra that she didn't have that. So he sighed, frustrated, concerned, a little angry. "Like what?" "Like the thing about Vols not being safe to let out. And he was always busy. Like. Sometimes he'd stay at work for so long I wouldn't see him for two days straight because I'd be asleep when he came home and in bed when he left in the morning. And then he'd just say he was too tired when I wanted to tell him things or hang out with him." "Ally I don't know what to say except that he sounds kind of like a moron," Caleb said after a moment of trying to figure out the perfect thing to say and coming up empty. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him again, looking serious. "Anyone who doesn't find time - make time - to spend with their daughter - to spend with you? Has serious judgement issues. You know it's him, not you, right? Because it is." She fell silent, even as he tucked his arm around her waist. The only noise she could hear was the thump, thump, thumping of his heart as she lay beside him and tried to feel less miserable. "Doesn't matter now, anyway. We just need to find Mette before..." “We will, Ally,” Caleb said, doing his best to be confident. Because, really, at this point, that was all they had. Once they had information they could move on it, but until then, they could only really rely on confidence and hope to keep them motivated to keep trying. So, he needed to have it. “We definitely will, okay? We will.” I love you, she wanted to say. But even after everything she'd just shared, the words wouldn't flow. She just hoped she was feeling it enough that he'd understand anyway. Caleb wasn’t entirely sure how to take her lack of a response, but after a moment he leaned in, giving her a quick kiss. “Love you, Ally,” he said, as always finding it hard to keep from saying the words, but especially now, wanting to make sure there wasn’t any doubt... just in case. He gave her another kiss, wanting to let it build, but did his best to stop himself. “We should try sleeping again,” he said, pulling away reluctantly, not wanting to check his phone for the time and see how little time there was before they had to get up. “It’ll be better for us in the morning if we do.” |