InsaneJournal

Lucius Malfoy in His Vault at Gringotts with a Flying Carpet
Title: Not One Word
Author: roma_fics
Character: Lucius Malfoy
Location: Vault at Gringotts
Object: Flying Carpet
Other Characters: Narcissa and Draco Malfoy
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: none
Word Count: 839
Disclaimer: This story/artwork is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: Thanks E for the ultra quick beta job.


"Not one word," Lucius Malfoy mumbled as he staggered onto the veranda and flopped gracefully into his chair. "Not one word."

Narcissa and Draco thinned their lips and intentionally turned away and looked at the gardens, each afraid to catch the other's eye.

"Mistress, said you might be needing this," the house-elf said, quivering as she set the Calming Draught next to Lucius. "Would, Master, like his Scotch now?"

Lucius squinted at the being, the afternoon sun being much too strong, and nodded.

He glared at his wife and son; both their shoulders were shaking. "How bad is it?"

Without looking back Narcissa slid the Daily Prophet across the table to him.

"Father, may I suggest drinking the potion first," Draco smirked.

Both wife and son squeezed their eyes shut as they heard the parchment crinkle as it was unfolded.

thud

"That will be five Galleons, Draco," Narcissa said as she leant over and put two fingers on Lucius's neck. Satisfied that he was alive, she lifted her wand and Transfigured his chair into a chaise.

"You're much to kind, Mother," Draco snickered as Lucius's body rose and then landed on the soft green cushions. "I'm not sure how you'll be able to face any of your friends."

She set her wand aside, picked up her cup of tea and winked at him. "Darling, my friends may have a cackle about it, but really, they're probably thoroughly jealous. The fig leaf they plastered over his member is quite large."

Draco chuckled. "The arch and distance covered is quite impressive too."

"Draco!"

"Mother! Seriously, what was he thinking wanking while in the vault?

"Obviously, he was overwhelmed with the wealth I inherited during his respite."

"Merlin, you make it sound like he's been abroad for the last three years."

One aquamarine eye twitched. "He was on an island in the middle of the sea."

A groan came from the vicinity of the Transfigured chaise.

"Didn't you tell him about the spell?" Draco whispered.

"Of course I did," Narcissa snapped back. "I told him to use the magic carpet to tour the vault and not to touch anything as Bella's replication spell was still in effect."

Draco sipped his tea. "Did you tell him about Gringotts new security system?"

Narcissa sighed. "Draco, I told him that there was a new one, but none of us knew what it was. How, in Merlin's name would I have known it transported people out of their vault and into the lobby when trouble was detected?"

Draco bit the tip of his tongue.

"What?" Narcissa snapped.

Draco shook his head.

"Just say it. Better now than when he wakes up."

Draco took a deep breath. "You forgot to mention the security pictures taken when he appeared in the lobby," he sputtered.

She attempted to glare at her son but began to giggle. She picked up the paper and shook her head. "Well, at least he looks happy."

"Mother, he was in the middle of an orgasm. I should hope he was happy. But what the hell was he doing on his knees and why did the spell enact?"

"Narcissa set down the paper on the table. "If you must know, Son, it's his favourite position for intercourse."

"Oh, God, I shouldn't have asked." Draco groaned.

"Beldygook said some liquid landed on a pile of armour."

"Oh God, take me!"

"Oh hell, here comes the owls," Narcissa pointed out.

Draco withdrew a handful of knuts. Each owl took one as it dropped a missive.

"Well, dear, shall we?" Narcissa said as she picked up a scroll of pink parchment.

Draco selected one that appeared to be from the Ministry. "Sure, we'll save them for his scrapbook."

Narcissa snickered and reached into her summer robes and withdrew her glasses. "Ah, it's from my long lost sister."

Draco frowned. "What would she want?"

Narcissa peeked over the top of her spectacles. "Apparently reconciliation. She mentions that it might be time she got to know Lucius better.

"Oh, the bollocks of the bastard!" Draco yelled. "Auror Potty has informed me that I didn't inherit everything from my father."

Narcissa snickered. "And how would he know that, darling?"

Draco sneered at his mother and tossed the message to the ground. "We're now the laughing stocks of the wizarding community, just because Father got overly excited while in the vault. It's humiliating."

Narcissa set down the next message she was about to read, onto the table. "Draco, Son, think about it some more. Your father just returned from Azkaban, a convicted Death Eater. People are afraid of him, of us, and now they know he's human and can be humiliated. My advice is to gather your friends, go into town, drink, and laugh yourself silly over the situation. Your father, finally, might have just saved our name."

Draco shook his head. His mother's logic amazed him sometimes. She picked the message back up.

"Love, why don't you Rennervate your father and tell him he's won the Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award."

finis