padraig is a little different now. (irishdragon) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2013-06-23 18:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, padraig flanagan, shannon reid |
WHO: Padraig & Shannon
WHAT: A fight, fallout, whatever
WHEN: A bit after he gets out of solitary
WHERE: Padraig & Raph's room
WARNINGS: Swearing!
STATUS: Complete
With Leona fast asleep thanks to Stephen, it was left to Shannon to meet and greet the idiotic Irishman she adored and hated in equal measure due to his most recent stunt. She'd worried about him, tried to figure out what he'd be planning next. Would it be another fire? Or would he go to the lengths that Devon and Sol had and actually end up murdering someone next time? She wished there wouldn't be a next time, and that this would be the end of it, but she knew better. She knew him better, and had known boys back home who were the same. Angry with no direction or focus, just burning on the fuel of their own destruction until they reach a bitter and horrible end. She wanted to help Pad, but she wasn't sure if she, Leona and Rashida would ever be enough to pull him back from where he was heading. There was also news for him, about Devon and Sol, about the constant threat of solitary, the hunger strike and everything else that had happened during the last week. So she headed to his room, knocked on the door and waited until he opened it. "My boyfriend's taken your girlfriend off to bed so I'm here to fill you in." No one said she had to be nice about it. --- Solitary had been more than Padraig had expected, and more than he had prepared for. He had lost touch with reality in there, he was sure of it. When he was released no fire spewed from his mouth, and the second he stepped out of the building reality snapped back into clarity. He had injuries everywhere - some from the fire, one from the guards, some he gave himself, others he couldn't remember. He was full of grime, but whether he showered right away or not didn't matter to him. It was almost overwhelming, the sharpness of everything. The sun was bright, the sky was blue, there were so many colours other than dull white. Padraig hadn't expected there would be anyone waiting for him, but he also hadn't expected anyone to visit. The walk back his room felt short, but then his knowledge of time was questionable at best these days. It felt he was only there a few moments before a knock came. "Hello Shan," he greeted as the door slowly swung opened. Darkness still lingered in his eyes and weighed heavy on his voice. His jaw tensed at the comment about Stephen and Leona, but Pad managed to keep his mouth shut. He wondered if it was a test for a brief moment, before remembering what Stephen's power was. --- "Pad." She said and then barged her way into his room. "Ugh, you need to shower." She commented before she sat down on Raph's bed (and god, she hoped he'd changed the sheets since his last tryst with someone) and looked up at her 'brother'. He looked tired, worn at the edges and there was something haunting him, like just after the kidnappings. An indescribable look in his eyes and face that screamed something was wrong at her. "You alright?" She knew the answer was no. She could tell that by looking at him, but she had to ask the question and let the words slip past her lips for an obvious answer or maybe even a lie to try to convince her that he was fine. --- "I know," came the gruff reply. He wasn't sure he wanted to, though. Not right away. A shower would wash away everything and present him as new. Would everyone understand if he was still a mess if he looked the same as always? They had understood after the kidnappings, they had given him leeway, but they might not do that now. Why couldn't they just understand? What was happening wasn't okay. He couldn't wait around and do nothing anymore. He couldn't go on the run. Padraig tried to smile softly at her question, but he supposed she didn't need him to pretend. "Okay's relative, I guess. You'll probably think no. I'm not sorry we tried. I'm sorry it failed, I didn't want to go to solitary, but I was sure I would. I knew the risks. I can't be here anymore. I can't do nothing anymore. I want to fight, Shan. I want to fight for our freedom, for being able to walk in public and not check behind me every three seconds." Padraig sat on his own bed after he spoke, as if he was exhausted by the longest he'd spoken since before being placed in solitary. --- Shannon frowned at him and then spoke without thinking, "Padraig, that's the stupidest fecking thing I've heard this week and I'm on a team with Raph." She said calmly. "Honestly. Fight for our freedom? What, like you're some sort of Real IRA wannabe? for feck sake. You ain't gonna get fucking anywhere burning down buildings