padraig is a little different now. (irishdragon) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2013-04-01 21:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! log, leona turner, padraig flanagan |
WHO: Padraig & Leona
WHAT: A mash-up of awful feelings leads to intense conversations, basically
WHEN: Monday evening
WHERE: Ummmmm idk the caf or something
WARNINGS: None!
STATUS: Completed
PADRAIG: “Got it?” Pad asked after quickly teaching Leona the basic rules of Switch. He dealt them each nine cards before leaning back and beginning to sort them. Most Americans played Crazy 8’s, and they were able to pick up the basics of Switch within a round. Pad had no idea about New Zealanders. He wasn’t sure he’d ever encountered one before IVI. Australians, sure, but Aussies came to the pubs and played 25, not Switch. Leona was bright enough, though, she’d figure it out. Even if he hockeyed her for the first round or two. “Congrats on yer Vol Squad thing, by the way.” Even if Padraig hadn’t applied and hadn’t wanted to take part, it was important to Leona. Or he was pretty sure it was, anyway. And if there was one thing Pad knew, it was to take an interest in the things birds were interested in. Even if he thought something was completely mental, it was better to ask about it than ignore it. LEONA: “Um, for now?” Leona said with a good natured wince. “It sounds similar to Uno, but I think that I’ll need a round or two to get the hang of it.” She was, in essence, playing a gambling game. Her friends back at Saint Paul’s would refuse to believe it. “And thank you. I just hope that we start to give ourselves some good publicity, and then from there things will progress.” Leona squinted at her cards. “It’s a bit annoying that there’s already been some comments, like we’re some sort of IVI stooges?” she added, though she was concentrating on the matter at hand. “I just want to get out and be able to use my powers to help people.” PADRAIG: “Aye, similar to Uno,” Pad confirmed. There were a fair amount of card games he enjoyed playing, but most of them required at least three people. Switch was one that may be better with more, but still decent with two. He’d played it enough throughout his childhood that he’d come to learn there really was no strategy. You got dealt the right cards, you win. “I don’t...” Pad started and then stopped to think about his response. How did he really feel about the Vol Squad? It wasn’t that he disapproved of helping others or using powers for “good”, he disapproved of not going after anti-Vol “norms” (as Devon liked to call them). “I think it’s what a lot of people want. I don’t dislike the IVF, especially not when so many of them sacrificed their lives for Mette and I... but there’s a bunch of people...” damn, where was he going with this? “It’s just not the route I want to take, and I imagine that’s the same for others. Good publicity, I mean. People can call Vols terrorists but if there were more of us, they’d be the terrorists. Ye know? We’re just... it ain’t wrong to want justice.” LEONA: “You don’t want good publicity?” Leona raised her head, studying him. He did have long eyelashes. Nice eyes. She tried not to allow herself to be distracted. “I think... I think of it this as being a step forward. I mean, didn’t we talk about on the network a while ago-” it had been some time ago, come to think of it “-that part of the reason why Vols have such a bad rep is that we’re tucked away down here? And we’re just not visible to anyone? And the terrorists get all the publicity and just make things worse for the rest of us, and our side of the story doesn’t get told.” Why had it fallen on her to have serious conversations like this? Weren’t you supposed to save potentially intense landmines of topics until later on when you were dating someone, after you had a month or so of nicer times together? She supposed that Vols didn’t have that luxury. “I’m not saying you should think this is a good idea. I have reservations about it myself. But it’s better than nothing, and it will give us a chance to not have more extreme groups speaking for us. And then maybe, maybe we’ll get out of here sooner.” PADRAIG: “No, you’re right. Good publicity is good, I just meant it’s not what I personally want to be doing. Granted I don’t really know what you will be doing, but I can more or less guarantee it’s not going to be searching for Hume’s men or people like Hume. That’s what I want to be doing, is all. If I were able to get out there and... and not, it’s just... I couldn’t.” Padraig’s accent was coming through a little thicker as he struggled with finding the right words. Leona didn’t know about his involvement with the “Vol Supremacists” at IVI, and he imagined she would be shocked. Most people didn’t know he had a darker side and was willing to confront that side head on and let it lead him. He wasn’t sure when that opportunity would present itself, but he was prepared. “They’re not terrorists...” he added quietly. He hated that word. There was a difference between fighting for justice and what you believed in and senseless killings. Terrorism was associated with such negative connotations, and Padraig’s cultural history refused to let him believe it was a horrible thing. “Just be safe, aye? And if ye get the chance to represent yerself, do it. Don’t... don’t let anyone else speak for you. Not IVI, not your friends, not me. Okay?” Pad wasn’t sure that this squad had any influence on whether any of them got out of here sooner, but it was a nice thought. LEONA: “Thanks. And well, that was a bit awkward.” She gave a nervous chuckle, a tremulous smile. For now Leona was happily in the dark about Pad’s involvement with the self-styled IVI Vol Supremists, but his tension, his thickening Irish accent, had not escaped her. “I just want to go to university. Study Biology and not Accounting like my family expects me to. And use my powers to help people instead of being cooped up here. