Summersmut Mod (summersmutmod) wrote in hp_summersmut, @ 2008-08-22 12:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2008, remus lupin, remus/snape, severus snape |
[FIC] Memories Long Buried: Snape/Lupin :: gift for ponderosa121
Title: Memories Long Buried
Author:
Recipient: ponderosa121
Pairing: Snape/Lupin, implied Lupin/Tonks
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4343
Warnings: angst, voyeurism of a sort (voyeur is not aroused), infidelity
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary:</b> Harry stumbles upon memories long buried.
Author's Notes: I hope you like this, ponderosa121. I tried! My first fic went in the bin, and then this one just . . . happened this last week.
Harry hadn’t meant to pry. He tries to convince himself of that as the memories swirl around him, but he doesn’t try to escape the pensieve’s grasp. He doesn’t even look away.
********************
“Fuck! Oh Merlin, oh - Severus!”
Severus licked Remus’ neck, humming in pleasure as his hips snapped back and forth, driving his cock into Remus’ body with each thrust forward.
“Wanted you . . . so much!” Remus gasped, arching up underneath him on the bed.
Severus growled and gave a particularly hard thrust. “I know.” He kept thrusting, faster and faster. “I could feel you staring at me during the meeting. Just wanting . . . my . . . cock . . .”
Remus moaned long and low.
“Fuck!” Severus sped up even further and then stilled inside him, his mouth opening in a soundless scream as he emptied himself into Remus’ arse. Remus was still and silent underneath him, watching his face avidly as the passion of their joining overwhelmed Severus’ normally expressionless face. After a moment of rapture, Severus shuddered and then cursed again before reaching down and starting to jerk Remus off frantically, almost violently.
“Oooooh,” Remus groaned, and then he was coming, jets of semen splattering Severus’ hand. His belly. His chest.
Severus wiped his hand off on the sheets of the bed and then pulled Remus’ head up, sealing his lips against his in a deep kiss.
Harry is left in shock as the memory swirls away.
********************
At least two-dozen children stood in line behind an older, straight-backed witch, shuffling their feet. Their nervous, whispered voices echoed in the dark, high-ceilinged corridor. One boy, hair wild and eyes bright behind large-framed glasses, was tugging on the pigtails of the girl in front of him, only to drop his hand and look away whenever she turned around to catch him at it.
Another boy, dark hair slightly long and curling around his ears, stepped out of line and waved back at him. “Hey! You, there! What’s your name?” he whispered loudly.
Hazel eyes lit upon grey ones. “I’m James. And who’re you, then?” he asked around the children between them, face split in a grin.
The boy smiled and moved back through the line, jarring kids out of his way and setting off a round of louder whispers that still didn’t draw the attention of the witch at the head of the line. When he reached James, James put out a hand and he took it. “Nice to meet you.”
“I didn’t see you on the train. Or the boats,” James said, “What’s your name?”
“I’m Sirius! Sirius Black! And my mum wouldn’t let me come on the train.”
“Why not?” a small, brown-haired boy ahead of them in line asked quietly. Sirius turned back to look at him, expression open.
“Because she says that trains are dangerous and that only Muggles have to travel across land without magic. And what’s your name?”
“I-I’m Remus. I thought that all students had to t-take the train . . .”
“They do,” a boy behind James in line interrupted, voice harsh. They all turned to look at him. “But there are no rules for a family like the Blacks. And nothing is good enough for them, either.” He peered at Sirius critically, eyes narrowed on either side of his large nose. “I’m Severus. You’ll be in Slytherin with me, most likely.”
Sirius frowned at him. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’d be good enough of a House for me, especially if you could get in there.” He glanced meaningfully at Severus’ tattered robes, obviously secondhand, and snickered. “I mean, who’d you get those robes from? A hag?”
He laughed out loud and Severus’ face went red, “S-shut up! My mother gave me these robes!”
The students around them began edging away.
“Really, is your mother a hag?” Sirius teased, laughing again. James laughed, too, haltingly, and nudged the girl next to him, who blushed.
“My mother is not a –”
“Children, stay in line!” The stern witch had finally turned around, and at the look on her face the children around Severus and Sirius stepped back into place guiltily. “You’ll be going in for sorting soon, so behave!”
She turned her back on them again and Sirius crossed his eyes at Severus, who turned even redder than before, and then moved back to his place at the front of the line. James chuckled and turned to face the front, and Severus’ eyes dropped to the floor.
All was still and then . . .
