InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Not my gum drop button"

Lizzy Miles (prittyprincess) wrote in indarkness_logs,
@ 2010-10-17 03:44:00

Entry tags:

!dropped, 2032 10, lizzy miles, severus snape

RP: Memories
Characters: Lizzy, Severus
Time/Date: late morning, October 17
Location: Algul Siento, beach
Warnings/Rating: None
Summary: Lizzy angsts
Status: Closed

She'd woken up that morning feeling a bit better than she had yesterday. She'd talked to Ari, and she understood a little bit what had happened, and why everything was suddenly different. It gave her a bit more courage to explore a bit, and she began to check out the room she'd been given. It wasn't all that different from her first room, except that Cheshire's stuff wasn't around. Peeking across the hall showed her Ari's name on the door across from hers, and she wondered if that meant that Ari was coming over here eventually, and she liked that idea. She hoped it would be soon, but it either wasn't now or Ari was not answering her knock. She wasn't sure which was true.

Heading back to her room, she began checking nooks and crannies she hadn't bothered with before, and flipping through the closet and things. It was at that point that she noticed something that looked... familiar, in a sort of way. Something that didn't look out of place with her things, but at the same time she hadn't expected to be there at all, and she tugged it off the hanger to regard it more fully.

It was a simple jacket, worn and pale in colour. More of an overcoat really. It had a large collar, and heavy fabric, clearly meant to endure harsh weather. It was huge, meant for a fully grown man and not a small eight year old girl, and Lizzy's fingers trembled as she held it because she knew exactly who it was meant to belong to, and until that moment she truly hadn't realized how much she missed him. How much she wanted him to be here.

Tears began prickling in the corners of her eyes, and she used the jacket to wipe them away, hastily sniffing a bit to get rid of the worst of her encroaching sadness. She was a big girl. And it wasn't like Saul wanted to be here with her anyway, looking out for her. It wasn't like he ever wanted to be anywhere near her. She just forced him to be, because of her own loneliness. Her own helplessness.

Even still, she wrapped the jacket around her shoulders. It fell loosely on her, covering her hands entirely and falling down to her knees, but she pulled it around her as though she was cold. Memories washed over her, then, and she closed her eyes and just let herself remember what it had been like before she had found herself kidnapped all those months ago. Back when it had just been her and Saul, trying to get by as best they could.

She was not finished exploring the island, of course, but it didn't seem as relevant just then. She'd head out of her room, sure, but maybe she didn't need to explore every inch of the island today. Maybe she could just wander along the beach and watch the waves and just remember better times.

It had been raining a bit, but it seemed light it was starting to let up. Lizzy blinked in the sun as she moved along through the island, navigating the wet sand and watching the jungle with curious eyes, wondering what sort of dangerous things lived inside it that she had to worry about, and felt a pang as she realized that was never something she would have had to worry about with Saul around. He'd been able to protect her, watch out for her, and so often she'd just taken that for granted.

Was this the sort of thing that Tyler meant, when he talked about being a good person and things? But she'd never ordered Saul to watch out for her. Maybe he'd... liked her better than she thought he had, after all.

Somehow, she thought, that made the separation from him even worse. But maybe finding his jacket meant that he was going to show up at some point. She allowed herself to think about that as she walked along the beach.

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prittyprincess
2010-10-24 02:00 am UTC (link)

She thought about that for a minute, complete with frowning and scratching of her head. Or at least attempted scratching. What really happened was that she rubbed her hair with a large sleeve. But she knew all about people who pretended to be nice who were not actually very nice, even if she couldn't figure out what some of Severus' words meant. She understood the gist of what he was trying to say.

"How do you know he wasn't very nice?" she asked curiously. "Did he say mean things behind people's back, or are you just one of those people who knows what everyone else is thinking?"

Or maybe both, she thought belatedly, and then she realized that if Severus really was one of those people who could tell what everyone else was thinking, that might make her uncomfortable, and she eased away a very tiny bit as though increasing the distance between the two of them would help protect her thoughts from his mind reading abilities.