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I’m such a downer.” She lifted a hand to her forehead, brushing back curls behind one ear in an effort to calm herself. “Let’s start the day over?” PADRAIG: “Hey,” Padraig said softly, reaching out to cover Leona’s hand with his own. “It’s not easy right now. Fer anyone. We don’t have to agree on everything. That donnit make ye a downer. Nor do ye have to apologize. We’re not gunna agree on everythin ever, alright?” Once Pad had noticed how uncomfortable Leona was, he was able to completely shift his tone of voice and posture. He hadn’t meant to upset her, but now that he realized he had he would do whatever possible to rectify that. “Biology?” Pad repeated, “what do ye want to do? Be a... biologist? Is that a thing?” Padraig hadn’t looked far for a career, he’d always assumed he’d inherit his dad’s pub. LEONA: She squeezed his hand back, then shifted closer so they were side-to-side. Suddenly vulnerable, and not at all in the right frame of mind for the game of cards she had been anticipating, she needed physical contact. “I know,” she said, taking a steadying breath. “I know. I’m just... there’s no guidelines written for people like us, you know? I always thought that I was going to be a prefect, be Head Girl, go onto university and be an accountant. And that even though being an accountant wasn’t something I wanted to do, I thought I would find a way to like it. And then when I realised I had powers, I thought they were just something I’d have to manage, like if I had asthma or diabetes.” “But now that I like them and I can control them better and I want to use them to help, well, I have a picture of where I want to be. But I’m not sure how to get there. I don’t know what IVF’s plans are for us. I don’t know how to have been kidnapped and how to be a Vol with powers that make me fiercer and stronger even though I feel anything but. And people think of me as being brave and capable and Caleb told me after Europe that I hadn’t done anything wrong, I’d actually done everything right. But if I’m behaving how I’m meant to behave, then shouldn’t I feel – well, better about things?” “When I’ve shifted,” she continued, “I feel brave and strong and tough and ways I would never feel normally, but most of the time I feel like I’m this scared little girl who’s just playing at being a grown up. And I wonder when I’m going to stop feeling like I’m pretending. Or at least like I’m having to try so hard.” To her mortification, her lower lip began to tremble and tears came into her eyes. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” PADRAIG: Well. This was great. Pad’s expression was blank from shock and trying to process everything when Leona apologized. Where had all that come from? “No, it’s... it’s okay,” he said, however he was growing more and more concerned at the expression on Leona’s face. Was she going to cry? Fuck, how did he manage to make a girl cry in less than five minutes? He was apparently really fucking bad at this dating thing. “I don’t know, Leona. I wish I did... but yer right, there aren’t any guidelines. I don’t... I mean, having a power and being good at that power doesn’t change yer like, personality, and uh... it’s good that you like them. They aren’t going anywhere. Our powers are who we are now, ye know? I don’t really know much about being confident and brave, but I don’t think feeling great about yerself and all yer choices comes with being a teeanger slash adult,” Pad frowned as he took a breath and tried to compose himself. “Look, I think yer great. And if ye hadn’t’ve mentioned this today, I wouldn’t’ve had any idea what you were feelin. I don’t think either of us has answers for this. We can’t. Yer not gunna wake up one day and feel brave and capable... it’s just, it’s something that comes with time. It’s taken me awhile to even accept the fact I was kidnapped and couldn’t do shite about it, and it... everything changes you. You might never feel 100 percent in yerself, but... that’s why you surround yourself with people who do.” There. That was good, right? Leona: “Okay,” she said with a nod and an attempt at a smile. “Okay. And I’m sorry for offloading onto you and that you had to deal with all of it.” Well. What a killjoy she was being. She opened her mouth to apologise again, but realised that she had probably used up her quota for the day. “So, in a list of Top Ten Worst Dates You Have Ever Been On, where does this rank?” she joked, managing a more genuine smile this time. PADRAIG: “Na,” he said with a air of relief and confidence, “don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Better than lyin about it, aye?” Pad smiled with ease before pulling his hand back and focusing on his cards. “Well ye haven’t beaten me in cards yet, so it ain’t in the top ten worst times I’ve spent with a lass,” he joked. “You can tell me about this stuff, alright? I don’t mind. I ain’t gunna have the right thing to say, but I’ll listen.” LEONA: “Thanks,” she told him, feeling quite a bit better now that her over sharing for the day was apparently over. “And no worries. Listening helps.” It wasn’t often that she needed to actually discuss her kidnapping overtly with Pad or Mette; usually it was enough to be in the presence of someone who had experienced the same horrors, the same sense of inadequacy – and worse – than she had. While it was certainly not anything she would wish upon anyone, she did still claim some comfort from simply being around those who had too been taken. Hopefully Pad did not resent her bringing it up too much at this time. She likewise knew what it was to simply want to forget, if only for a handful of moments. She scooted back over to her side, reclaiming her own cards. “Well, this looks fairly straightforward. Let’s see if I can make that list,” she added, shooting a mischievous glance in his direction. |