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Introduction
She had as many identities as she had wigs. Perhaps if life had been different for her she would have wound up an actress on a stage rather than an enigma in life. Bela began making up her various personalities when she was a child. It was a way to push past the shame, pain and anger that was attached to her true identity.
Though, later, she would wonder if she ever had a true identity. Becoming different people had been a gift. Just as stealing things for profit had been one. The ice in her heart was there long before she learned to fire a gun to protect herself. Bela had learned that the only person in the world you could count on was yourself.
Everyone else would betray you if you didn't betray them first.
With each identity that she took on and cast aside she found a bit more confidence in herself. By the time she was an adult she knew there was nothing that she wanted that she could not acquire for herself. She did not believe in love. She did not trust in others. She counted on herself, and more often than not she never let herself down.
As the days counted down toward the end of her life the realization that she had no affairs to put into order made her pause for a moment. She had no family, no friends, no people to leave her possessions to, and no one to give an explanation to. She thought it must be harder for Dean. He was leaving people behind, and they would never be able to forgive him. Not completely. After all, it was easier to be the one that dies than the one left behind knowing they couldn't save you. That's what she told herself. It was easier to die. If it was so easy then why was she so scared?
There was no one that Bela was leaving behind, and no one that she could trust to save her. When the sounds of the hell hounds howling reached her ears she wondered who they were truly coming to collect. Abby, who made the deal out of desperation when she was a child, or Bela who wore her skin better than Abby ever could?
The truth was, Bela wasn't sure who was more real. She held on to Bela nearly as long as she held on to Abby, yet she knew she could discard those personalities as easy as she discarded the rest. Who was she really?
Perhaps death would hold the answers that had alluded her in life.
( ooc cut for spoilers for season 3 )
Though, later, she would wonder if she ever had a true identity. Becoming different people had been a gift. Just as stealing things for profit had been one. The ice in her heart was there long before she learned to fire a gun to protect herself. Bela had learned that the only person in the world you could count on was yourself.
Everyone else would betray you if you didn't betray them first.
With each identity that she took on and cast aside she found a bit more confidence in herself. By the time she was an adult she knew there was nothing that she wanted that she could not acquire for herself. She did not believe in love. She did not trust in others. She counted on herself, and more often than not she never let herself down.
As the days counted down toward the end of her life the realization that she had no affairs to put into order made her pause for a moment. She had no family, no friends, no people to leave her possessions to, and no one to give an explanation to. She thought it must be harder for Dean. He was leaving people behind, and they would never be able to forgive him. Not completely. After all, it was easier to be the one that dies than the one left behind knowing they couldn't save you. That's what she told herself. It was easier to die. If it was so easy then why was she so scared?
There was no one that Bela was leaving behind, and no one that she could trust to save her. When the sounds of the hell hounds howling reached her ears she wondered who they were truly coming to collect. Abby, who made the deal out of desperation when she was a child, or Bela who wore her skin better than Abby ever could?
The truth was, Bela wasn't sure who was more real. She held on to Bela nearly as long as she held on to Abby, yet she knew she could discard those personalities as easy as she discarded the rest. Who was she really?
Perhaps death would hold the answers that had alluded her in life.
( ooc cut for spoilers for season 3 )