and getting tossed in solitary, you eejit. All that's gonna do is piss them off and make them tighten the rules. And then what? You going to 'fight for our freedom' from inside a cell when no one's going to know about it? Good luck." She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked as challenging as she could, as 'I'm not taking your fucking crappy Vol Supremacist stupid attitude anymore' as she could, and as pissed off as she could without making him kick her out of the room for being insensitive to his feelings. --- “What else is there?” he snapped, his voice rising. “We’re sure as fuck not safe anymore here, are we? We don’t have freedom, even you have to fucking see that! I’m sick of fucking waiting around for them to decide we can go home for a miniature visit to say our last goodbyes to our mams and dads before they corral us all back here forever.” Unable to remain seated, Padraig stood and took a step closer to Shannon. Her body language was tense, threatening even. He didn’t know what exactly her threat was, and he didn’t want to lose her, but he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t pretend like he was okay or happy or fine with just plodding along day after day. “We’re already in a fucking cell if you haven’t noticed,” he near-growled, turning slightly away from her. He didn’t want to do this, he didn’t want to fight with her, but the words just kept coming. “And if you want to do fuck all, fine, whatever, I’ll keep trying to get out. To do something, anything, that might bring me closer to the outside world. Maybe I get out, maybe I get sent back to solitary, but at least I’m fucking doing something. No one knows what’s happening in here anyway, what’s the difference between a shitty campus with bright sunlight, or a dinky cell with dingy lighting?” --- Shannon sprung to her feet and put her hands on her hips, "Don't you fecking yell at me about this, Padraig!" She snapped. "And don't talk to me as if I'm an idiot with my head in the clouds thinking that this is a fine little jaunt away from home. But don't think that I'm just going to stand by and watch you feck your life up either, because next time you'll do something monumentally fecking stupid and end up in permanant solitary for the rest of your fecking days." She glared and evened her voice, "Just like Devon and Sol. Who are there now, 'fighting for our freedom', I guess. Forever. In a cell." She shook her head, "That's where all of this is going to get you, not back home, but in there. Don't you see that?" --- There were times Padraig opened his mouth to cut in, but Shannon kept talking. When she got to the news about Devon and Sol, he took a step backwards. The fight deflated out of him as the news took hold. “Permanent,” he repeated softly, letting the word cut through him. No. That wasn’t supposed to happen. If they didn’t go out they were meant to go to solitary for a while, regroup after. Devon was the first one Padraig had gone to, the first one he’d been honest with about his feelings on humans. She was the one who connected him with everyone else, with Laurel - whose plan this had been. God, did Laurel know? For all his talk, permanent solitary was the last place Padraig wanted to be. He’d been unstable in there for a week, God only knew what would happen to him for forever. “I can’t -- this wannit -- I have to go,” he said, his thoughts disconnected and flying all over the place. --- "Let me guess, not part of the plan?" Shannon asked. "Go then, but take a shower, and for fuck sake, when you see Leona, cut this bullshit before you lose her too." Because for Shannon, this was enough. She was fed up of people throwing their lives away over a stupid fecking cause that meant nothing as long as they were trapped here. --- “Cut what bullshit, Shan?” he asked, latching onto her statement when he should have left to shower. “This is me now,” he said, a smile showing traces at the edge of his lips. “I told you, I don’t regret it. I’ve never felt so alive as I did watching that building. Aye, I don’t want to kill people, but I’m sick of being fucking terrified. Alright? There it is, okay. That’s it. I felt safe here, I was afraid to leave. Now it’s all I can think about. But then what? Someone out there will recognize me, someone will want to use me for my power, and I don’t want to go into hiding. I don’t want to go on the run. I want to be strong, Shan, I have to be strong. I felt strong that night, stronger than I’ve felt in a long time.” --- "No, that was arson, and it's not strength, it's fear. You want them to fear you, to be scared and terrified of you. Strength is something else. It's being able to get through this shite to the otherside. All you're doing is scaring people and giving IVI a reason for it's draconian rules." Shannon