InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "you took my teddy! how could u"

Lily Evans (emerald_eyes) wrote in indarkness_logs,
@ 2010-10-20 06:36:00

Entry tags:

!complete, 2032 10, lily evans, sir didymus

RP: Lost
Characters: Lily, Didymus
Time/Date: morning, October 20, after seeing the video
Location: Algul Siento, kitchen
Warnings/Rating: angst!!
Summary: Lily is having trouble coping
Status: Complete

Lily had watched the video twice. She couldn't unsee it, couldn't chase it out of her head. She couldn't even begin to hope any of them had survived that, and the image of Dug's body was burned into her mind. He'd just gotten back and then ... this. Why couldn't they have sent him -- sent them all -- here?

She thought of Jaime, who'd just gotten Mal back. She thought of Remus. She tried desperately not to think of Balthazar, but those thoughts crept in inevitably. She felt her knees give, and she crumpled to the floor, closing her eyes against the flood of tears. Had the others seen yet? She thought about sending out a note not to, but ... they all had a right to know, didn't they?

Lizzy though ... she should ... try to stop her from seeing it. Lily's eyes drifted to her blackberry and her computer, but they were both a million miles away and she didn't care enough to reach for them. Not ... right now.

In a minute.

Lily remained seated on the floor. She had a moment of hoping that this was somehow a set-up, staged, that she'd step into the hall and ... find Balthazar's name on another door. Find Jaime and Mal in their room. Find everyone here. Inspired, even if she knew it for false hope, Lily surged to her feet. She darted out into the hall and turned to look at her door ...

... which still showed his name. His name was still on her door, like a cruel reminder of what could never again be. Were they truly such monsters? She lifted a hand, her fingertips tracing over his name but he was ... gone. Dead and gone. Killed by a unnatural natural disaster, and Lily felt her knees starting to go again. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, and oh if she ever saw those bastards in the flesh, she wouldn't hesitate to use an Unforgivable on them. She'd learn them. Maybe Sev would teach her.

Emerald eyes hardened as her nostrils flared, and she swallowed hard. Striding down the hallway, she paused outside the door to Jaime's room. She knocked on the door, called through it, but there were no sounds from within. She tried the door, but it was locked. She didn't bother with an unlocking spell. Her eyes rolled up toward the ceiling, and she thought about going to see if Sev was all right ... but she didn't think she was composed enough to be comforting when she needed a bit of that herself.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Lily instead started toward the kitchen. She could at least ... get some food on the table and be there for anyone who had questions. She knew her answers would be laced with bitter anger, but it was what it was. They'd brought him back just to kill him. It wasn't fair. It ...

Lily drew her hand back and slammed it into the wall in an uncharacteristic display of physical rage. This ... this was what they were driving her to. Part of her was aware this was what they wanted, that she was 'letting them win' but she didn't care. There was a deep ache growing inside of her, a hole they'd created ... so why not fill it with something useful like rage?

Rubbing her bruised knuckles, Lily continued on into the kitchen to start on breakfast. It ... was something to do. Somewhere to focus the whirling energy inside of her. She did her best to maintain something like composure, but she could feel herself breaking, bit by bit.

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sir_didymus
2010-10-20 03:12 pm UTC (link)

Dreadfully unfair. That was the only phrase that came to mind, as far as Didymus was concerned. In his defense, he did not know phrases such as "disgustingly sadistic" or "criminally negligent", but if he had known them, he would have thought that, too.

Their captors knew the other island had been unstable, and they had left those poor people and Dug there to suffer the consequences, when they had been perfectly capable of moving them all here. He did not want to acknowledge that such villains existed. Even the Goblin King had given Lady Sarah a fighting chance. Those people were scum, dross, wretches. Plain and simple.

When he entered the kitchen, to see the Lady Lily attempted breakfast, his heart went out to her. He had told her they needed to rely on one another when their own strength waned, and now he would be true to his word. For she had lost her son, her swain, and her granddaughter, all at once. He looked up at her, reaching out a paw tentatively. "Milady?" he said quietly, not knowing what else there was to say, apart from, "Thou hast my deepest sympathies."

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emerald_eyes
2010-10-20 03:25 pm UTC (link)

The longer she'd remained in the kitchen attempting to cook, the more people had floated through her mind. Harry. Lily. The little Dumbledore girl. Tyler. Tristan. Dug. Balthazar, but it always came back to him.

The enormity of the loss was creeping over her. Each name that bubbled up through the murk of her mind sent another stab of pain, of regret, of despair, of rage shooting through her. They were down to who was left on this island, surely to be restocked with new people as their captors continued their sick games.

She wasn't aware of Didymus' presence until he spoke, and she jumped slightly as she glanced over to him. For a moment, emerald eyes were blank, lacking recognition as she worked her way out of the depth of her thoughts. She did manage to make her lips twitch into something like a smile for him, though it was fleeting and faded quickly.

"Thank you," she replied quietly, her voice straining past the lump in her throat. "I .... how are you holding up?" Because it wasn't just about her. Everyone else would be affected to one degree or another, right? She still had to be strong. Pretend to be their pillar while they could see her, and save her tears and her fruitless rage for when she was alone.

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sir_didymus
2010-10-20 10:56 pm UTC (link)

"I am fine, milady," Didymus answered, stepping closer again and shaking his head. Of everyone here, he was probably the least affected. He had Ambrosius still, after all, and of all the people whose acquaintance he had made, he was likely the closest to Doctor Banner, who was also here. He felt for all those who had lost someone, of course, but he could not say that he really had.

