It was never going to get old, the fact that Silas was responsible for someone else’s happiness. That he factored into it. If anyone had bothered to ask him last year where he thought he’d be this year, it wouldn’t be where he was. Having Rae hadn’t been a factor. Hell, he’d only barely started to notice her and then she’d been off limits. Someone else’s girl. Now she was his, and it was all still a little surreal sometimes. “I dunno how you can tell shit like that, but I’ll take your word, babe,” he responded with a soft laugh. Being around a kid pretty regularly had never factored in either, not before. But he loved the little guy.
This was his life now. Rae, EJ, being responsible for shit at Sing Sing. It made him wonder sometimes that if he could go back in time and talk to a younger him if he’d be believed. If twenty-two year old Silas would make better decisions knowing there was something else to look forward to. Or if doing something like that, if it was possible, would change the whole course of everything and he’d never meet Rae and fall in love with her. It was all a game of chance when you boiled it down, and it just turned out that things were going in his favor. “No, you look beautiful,” he told her. “Always.”
He nodded. Why, he didn’t really know. He wanted to pinch himself just to make sure this wasn’t a really vivid dream. Was that strange? Thinking he wasn’t awake? “You make me want to tell you things,” he replied honestly. “First person in a long time that’s had me thinking that way.” It helped that she hadn’t ever judged him for anything in his past. It made a difference when he didn’t have to worry about someone’s judgment when he decided to open his mouth and talk about things he hadn’t talked about in years. Hell, Rae still didn’t know half of what he was like as a kid.
“Does it matter?” he asked. “I mean, I’ll probably hear about it later, but does it matter?” People could say or do what they wanted. They were happy, and that was all that mattered to him. “Least we’re giving them something to talk about.” His smile turned a little mischivious at the corners, not because he had any intent to make mischief just then, but a thought or two had crossed his mind in the short period of time.
With a nod, his expression changed a little. Became softer. “I have,” he admitted. No, it wasn’t movie or book worthy, but she was right. It was their moment. “Been thinking about it off and on since I realized I loved you.” Since I started thinking you might love me back, he added silently. He smoothed a hand over EJ’s baby soft hair and shrugged. “You have,” he told her. “If I’m being honest, I’m still getting used to it.” He’d become a lot more comfortable with kids in the time since Rae had had EJ, but prior to that he’d never had a lot of experience with infants. “Never thought kids were fun ‘til this little guy. Probably makes a difference that he’s yours.” And he liked the smiles that it usually elicited from her, so that was a bonus.