said. "And if this is you, if being a scared little boy setting fire to shite to feel a fake sense of power is who you are now, then I ain't having anything to do with you." She thought she'd regret the words as soon as they slipped past her teeth, but she didn't. It wasn't even an ultimatum, because she didn't think he'd ever chose her over being better and scarier than humans. "Don't worry about going off to Laurel and Jonas or whoever the fuck is using you for your power here. I'll see myself out." --- Padraig frowned and reached out to grab her before she left. “Using me?” he asked, the words incredulous off his lips. “What are you talking about? I offered to start a fire, Shan. I told you, I knew what could happen. I didn’t have to participate in the plan at all. I could have walked away. I chose to stay, no one made me.” Padraig’s grip softened, and shame flashed in his eyes. “If they’re afraid of me they won’t try to take me,” he mumbled, looking down at the floor, the bed, his desk, anywhere but Shannon’s eyes. “It’s different now,” he said, a desperate tone coming to his voice as he raised his eyes to look at hers. There was a pleading in them now, a begging tone to his voice. “When we leave here, we can’t just go home. You know that, right? The world out there wasn’t ready for us, and they still aren’t. They’re happy with us locked up here, no one’s tried to get their Vols back. What are they going to do when we do come back? Our families might open their arms, but not everyone.” He might lose her in the course of his actions, but he wasn’t ready for that. Not yet, not now. --- "I don't want the world to be afraid of me because of the actions of people like you, I don't want my life to be completely ruined because someone will hear I'm a vol and people will think of you, of Laurel, Jonas and Vol fucking Rising. I want to leave here and have a life, not be afraid of people thinking I'm like you." She said. "Everyone knows Hume was a fucking cunt, and anyone worth something wouldn't believe anything he fucking put on youtube. But now you're acting exactly like he wanted you to and you can't even see it." She pulled her arm out of his grip harshly, "Oh please, do you really think your new friends would like you if you could talk to plants? Or is it your power they like? Think about it Pad, I bet if you went to permanent solitary, they wouldn't give a shit." She glared. "And you're driving away all the people that would care and would try to get you out. That would beg and plead for your release. Leona would camp out at the Dean's office. Rashida would pull a stupid stunt and go to solitary for you. But me? Forget it. I know what terrorism is, and I'm looking at it." She glared at him. "And don't for one second when you're doing any of this think that it's for me, because it's not. It's all for you, and your fear." --- “Your life is already ruined,” he said, his voice starting to raise again. “Because you’re a vol.” Padraig didn’t understand how she couldn’t see it, even after all this time. Hume wasn’t the only one who felt that way, there would be more of him. Even with all the publicity stunts IVI wanted to put on, people still hated Vols. Would always hate them. Others would use them to their advantage. For every person who was fine with them or thought they were cool, there would be another with a sinister agenda. He was so mad at her for not seeing this, for believing she could just go home and everything would be fine. “Fine!” he near yelled, feeling the heat within him rise out of anger and out of pain. “Go then, go be with Stephen and enjoy your perfect fucking life while it lasts, Shannon. I pray to God that when we get out of here things turn out the fucking way you want them to, but I know they won’t.” Padraig didn’t want to push her away, but he couldn’t listen to everything she said. He didn’t know if Laurel would have invited him if he’d had a different power, but why wouldn’t she? There were other ways to distract. Jesse could turn to gold and Coralie could turn to candy, neither of those powers were helpful for a distraction. They weren’t his mates anyway, they were just the only ones willing to try something. --- "No, Pad, my life was never ruined because I was a Vol. If anything, my life was ruined by people like you, and people like Hume. Thinking that we're different is what ruins lives, just like back home, and just like all over the world where people disagree because of differences that actually don't really matter. Because we all bleed the same, in the end." Shannon said sadly, but she was done now. Done with him, done trying to explain and done listening. She pushed past him and left the room he shared with Raphael and walked out of the building and into the relatively open air of IVI grounds. |