Remus left his place in line and went to put a hand on Severus’ shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about them,” he whispered. “Th-they’re just nervous about the sorting and being p-prats –”
Severus knocked his hand away and raised his eyes to glare at him. “Leave me alone!” he hissed.
Remus looked shocked for a moment, and then he smiled shyly. “S-see you later,” he said, giving Severus a pat on the arm and then darting back to his place in line.
Severus placed a hand over the place that Remus had touched him, and his eyes flickered with some unreadable emotion before going cold once more.
********************
“Can I sit here?” a soft-spoken boy asked before the scene could fully resolve.
“Why would you want to?” Severus answered snidely.
Remus just smiled in response. “I heard from Tony in Ravenclaw that you’re ace at Potions,” he said, sliding into the chair next to Severus.
“Did I say you could sit next to me?” Severus asked, scooting his chair away from Remus and closer to the edge of the lab table. “I can’t believe we have to share a class with you idiots this year.”
Remus ignored his comment about the idiocy of Gryffindors, setting his bag beside him and then rooting around in it for a quill. “Well, there’s an odd number of Gryffindors and Slytherins in this class, so I’m matching up with you. Sirius and James are already sitting together –”
“Do I look like I care?” Severus interrupted, before turning and pulling his Potions text out of his bag.
Remus smiled at his sour expression. “You’re funny when you’re angry.”
Severus just scowled at the cover of his Potions text and waited for the professor to make his appearance.
“I’ve always thought so,” Remus added, sliding his foot across the floor and nudging Severus’ shoe.
Severus ignored him resolutely, but he couldn’t hide the blush that spread across his cheeks and tinged his ears a light pink.
********************
“Why don’t you have any friends?”
Severus started. “What?”
Remus closed his book and turned towards Severus, a serious expression on his face. “I never see you hanging out with anyone. We’ve been in school for three years now—don’t you have any friends?”
Severus sputtered. “Th-that’s not any of your business. And anyways, we have to finish this Transfigurations project, and you’ve hardly written up any of your half of the paper yet –”
Remus leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips before retreating quickly. “I’d like to be your friend,” he said, the blush on his cheeks bright.
Severus stared at him with wide eyes. “What –”
And then Remus was leaning forward again, and Severus didn’t resist as he drew him into an embrace. Their faces close, Remus whispered, “I like you, despite all your attempts to be unlikeable. Can I –” he paused, swallowed. “Can I kiss you again?” he asked, suddenly too shy to take what he wanted.
Severus stared at his lips. “I’m not – I mean, I don’t like b-boys . . .” he said, voice going high and shaky at the end as Remus licked his lips.
“Really?” Remus asked breathlessly, inching ever closer to his face.
“R-really –” he answered, his eyes falling closed. “I don’t –” he gasped as Remus stole his lips again, this time in a full kiss that lasted for almost an entire minute before they fell apart, panting for breath.
“That was –”
Severus pushed Remus away from him, almost toppling him from his chair. “You – who do you think you are?” Severus shouted, face red, before jumping to his feet and fleeing the study room, leaving all his books and papers behind.
********************
It’s dark. Enclosed.
“Does he ever think about it?” Remus voice sounds, breaking the quiet.
Nobody answers.
“Fuck.”
Harry realizes that he’s in a bed at Hogwarts, with the hangings pulled closed. And Remus is most likely alone, except for his own phantom presence in the memory.
“Does he ever –?”
It’s very quiet for a while, and then the small space is filled with the sounds of Remus masturbating, fast and passionlessly. From what Harry can tell, he just wants to get it over with and go to sleep.
“Severus . . .”
********************
Remus watched as James and Sirius teased Severus. He watched them as they levitated him upside-down by his ankle, exposing his dingy pants to all the laughing students around them. He watched . . .
He didn’t do anything to stop it.
********************
The moon hung low in the sky, it’s face bright but obscured by clouds. Remus moved across the grounds outside Hogwarts stealthily, eyes shining amber as he followed a rat scurrying towards the Whomping Willow. The tree’s boughs waved sleepily in the night, making shadows dance across his face. Another shadow moved behind him, but he didn’t see it, too focused on the rat that ran forward and pressed one of the knots at the base of the tree. The waving boughs stilled and Remus moved underneath them, the rat following.
A shadow detached from the night. A pale face shone in the moon’s light before being eclipsed by hair shiny and matted from neglect.
Severus.
Severus moved towards the still-frozen tree, and Harry watched as he carefully descended into the hidden passageway.
