If everyone knew that she was smart enough not to look for trouble, why were they treating her like she'd walked right into their base and tried to kill them all singlehandedly? The world wasn't safe anywhere anymore. Even just standing there, the roof could cave in and they could both die. Even standing out in the compound, there were hundreds of different ways for them to be killed. She'd only been trying to get some things for her son, for the people she loved.
Why would he yell? Rae swallowed thickly, raising her hand to wipe her eyes and ignoring the searing pain that shot through her face when she touched the eye with the bruise. Why would he yell? Why wouldn't he yell? Everyone else saw fit to yell at her like she'd gone out and planned to find these people. Like she'd been stupid enough to look for some kind of row with this group. Like... like she was an idiot or something. So why wouldn't he yell?
"I don't know," she admitted. "Because that's what everyone else is doing. I get home, and the first thing that happens is Lucas going ballistic, and I have to sit there while Lucas and April lecture me like this was all my fault," she said before she could stop herself.
No, she didn't really want him to yell at her; it was nice that he was the first person not to yell at her, actually. But... not reacting? That scared her. Losing him? That scared her even worse.
Her eyes were wide when he apologized to her. "Wh-why are you apologizing to me?" she asked him. "Why are you apologizing?" she repeated, a little incredulous and more than just a little bit surprised. "You... you don't have anything to apologize for. You're not the one who seems to be a fucking danger magnet." A rare curse from Rae. A true and clear sign that she wasn't herself. "I'm bad luck. I'm just..."
She looked down at the floor again, swallowing thickly and nodding. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry," she whispered. "This is... this is my fault. You're mad and it's all my fault." She swallowed back another onslaught of tears. "I wasn't... I didn't mean for this to happen," she told him, the emotion in her voice genuine, and laced with fear. Fear, now, that she was going to lose him because of this.
"I just... I just want..." she stopped herself. She had no right to ask him for anything, but all she wanted right now was for him to hold her. To make her feel safe, and to make her feel like she wasn't alone. Because right now, in light of the fight with her cousins, and the fact that it was very much them-versus-her, it was all she could feel. "I feel like I'm alone right now. I feel like everyone's...not leaving me, but, I feel like it's me. Alone. Against everyone I love who's giving up on me."
Her eyes turned up to look at him again. "I think... I think the worst part is that I don't blame any of you for being so mad." She leaned back against the table, visibly deflating as she realized exactly what she was saying, and exactly how true she felt it was. "Maybe... maybe Brandon's right about me. Maybe I do ruin everything I touch." It had definitely proven to be true over the past year.