logan hastings is sunshy (solarize) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2012-10-19 10:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, ellie wolf, logan hastings |
WHO: Logan Hastings & Ellie Wolf
WHAT: A confrontation of sorts.
WHEN: 19 October; Friday after training.
WHERE: On the grounds somewhere.
WARNINGS: N/A
STATUS: Complete
The only thing Logan hated more than stupid drama was stupid drama she was personally involved in. And in this case, had probably created. If last week had been distressing than this one offered no reprieve. Woven in-between all of the anti-Vol news stories, lock down drill, and the general humdrum that was IVI, was the nagging suspicion that she had narked off Ellie. It was all thanks to those stupid lists too - something which she would have normally ignored but had been initially taken back enough to mention it. To top it all off, her dog tags were missing too. The pool of suspects on that was low. Wearing them daily meant they were rarely outside of her possession and aside from herself only Nawal had regular access to the room. With Ellie and Harlow being the only semi-frequent visitors... she’d spent the week pretending that maybe she’d only misplaced them, despite knowing it wasn’t really possible. Team practice today had gone ok but the looks she kept getting from Ellie were really starting to get to her. “Ok Ellie,” she said, walking up behind the Austrian once they had dispersed for the day. It was the extent of her conversational starter. Usually she tackled problems head on but she was more than a little reluctant to confront this one. Ellie had never enjoyed team practices. It didn't help that she was usually the cause of her own displeasure. Whether it be simply refusing to participate or complaining loudly about lame team competitions, Ellie could be counted upon to be the thorn in Eagle's side. This week, however, had been different. She could blame the lists, but mostly, if she considered it long and hard, Ellie could only blame herself. Ellie wasn't an idiot. She knew that her behavior was immature, petty, and downright dumb. But she couldn't help but think that this was just like last time. Had she misread the signals? Everything that she had done with Logan - weird late night chats, private practice - all felt confused. She couldn't decide if Logan wanted her to be forward or just back off. So Ellie had done what she did best - caused a scene. She worked hard, ridiculously so, at practice, and if anyone noticed, she brushed it off as team spirit. She didn't expect Logan to notice, although all of her random glances at the other girl said otherwise. It was a surprise, therefore, when Logan came up behind her after practice. Ellie waited, expecting Logan to continue. When it was clear they had reached an impasse, Ellie said, "Ok?" She didn't exactly want to know what the other had to say but felt she had to wait it out. Logan was sorely disappointed when Ellie didn’t say anything. Frankly, she had no idea what she wanted to say and so for a few moments, just stood there in an awkward silence. “You haven’t really talked to me in a few days,” she said finally. Is something wrong? felt like a stupid follow-up, so she didn’t ask it. “So I guess you’ve been busy.” Logan cringed slightly, quite conscious of how accusatory her tone was. “I was wondering if you’d come across my dog tags. They’re missing.” Ellie could only stare blankly. Was Logan accusing her of being avoidant? She had been, true, but mostly because that is what she thought Logan wanted. She didn't know how to say that though. "I've been around," she said. Just not around you. Ellie desperately wanted to leave the conversation at that, but Logan's last sentence made her freeze. "Oh?" She frowned slightly. Ellie could be a good liar when she wanted to be; it came from years of sneaking out and misleading military-minded fathers. Right now though, she was too much at a loss to come up with a convincing lie. She had 'borrowed' the dog tags because she liked the feel of the metal, how she could sense the magnetic fields shift around them. She had kept them because they belonged to Logan. "I didn't... I am not sure. There are many military types here." Logan wasn’t sure how to take Ellie’s rebuff, so she didn’t say anything at all. Her lip curled in slight frustration. It had been a little silly to expect they could just pretend this wasn’t happening (although what ‘this’ was, Logan had decided not to speculate on). Pushing away the strange and awkward conflicting feelings, she instead decided focus on the loss of her dog tags. That was pretty straightforward. Mostly. Ellie’s response made her raise her eyebrows and press her lips into a line. “Yes, so many,” she responded a bit dryly. Logan couldn’t tell if Ellie was playing coy or just being obnoxious. Part of her wanted to ask what other ‘military types’ she had been spending time with but she settled for a petty remark instead, “Fortunately, they have my name on them. So you should be able to distinguish them from all the others you’ve come across.” Ellie rolled her eyes. "Fortunately," she repeated the word with a certain distaste. Nothing about her time - relationship - whatever this was had been particularly fortunate. She just wished that Logan would say whatever was bothering her. Did she think it was contagious? Wrong? Immoral? Ellie couldn't tell and that frustrated her most of all. She used to be so good at reading people. "Here." Ellie reached into her pocket and pulled out a series of chains that she normally wore. On the mix, she had kept Logan's dog