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delicate_power
2010-10-24 03:07 am UTC (link)

Severus had to chuckle at the second question. He could, if he wanted, read a fair number of people's minds, but it wasn't really something he wanted to do. Not under normal circumstances, at any rate. Under dire circumstances, like when someone had just tried to kill one of his students, yes, but not normally.

"He knew that I would be on his side no matter what, so he didn't bother hiding the way he was from me," Severus finally answered with a slight shrug. He paused briefly, when Lizzy moved a bit further away, wondering if she had perhaps stumbled on something, and he automatically reached out a hand to catch her, if she appeared about to fall. She didn't seem to have stumbled, however, so he drew his hand back and continued.

"He had a carefully crafted -- mask that he showed to the rest of the world, but I got to see the real person behind the mask, and it ... wasn't a pretty sight." He'd nearly said facade, but he caught himself this time. That word was likely a bit over her head, as well, but he was fairly certain she could comprehend what a mask was.

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prittyprincess
2010-10-24 04:00 am UTC (link)

The sudden hand gesture startled her, and she blinked and flinched from it on impulse as though worried that she was about to be struck. When she didn't feel the contact of his hand, she peeked out of one eye to see what was happening and relaxed a bit, falling back into stride next to him as though nothing unusual had happened.

"You must have liked him, then, if you were going to be on his side no matter what," she remarked. "Even if you think you didn't. Unless he was making you stay on his side. Was he making you?" she hesitated slightly, not certain she wanted to hear about it if he was, because it would remind her of Saul. Did... Saul feel like Severus did? Did he secretly hate her because of her... cruelty? She was better now. Would he still hate her now if he showed up? She curled his jacket around her shoulders tightly as though that would somehow make it better.

"Why didn't you make him take off the mask when you were around the rest of the world?" she asked. "So everyone could see what he was really like? Wouldn't that have been better?"

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delicate_power
2010-10-24 04:48 am UTC (link)

"No, he wasn't making me," Severus said, with an amused smile, shaking his head. "I supported his cause, not him. His cause was a worthy endeavor even if I thought him not so worthy to be its champion." He shook his head again then, wondering once more if his choice of words would be over her head. But Lizzy didn't appear shy when it came to asking questions, so if it had been, no doubt she would say something.

He sighed softly when she mentioned unmasking Dumbledore. That was sound logic, as far as it went, but ... "Not really, I don't think," he answered, frowning slightly. "For one thing, he was very charming, so I doubt anybody would have believed me. And for another, I had no wish to undermine his cause by exposing him. That would only lose us some much needed supporters. It was better to leave their figurehead fully intact." Even if the statue did indeed have feet of clay.

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prittyprincess
2010-10-24 06:25 am UTC (link)

"His cause?" her brow furrowed. She didn't understand the concept at first thought, mostly because she wasn't clear on what he meant by cause. "You mean, you thought that what he did was good things, even if he was a bad person?" she asked, but that didn't make any sense either. "Why would he do good things if he was really a bad person?"

And why would so many people believe that he was a good person, the way Severus was suggesting? It didn't make any sense to Lizzy. But for her, things were very black and white. Perhaps different shades of black and white than others, but black and white all the same. There wasn't a lot of room for grey. Things were right or wrong and that was it.

"Adult relationships are weird," she decided, kicking at the sand a bit before she grinned up at Severus with a small giggle. That was obviously the only solution to her confusion, unless Severus was mistaken on some of the details that he was sharing with her.

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delicate_power
2010-10-24 05:59 pm UTC (link)

That was actually a very good question, and one he had asked himself many times. Still, he hadn't come up with a suitable answer that covered all of Dumbledore's particular quirks, in many years. "I'm not really sure," he finally said, quietly, shaking his head. "I think, on some level, he did good things because he knew that was the right thing to do, but on another level, he simply enjoyed being in charge, and having troops to rally behind him. So the better the cause, the more people he could attract to follow him." He was basically drunk with power, and he likely would have become Minister of Magic, if that job hadn't come with so many tedious details to oversee. Better to have Fudge installed, whose strings he could still pull ... for several years, at least, until Fudge had become confident that he could manage quite well on his own, thanks.

He sniggered when Lizzy concluded that adult relationships were weird. "They are indeed," he answered with a warm smile and a nod.