The memory became clouded and then Harry was in the Shrieking Shack. It was just as ramshackle as it had always been, but there was less dust.
“The change – it’s close,” Remus rasped, his body hunched over a chair.
Sirius leaned against a wall, staring at the trap door nearby with a lopsided grin on his face. “I sure hope Snivellus will get here in time for the show,” he said, grin widening.
James, who stood by Remus with a hand on his back, turned to look at Sirius. “What are you talking about?” he asked, a confused expression on his face.
The rat on the floor stood up on its hind legs, nose and whiskers twitching madly.
“Snape,” Sirius said, smiling at them. “The greasy git can’t help but stick his nose in other people’s business. It’s what he deserves.”
James eyes widened. “What – you can’t be serious! You told him to come out here when –”
“Ooh,” Remus moaned, back bending further. His teeth were elongating. Bones were cracking.
“Shit!” James exclaimed, running for the trap door. He threw it open and scrambled down. A shout was heard.
Sirius ignored the commotion. He transformed into his Animagus form and bound up to Remus just in time to catch him when he fell forward, howling in pain. Peter, the rat, ran under the nearby couch.
Raised voices were heard from the tunnel, but they were distorted. Louder. And the room was in black and white.
Remus, now fully changed, moved towards the trap door in the floor, tongue hanging from his mouth and dripping saliva. Sirius didn’t stop him.
********************
“I’m sorry, okay?”
“Excuse me?” Severus asked, not even bothering to look up from his Potions text. This one was riddled with notes written in Severus’ cramped, spindly handwriting, and Remus stared at its pages for a moment before trying again.
“I said –”
“I know what you said. But you’ll have to be a bit more specific about what you’re apologizing for. Your unfortunate haircut? Your bad taste in friends? Your –”
Remus put a hand on his shoulder and Severus stiffened.
“Don’t touch me,” he said quietly, leaning forward and letting his lank hair hang in his face.
“I’m sorry I kissed you, but I –”
“That was two years ago. You’re not honestly going to apologize for something that happened two years ago, are you?”
Remus’ hand tightened on his shoulder, then released. Moved to his hair. “I’m sorry that I kissed you then. I’m sorry that I didn’t do anything to stop Sirius and James from –”
“Enough!” Severus exclaimed, head still down and hair in his face. “That was last year. I’m over it.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t stop them when they cast that spell on you. That Lily had to –” His hand tugged Severus’ hair back on one side and tucked it behind his ear. “And I’m sorry that I scared you that time. When you saw me . . . after the change. But I still want –”
Severus finally turned to look at him, dark eyes flashing. “Want what?” he sneered. “What do you want from me?” His voice was tinged with hysteria, and Remus sighed in response.
“Just you,” he whispered. And then he was leaning forward and claiming Severus’ lips for a second time.
And Severus was lost.
********************
When they are together it is electric. Scenes flash before Harry’s eyes: their first time together, candles burning and a blanket spread out on a stone floor; stolen moments in secret passages, behind tapestries, in empty classrooms; a few times in bed, hangings charmed shut and silent.
And then . . .
********************
“What is this?”
“It’s –”
Remus was holding Severus’ bare arm, underside up. The Dark Mark grinned blackly against the pale white of his skin. “How could you?” he whispered. “Lily said that your friends were . . . but I didn’t . . .”
Remus whined high in his throat, almost a keen, when Severus yanked his arm from his grasp. “Don’t speak about things that you don’t understand,” he growled. “They’re my friends, and their cause makes sense.”
“But how could you? When you have me . . .”
Severus got off the bed and started to pull his shirt back on. “I don’t have you. I have you between classes. In deserted corridors and classrooms. You won’t tell your friends about me –”
“I thought you didn’t want me to! Sirius and James –”
“Sirius and James, Sirius and James,” Severus echoed mockingly, voice high-pitched. Remus reached for his hip and Severus knocked his hand away. “I’m sick of this.”
Remus looked up at him, eyes pleading with him not to go. “Severus –”
“You’re nothing but a mangy wolf. I can’t believe I’ve been fucking you for two years,” he finished buttoning his shirt and started for the door. “Although I suppose it was convenient to have a willing hole,” he added, his back to Remus. He didn’t watch the other man’s face fall, but he grimaced in answering pain as he left the dark classroom, cloak over his arm.
********************
“I was so stupid . . .”
“Shhh . . .”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so –” A strangled sob rent the air.
“Can I turn on the light now, Severus?”
