RP: Hearing Voices Characters: River, Chase Time/Date: August 24th, after this hits the net Location: Second floor. She's pacing up and down it. Warnings/Rating: There's potential for swearing and limb flailing that could result in injury - someone is not handling the situation very well. Summary: River doesn't react well to her life being broadcast for 'the world' to hear. Chase thinks it's funny and torments her for it. She kicks him, potentially breaking his jaw. He departs, leaving her miserable. Status: Complete
It had been from a time when she had been so doped up on so many medications that she had not been able to see clearly, before Simon had even figured out what the purpose of the experimentation she'd had to endure at the Academy was. Back when she was lucky to have brief moments during the day of lucidity, when every thought, every action, was a reaction to the stimulus around her.
It gave her sharp contrast as to the leaps and bounds she had made since then, given it had been little more than a year, but at the same time it sent her back to that dark place where she'd been at that time, and a thick awareness that they knew.
And at this point it didn't even matter who they were or was. It was there, it was publicized and it was for everyone to listen to in the main community. And if they had that, if they had the brief moment where she'd taken on the persona of another individual whom she didn't know, then they had plenty more to share and confuse everyone with.
And what if people were frightened? What if people understood the true gravity of the situation, how she had been so completely void of anything and had been forced to fill the space with what was around her? What if they thought she would do it again, or was doing it now, or didn't like the fact that she was able to do it.
"Can't help it," she muttered as she paced the floor. She truly did not know where to go. Simon would offer her soothing tones and words and try to calm her down from this, but he would do it wrong because he would not understand the true gravity of the situation. Kyle would not understand why the words upset her because she had done what she thought was a very good job of hiding the dark void that existed inside of her from him.
They'd hollowed her out at the Academy. Taken away everything that was human and replaced it with... with empty, with unfeeling, with machine-like proclivity. Suitable for an assassin, and perhaps that was all she would ever be good for. Even now, to pretend like she was unaware of situations that were so apparent and obvious before her - to pretend like she was unaware that Jaime would melt the cold heart that was the Captain, or that the ever growing numbers of pale-faced ones lusted after the blood of the humans - was to deny a part of herself. And she shouldn't have to, but there was a strong desperation in her to just be normal and to associate with the people around her on their level as opposed to constantly be observing from a higher plateau.
She was not human. She just looked it. And now everyone knew the lie she had been living.
She stopped pacing the length of the hallway, freezing within distance of a location she suspected to be housing a microphone, and murmured, "Exists in a world that is not meant for her already, yet they continue to alienate those who are already distant from the pack. What do they hope to achieve? A break? A regression? Turn the rock upon which the house stood to sand, and the house fell down. Built from ashes once already, hardly sturdy enough to stand on it's own."
She shook her head briefly. "Thought wrong. Am not the weak to be preyed on. Will not allow the injustice to carry. Will melt into the shadows, leaping out when least expected with grabby hands intended to smother. Game over. Return to start. And you have no extra lives to save you."
She wondered, as she resumed her pacing, how much of that she actually believed, and how much of that was put on in an attempt to keep what little grasp she had on the corners of her mind from slipping away.