"It is for thee that I am concerned," he continued quietly, shaking his head. He could smell the adrenaline still pumping through her veins, and though he hadn't the first idea how to help her, he still wished to. But perhaps there was no help to be had, yet again.

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emerald_eyes
2010-10-20 11:55 pm UTC (link)

I'll be fine. The lie wouldn't cross her lips, because she wasn't sure anymore if she would be fine. She'd go through the motions, yes, but something inside of her had changed or was changing, and she was becoming a harder person for it ... and she hated that.

The war at home had made her cautious, made her wary, but it hadn't broken her like this place had. It hadn't made her seek such a shell of armor, it hadn't drawn her full rage like this. Because at home, she'd had targets, something to rage against. Here ... what did she have? Images and voices, people holed up and safe away from her and all those who would do them harm.

Lily swiped the back of her hand across her cheeks as the tears started up again. She'd never liked crying in front of other people, and now was no exception. But she didn't really think she could help it.

Exhaling a shuddery sigh, she glanced over to him. "Time heals all wounds, I suppose. In time ..." In time what? She'd be all right? He'd be alive again? Dug would come bouncing back through the kitchen? No. None of that was true.

"Well. It'll get easier to deal with, I suppose," Lily murmured.

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sir_didymus
2010-10-21 12:08 am UTC (link)

Luckily for the lady, Didymus was not a person, and as for witnessing her tears, he would never tell a soul. He did, however, step away and retrieve a chair, dragging it over to where he stood. Then he climbed atop and held open his arms to her.

He was still a bit short of stature for her to cry on his shoulder properly, but whatever meager comfort he could offer, he would. As he had said so often, he was at her service any time she needed him. Even if she didn't particularly want to admit it, he had an inkling that needed him -- or at least someone -- right now.

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emerald_eyes
2010-10-21 01:10 am UTC (link)

Lily almost managed a laugh when she saw what he was up to, but it was a sweet gesture. It just made it all the harder to hold back the flood of tears. Her body jerked a couple of times with stifled sobs before she relented and carefully embraced the fox man.

"It's not right," she whispered through her tears. "That they do this. That they can do this, and we can't get back at them at all. That they sit up their in their ivory towers and just ... p-pick on us like they do."

She felt a little bit pathetic, honestly, but so what? She'd lost her son, her granddaughter, her lover, and countless friends she'd made in this prison. Why shouldn't she be allowed a little time to cry about it?

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sir_didymus
2010-10-21 04:33 am UTC (link)

"No, milady, 'tis not right," Didymus soothed, patting her back with a paw, even if the angle was a mite awkward. But he never would have thought the lady pathetic. There was only so much one person could take, and those villains had pushed her toward the edge again and again and again.

"They shall not be spared retribution forever," he added after a moment, a hint of a growl in his voice. It was true that he did not know how to confront their captors at the moment, but once he could, he would fight them all to the death.

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emerald_eyes
2010-10-21 04:40 am UTC (link)

"No, they won't," she agreed. She ... almost, almost felt sorry for the first one of them caught out now. Because she could see the inhabitants of this island, the ones they'd screwed so royally, descending like a pack of wild dogs.

She could see herself easily among said pack, and that scared her a little ... but not enough to keep the thoughts from crossing her mind. She realized then just how serious she was about finding someone to teach her the spells. While she didn't honestly think she'd ever have a chance to use them ... if the opportunity ever, ever arose, she wanted to take advantage of it.

She held to the fox a moment or so longer before releasing him and drawing back. "Thank you," she said softly. It was enough to stabilize her, at least. Let her get through breakfast, and ... go check on the others, and ... maybe then she'd find some quiet time to mourn.

Lily wondered how many times she was going to think to tell Jaime or Harry or LilyLu something only to recall they were all dead, and she thought ... she'd be catching herself doing that often. The pain, she thought, hadn't completely sunk in yet. She was still numb, still in shock, and she supposed she should be grateful for that.

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sir_didymus
2010-10-21 06:27 am UTC (link)

"Thou art quite welcome, milady -- verily," Didymus answered, giving her a small smile. He was only glad that he could help, in the slightest amount. And that the Lady Lily had accepted his aid.

After giving her arm one last pat, Didymus climbed down off the chair again. He thought about saying he would be there for her whenever she had need of him, but nay. The lady already knew. Even if she did not care to admit that need, he would still be there, and still -- he would never tell a soul.

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emerald_eyes
2010-10-21 02:24 pm UTC (link)

Lily turned her attention back to breakfast, and she gestured slightly toward the fridge. "There's some chicken in there, if either of you wanted that for breakfast," she offered as she took a stab at normalcy.

It wasn't going to be easy, she knew that. There were so few people here that she was truly close to ... most of the ones she would seek to confide in or draw comfort from were on ...

... were dead now.

Her eyes closed and her jaw clenched, and she fought the threatening wave of despair. She wouldn't give into this. Not her. Not now. There were things to do. Things to be done. People to take care of. Later, she promised herself. Later, she could cry herself sick if she wanted to.

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sir_didymus
2010-10-21 10:11 pm UTC (link)

"I thank thee," Didymus answered with a nod, moving to the refrigerator to retrieve the chicken the lady had indicated. He was glad that it was already cut into pieces, because he did not want to take the whole chicken. The others would likely not take too kindly to such a thing, but his paws were not made for cutting it apart. And the others would take even less kindly to his gnawing off a few pieces, he imagined.

Didymus plucked a plate off the counter and piled a couple of pieces of the chicken atop, careful to touch only those. Then, with a nod, he bid the lady a good day. She would be all right, in time. Of that he was certain.

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