“No – no, please don’t. I’m so ugly. This mark –”
A furious scratching sound was heard, and then a light switched on. Remus was in a bed, holding Severus in his arms, and when he saw the other man tearing his nails into the flesh of his underarm, he gasped. “Severus! Stop that! You’re hurting yourself!”
“I know . . .” Severus groaned, before falling limply against Remus’ chest again. “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. And I don’t think you’re a mangy wolf. Or just a convenient hole . . .”
“That was two years ago,” Remus said. He raised a hand to Severus’ head and started running his fingers through his greasy hair. “I got over it. And I knew you didn’t mean it.”
Severus whimpered.
“And you don’t have to be sorry about what happened to James and Lily, either. That’s all on Sirius,” Remus said, voice harsh. “I thought he was my friend, but that bastard –” His voice cracked.
Severus held on to him tightly, and Remus returned the embrace.
********************
The encounters start again, but they seem infrequent. Hurried. They fall together when they can, but it seems like a lot of time passes from one impassioned romp to another. Severus’ hair will be much longer. Or Remus’ hair grayer. Or the lines on either of their faces will have deepened.
Years pass.
Then . . .
“What the hell were you thinking?”
“Damn it Severus, I wasn’t thinking! I just found out that Sirius –”
“That’s right you weren’t thinking! You get your damn mangy mutt of a friend back and you turn into the same fucking imbecile you were in school!”
Remus gripped the collar of Severus’ shirt so hard his knuckles turned white. “Take it back,” he spat, expression dangerous.
Severus stared at his mouth. At his bared teeth. “You almost killed them. Do you know what it was like for me to face that beast again? But all I could think of was Potter and those damned friends of his being torn to shreds. And then you’d wake up covered in their blood.”
Remus faltered. Dropped his hand. Looked away, blinking furiously.
“But damn it, Remus, you chose. You chose your side in that fucking shack. And it wasn’t with me. You’d rather play at dogs with a convict on the run from the law –”
“But he wasn’t guilty,” Remus mumbled, staring at the floor. “He – I thought the worst of him . . .”
Severus crossed his arms across his chest. “And why is that so hard to stomach? After what he did that night –”
Remus’ head snapped up. “We were children, then!” he exclaimed, eyes bright. “Children!”
“You’re both still children,” Severus hissed, and then rocked back as Remus’ punch landed against the side of his nose.
“Fuck!” he shouted, raising a hand to his face. Blood spilled into his palm. “You are such a weak bastard,” he whispered dangerously, before turning to leave the room in a flurry of robes.
Remus sank onto the couch, and Harry realized they were in the parlor at Number 12 Grimmauld Place . . .
********************
“Who is she?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The girl. At the Order meetings. She comes with Shacklebolt.”
“Tonks?” Remus looked away from the flames dancing in the fireplace. “The new Auror? She’s Sirius’ cousin. Or his second cousin, I think . . .”
“Oh, of course. Nymphadora. Well, I hope the two of you have lots of hairy, colorful babies together –”
Remus’ eyes flickered back to the fireplace and then to Severus’ face once again. “You’re behaving oddly. What do you want?”
Severus grit his teeth. “Nothing,” he growled.
Remus just watched him as he moved to the fireplace, grabbed a handful of floo powder, and whooshed! away.
********************
Remus is in the bathroom, pulling on his cock hard and quick. “S-Severus!” he cried out, shooting come onto the shower walls.
“Remus? Remus, are you okay in there?”
Remus jumped guiltily and moved under the flow of the water to wash away the evidence of his release. “Yeah, Tonks. I’m fine,” he called out. “Be to bed in a minute.”
********************
“So, are you fucking that girl yet? Found out you’ve got a taste for topping?”
“Merlin, Severus! Leave me alone, will you? I’ve got to get back to –”
“The pack? Another smart decision on your part. How long have you been running with those wolves? Learn anything of importance? Or just risking your life for a meaningless mission meant to keep you busy –”
Remus shoved past him and left the house. A crack of Apparition was heard behind him, and then he Apparated away, as well.
********************
“Do you make her change her hair? Black and long?” Severus hissed in his ear.
Remus gripped the arm of his chair and tried to ignore Severus in favor of the Order meeting taking place around them.
“I bet you take her from behind. Hard and fast. Do you imagine my face? Or do you make her grow her nose –”
The scene becomes hazy, and then they’re in the bedroom Remus used at Grimmauld Place, and Severus is shoving Remus down onto the bed.
“I knew you were gagging for it,” Severus growled, before falling to Remus with a hunger that is almost violent.
