Fic: Argus Filch in the Hogwarts Dungeons with an Extendable Ear Title: The Listener Author:centaury_squill Character: Argus Filch Location: The dungeons, Hogwarts Prop: An Extendable Ear Other Characters: Severus Snape, Harry Potter Rating: NC-17 Warnings: chan fantasy Word Count: 680 Author's Notes: What is Professor Snape doing with Harry Potter, alone in his office? Argus Filch thinks he knows...
The Listener
They'd put it about that Professor Snape was giving Harry Potter remedial Potions lessons in that dungeon office of his, but Hogwarts caretaker Argus Filch knew better. He'd seen the smouldering glances Snape directed at Potter when he thought nobody was looking. Depend on it, they were at it like rabbits down there. Maybe – Argus licked his lips – maybe Professor Snape had the Potter boy chained naked to the wall while he had his wicked way with him...
It took a lot to coax his todger into life these days, even the magazines he confiscated from the brats no longer did it for him, but Argus was sure that eavesdropping on Snape and Potter would do the trick. Why, even thinking about it was making his old boy twitch. And he had just the thing to help him, confiscated from one of those pesky Weasley twins only the other day. He picked up the flesh-coloured string of the Extendable Ear, wound it tidily round his fingers, and tucked it away in his jacket pocket. Then he slipped a little jar of lubricant (confiscated from young Zabini) into his other pocket, and he was all set.
*
Arrived outside Snape's office, Argus took the Extendable Ear out of his pocket. He'd surprised that Weasley twin with it, in the act of spying on Her High Inquisitorship, Dolores Umbridge. How dare the impudent little brat! He had a much better use for it. Smirking, Argus pushed one end into his ear and let the string unwind, writhing snakelike under the office door.
The caretaker hissed in anticipation as the first thing he heard was Potter shouting in pain. Was Snape punishing the boy? Was Potter naked, with the deep stripes of a good whipping reddening his pale arse? Wasn't it a pity the Weasley brats hadn't had the sense to invent an Extendable Eye?
Then he heard Professor Snape say irritably, "Get up, boy. We'll try again."
Get up? Was Potter on the floor? Or did Snape mean he wanted Potter to have an erection?
At this point Argus realised that his own trousers were becoming uncomfortably tight. He fumbled his fly buttons undone one-handed, still keeping the end of the string pressed firmly into his ear. He heard Potter take a deep, shuddering breath, and echoed it as he pulled out his cock. He had to let the string slip out of his ear while he hastily unscrewed the jar of lubricant and slathered large glops of it onto himself.
When he got the Extendable Ear back in place it was just in time to hear Professor Snape snarling "Tighten yourself up, boy! I've told you before: I can penetrate you with absurd ease."
Argus moaned.
His mind full of delightful images of Snape repeatedly shagging Potter so hard that the boy's arsehole was flapping open in the breeze, Argus slid his hand rapidly up and down his shaft. "Tighten up, boy, tighten up," he whispered as he squeezed himself harder and harder at the end of each stroke, revelling in the slick slide of his fist, the squelching sound made by the lubricant as he pumped himself faster and faster.
In his imagination he replaced Snape inside the office; it wasn't the Potions professor but Argus Filch who was giving the boy a good seeing-to, pounding into that well-used, well-lubricated arse. "Take – that, you – little – tart," he gasped, thrusting frenziedly into his fist.
The Extendable Ear fell out just as he shot his load in creamy spurts which oozed between his fingers and leaked onto the dungeon floor. Bemoaning his lack of magic, Argus pulled out his big silk handkerchief and mopped himself up as best he could. He'd only just tucked himself away and wrapped the dripping Extendable Ear in his handkerchief when Snape's office door opened and Potter came out.
"Remember to practice every night!" Snape called after him.
"Yeah, whatever," Harry muttered, stumbling along the corridor, hand pressed to his aching forehead, barely noticing the caretaker lurking in the shadows.