tags, not even really considering the significance of such an act. "You got what you wanted." The words tasted bitter to Ellie. She had too many questions; most of which she wasn't brave enough to ask. Logan was more than a little surprised when Ellie actually pulled the dog tags out. Honestly, she wasn’t even certain the other girl had had them, let alone that she’d admit to it. She wanted them back too much to hesitate though and had reached out to take them almost as soon as Ellie offered them. She should have just asked why she had them but the tension was already at an uncomfortable level. “...thanks,” Logan replied after a long moment before carefully pulling the chain over her neck. The familiar cool metal against her neck made her feel a little less naked. She tucked her hands into her windbreaker pockets while she debating just leaving things at that. The dog tags weren’t really all she wanted though. Reluctantly, she said, “Look, so. I’m...” sorry? She realised she’d said something to upset her almost as soon as the tone of their text messages had changed but she wasn’t quite sure what Ellie had been offended by. “Well. If you’re not around somewhere else later. We could play chess, hands free, or something... if you want.” It wasn’t exactly an apology but she did want Ellie to stop ignoring her and hoped the invitation was enough of an olive branch to convey that. Ellie considered Logan's offer, puzzled. "Does this mean..." She studied the other girl, as if hoping to find in observation a key to her confusion. Are we Was that too forward? "I thought you didn't want to be seen together." It sounded harsher than she had attended, but she decided to go with it. "People might..." Ellie didn't know what to say. "...suspect things." The distaste was evident in Ellie's voice; she hadn't liked what Logan had seemed to suggest, even if she hadn't meant it as such. "Honestly, it doesn't matter what people suspect." Ellie lowered her voice, speaking much more earnestly now that she had started. "Everyone knows you're not, well...gay." There, she had said it; it didn't matter what she personally suspected. She just wanted this to end. Nevermind that she had started it. The directness of Ellie’s response took Logan off guard. She had just hoped they could go back to hanging out without really discussing why things had turned out this way. She wished she could just unsend those text messages that stupid list had prompted her into. Honestly, she’d rather be back in the desert, dealing with UXOs than this. Feelings weren’t really a strong point for her and arms length was a preference she’d had for as long as she could remember. “I didn’t literally mean we should stop hanging out,” Logan said, giving Ellie a frown. “I was just...” Paranoid. She didn’t think hanging out with Ellie had been strictly platonic in a long time - an admission she wasn’t sure what to do with. That she’d even over analyzed those scores in such a fashion made her feel even more ridiculous because she knew they didn’t mean shit. Ellie telling her as much didn’t really help the embarrassed feelings. Ellie’s statement wasn’t something she could confirm either. Shaking her head, she forced herself to finish the sentence she had begun, “I was just ... insecure.” Her cheeks had pinked a little and she was clearly flustered by the admission. Confidence was something she tended to exude and losing that put her off balance. Confusion had become something all too familiar between her conflicting feelings about being a Vol, her rising concern about IVF, and her feelings about some of the women in her life. And she hated admitting she wasn’t in control of herself or her feelings more than anything else. A part of Ellie had hoped that confronting Logan would help. However, her response left things just as muddled as before. "Well, don't be." If there was one thing Ellie didn't understand, it was relationships. Especially friendships. Friends meant vulnerability, and disappointment. And compromise. Ellie was too spoiled to compromise, particularly on this issue. She could let Logan have her way and ignore it, but that wasn't Ellie's way. "These lists are for children with zero life experience. If you snog a girl, or a boy, it doesn't define you. Pas vraiment." Logan wasn’t sure what she expected in response. Not that, really. Ellie seemed to think this was easy; cut and dry, and maybe it should be - but it didn’t seem that way to her. “Its not really about those lists,” she shot back for lack of anything else. That was what had prompted her to make those comments to Ellie in the first place but the insecurity and uncertainty had been there long before that. “Ok, well-” Logan paused, not really sure where to even go from here. As far as she could tell, Ellie was more interested in chastising her than working through it. Maybe it’d been unfair to want her to but that thought didn’t make Logan feel any less disappointed. “thanks for giving my dog tags back,” she finished lamely. “I guess I’ll see you around.” Ellie didn't know what Logan expected her to say. If it wasn't about the lists, then it had to be something about her, and that thought didn't make the situation any better. "Ok - well -" she repeated, uncertain as to whether she should stalk off or apologize. The latter didn't appeal to her at all. "When you can figure out whatever it is, I'll be here." Not like she had anywhere else to go. Logan stared at her for a moment. She shifted on her feet, not feeling comforted by that at all. “Ok,” she said. “I haven’t -” She paused and shook her head. “I don’t know when that will be.” |