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prittyprincess
2010-10-24 07:29 pm UTC (link)

"But wouldn't people know?" this was the part she was stuck on. "He had to be at least a little bit good, right? Because otherwise he wouldn't know how to pretend? Some people pretend to be mean and you can tell that they're really good, and some people pretend to be good and you can tell that they're really bad because of the things they do. Like... like the people in charge here, they pretend to be good when they post things to the network and stuff, but you can tell that they really aren't because then they separate us from our friends, or give us jackets of people that we miss back home and things, and you know that they don't do that to be nice. I don't understand how you can be the only one who knows that he is really mean," she frowned, and then shrugged.

She had no reason to assume that Severus was lying to her after all. He must really believe what he was saying or he wouldn't say it, right? And just because she didn't get it... didn't mean it wasn't true.

"Maybe they don't want to bring him here because he's smarter and meaner than they are," she said suddenly. "He's better at pretending than they are, and that's why they don't want him here, cause they don't like people who can do things that they can't. That's why they... limit our powers and things."

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delicate_power
2010-10-24 09:03 pm UTC (link)

Severus still didn't want to get into the matter of his attempted murder, and how Dumbledore had covered it up, but he had to wonder if he was indeed the only one who saw the Headmaster for what he had been. Dumbledore had been charming when he needed to be, and he could read people and gauge their moods even without Legilimency, and he could react accordingly to project the image they already wished to believe was true. But still, something about him had been off. A hollow shell, doing the right things for the wrong reasons, and ... he couldn't put his finger on it, exactly, but he still knew.

"I'm probably not the only one," he answered finally, with a shake of his head. "I'm sure there were others who had their misgivings about him, but he was so well liked by so many that I imagine they were hesitant to say anything. And possibly for the same reasons I was," he finished with a shrug.

"Quite possibly," he said, nodding thoughtfully at Lizzy's speculation. "He was an exceedingly powerful wizard, with knowledge of spells that they couldn't begin to comprehend, I imagine. I'm sure they would have a time disabling all the things he could do, if they didn't know about them. Not to mention, if anyone could work out their little games, it would be him."

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prittyprincess
2010-10-28 06:12 am UTC (link)

Lizzy nodded. That made a bit more sense. If there were a bunch of people who were secretly thinking that Severus' boss was a mean person and none of them really wanted to say anything because he was doing nice things and... but that still didn't really explain why he was doing nice things in the first place.

Of course, Lizzy was starting to be of the mind that she was never going to understand this. Maybe she'd speak to Ariana about it when she got over to this island. Or maybe she'd network her about it later or something, and they could talk about how weird adults were.

"Well, I hope they do bring him here then," Lizzy said, her focus on the sand, on the water, on the trees in the distance, on her feet as she stumbled a bit, on the hotel, on that funny shaped rock, on that weirdly shaped cloud, on Severus, on her jacket, on the hotel, on the trees again. She thought that maybe she'd had a second part to that sentence - something about needing strong people - but she'd sort of forgotten it before she could say it with her focus as scattered as it was.

"I think I might go back inside," she said finally, swinging her arms and their too long sleeves at her side. "Maybe see if there is something to eat." There was a beat where she just sort of stared at the hotel, like she expected to be inside of it now that she'd made that decision, and then she remembered manners. "Did you want to come?" she asked, blinking up at him innocently.

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delicate_power
2010-10-28 05:51 pm UTC (link)

Severus still wasn't entirely sure that he wanted Dumbledore here -- or at least not the Dumbledore he had known. Maybe a younger version, from before he himself had attended Hogwarts. A Dumbledore who didn't know him and wouldn't hold his past over his head. That would make him a bit more tolerable, but just a bit. Still, he nodded when Lizzy said that. He would have been an asset here, even if Severus would most likely avoid him at all costs.

"That sounds like a good idea," Severus answered, with a small smile, when Lizzy mentioned going inside and getting something to eat. The smile broadened, however, when she invited him along. "It would be my pleasure to accompany you, madam," he said, placing a hand against his chest and giving a slight bow. Then he held his hand out in the direction of the hotel and added, "After you."

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