Harry wonders if he’d have heard Remus’ screams of pleasure back then, if not for the Silencing Charm Severus cast as an afterthought when he was already on the bed, Remus’ mouth around cock.
********************
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“Severus, I’m not –”
“You’re a fucking coward, you know that? A coward.”
Remus moved past him to shut the bedroom door behind them. “Shh! Do you want the whole Order to hear you?”
“Maybe I do,” Severus spat.
Remus sighed. “Severus, the last time we . . . that was a mistake. Tonks and I really are together, and –”
“And you want to end it?” Severus interrupted, mouth warped into a sneer. “You’ve wanted to end it before, and you know how well that stuck.” He grabbed Remus and pulled him against him. “Can you really give this up?” He kissed him harshly and Remus moaned into his mouth . . .
“No!” Remus gasped, breaking away from him. And then he moved away, towards the bed. “This isn’t fair to her. I’d wanted –”
Severus moved close behind him. Touched the side of his neck with gentle fingers. “You wanted a normal relationship? One you could tell your friends about? Be proud of?”
He pushed Remus hard in the back, and Remus went forwards onto the bed. Whatever resistance he may have had weakened by Severus’ close proximity. Severus hummed happily as he joined him. Rolled him over onto his back. Started kissing his neck.
“Severus, this can’t –”
“Just one more time,” Severus whispered against his skin. “Just one more time. Please –” his voice cracked. Remus looked down at him, startled, but Severus’ face was hidden by his hair, which hung like a curtain around him. “You can go back to her tomorrow. Marry her, for all I care. Just . . .”
Remus let out a breath slowly. “O – Okay.”
It was gentler than usual. Severus prepared Remus with care, using his tongue to loosen him. To make him cry out. Then he used his fingers, and while he stretched Remus open, he took his cock into his mouth. Remus stiffened, moaned, and emptied himself down Severus’ throat. Then Severus surged forward to claim Remus’ mouth in a kiss. To share his taste with him.
While they kissed, he entered him slowly. Paused. Breathed out through his nose. Then started fucking him in earnest.
“Fuck! Oh Merlin, oh - Severus!
Harry recognized the scene as the first that had played as he entered the pensieve. He watched intently as Severus licked Remus’ neck, humming in pleasure as his hips snapped back and forth, driving his cock into Remus’ body with each thrust forward.
“Wanted you . . . so much !” Remus gasped, arching up underneath him on the bed.
Severus growled and gave a particularly hard thrust. “I know.” He kept thrusting, faster and faster. “I could feel you staring at me during the meeting. Just wanting . . . my . . . cock . . .”
Remus moaned long and low.
“Fuck!” Severus sped up even further and then stilled inside him, his mouth opening in a soundless scream as he emptied himself into Remus’ arse. Remus was still and silent underneath him, watching his face avidly as the passion of their joining overwhelmed Severus’ normally expressionless face. After a moment of rapture, Severus shuddered and then cursed again before reaching down and starting to jerk Remus off frantically, almost violently.
“Oooooh,” Remus groaned, and then he was coming, jets of semen splattering Severus’ hand. His belly. His chest.
Severus wiped his hand off on the sheets of the bed and then pulled Remus’ head up, sealing his lips against his in a deep kiss.
Harry watched as the scene continued to play out, past the point he had seen earlier. He stayed absolutely still as the two of them breathed heavily for a few moments, and as Remus lowered his legs and Severus fell forward against Remus’ sweaty, come-spattered body.
“Don’t go to her,” Severus whispered near Remus’ ear. “Don’t – don’t leave me.”
Remus put his arms around him. His eyes fell closed, as if he were in pain. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. Things will never get any better like this. They’ll never change. For years, we’ve –”
Severus moved away and pulled out of him carefully, making him gasp. “I understand. I do. I know you think I don’t, but I do.”
Remus lay on the bed, exposed, as Severus stumbled off the bed and went for his discarded clothes.
“I won’t bother you again.”
Remus watched as he dressed.
“Goodbye.”
The door was closed behind him before Remus moved. He grabbed the sheet from where it had been kicked to the end of the bed and pulled it over his cooling body. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Then . . .
“Nox.”
********************
When Harry tumbles out of the pensieve, he feels the tears on his face. He scoops the memories out of the basin and into the large flask, eyes still blurry, and crumbles the note that was tied to its neck in his hand.
He’ll keep these memories safe for Remus. It’s the least he can do for him . . .
I tried to forget him on my own. Tonks, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I did this for you –Remus